Friday, February 27, 2009

Yulia: Let the birthday bullshit begin!

OMG, PEOPLES, IT REALLY HAPPENING!!!!

Tonight is Night One of the Bicurious Birthday Bash, and Yulia in San Francisco acting crazier than my poor cousin Bogdan who got kicked in the head by pack mule when he little boy.

Poofy post the pictures from last year:

All I want right now are cupcakes.


27th birthday … yep, that’s a Betsey Johnson, straight off the runway. FAVORITE DRESS EVER.


Poofy post the Momser cards:

My mom always draws me an electronic birthday card! It’s one of my favorite things in the world … here are a few from the last five years. (This one is from my 27th.)


Poofy cancel location. Poofy not have Cinderella Ball Gown. Poofy get new super-secret, members-only location but then Gawking tell the universe.

WHAT SHE GONNA DO?!?!?!?

And more important, WHO DRINK ALL MY VODKA?!?!?!

UPDATE: She twit with the sausage fingers!!!!!!!!!!!

LATE TO MY OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!! shocking
12 minutes ago from txt

Of course you are, Poofy.

I can haz birfday partee?
11 minutes ago from txt

Oh, Yulia, even my fat tabby Nadya can do better LOLcats than you. AND SHE HAVE AWFUL HANGNAIL!!!!!!!

90 comments:

  1. OMG FIRST (sorry jacy).

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  2. The "Yulia" bit cracks me up every time.

    I adore you, RG.

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  3. "Straight off the runway" -- Betsy Johnson? LOL Pathetic. Nobody out of high school wears Betsy Johnson. Way to go, fashionista. You're sooooo NYC-chic.

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  4. "Look at me back when I was depressed-skinny!"

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  5. Was that the party where, like, 20 people showed up and 17 of them stayed for about a half an hour and had their pic taken in hopes of it being on Gawker?

    Good times.

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  6. There will be cupcakes.

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  7. That was the party where the resulting photos numbered no more than 20 (which one would think might happen when surrounded by strangers at a birthday party that's entirely staged), which have been repeatedly posted since the day of. That's aside from the one random photo tossed into tmiweekly on the birthday episode, of a dude that looks like he was picked off the street - ironically wearing a pink shirt with the words "LOOK AT ME" and holding a cup presumably filled with their sponsored PINK vodka and whatever else - with a smirk on his face. Thaaat party.

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  8. That was back when she was having a "joint" birthday party with Mary.

    Poor Mary gets shafted this year since she found someone with more connections to glom onto.

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  9. JA's fb showcases her desperate attempts to have people show up at her NYC party. She has resorted to begging comedians she met once, and alumni from Georgetown to be present. Secret location was purposely fed to Gawker so the place wouldn't be empty. Pathetic.

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  10. Last year's party was also introduced by maniacal "Oh my god, I overinvited!" blog posts in order to make it seem like people might actually be attending.

    It was there that Julia met a friend of mine, told said friend that friend did not look old enough to be important, and then walked away.

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  11. I am killing myself over both this post and the "OMG FIRST!"

    Russian Girl, I just couldn't bring myself to muster any enthusiasm for the Birthday Celebration for the Jackass Who Celebrates Herself Every Day Anyway.

    I felt like Meghan.

    Thank you for taking it on!

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  12. sorry Jacy, 'OMG FIRST' was me... but, in my defense, our pink lady of donkey brays and cupcakes made me do it. i will behave when the fameball express leaves town.

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  13. Don't apologize. It was very funny.

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  14. @9:21: Is "You do not look old enough to be important" code for "I am threatened by your youth during this event that marks my march toward old age"?

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  15. Oh, I so hope we have a spy bunny or two at the party. Why couldn't they hold it here in Atlanta!!

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  16. Julia tries so hard to look like a Barbie doll. She mistakenly believes that an adult man harbors the same ideas about the ideal woman as a 12-year old girl.

    She is also confused about how to play off a man's Madonna-Whore fantasies. Jules, you've got those two roles reversed.

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  17. If she thinks adult men are turned on by overgrown child-women, then she is cruising for the attentions of a closet pedophile.

    Anyone who's buying what she's selling just ain't right.

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  18. Love this comment from Valleywag:

    Who is joining me at Rosewood's tomorrow night?

    Yes, I know the party is tonight.

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  19. "She is also confused about how to play off a man's Madonna-Whore fantasies."

    Oooh, I am intrigued. Please expound upon your sexual theories my beatific Bicurious Party Hat.

