Monday, January 26, 2009

RB: More from the Handmaiden of Passive Aggression

We just don't have the patience to post Mary's sad little screeds on SAG Awards fashion. (Especially after she thought they occurred on Saturday night and she started writing about last year's fashion, only to delete that post in a hurry.) Yawn.

But now she's getting all serious on our asses again, this time focusing on her love of injecting botulism into her face. It all begins with this impassioned conversation:

  • Stevie: What are you doing?
  • Me: I'm writing my confession about my Botox.
  • Stevie: That's nothing to be ashamed of.
  • Me: Exactly.

And now, MR in her own words. Back off, haters!


**This is in no way a promotion or medical analysis. Below is my thought process and opinion on the current views of cosmetic procedures.

Let me first say, I’m hesitant to write this post. The haters have been getting to me lately, but I refuse to let them make me feel ashamed of my choices. I only have one major regret in my life at this point, and it has nothing to do with this topic.

The purpose of this post is to give you my perspective on women’s image issues and try to understand why there is a stigma attached to maintaining your appearance. I care about how I look, why is that shameful? To some extent, we are all vain; that’s how we have been socialized. As for me, I’m in the public sphere so you would expect I care a little bit more than most about my appearance. But at the same time, I always post pictures of me at the gym, running around in sweats, and with no makeup. Why? Because that’s real and I don’t care to pretend I’m perfect.

Cosmetic procedures are particularly noteworthy when it comes to judging women. “Why get them? Be happy with who you are and how you look,” people demand. In my opinion, this is a “To each her own” and social tolerance issue.

To Each Her Own

Even if you are confident with your body, soul, and mind, we are always looking to better ourselves in different ways. From reading a book to educate ourselves on a certain topic, to adopting a healthier diet for our well-being, to traveling to explore new cultures, to getting an injection to look younger, these are all efforts to improve ourselves. Some are respected, others not so much.

We should be allowed to choose how we evolve our lives without the judgement of others. If we ask for your opinion, please feel free to be open and honest, but otherwise, keep your trap shut.

Let’s take breast implants as an example. At first, they had a stigma too. No one would confess their boobs were fake. Now women are proud to not only admit to this procedure, but some women will also rave about their doctors and ask you if you would like to feel his/her handiwork. Furthermore, as the NY Times pointed out the other day, boobs are now a standard high school graduation gift (and in my experience they have been for years now). Breast implants are now socially acceptable. I’m not a fan, but it’s my body. You make the decision on what you would like to do with yours. Period.

Social Tolerance

I site Roe v. Wade because it serves as a marker of people accepting (maybe not respecting) a woman’s right to choose. Although abortion is still an issue at the forefront, it’s notable the Supreme Court recognized women should be able to do what they feel is right for themselves.

Cosmetic procedures should be viewed in the same light. Not to mention the procedures are in no way effecting another human being, so the severity of the issue is considerably less. But as with breast implants, time will have to pass before others view cosmetic procedures as acceptable. I won’t say “the norm” because I do think artificial enhancement should carry with it serious consideration before you undergo any sort of procedure. Other things like manicures and pedicures, dental work, highlighting your hair, are all “procedures” that are completely unnatural but we consider normal.

What Does This Have To Do With You, Mary?

You know I’ve had Restylane injections around my mouth, and some of you know I’ve had Botox injected once a long time ago. What you don’t know is that last year I decided to begin getting Botox injections again in my forehead.

Honestly, I was ashamed to admit it. I could hear the rants in my head, “You’re only 26! Why are you injecting chemicals into your body? Be happy with who you are!”

But in my opinion, and very close friends concurred, the wrinkles in my forehead and between my eyebrows were continuing to deepen as the years passed.

I first had Botox at the age of 23 in an effort to stop the oncoming ditches. I had been using Stri-Vectin in an effort to lift the lines, but my muscles were too strong for a cream. So I had the procedure done and LOVED the effect. I had used a few gift certificates to help me pay the $900 fee, but after 6 months rolled around and it was time for round two, the bill was too steep. I couldn’t afford to maintain the Botox so the wrinkles continued to get worse.

