Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Wow, she really is passive aggressive.

First of all, wow, the Frisky is really trolling NS for content. Though we're not ones to quibble with that.

Anyway, Mary Rambin responds to the dyke comments she made that were subsequently posted and deleted by Julia (emphasis ours):

The Frisky came up on my Google Alerts this morning, and I thought to myself, oh no, how has that bitch manipulated my words now?

But, I was pleasantly surprised to see her honest response to Julia’s post that exposed my potty mouth.

So listen, I have used the word “dyke” plenty of times before, among friends. Sure, I could totally pull out the age old “but I have soooo many gay friends and family members” excuse to justify it, but the thing is, I know using that word is offensive to some people, so I would never say it in mixed company and especially not on a public blog …I definitely wouldn’t just alter the post…I would acknowledge that I had offended people and that I understood why my remark was offensive, and that putting it on a public blog, as if it was no big deal, was even more offensive because it assumes that everyone else is just as cool with that kind of language. When you make a living providing a service or entertainment to an audience, you have a responsibility to that audience. It does with the territory.

I agree with her. Although it was Julia who posted the chat (without consent), the word came from my mouth. My friends know I have nothing against homosexuals, but the slang is inappropriate on my public page. To be completely frank, I was very upset about the post, and I asked she take it down immediately. Despite my best efforts, I really couldn’t find a way to genuinely apologize without the post seeming like I was just trying to cover my ass.

After reading Amelia’s post, I realized most of you understood I wasn’t trying to offend anyone, we all use slang, but the chat being blogged in a public place was inappropriate.

My sincere apologies to those who were offended.

123 comments:

  1. Honestly, I think this is totally legit. Sure the word is offensive, but I'm sure many of us say offensive things and use improper language when we are in private, among friends. Julia, of course, has no understanding of the distinction between public and private. This isn't Mary's fault.

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  2. Did anyone else notice that Mary used "gay" in the pejorative on the Texittquette (or however you spell it) TMI episode? What is she 12? She obviously has a bigger problem with language and her attitudes towards homosexual people.

    That said, I could understand her being upset that Julia posted her comment. Yes, she shouldn't have said it in the first place and Julia probably knew that it was completely inappropriate--that is why she posted it. Imagine if your "friend" posted every offense thing you said on their blog? I know all of you will say "Oh I would NEVER say anything offensive!" Sure you wouldn't liberal Lisa. I've heard many intelligent, progressive, feminist and anti-racist women say offensive things about people of color, gays, foreigners, etc. We all will eventually offend someone. It isn't an excuse for hate speech but I think Julia was intentionally being an underminey bitch (or trying to drum up PVs).

    She does come off as a little more than casually homophobic. She was raised by trashy, conservative Texas parents so it wouldn't surprise me that she is fucked up. Didn't she also make a post once where she said her friend was lucky "even though he was gay" for no reason?

    I hope all of her gays (aka the only non-Julia friends and/or males we every see around her) gave her the cold shoulder for a few weeks. Otherwise, they are just as bad as she is for enabling and encouraging her demeaning behavior.

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  3. "My sincere apologies to those who were offended."

    Oooh, how I fucking hate that passive-aggressive apology. It's another way of saying "Hey, if you're such a weakling that you were offended by something so trivial, then I am SO sorry for having offended your delicate sensibilities."

    A real apology is: "I screwed up and apologize to everyone who read that."

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  4. "I don't think I did anything wrong, but for those of you so sensitive as to take offense at a harmless thing like that, well, I'm sorry you're so sensitive."

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  5. Mase says:

    Maybe Mary needs to stay with JA's brother for awhile andpick up how to use English better..:)

    Woof...

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  6. I am pro-Mary on this one. It's a word you use sometimes, I use it to my lesbian friends as a joke, and they use it right back to me, but you have to know your audience.

    It is APPALLING to me that JA would post it without her consent. She is such a lousy fucking friend. I wonder when Mary will just get rid of her once and for all.

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  7. I really couldn’t find a way to genuinely apologize without the post seeming like I was just trying to cover my ass.

    Wow. Statement analysis 101. She couldn't find a way to genuinely apologize because she wasn't genuinely sorry. If she were truly sorry, then she would have been able to convey that. That's exactly what that statement says. God. These girls really need to stop talking.

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  8. Actually, she didn't say IF you were offended. She apologized quite unabashedly "to those who were offended."

    The bigger asshole is JA, once again.

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  9. I am not a Mary or NS supporter, but I think she is actually being sincere here. No one is all good or all bad and perhaps we shouldn't pick apart every little thing she or the other fameballs post. There is plenty more good fodder when they post kissy-face pics of themselves or Meghan wears Mary's ugly pink hat. Let's not just be unnecessarily nasty and recognize that Mary might actually be genuine in our apology (even if she doesn't word it to our specifications).