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  20. A yappy happy birthday greeting to you Julia Allison Button, the girl who grew emotionally and intellectually backwards. You don't look a day over 48! Now would you please shut the fuck up and stop twittering and "leaking" your super secret bicurious birthday locations to any media outlet that still tolerates your yapping. No one cares.

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  21. Holy shit, Julia, a month or more of hype for this amazing, spectacular bicoastal charity birthday bash, and all it turns out to be is you and a few friends renting out the back room at some little bar that you rented out mere hours before the party was scheduled to begin? A party no more exclusive or special than what happens at that same bar EVERY Friday night?

    My god, the endless party frock porn and accessory lust, the birthday countdown clock-watching, the frenzied packing, the airplane squeeing, the painstakingly illustrated invitations, the charity promotions, the multiple Facebook invites, the wistful photo parade of birthdays past...for the love of pete, woman, get a grip.

    What a complete non-event. I'm starting to see the perverse genius of naming yourselves non-society. This is the letdown of CES, DLD and Davos combined, with more party hats and shots of Grey Goose. I'm sure the photo diarrhea that you'll post all next week will be the stuff of legend around here.

    Sleuthing for clues as to how your fabulous parties actually went down, as opposed to the glossy facade you'll post, is going to be mahr-velously entertaining, dahlings.

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  22. Where's birthday card #28? Did Momsers forget/do a shit job/not care enough to make one this year? (Though, I have to admit, they are kind of endearing. They are also proof that Julia is the way she is because Momsers continues to indulge her in her spoiled, entitled ways.)

    Squirrel, this is what Julsie DOES: she is the QUEEN of hyping something up and then delivering an anti-climactic result. They don't call her a cock-tease for NOTHING.

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  23. Jackles, don't keep us in such suspense: SHOW US THE DRESS.

    What's that? No special dress this year? Betsey didn't have any old dresses lying around for you to borrow? You couldn't ransack Illus or whatever it is that you use to get second-hand dresses in time for the biiig party? Oh. So sorry.

    Happy birthday cupcake!

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  24. The following comes to you courtesy of my son's old college roommate [redacted], who works as a video editor for [redacted] in Manhattan:

    Julia Allison thinks that dressing like a slut and talking like a sailor is the best way to get the attention and respect of an alpha male. She's the perfect girly-girl who can hang with the boys, listening to their racy stories and even chipping in with tales of her own. She projects a fiercely independent, sexually liberated woman. Every man's dream, right?

    All that bawdy behavior turns off like a light switch behind closed doors, however. She morphs from Mae West to Cinderella. It's not that she's afraid of sex. No, she is well-versed and well-practiced in the mechanics. It's just that she thinks this good girl persona is how to get a man to think of her as marriage material. She used to be a much more enthusiastic partner (when drinking). However, after years of frustration and disappointment at not being able to orgasm through intercourse, casual sex doesn't have much appeal for her.


    Happy Birthday Jackles! I gave your present to Anon 10:48!!

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  25. Omg! I love your dress! Where did you get it?





    That is the ugliest effing dress I've ever seen.

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  26. dang, she really is Pointy:

    http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v197/93/104/4617/n4617_34200981_6492.jpg

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  27. Bicurious party hat, you crack me up. Thank you for bringing teh funneh.

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  28. It almost 10pm in SF by my watch - why no party updates from Jules???
    The party page on Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/aducl6 says the SF guest list is full but "Guests are allowed to bring friends to this event". What?

    Interesting to note that Megahn Asha and Mary Rambin are both listed as co-hosts for the NYC bday party...

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  29. birthday party pics from tonight are streaming in:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315811356/

    thanks to this twitterer: http://twitter.com/gillat

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  30. Almost as bad as last year with that pics of fake gang signs..

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  31. Oh noes! Jules and Randi Haz teh trajic shiny-top, spangle-skirt turquoise & rose gownz!!!!!

    Actually Randi has such a great smile and natural demeanor I have to spot her for throwing her lot in with Jackles. She seems like someone who would be nice to be around.

    Unlike a certain Pretty Pouty Princess.

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  32. Ahem note tha the start up evangelists from last year are not even at her side...Jason Calacanis and etc..

    I say come April NS goes bye bye after last of contracts lost

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  33. oof! Jackles! you really need to lay off the cupcakes:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315017611/

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  34. She took a picture of herself sleeping.

    Which is to say that she wasn't sleeping.

    Which is to say she annoys the hell out of me.