Last year, when I was in Dr. Bobby’s office for the Restylane, he suggested I might want to reconsider. Friends and family agreed that it was a luxury, but I should seriously think about it. So I took a good look in the mirror. My face below my eyebrows looked 24 (in my opinion), but my forehead was at least 35. Here was my thought process afterwards:

  • Unless I stop raising my eyebrows, these wrinkles won’t go away.
  • My scowl lines are pretty bad too.
  • If I don’t do something, I will probably eventually get a face lift (OMG).
  • A few injections is so much easier than a nip tuck.
  • I hate needles. Last time I did this I almost fainted because I psyched myself out.
  • How much is this going to cost?

So I went back to Dr. Bobby for the injections. He made the procedure easy and gave me a really good deal on the price.

A day passed, the Botox set in, and my forehead barely moved. The lines, those awful ditches that striped my forehead…they were gone. No one could tell except for the girls I had anything done. Everyday when I put on makeup and snapped a picture I felt so much better about the way I looked.

I get it, that sounds shallow. And as my readers you never saw my wrinkles so you think I’m crazy.

Here’s my point: why was I embarrassed to share this with you? I videoed my colonic TWICE despite the ridicule because I believe what I do is right for me. Now I’m not saying if you get Botox you need to tell the world. What I am saying is we should not be ashamed because cosmetic procedures for women under 30 are not accepted by society yet.

On my last visit to Dr. Bobby, filmed the procedure because I am not the only woman under 30 with this dilema. Due to the fact we filmed for a segment, I did not pay for the procedure. But please know that Dr. Bobby would never adminster anything unless he felt it was truly necessary. As he states in the video, he has several women under 30 who get injections for wrinkles they have or are trying to prevent.

It’s Not About Them, It’s About You

Everyone ages differently. Everyone deals with age in a different way. Everyone feels differently about age. So do what is right for you.

And when judging others, before you judge me, consider this fact that we all are distinct and unique. Therefore, is it acceptable to make a blanket assumption and lump everyone together?

At the end of the day, do you really care what I inject where? What you should care about is that you read a blog that is honest. You might not agree with me and that’s ok. But you respect that I have an opinion and the strength to share it with you.

A Final Note

I am not condoning cosmetic procedures for everyone, especially younger girls. Unfortunately, teenagers are hyper concerned and sensitive with their appearance these days so a girl could take my commentary to imply countless different meanings. Cosmetic procedures are administered by doctors who I would hope help their patients (of any age) make the right decision. Or deny services to women who don’t need work done. I hope that’s not wishful thinking.

Young girls, listen to me. You have a wealth of knowledge at your disposal. Don’t abuse your body while you have the time to implement a healthy lifestyle now. You see the effects of smoking, you know how harmful the sun can be. Make the right choices. Embrace who you are now. The makeup, cosmetic procedures, marriage, etc you can make choices about that later.

I have made the right choices for me at my age for where I am in my life right now. I look to the future with confidence and a less wrinkled forehead.


  1. "I look to the future with confidence and a less wrinkled forehead."
    This is one for the ages.

  2. I posted this on my blog, but since Mary is more likely to read my rant here, here goes"

    ’m so sick of this “I choose my choice!” feminism, as if taking on the trappings of a masochistic beauty standard is somehow divorce-able from the beauty myth we’ve all absorbed since we were zygotes.

    Clitoridectomies are a common practice in Taliban-ruled Afghanistan. I’m sure some of the women who enforce and police this barbaric procedure will go on and on about how great it is, how they think it’s a good thing. I’m sure some of the women who had their feet bound thousands of years ago would yammer on about how much they loved it as it imbued a social status.

    Does that make those practices right? Fuck no, moral relativism be damned. The simple FACT is that if we haven’t been told all of these cosmetic procedures make us more desirable and wonderful and fuck-me fun, we wouldn’t get them. The truth is, the woman inserting a toxin into her forehead to freeze her muscles is much closer to the woman mutilating her vagina then we’d all like to admit.

    Does that mean we should all abandon waxing and Botox and manicures and make-up tomorrow? No, although that would be great — we’re all part of the patriarchy in different ways, and shaming people isn’t really a valid step. But don’t act as if making the decision to co-opt patriarchally-approved beauty choices is some sort of value-neutral proposition. It’s not.