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  10. Meant to say "genuine in her apology"

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  11. Jacy, I'm with you. We're probably total lezzies?! Kiss. Kiss.
    See? I'm just writing that as an example of how me and my girlfriends talk all the time. If I had a hair-cut that looked masculine, my friends wouldn't say I looked like a guy, they'd totally call me out as a diesel dyke, finally out of the closet. They'd tell me to get my lezzie eyes off their tits, on and on. They kid. I kid.
    We're are not homophobes, some of us ARE gay. But we have senses of humor and can talk trash and take it too.
    However, posting my friends comments online without even mentioning to them that I was doing so? It would be curtains for me. Dyke or not, I'd be cunty toast. Why is Mary apologizing? Her "twat" frienemy Baugher should be.

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  12. you said "our" -- you're one of them!!!

    hahaha. kidding. yeah, i think she was genuine. I think Julia thinks anything she posts is OK. She thinks everyone is in on the joke with her...she thinks everyone will understand...

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  13. Mary, I hope you really gave it to JUlia. I hope you really asked her why she did it.

    Then, for us, would you ask her why she posts everything else, too? thanks!

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  14. Just to clarify...I'm not implying saying that she should feel sorry. I'm saying I don't think she feels she did anything wrong and therefore isn't genuinely sorry at all.
    Like any one of us hasn't said something stupid and inappropriate when we think no one is around. I don't think she meant it in a hateful way. However, I think Julia certainly wanted people to think that she did.

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  15. @Anon-6:05 - Lord knows I am not a Mary apologist, but I did understand what she meant about her friend in LA being lucky. She was referring to the fact that she was folding his laundry(as a girlfriend might do for her boyfriend) without the expectation of getting anything physical in return because he's gay. I probably still didn't articulate that very well, but she wasn't saying that he was unlucky to be gay, she was saying that he was lucky to have a girl around to fold his laundry.

    Ew. I defended Mary. Now I just feel dirty.

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  16. I agree -- this is the first time that Mary has seemed legitimately contrite. Even if she isn't, she's at least attempting to be politic, which is the professional thing to do.

    As for whether she should've used the word in the first place: it may not reflect the most evolved viewpoint but no one is mature 100% of the time. If our friends blogged most of the dumb shit we say without thinking, I'm sure we'd look like jackasses (not to speak for everyone, but I can't be alone on this one, right?).

    I'm definitely willing to concede a point to Mary.

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  17. Julia was an ass for posting that conversation.

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  18. I think what it comes down to is that Mary isn't the most worldly of people, despite her trips and "she-she" lifestyle. That's clear. She obviously has her opinions and viewpoints, many of which should be kept to herself. The more she talks, the more you realize how sheltered she is. Her biggest flaw is that she doesn't know how ignorant she really is. She was raised around people just like her, so she doesn't think what she says is wrong.

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  19. I agree with Jacy. Julia is absolutely in the wrong. We all, probably 10-20 times per day, say something offensive. Hopefully, we say these things to people that know and love us and understand our intentions. For Julia to post this WITHOUT asking Mary's permission is just plain wrong. It's completely undermining. Maybe JA is upset because Mary is the only one producing content (beyond photos). Seriously, Mary can't write, and she's a bit of an airhead (understatement) but she's TRYING. She's writing more than a single sentence.

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  20. Sadly, even at her most sincere, Mary is still a bitchy bumpkin.

    It was nice that she at least tried, though. Julia doesn't even bother to go through the motions anymore.

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  21. Come on! We just don't know her life, OK?! Texas, Texas, Texas...it's a joke of a state to some, but good people are everywhere. Who can comment on her childhood?? If she was a stereotypical Texas Blue Bonnet, then she would still be there, no?

    She said something utterly stupid and offensive to her friends in confidence. Her confidence was betrayed.

    I believe she isn't a homophobe or even a ghetto-phobe, she just can't communicate well.

    Blogging is not for any of them. That's all.

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  22. I'm not sure the dismissal of anyone not from one of the coasts really makes Mary's detractors look any smarter or less sheltered than she is. She's a dope, but it doesn't have anything to do with geography.

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  23. Anon 6:05 - Calling her parents trashy is out of line. You don't know that and she's never said anything to convey that.

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  24. And..."trashy conservative Texas" parents? Whoa, nellie. There's no evidence that Mary's parents are trashy (in fact, her mom seems kind of cool, IMO). And everyone in Texas is not conservative, by the way--not even all the rich Texans. And yeah, some of us live there and like it. If we're going to get all huffy and PC here, let's at least try to apply the standards consistently. Kthxbai.