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  35. http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315931146/
    fucking creepy picture. julia's sugar daddy will steal your soul. and AwesomelyUglyDress.Com

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  36. Princess HappycakesFebruary 28, 2009 at 2:34 AM

    count how many other peaple are wearing pink or blue

    ZERO


    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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  37. http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315966988/sizes/o/
    hhahahhahahah

    i hope someone's archiving these. no doubt julia will demand they be taken down tomorrow

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  38. Nice shot that gives a bit of perspective into the size of the room:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3314981927/in/photostream/

    Here's how you pose WITH someone, and not AT them or ON them (Poofy, take note):

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315808960/in/photostream/

    By the way, all of these Gillat photos are being archived for great justice! Nevar forget!

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  39. is it just me or are MA and this blonde holding hands??

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315967398/sizes/l/

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  40. She just pulled every stupid facial expression she's ever used in any photoshoot ever, one after the other with the unwise bearded man. There must be 20 shots so far. As long as there's a camera and she can pose, this will be the Happiest.Night.Of.Her.Life.

    Too bad none of them are coming off teh sexxy, like she seems to think they are...I swear, I saw her tonsils in one of those donkey bray/gaping maw poses she loves so much.

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  41. Happy Birthday Randi!

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3316019496/sizes/l/

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  42. Who is this girl? She's cute:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315115917/in/photostream/

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  43. Jackles is hanging onto this dude for dear life (his face is turning beet red):

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315117869/in/photostream/

    She's posing for umpty-up kissy photos with him now. Beep beep!

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  44. I like to think these gals are making fun of Lady Blue Steel:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315122757/in/photostream/

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  45. See the thought bubble above Meghan's head? Priceless!

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315967398/in/photostream/

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  46. She posted just the "Happy Birthday" part of a birthday cake that wasn't even addressed to her? Did she not have a cake with her own name on it? And no one is even wearing pink and blue? This party makes me feel akward for her so far. I didn't actually believe it but I guess this WAS just Randi's bday party that Julia tagged along to. :/

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  47. Jackles ogling Randi's cleavage:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315993940/in/photostream/

    Whoever posted that latent homosexuality theory here the other day, just might have been onto something! Look how Jackles is clenching her fist, in an unconscious effort not to reach out and grab for the boobies.

    Meghan walks away in disgust. Heh.

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  48. Ya know, that RandiZ is pretty smart, she got Julia to plan two birthday parties in two separate cities for free (minus, of course, the cost of the braying). Not bad. Actually, I must be going soft because I really feel sad for Julia - it seems that the NS trainwreck is going to end with a whimper and not a bang.

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  49. More pics(the bartenders expression is classic)
    http://tinyurl.com/b3xc3v
    http://tinyurl.com/df4wk8
    http://tinyurl.com/ddnzur
    http://tinyurl.com/cpt22m
    http://tinyurl.com/djbj9l

    Cute that Randi and Mary wore matching dresses and Randi got the pink one! Randi was probably the draw card for this party, she seems nice.

    Anon 2.02 am it really is not a flattering photo of Julia's meaty thigh.

    Did Mary not make it to the party?

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  50. Friends lighting candles on a birthday cake for beloved girlfriend. The inscription reads: Happy Birthday Randi! (That is all.)

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315179085/in/photostream/

    There is only one cake in this photo, the one for Randi, yet the braying donkey cannot relinquish the spotlight for even a moment. She blows out the candles while poor Randi is still drawing in a breath:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315190419/in/photostream/

    If you haven't already, look at the whole sequence where Jackles and Randi are holding their arms up in a Yay.com! salute, then Jackles covers her mouth in a mock surprise as the lighted cake is brought near, and then a feeble attempt at yet another Yay! pose as she frantically scans the cake and confirms her fear that, indeed, the inscription does not include her name. Then she laughingly (heh) tries to steal the offending cake, and actually licks the side of it, thus ruining it. Delicious!

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  51. These must be our (RBNS) representatives since they look like they are about to throw down on this shit-fest:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315967910/

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  52. Didn't Meghanaise get the memo, or is black the new purple?

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  53. Now THIS is how you do the naughty librarian look, Jankles:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315194639/in/photostream/

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  54. I've been trying to spot 'em, too, 4:29. Got my fingers crossed!

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  55. Finally, a natural beauty!

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315169835/

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  56. Oh, Mary's not there, posted at 2.05 a.m.:

    "Happy Birthday Bunny!! I’m sorry I’m not in San Fran to finger feed you and Randi frosting tonight, but I’m so excited to host the second half of your bicoastal bash tomorrow in NYC! Don’t party too hard on that coast, I have a bottle of bubbly chilling with your name on it. "

    http://mary.nonsociety.com/post/82213996

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  57. The cake friends also brought some gifts. Wonder if Julia had to smile and bray while Randi opened 'em.