  3. Knock it off, Mary. You're being "judged" because you put yourself out there as this big all-natural fanatic who drinks gloopy juices and gets tubes shoved up your ass in order to rid your body of toxins (my MD relatives call total BULLSHIT on that), but then you inject botulism and synthetics into your face.

    If this is the "right choice for [you] at [your] age," then what the hell are you going to do when you're in your late 30s and the lines are deeper and the aging is more severe? A full facelift when you're 37?

    Guess what, Mary. Doing all this shit to your face actually make you look older, because it gives you that waxy and too obvious "ageless" look that Julia is now developing (and Dr. Brandt has long had).

  4. My reply to this disgusting display... and a new backup blog, fully archived. Ya know, just in case:

  5. This girl is on the fast track to Michael Jackson/ Joan Rivers universe.
    If only these girls had the foresight to know how stupid and laughable they are and how much they will live to regret 'living differently' 20 years from now. I certainly have moments I'd prefer to forget in my past, but at least I didn't 'lifecast' them for the entire world, for all of eternity to see.
    Those Chad Hurley pics JA is posting are in EXTREMELY poor taste. Seriously, the man is MARRIED!!! She is draped over him like saran wrap.

  6. JGH:

    So well put. I'm with you all the way. To me, it's Jennifer Aniston naked on a magazine cover...yes, it's her choice! However, within which world is she operating? The world in which she's a tool, the world of patriarchy.

    Personal choice is beautiful. Mary, please recognize the confines of your freedom of choosing...


  7. I got as far as "I site Roe vs. Wade" and literally threw up my hands and stopped reading. Somebody stop this woman (or, dear god, just edit this woman) before she blogs again.

  8. I couldn't read this word for word but I had to laugh when I read Dr. Bobby would never adminster anything unless he felt it was truly necessary." Yes, because getting rid of or preventing wrinkles is along the same lines as getting a heart or kidney transplant, in other words: truly necessary. Wow, why am I suddenly feeling sick to my stomach?

  9. Sorry please insert quote mark just before "Dr. Bobby" in my comment above.

    And one more addition: Is it any wonder people hate that site (NS)? After all what is it about other than looking for men, flashing cleavage, self-worship, self-absorption, worrying about your body, face, hair, and clothes, buying expensive gadgets and replacing ones that work fine constantly, and traveling all over on other people's dime? Did I miss anything?

    Thank God other women are speaking out about this atrocity called NS.

  10. this sentence, "No one could tell except for the girls I had anything done." makes my head hurt. Her grammar is so poor it's painful to read. and what she's saying is so dumb that it isn't any easier.

  11. OMG I'm so sorry I read Scary Mary's post on this and got myself worked up. Since I skimmed the first time I missed some real doozies. Last comment on this from me I promise.

    So Anyone who doesn't agree with Mary 100% or expresses criticism of you=Haters. What a lovely, mature attitude for a nearly 30 y.o adult.

    And I missed this in the first go round as I only skimmed but "We should be allowed to choose how we evolve our lives without the judgement of others. If we ask for your opinion, please feel free to be open and honest, but otherwise, keep your trap shut."?!!

    Isn't that exactlythe philosophy that is based on? Thus the comment deletions, the absence of comments features on their individual blogs, their echoing of this refrain over and over to any and all critics.

    I have news for you Mary Rambin: people are free to judge whatever they want. So far at least we don't have thought police in this world and in the U.S we have some basic rights to expressing our opinions. So, actually, no you don't have a "right" to live your life without being judged.

    You are free to ignore the judgments if you wish (though you seem to not be skilled at that task) but you have no inherent right to go through life unjudged, dear. The sooner you catch on to that the easier life will be and the more in touch with reality you'll find yourself.


  12. my claws are out---this is the most destructive thing shes posted on NS (and theres a lot of nominees!) how DARE she compare getting plastic surgery (that only a very select group of people can even afford, btw) to roe v. wade. seriously, HOW does she think she could get away with that? the centuries-long fight for a woman's right to privacy and choice has NOTHING to do with the right to look good for your future douchebag of a husband. i could go on and on but someone with much more snark should take it from here....