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  25. If the JA and Jacob think bombed so badly for blogging everything why would NS work on same principle?

    Clue to JA

    Would some please feed Mase, he looks hungry

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  26. And you know what else? Mary is indeed stupid, but not so stupid that she didn't realize immediately that the word "dyke" could be offensive to people, particularly without knowing the context, and asked JA to take it down right away.

    JA, on the other hand -- the Harvard Business School wannabe, after all, so SO SO SO SMART -- was the one who was either too stupid to know what Mary did in a split second, or too evil, or a bit of both.

    Mary has way more class and brains than her awful friend does, and given that Mary isn't over-flowing with brains, that's saying something.

    Mary, if you're reading this: DUMP HER ASS! You are better than her in all ways that matter. She will drag you down to her lunatic level. Don't let her!

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  27. Sorry -- I never use the d-word or the f-word, even among friends. I have many gay friends who use them, but I never would. I treat them as the functional equivalent of the n-word, which many of my black friends use, but which will never come out of my mouth or keyboard.

    So, I'm glad, Mary, that you didn't choose to regale us with tales of your many, many gay friends and how that makes it okay for you to use hateful words. This doesn't come across to me as remotely contrite, though I do think she's acknowledging that it was a bad decision to use it in a convo with JA, who has no filter. And that's about as good as it gets from these hairdos, so I'll take it.

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  28. Jacy, as usual, we are thinking exactly alike on this one. Also, to those people calling her parents "trashy" or "conservative" or "dumb"---Your really should cut that shit out. Seriously. We have no clue if any of that is the case. Her mom seems fine. Seriously. All you do when you post comments like that is diminsh the good intentions of those offering constructive feedback. I really don't want to be part of a group serving up such criticisms. It makes us look silly. We have enough "grist for the mill" without name calling.

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  29. Mary may not have command of the english language, but I thought the apology seemed sincere.

    I can't believe I just said that...do I lose my hater badge now or something.

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  30. Also, it's ridiculous to equate "conservative" with someone who makes bigoted remarks. One of the worst bigots I've had the displeasure to know is a liberal.

    My conservative parents would NEVER have tolerated talk like that from me, let alone actually used that type of language themselves.

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  31. Anon 6:58 -- "dyke" is a word I would never, ever use if my large group of lesbian girlfriends weren't constantly calling each other "fucking dykes" or saying "hello, you hot dyke" when one walks into the room. It is like a term of endearment.

    And who knows, maybe for Mary it is too. The point is we all have words we use that are perfectly acceptable in certain contexts or situations, but we know they would look/sound terrible without that context. JA? Too stupid to have figured that one out.

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  32. I grow more and more OK with Mary as the days go by. JAB posted something without her consent, probably to make her look bad. I get the sense she's becoming threatened by Mary. (And I like the haircut, not that anyone cares.)

    I still can't get over the covering her face thing, though. Vanity might be the worst of the sins, because that was just embarrassingly bad.

    Mary, if you're reading, hey, it's cool. We all say dumb things in the privacy of our homes and friendships. It's nothing we should be proud of, but we all are human. It's your friendship with a particular person that seems to be the real problem.

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  33. i also cannot get over the covering the face thing. what is with her? and i like mary's new haircut, although really NOT a fan of mary...i find her just too privileged and clueless to relate to her in any way. however, julia is just becoming more and more disturbing...

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  34. Here's an exercise for you: go to Mary's blog and enter the word "gay" into the search box. Read all of the posts that come up.

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  35. I think it's interesting that Julia is suddenly posting about charities and ways to give back, and Mary is suddenly giving (half assed) apologies. She IS just saying this to cover her ass, and this is how I know. Her apology is for saying it publicly, not for the fact that she said it at all. She also minimized what she did by first saying she thinks "most of us knew" she wasn't trying to offend anyone, and defined "dyke" as a "slang" word.

    IS NIGGER A SLANG WORD TOO?

    Didn't think so.

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  36. I should mention though, that I agree it was BS for Julia to post that knowing, I am sure, how bad it would make Mary look.

    Kind of counterproductive, Julia.

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  37. Conservative? Not in fact a dirty word.

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  38. 7:59 - Only thing with her is shameless vanity. I don't think she expected Mary to come in for the reactions with a camera in tow. Since she wasn't dolled up and production-ready, she covered her face in mock-shockedness, only removing her hands while 'talking' to the dogs (ie., when her face wasn't in full view of the camera). Mary's haircut wasn't ridiculously crazy, especially given that she'd chopped off much more the FIRST time, when she went from long to short. It was a beautiful upgrade that - unsurprisingly - Julia didn't mention ONCE on her blog (they're best friends, right?) after Mary went through with it. NOW she wants to videotape and react to the cut and how men won't like it? When she thinks maybe Mary's making a huge mistake? It truly seems like she set her up for this hoping for the absolute worst, seeing that her last cut got such rave reviews and thereby overshadowed her. I also feel that the offensive convo might have been posted when Julia thought Mary's haircut would get additional attention for her. She basically had to squelch that before it happened, or exploit the nastiness of the situation for pageviews.

