Sunday, February 22, 2009

When Deeply Bereft and Traumatized, Blog About Dresses and Hairstyles Again

Jackles seems to be coping with her profound feelings of grief and misery today by blogging endlessly about her upcoming birthday party. But enough about you, [Redacted]! Let's bring it back to ME ME ME!

She's posted various photos of hideous pink girly dresses -- an obvious attempt to get some retailer/designer to offer her their creations for free -- and pictures of hairstyles that she's pondering for the Big Day! Her 28th birthday! It's a huge milestone, people! 28!!!

And oh yes -- there's this vaguely sinister plea for help shortly after mentioning she had a "second date with the doctor" tonight:

I have voicemails on my phone I want to transfer to audio files on my laptop. Anyone know of an easy way to do this?

Good Lord. Is this what's next? It's not enough that she blogs private e-mail and IM exchanges, but soon she'll be posting audio files of the messages left on her voicemail? Why doesn't she also install a camera in her bathroom and post videos of her guests peeing?

By the way, just two questions I'd like to throw out there. We could make this a regular feature, actually.

Whatever happened to:

1. The ineffable Alexander Marquandt? Is he still in the nuclear-attack-proof Pentagon basement, afraid to emerge after two solid days of getting Jackled on her blog and on her Twitter and then never mentioned again after a cryptic Tweet accusing him of being vain for objecting to her lunacy?

2. Harvard Business School. Is she still waiting to hear back about whether she got accepted? Surely they can't refuse her now, can they, after that stellar Davos performance?



    People! This is an important question!


    The suffering of others? So what!? Poofy needs freebies.

    Jackles has needs! Get. On. It. People. Help this woman. She needs help people!

  2. There's no way she actually applied to Harvard. She would be spewing about taking the GMAT and how great she did. And B-School apps are pretty serious, you actually have to try to make yourself seem interesting. There is no way she has it in her to actually go the distance with that pipe dream. She probably got wise and realized she had no shot in hell, so away, away it goes, like so many of her other hare-brained half-baked ideas that never come to fruition.

  3. I guess the "fuck you money" will thus have to come from the rich husband. She's got a doctor in waiting now, go for it! You ain't getting any younger girl! Stick your tits out and do your best pursed lip face and maybe he's a fucking freak and likes that kind of desperation. There are all kinds.

  4. I swear we are not far off from her blogging her own bowel movements.

  5. My favorite part about one of the pink dresses: IT HAS A 22.5 INCH WAIST! hahahahaha

  6. here we go again, this is the 1,119th iteration of oooohhhh my birthday, should I wear this pink dress, or this pink dress, or this pink dress.

    the 13 year olds are lovin it. (they still believe)

    and yeah, actually submitting an application to Harvard, holla, would be actual work, that was just the thought that flew through her limited attention span during a visit to boston.

    not surprisingly, no closure of the visit w/momsers, no actual mention of dad--other than his part in being mentioned as parents--no mention of abandonment at AMC--and funny enough, her link to @jesscoen on her twitter [she states jess joined her for the marathon] produces a page that can not be found.

    oh, bunny.

  7. Haha. This doctor must really be looking for a place to put his peen if he is subjecting himself to watching the Oscars w/ a braying donkey.

  8. Jessica Coen once warned one of Jackle's exes, the Eater guy, to stay away from her. Interesting.

  9. yeah, and Jabby has managed to twitter 'messages' har! to leventhal a few times since {and including} valentines day...

    how obvious, yet again.

  10. its jessciacoen as twitter oh JA jabberwonky which means none of JA's twitters got through :)

  11. "I have voicemails on my phone... Anyone know of an easy way to do this?

    My research pulls up many such pleas for free service in the past year (beside her constant 'brainstorming', i.e. begging her readers for story ideas and material):

    1. Floated holding a 'contest' for website design... her website.

    2. Quote: "Can't someone who's really creative just make one for me so I don't have to? Pretty please???"

    3. Quote: "We had a videographer drop out at the last moment for Fashion Week. You wanna do it? Email me."

    4. Quote: "Anyone really want to procrasinate their REAL job today by photoshopping the most RIDICULOUS photo they can think... email me!!!! "

    5. Quote: "Honestly, all I want for Christmas is for someone - ANYONE - to:
    1) set up a wireless printer / scanner for me.
    2) teach me how to download my TIVO’d pundit segments onto my laptop with the iTV I bought at the apple store.
    3) tell me which online backup system I should use, then sit with me and make sure I do it properly.

    The prosecution rests.

  12. The MA/MR fight with JA is serious..

    MR is talking about her sister:

    Betting Pool on which day they finally leave?

  13. Is it safe to emerge now????

  14. JA's HBS video:



    I promise!!!!

  16. I dont think he is handsome. Well, I dont think JA is good!

  17. Mary flew the coop to Aspen

  18. Wow. He comes across as a real dipshit on his website. Whenever people who migrated here to NYC dump on our alleged bad manners, I automatically think that person is a major tool.

  19. How the fuck can Mary Rambin even fly to fucking Toledo?

    Check out her place of work

    Check the schedules, she is working ONE day this month.

    I'm sorry, I know this is primarily directed at Jackles, but Mary's lifestyle is pretty privileged as well. So much so, she can fly on a whim to Aspen?

    Fuck them all.

  20. holy fuck, that doctor is like... 45? I bet he has kids...

  21. Yeah, I agree with Anon 8:59, they have been
    really crying broke [rambo especially] but flights
    seem to cost nothing [aside from whatever loeb charged]

    The only flight mary should be getting for free is
    on her broom.

  22. Flying to vacation destinations is usually an easy score if you're willing to sell yourself and have found a sweet sugar daddy who's willing to pay.
    And Mary, an ornate chair designed for royalty is a "throne", not a "thrown". Egad.

  23. The thrown may be my fave Mary malapropism ever.

  24. That doctor is meh and agree, looks to be over 40. Eek!

  25. Double post:

    Dr. Metzl has run the marathon 25 times, unless he started this when he was ten, he is in his forties.

    just saying

  26. Well, Jab and pointy have both posted the TMI video but Mary not so much--

    I like how Julia posts it at 1:11 with a Good Morning, yes, bunny, good morning.

  27. Two Words.

    Frotier Airlines.

    I believe she feels entitled to being a lazy shitty speller. It seems as if she is saying "Fuck you all, and you know what I mean, why should I check my posts, when ya'll know exactly what I am saying. WTF, what's the big deal???"

    Someone here commented about Jabby's im with scarry--they mentioned how the question of Rambo's unprofessionalism and bad spelling came up and Jabby doesn't defend Rambo, I didn't think much of it at the time, but yeah, I think the theory has legs.

    As to Rambo stating she would be in Aspen for five days and our deducement that she will not be attending the SF bash -- this is assuming she can add better than she can spell. I am not necessarily kidding or even just being mean.

  28. Ben Leventhal is a hero! "Let me google that for you" (sucker punch # 1); "sugar daddy restaurants" (and down for the count!)
    JAB, here's a clue ... move on.