    JGH: OMG i love your blog!!! so glad to see you saying so eloquently the things im wanting to scream at these girls!

  13. I really can't wait to see what this other group of girls comes up with that plan to compete with NS. I mean really, from here is there anywhere to go but up?

  14. I was just thinking about this. Is Julia the next Sarah Palin? Gets by on looks, shady past dealings, enjoys taking free shopping trips, writes off all critics as "haters."

  15. Yeah, I read the roe v wade comparison and almost unleashed my sip of chardonay all over the keyboard.

    I am pretty creeped out by the way mary constantly blogs about being spotted by 'her readers' [14 year olds?] She writes her blog with this 'all too self important' tone that I find quite distasteful.

    All in all, I agree with the rants, I too, have been trying to figure out why I go there, when I find them so irritating. T.R.A.I.N.W.R.E.C.K.S. says it all [that was for you bunny]

    I guess I am also somewhat hostile about their ability to fly from coast to coast, [now add Europe]
    'cause I want to know on whose dime?

    I love this site, I believe it will help me wean myself from the "trio of banality" so I can just stop.

  16. In all honesty, this made me sad more than mad. The poor girl is delusional. The photo of proof she tacked onto the end? Mary, EVERYBODY'S FOREHEAD does that when they raise their eyebrows. She doesn't have any more wrinkles than anyone else does.

    Where is her mother -- and her supposed BFFs -- telling her no, you're wrong, you're normal, you look great, you're a pretty girl who looks her age, don't do it.


  17. @ JGH and NonEntity: thank you, both. Mary is spreading the kind of women-hating masochistic bullshit that I sincerely hope my sisters and daughters have sense-enough (and loving support enough) to ignore. You can not compare wearing makeup to injecting shit into your face. And you most definitely can’t compare either of them to abortion. She is an irresponsible, ignorant, uneducated hypocrite. And that’s all I can say about that without getting too worked up. She really hit a nerve with me on this one.

    Furthermore (ha!), JA, MR and MA can not have it both ways. They can not say that that they want to grow NonSociety into a girl-friendly community while simultaneously telling us to keep our traps shut. That is so disrespectful. In fact, their rampant disrespect for their readers is kind of sickening. I hear them loud and clear, and I am done. As a reader who used to visit NonSociety 3-4 times/day, I will be taking my trap (and page hits) elsewhere.

    I kind of wonder where Megan Alanga was when she decided to post this tripe. Some editorial director she turned out to be. I would have beat MR with a shoe if she had posted this on my watch. Really. These people really need someone to whip their lazy asses into shape.

  18. Exactly, Melissa Sue. They seem to think they are entitled to nothing but praise or silence. What world are they living in?

    Recently I've cut my visits to almost nothing and as of the past few days I'm off the sauce completely. The only exceptions, I stopped by for a second this weekend and was disgusted by it.

    I have this and other sites for commentary and don't get even the trainwrecky pleasure from their site anymore. It's gotten to where it's simply time to vote with my page views and not in any way support something that pretty much seems to be based on the opposite of everything I believe in in life.


  19. oh lord. now she's gloating on twitter that she hasn't eaten anything but a latte all day.

    i think this isn't real. obviously someone is posting under her name as a joke, right? Her lap top's been stolen or something?

  20. i can't effing believe she compared we "haters" of her and her stupid procedures to those who oppose abortion and who would take away a woman's right to choose. this is so offensive and distasteful i don't even know where to begin. i can't believe these three don't see why they are so "hated"...their readers are real women living in the real world: working real jobs, raising children, trying to pay the mortgage, trying to keep marriages working, etc etc, while they galavant around the globe snapping stupid pictures of themselves consuming more crap. they have no sense of history or how the real world works (hence the careless comparison of botox to abortion). god i can't stand them i and swear i will never visit NS again...although i will come to this site very often.