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  39. You know what, Scary Mary, that is WAY out of line and please delete that comment so I don't have to look at that horrific, vile word with all its painful and traumatic connotations, OK?

    Seriously, what is wrong with you?

    Equating "dyke" with the n-word? Take it down, please.

    And obviously Mary dissed you at some event or there is some personal connection, because, quite honestly, as much as I understand why everyone hates on JA, I don't quite get why you feel so much passionate hatred for Mary. It must be personal.

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  40. Meanwhile, has anyone taken a look at ScaryMary's new competitor site? I suddenly feel dirty for agreeing with her commentary . . . it was all for personal gain.

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  42. Ok, first of all, Mary's mom's twitter name is Fendi06. Kinda trashy, but whatever, I love that all the people defending Texas are still cool with talking about the size of JA's ass.

    And all your flinging dyke around isn't a lot less offensive than what ScaryMary did, so chill high horse riders. She was making a point, not using a slur. See the difference? Mary was using a slur, and you're defending her. ScaryMary was making a point and you're maligning her. WEIRD. I think SM's a self-promoter and blah blah, but there is plenty to dislike about Mary. She's a bigot, she's shallow, she promotes awful values for women, she says shitty things about whole groups of people. In terms of actual social values, she's way fucking worse than JA. JA promotes terrible things about women, but at least it ends there.

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  43. No, ScaryMary ... err, Anon9:08 ... my problem, as a black bisexual, is having that word confront me in ALL-CAPS when I came on here to read commentary about MR's apology over a pretty common word that my friends and I often use, jokingly, among ourselves and our straight and bi friends.

    You can't POSSIBLY be comparing the two slurs, are you? Really? Because if so, you might need a long history lesson. You should be ashamed of yourself for not seeing the difference, and ScaryMary should kill out that comment now.

    I can tell you one thing, though, what she wrote here is far worse than what Mary Rambin said about her hair, and I for one will never click over to ScaryMary's site again.

    Now, let's move on. Hasn't JA done anything outrageous today? No more yoga poses?

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  44. That is a truly lame defence, anon 9:08. Nice try though.

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  45. If I still click to scarymary's site does that mean I'm a racist...my brain hurts now.

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  46. Wow 9:08,

    the generalizations just keep coming. I happen to like Texas, but I have never once commented on the size of Julia Allison's ass. I just don't go there. I figure the sausage curls, the headbands, the pursy lips, the costumes, the studied poses, the obvious (and advertised) food issues, etc. are all fair game. The size of her ass? Not so much.

    Just sayin'.

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  47. I've never once commented on Julia's body. EVER. I think her body is quite attractive, actually. My critique is substantive.

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  48. Two things re: Julia's entry:


    Okay, so apparently there's something "wrong with my cable" (no shit, Time Warner) … which means they have to send someone to fix it, and since we're filming a segment for a new show (not TMI) tomorrow, and I can't be home during the day, that means my internet is at DIAL UP SPEEDS (I am not joking in the least. I wish I were.) until Friday.


    Did they get a reality show? Or pilot?
    IF, in fact, her internet is truly down WHY DOESN'T SHE GO TO THE LIBRARY, A FRIEND'S HOUSE, AN INTERNET CAFE, A UNIVERISTY....you name it. If your business was a blog, would you not go find an alternative??????!!!!!!!

    She's so lazy.

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  49. What is lame about it Jacy? I'm not SM, 9:16, I promise. I don't care for her and have always thought her blog was way too lowblow. I totally see your point, and of course there is a differenc between the two slurs. I was reacting more to Jacy and Total Jing's smug dismissal when they're simultaneously defending Mary's use of "dyke." There is a difference in the way the words were used, and I think SM's use was tacky, but I also think Mary's use of "dyke" was offensive. "Dyke" is an offensive word, especially when it's used specifically as a pejorative, as Mary used it. What you and Jacy fail to understand is that you're using the word as reclamation, and you can do that specifically because it is an offensive word. I would never imply that gay people in America have had the same civil rights struggles as black people in America have had, but that doesn't mean they've had none or that they are hegemonic in American society. And if you're not hegemonic, then a white, straight, rich girl from Texas casually slinging a pejorative about you is still fucking offensive.

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  50. Jacy-I ordered a FUP shirt yesterday...can't wait. I owe the discovery of your site all to NS and this blog.