    OMG, insomnia was never so much fun! Bless you gillat and hookjaw for the Flickr streams. It's like we're right there!!

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  58. Cue Billy Idol, Dancing with Myself...

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315970592/

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  59. I'm losing it, ya'll. Check out her lemon-sucking pout as she dances ALONE...

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315142365/in/photostream/

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  60. Here's a LOLcougar for ya!

    Invisible Date:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315971384/in/photostream/

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  61. I'm a big girl now:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315970592/

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  62. Woops, meant this one:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315820024/

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  63. I think my shriveled, black heart grew three sizes tonight. Thank you, karma. I can get through this recession, as long as you keep serving up this sweet, sweet justice.

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  64. Bunny Bingo, here I was thinking she was making the kissy face all night. That photo makes it look involuntary. Somebody's been getting into mommy's lip plumper again. Naughty-naughty, Julia. No birthday cake or presents for you. Oh, wait...

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  65. Pup Cakes, you are right, her lips do like quite wonky.
    This photo of Meghan is rather unfortunate:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315966988/

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  66. The embarrassing spectacle our favorite Mule-in-a-Horse-Harness made of herself tonight exceeded my expectations. However, I think this quiet little photo speaks more about tonight's festivities than all the other photos combined (also, it makes me LOL for real):

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315818446

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  67. These two make me smile. Please tell me they're on our side:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315025231/in/photostream/

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  68. I do believe one could use her ass as an end table:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315871080

    This is one of those shots where she's trying to look good from the front by being a contortionist.

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  69. Yes! A birthday cake is worth a 1000 words.
    Lucky @gerardramos in this pic with JA:
    http://twitpic.com/1qxai

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  70. Just 1 more - Julia's eyes rolling back in her head:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3316146190/

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  71. I bet some Manhattan bakery is going to get a last-minute phoned-in order for a personalized Julia cake as soon as they open for business today.

    Looking forward to all the gossip from last night and a second round of party bashing. Whoot.tv!

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  72. Good catch, 5:53. I noticed a few varieties of alcoholic beverage in the Pink One's manicured clutches. She appeared to get more obnoxious and out of control as the night wore on.

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  73. Is she doing the Elaine from Seinfeld dance in this one? Or is she pantomiming a very exaggerated phone call?

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3316145356

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  74. This photo of Meghan is rather unfortunate:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/gillat/3315966988/


    Any picture of Meghanaise is unfortunate. An unfortunate waste of time and energy.

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  75. Is this Kevin Rose?
    DSC_3496.JPG
    If so; hurray! Maybe she will move to SF afterall!

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  76. its not kevin rose

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  77. The cake thing is so sad.

    But there are plenty of photos of pink and blue that she can post to portray this party very differently.

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  78. I'm pretty sure that cake pissed her off royally. She only posted 2 pics to NS since leaving for the party: herself "sleeping" and the cake with Randi's name cropped off. She'll be busy photoshopping all the way from SF to NYC.

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  79. She would not be seen DEAD with those people in NY. Cos they look so normal.

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  80. Um. Blerg. In reply to 6.01.

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  81. I just love it, as someone commented earlier, that all the people from SF just totally ignored the blue/pink clothing dictate for the party. HAHAHAH!

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  82. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  83. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  84. @Anon5:23 -- those were the three (they were with another girl) who I pegged for "ours."

    Also, it might be these two ... unless Blue Steele is catching (perish the thought!):

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315819186/


    (Sorry for the deleted comments. I shouldn't post before morning coffee.)

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  85. Yes!! Pursed lip lady cracked me up! Even if they're not "ours," they must be kindred spirits

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  86. so many gorgeous women at that party, no wonder JA was drinking up and overacting.. looking through the gallery is highhhlarious

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  87. So my husband has a theory...a woman's mouth is proportional and shaped simalarly to her hoohah. Working with that train of thought,looking at this picture it is not hard to understand why JA would have a tough time experiencing the big "O"(and a non-existent sex life doesn't help).
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/hookjaw/3315905818/

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  88. I gotta say....this looks like a laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame party.

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  89. so, no one else has said anything about this, but OMFG THAT PICTURE OF MARY FEEDING JA ICING is the worst thing i have ever seen. i cannot look away. it looks like horrible, horrible porn. it is so gross.

    AND WTF IS WITH MARY'S ARM???? *shudder*

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