  21. I can't believe she covered the sag awards [and watched grey's anatomy at the same time--thanx scary--] and judged the fuck out of everybody! Where is that "take it or leave it" philosophy? Why isn't she supposed to keep her "trap shut"? How fucking important does she really think she is. [the 'JA delusions' is blanketing our skinny little toxin faced but colon clean handmaiden of passive aggression]

  22. Anon 8:42 you are right on. Love your comment, especially

    "Their readers are real women living in the real world: working real jobs, raising children, trying to pay the mortgage, trying to keep marriages working, etc etc, while they galavant around the globe snapping stupid pictures of themselves consuming more crap. They have no sense of history or how the real world works."

    On a lighter note, my nomination for outstanding twitter post of the day, here:

  23. There's more. I anticipate that she [mary] would argue that she has some kind of license to judge celebrities and what they wear. After all, celebrities put it out there, makes it public domain, right?

    Again, she wants it all ways [not just both] she wants to consider herself a celebrity, remember her telling the boat people how she was a 'lifecaster'
    and yet she is a petulant spoiled brat when she moans about negative comments.

    I have to throw this out there too--she and JA compare themselves to the teens from gossip girl--
    mary wanted blake lively hair, ja thinks she is blair, This is just so fucked up. Especially when it is packaged with a 'live differently' ribbon.

    ok, i think i am done, i need to work now.

  24. If anyone's interested, please add your 'NS Mantras' to the "What she said." thread comments!

    It's fun!

    Maybe just for me? haha

  25. also, did anyone catch the fact that Mary has volunteered herself to be one of the "inventory" girls for that creepy matchmaking service?!?!?! (check out tmi weekly) wow, you almost have to feel sorry for her...she must really hate herself.

  26. She sees herself as a product.

  27. So, we're just rating her, right?

    Well, there you go Mary! Full circle...

  28. All three of them were salivating over the matchmaking service because it meant they could meet and date men who have no idea of what social pariahs they are.

    And there are so many thing wrong with Mary Rambin's dissertation on Botox I don't even know where to begin!! Her argument is full of holes just like her Swiss cheese brain! She's all: everyone else is doing it so shut your trap and let me do it without judgement because I'm a public person and I have major body and esteem issues but please don't point that out because I don't like haters but I think I'll get all philosophical and compare this to abortion to make me sounds smart and like a feminist but it really makes me sound dumber, and it's OK to lay out on a yacht and get tan and just shoot some chemicals into my face later when I get wrinkles, but at least I don't have chemicals in my poop! Also, please disregard my complete lack of understanding of basic human anatomy and physiology, I went to college so I am smart even though I can't spell or form a complete sentence.

  29. from the tmi weekly's comments. straight from the horse's mouth herself:

    "Pay for the meal if it makes you feel like a strong, independent woman. But, bfd Kasey."

    its like she's actively TRYING to "put women in their place". crazy idea here but...what if NS is getting paid by some D-bags of America fraternity to promote sexist, patriarchal lifestyles to young girls??

  30. OMFG Mary. No self awareness seems to be the major problem here. Do your Botox and your other weird shit but don't try to tell us all it's some kind of feminist act. It's to look "pretty" because that's the only currency you trade in. Jesus H. Pretty is as pretty does, etc.

  31. Leave me alone! I trade in other currencies as well: like, the amount of times my stationary bike wheels turn!


  32. Hi erg. This is Kasey and I am so offended by Mary's stupid non answers. I attempt to foster discourse and ask questions on TMI but I am usually called crazy or given rambling, incoherent responses from Mary. She tries to explain herself but ends up sounding ten times worse and contradicting herself in the process. It's so tedious to even try to raise a legitimate question or criticism over there that I think I will just give up completely. But at least they don't seem to delete comments on TMI so there's that.

    I just don't understand how they can be so delusional. You'd think they would have gotten as far as they have by having a business coach or manager of some sort but it seems like they are actively trying to run their business into the ground by posting the most outrageous, unintelligent and offensive things possible. I really do not understand how they've made it this far.

  33. Just peeked at Mary's SAG commentary about Angelina Jolie:
    "I don’t really think I need to point out the tattoos and what a disaster they are. I wonder if she knows that??" (
    Well, that's not cool.