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  51. OK, dudes, this is getting insane.

    ScaryMary - I really think you are off base in pushing this dyke thing. Just not a big deal. Mary's apology was sincere. Let's move on.

    And I agree with the others - WAY off base with using off color language. You really cannot complain about Mary's questionable language choices when you chose to type a word so much for the public to see! Mary didn't even post the comment herself, for Christ's sake.

    I don't want us all to fight. Let's keep this place intelligent and thoughtful.

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  52. Sorry, I meant "so much WORSE for the public to see"

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  53. Bunnies, consider this thread closed. Move on.

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  55. I will NOT remove my comment. To me, hearing the word "dyke" is just as offensive as if I heard the word "nigger". I wasn't using the word, I was illustrating a point. Asking if nigger is a slang word because Mary said dyke is a slang word. Neither is. I am furthest from a racist. Oh please.

    Why are you all justified for hating JA but I'm not for hating MR? So hypocritical. Do you hate Julia because you met her? I have more than addressed the multiple reasons I have such an issue with Mary, and if you followed my blog you'd know the answer to that already.

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  56. Well, you obviously didn't actually read my comment. I guess that was "boredom"! Oh bunnies, your fixation has morphed into emulation. Good luck with that.

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  57. You are acting like I called someone a N****r ( is that better for you? Jesus.) when I was most OBVIOUSLY not.

    Suddenly I decide to do my own site after 7 months of reblogging theirs and the tables turn. THAT is telling.

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  58. I love that all the people defending Texas are still cool with talking about the size of JA's ass.

    Still cool? Who's been doing that? Don't get me wrong, I'd love to make a snarky comment about JA's ass, but see, somebody came on here trying to direct the commentary. Something about how we had better, more pressing issues to discuss and how discussing JA's weight really was beneath us. But I bet when we talk about Mary's body and how emaciated she is, and her colonics and her shoulders...that would be okay, right? Because it's about Mary. And when Scary rips her a new colonic fresh asshole it's okay, because Mary is "way worse than JA."

    She's a bigot, she's shallow, she promotes awful values for women, she says shitty things about whole groups of people. In terms of actual social values, she's way fucking worse than JA. JA promotes terrible things about women, but at least it ends there.

    You mean, just like your buddy Veronica? I guess with her it's okay, but with Mary, it's wrong? Pick a story and stick to it. You could easily say that JA is worse for the things she does because she's better educated and supposed to be a tad bit more refined. Mary is just a some simp who doesn't know better. Hard to have such venemous hate for someone who's as ignorant as way she is.

    You should be ashamed of yourself for not seeing the difference, and ScaryMary should kill out that comment now.
    You should? Err..oops..blerg...I mean she should?

    Christan aka Hollie

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  59. I am not saying it isn't offensive. I am saying we didn't know the context, and it was something said among friends, and so, therefore, you might trust your friend not to blog it and make you look like a homophobic asshole when in fact, you just said something that another "dyke" might say herself. I didn't defend Mary's use of it so much as I acknowledged that it's a word, like retard, for example, that many people use not meaning to truly offend. It doesn't make her homophobic.

    And I agree with Sonia -- the word simply doesn't come anywhere close to carrying the terrible connotations that the other word does. There are "Dyke Parades" all over the world; they advertise them in newspapers, for God's sake. It's just not in the same league.

    I don't blame someone like Sonia from being offended, or any other black reader who might have seen that comment. What Scary wrote there is worse than what Mary said about her hair. And her defence of it was lame. If she can't see the difference, her problems go beyond her loathing of Mary Rambin.

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  60. Both words are horribly offensive to me. They are not part of my vocabulary, and I am proud of that!

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  61. Why is personal gain so bad? Better off I sit and do nothing with my spare time but post snark about these girls and never try to do something of my own spin on it or I am "just seeking personal gain"? WHAT gain?

    Whatever.

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  62. Both words are horribly offensive to me and neither are words I use either WHICH WAS THE POINT I WAS ILLUSTRATING if you read what I actually wrote.

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  63. Suddenly I decide to do my own site after 7 months of reblogging theirs and the tables turn. THAT is telling.

    How's that? Is that another "ooo you gusy are just jelly" statements? Get over yourself. You think we don't know who you are? You think people haven't figured it out? Guess again. Hmm, blatant bigotry, need to make themself seem important, constant inappropriate comments , shameless self-promotion.........

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  64. Shit. I mean tto post unde rmy own name. 9:38 was from me.

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  65. Christian none of the things you wrote as quotes from me were actually quotes from ME, at least not literally. So if you are going to paraphrase me please do it accurately.

    And for the LAST time:
    Mary said "dyke" was a slang word and it is NOT. You are saying "dyke's" call each other "dyke's". Well some people call their friends "nigga". BOTH WORDS ARE WRONG AND NEITHER IS SLANG and that IS WHAT I WAS OBVIOUSLY SAYING.

    Hate on me all you want, but all you're doing is proving Julia right. And that is the most upsetting thing about all of this. You won't give something different a chance, you slam it before it exists because one of the girls was hated on a reality CONTEST four years ago? You can all sit here and spend your time posting snark and criticize them right along with me but god forbid I try to do something real to counter it I'm suddenly a bad person and up for the same type of thing in my direction for even trying to? Fine. Enjoy yourself.

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  66. I thought we were going to end this discussion. Let's move on. I think we know where we all stand.

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  67. I have more than addressed the multiple reasons I have such an issue with Mary, and if you followed my blog you'd know the answer to that already.

    Annndddd here we go again with the blog promotion. Take the hint. Nobody cares. No matter how many times you come on here and plead for peopel to e-mail you their comments...Nobody. Cares. Not because what you say isn't interesting, but because you so desperately want us to pay attention to you. Kinda like a certain annoying Gawker commenter well known for making racist remarks and posting links to HER blog.

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  68. And..guys...please....my name is CHRISTAN. Not CHRISTIAN.

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  69. Oh and Sonia. I have NEVER posted as Anonymous on here or anywhere. And if YOU dont see how those words ARE EQUALLY WRONG AND OFFENSIVE maybe YOU are the one who needs a history lesson.

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  70. Scary: I am black and someone who might be described as "a dyke." Just guess which word is a thousand times more offensive to me? I get the point you were trying to make. You didn't need to type it in all caps to make that point. You could have said "the n-word." Have some smarts and knock your comment down so as not to offend other black readers and scare them off this site for ever. Have some respect, woman.

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  71. I did NOT make a racist remark. What a warped twist to put on the point I was OBVIOUSLY trying to make. And rather than sit here and write all my reasons for hating Mary yet again, I simply stated that I have more than covered that in my blog. That is NOT promotion.

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  72. Posting one link is shameless self promotion? Saying the "n word" is just as wrong as the "d word" is bigotry? I never said anyone was jealous. Of what? You are projecting opinions that are way off base.

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  73. Lady, you need to take criticism better. You offended someone by using that word, a vile word, with a far more horrific history than "dyke," and then you suggest that the person you offended needs to piss off and go read a history book? I am guessing she's well aware of the history if she's black.

    Why don't you just apologize and be done with it? And kill out your comment, which really crossed a line.

    Kind of rich that you're on Mary for not apologizing, no?

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  74. Mary used the word to illustrate her haircut, stereotyping lesbians negatively. Her apology referred to the use of the word as slang.

    I used the word I used to draw a comparison between BOTH words being wrong and I do not think one is more wrong that the other. Using the word to compare it to saying "dyke" is not a racist remark when I am clearly saying both are wrong.

    Had I called someone that, or had I used that word as an adjective like Mary did, I would apologize. But I would never use EITHER of those words as an adjective. I'm not sure why seeing that word when it's being clearly used to show how WRONG both those words are, has offended people so bad.

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  75. YOU DON'T THINK ONE WORD IS WORSE THAN THE OTHER?

    Are you fucking kidding me?

    Wow, sister. You are as dumb as the woman you're always attacking. Please, stop with your pollution.

    Maybe I should send you my grandparent's phone number, and they can tell you a thing or two about growing up in the South and the n-word. Sweet fucking Jesus.

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  76. Maybe I could send you articles about the gay people being beaten to death in the streets in every day in today's society. Killings, beatings, vandalizing homes, etc.

    Sweet fucking Jesus.

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  77. Wow, Scary, I don't mean to pile on, but seriously, clue in. I'm a lesbian and "dyke" is really no big deal. You are out of your mind. You should just apologize and let it go. I have to echo others in here that I won't be visiting your blog now.

    You can take offence to seeing the N-word written, unnecessarily, and still understand that homophobia exists. You offended people. Apologize or seriously, go away, and leave the rest of us in peace.

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  78. Holy shit. Being offended by seeing the n-word typed out in capital letters to prove a point does not make anyone oblivious to the homophobia, Scary. Is that how you answer criticism? Good luck with your new venture, I guess, because you're in for a lot of misery if you cannot bring yourself to apologize when you offend when you attempt to prove a point.

    I actually feel sick right now reading your responses to people who took offence. You are on thin moral ice if you're calling Mary Rambin stupid and insensitive. Seriously, if she's reading this, I am sure she feels a lot better tonight.