  34. .... wow her latest twitter update. there are no words:

    "I woke up at 5am, spun, worked all day, now spin #2. All that on 1 latte!" 5:10pm

  35. Mary and Julia obviously have issues, and as a woman, I think they are about as uninspiring as they come. Do they actually think they are feminists? How sad, considering they are now considered "inventory."

  36. What next? Are we going to be treated to Ms. Rambin undergoing a D&C abortion?

    Disgusting narcissistic twit!

  37. kasey--i give you props for sticking with it. they should be called out on all fronts. id do it at TMI but i cant hit the mute button fast enough before that god-awful-faux-satc-theme-song comes on.

  38. Ugh. I feel nauseated. How am I supposed to relate to a woman who spends her entire day excercising and "running errands"?? This makes me so freaking angry. We are in a recession, moron! People (including many of my close friends) are losing their jobs left and right, yet she seems to float by very comfortably without an apparent income source. I will never give her a pageview ever again.

    Also, comparing Roe v. Wade to spending $900 to smooth out very normal creases in your forehead is utterly ridiculous. Just goes to show how many "independent" women have been brainwashed by our society to value their looks above all else. She claims it makes her feel better about herself, but perhaps she needs to delve into why exactly that is??

    These women are an embarrassment to our sex. I vote for the commentators here to band together and create a real lifecast of real, intelligent women!

  39. Also, you know the argument was going downhill with "I site Roe v. Wade"...

    Her spelling/grammar mistakes drive me crazy. How about using $900 for writing lessons? Or a continuing education class? Oh, I forgot, you don't have enough time in your busy schedule.

  40. Anon at 11:32... "Band together and create a real lifecast."

    I have a video production studio if anyone wants to use it for something like that. We're set up for live multi-camera webcasting as well as recording whatever and editing in post.

    TMI and NonSociety are basic enough to reproduce in a weekend. And, given the tripe these girls serve up, trumping their content wouldn't be hard.

  41. Oh, caveat. Our offices are in Seattle.

  42. First of all, if self-esteem boosting was/is her goal, she can save roughly $700 of that money going to a therapist, and really, she'd be better for it.

    Roe v. Wade citation was RIDICULOUS. Also cute that she's getting all feminist-y (yeah, not really) NOW when it hasn't even been a few DAYS after she responded to Kasey on the matchmaking TMI with this, "Pay for the meal if it makes you feel like a strong, independent woman. But, bfd Kasey.". Seriously, wtf? Yes, Mary because feeling like a strong, independent woman is a BAD thing and because CLEARLY people do that out of desiring a "feeling" rather than abolishing that whole "I'm female and therefore helpless, please take care of me in all respects" thing!' That comment was so dumb particularly given the context and the question asked, but I think it's cute that she's fighting for her "right to choose" to inject her face with nonsense for the sake of vanity and her "public image" (really?) but when she's paying $400 to a matchmaker for a date she doesn't feel obliged to pay her way. You know, people might find celebrities' expenses ridiculous and voice that opinion, but they don't really disagree that some of it is necessary. Mary - you are NOT a celebrity and with all the "I'm broke" nonsense you keep spitting, you should cut down your visits to Dr. B. Save that money for something you'll actually need and will end up being worthwhile. Nobody will care about your wrinkle-free forehead when you have no platform to show it off anymore.

  43. "I site Roe v. Wade". Hahaha. That's good stuff.

  44. Since Mary has no HOME, I would think she'd use that money to, I don't know, PAY RENT. But I guess things like basic shelter are beyond her reasoning since her reasoning skills are so obviously fucked up as displayed by her tirade above. Hmm... Shelter? Food? NOT important. Shoes? Botox? VERY important. OMG she is fucked up.

  45. im 25 and dont understand how mary has those lines. i wish julia would stop painting her face so much, she looks like a fucking real sex doll.

    but real sex dolls probably get more ass.

  46. Are we still supposed to believe that Mary is a "fitness and health guru"? She injects her face with toxins (because she's free to choose!), works out upward of two and three hours a day, and prides herself on doing it all on a skinny latte?

    Here's my prediction: within 90 days, NonSociety issues a statement that Mary has checked into Promises Malibu for "exhaustion."