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  79. I think it's obvious my intention wasn't to offend anyone or to make a racist statement. But I had a dear friend KILLED for being gay. And that is something you can understand and take seriously, or not. Gay people are STILL discriminated against to the effect of murder and beatings, can't even get married etc. Being gay is no big deal? I marched against Prop 8 3 times, volunteered my time for the cause and others as well. I also voted for Obama. If you feel I owe you an apology, okay. I'm sorry. Because to make a racist statement wasn't my intention. And I still don't see how that's what I did. I'm being honest. I think it was clear that I was saying that both terms were wrong. If that offended you, sorry. But let's not minimize the issues gay people face. They still do not have equal rights, and are still being abused for their sexuality and that isn't something that should be minimized.

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  80. Did anyone in here minimize the ordeals that gay people face? What is wrong with you?

    I am sure many of us here have done all the things you've done. I have marched against Prop 8 myself, I have gay friends and relatives.

    Your MISSING THE POINT. Proving your point by trotting out the n-word in all-caps was offensive, unnecessary and wrong.

    I am out of here. And thank you for making it easy for me to avoid your blog, your venture, whatever it is. NO THANKS!

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  81. Pretty sure many people had their dear friends and family members KILLED and PERSECUTED for being black, and that it not only still goes on today, but the discrimination outside of it for black people and african-americans is endless. You cannot say racism and homophobia are even remotely in the same boat, and if you try to argue that you cannot deny your ignorance. This isn't about "minimizing the issues gay people face" it's about your obtuse and complete FAIL of a comparison. Not that same, won't ever be the same, no matter how many times you try and qualify or justify your comment.

    F u r t h e r m o r e . . . .
    "If you feel I owe you an apology, okay. I'm sorry" and "If that offended you, sorry" is taking a page from the Mary Rambin bullshit apologetic playbook. You can pat yourself on the back, because it appears with that and your new site concept you've officially become what you despise the most.

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  82. *the same, not that.

    To add, is "I voted for Obama" (therefore I'm clearly not racist) your version of Mary's opting not to trot out her "I have many gay friends so I'm not homophobic" BS justification? Because it looked that way.

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  83. Hey Scary....remember when you were head cheerleader for that pile on of me a couple weeks ago? Wasn't that HYSTERICAL? You know, how you outed me and then posted a ton of fake comments calling me fat and ugly? Wow..good time. Good times.

    You really want to try and convince people you aren't just some hateful bitch with an irrational fixation on Mary Rambin? You really want to lecture us about what we should and shouldn't talk about, all the while repeatedly harshing on Mary's looks and body on your blog? You really want to keep taking this stance of how you're "above that?" Because you're not.

    Oh, and your comment about voting for Obama? That's exactly like Mary's simple little toss off about how she has gay friends. What's your next justification...that you have black friends and therefore you're not a bigot?

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  84. Did anyone in here minimize the ordeals that gay people face?

    I feel that by saying one word is less offensive than the other and saying "being gay is no big deal" in today's society where I literally had to bury my friend because he was beaten to death is absolutely offensive, unnecessary and wrong.

    I also think it's ignorant to bash someone who was clearly illustrating the same point as you were: that both those words were wrong.

    I don't care if you visit my site or not. I really don't. You guys are using that as something to threaten me with or acting like that might make me not doing or "ruin me" somehow, and it won't. I'm not going to watch my mouth and my opinions and bend to things I do not agree with in case you don't come to my site. I'm being myself and I'm being honest and I don't care if you like it or not. Cool if you do but who cares if you don't?

    I am not a racist, I said nothing against ANY race here, and I used two words that ARE equally wrong, and said they were equally wrong.

    Come to my site or don't. It's a project, not my whole life.

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  85. LOL you're making things up now. What are you talking about? I have actually asked that people NOT talk about others weight and now I'm being accused of anonymously posting that and being head cheerleader on some crusade against you when I have no idea who you are!

    And I do actually have "tons of black friends". You do not know me. Or my friends. So I'm laughing at you. You will see plenty of diversity in my circle if you bother to look. But do me a favor. Don't tune in.

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  86. Come to my site or don't. It's a project, not my whole life.

    Really? Because it reads like your whole life.

    I don't care if you visit my site or not. I really don't. You guys are using that as something to threaten me with or acting like that might make me not doing or "ruin me" somehow, and it won't. I'm not going to watch my mouth and my opinions and bend to things I do not agree with in case you don't come to my site.

    Whatever, Norma Rae. Psst...your persecution/victim complex is showing. What's next? You'll go to your Twitter and tell your 12 subscribers that you're being stalked?

    You hate them because their attention whoring actually gets them some attention. Yours just gets you eye rolls.

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  87. I didn't say gays were the only group going through that, I just reminded the person who said "being gay is no big deal" that those things happen to gay people every day and that IS a big deal.

    Though there is still racism in this country, it has shown progress. Where interracial marriages were once illegal, they are no longer. Though there used to be segregation, we now have a black president. Gays? Neither. Both, equally disturbing. I think it's really clear I am neither a racist or a bigot so it's weird you are all fixating on this.

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  88. And make sure to use the phrase "come to my site" again. Really, it's not at all transparent.

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  89. It reads like my whole life? Shows how little you know about my whole life. And twitter? We haven't even started to twitter just made sure we got the name. Victim? Norma Rae? Really? You're getting creative now, good for you! It's not either of those I just really don't care what fellow haters in a comments section think of me or my site. Or my opinions. I'm here to share mine. And read yours. And to disregard them or not at my leisure. But I sure don't feel victimized, dear. By strangers. Had so many not said "now I'm not coming to your site!" I wouldn't have had to say that, honestly, I don't care if you don't.

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  90. You're really actually worse than Mary Rambin, Scary. I guess it makes sense now. You despise her because she's actually smarter and wiser than you are. And she actually knows how to apologize when she might have offended people, instead of getting defensive and digging herself a deeper hole. Actually, no wonder you kind of like Julia. You seem pretty similar. I have always suspected you are Julia.

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  91. ScaryMary said...

    OMG.

    If Holly-Go-Heavily (and I am only dishing that out since she is) is really the person in those vids... I feel EXPONENTIALLY better about my own 10 vanity pounds. And my hair. And well, everything else for that matter. WOW. Just, wow.

    Whoever posted that, thanks for the laugh!


    You don't use your looks to further your career because you DONT HAVE ANY. Apples and oranges.

    Remember these gems? But that's right....you're above criticizing someone's looks or weight. I mean, except when the tables are turned and someone finally tells you to stop with your obnoxious and self-serving attempts to redirect the conversation.

    And weird how those anonymous equally nasty comments about me always popped up just minutes after yours. Kinda like what you did in this thread. That is, until someone called you on it.

    Keep talking. You're becoming more and more irrelevant with every word..

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  92. I'm not sorry that I said both words are equally wrong. Because they are. And Mary being smarter than me? That's a joke. Just like this particular thread. Have a nice night manipulating my words to suit your own weird mission but I've more than made it clear I'm not a racist, I have not made one racist statement, and now you are boring me.

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  93. I did say that Holly, I forgot. (That's how irrelevant it was, lol) You're right. Do you remember why, or is taking things out of context your MO? Because I believe that was taken from a thread where you were snarking on Julia's looks and her use of them or something and I turned the tables on you by saying that after making the statement that looks shouldn't be an issue. I haven't gone to look as you have, so it might not be the same thread, but it was something along those lines.

    I don't know about the anon. comments, because had I left any I would have happily signed my name to them as I did with that "gem" you just reposted here. So obviously someone else out there is a secret admirer of yours, not me.

    TTYL

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  94. Goodness. I must say this is all quite fascinating, in a tedious and dreadful sort of way.

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  95. Oh yeah, Hollie, I remember that. That was nasty. What a strange bird.

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  96. did say that Holly, I forgot. (That's how irrelevant it was, lol) You're right. Do you remember why, or is taking things out of context your MO? Because I believe that was taken from a thread where you were snarking on Julia's looks and her use of them or something and I turned the tables on you by saying that after making the statement that looks shouldn't be an issue.

    But isn't using her looks to further her career one of those pressing issues you said were oh so important? You were pissed about their unethical ways of running their business. Or was it that you were just pissed that people were focusing on Julia and not hopping on your psychotic little Hate Mary Rambin bandwagon? So, where was the problem? And don't you criticize Mary's looks all.the.time? You're not even making sense at this point because you've basically been given a giant bitch slap from every angle.

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  97. Well no, now she's "bored" and this thread is a "joke" since she and her irrationality have become the focus of it. Her use of the word JOKE is more apropos that she can imagine, really. An NS future contributor in the making if she didn't love/hate them so much. I wonder how a competing site becomes successful when at least 2 of the personalities involved are or have become unlikeable? Try learning from NS, SM - you've clearly been observing long enough to figure this out now, so it's odd that you're making the same exact mistakes.. and before any kind of launch, too. Maybe that's a good thing.

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  98. I'm the anonymous you've quoted as Scary. I'm definitely not her, I don't like her, I don't like Veronica. I don't know how to prove that to you, but then, I don't give as much of a fuck as you do obviously.

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  99. And I never make talk about anyone's body, by the way, so the hypocrite argument falls through there, sorrrrry. But now you probably think I'm Julia or Mary or Charlsie or maybe I'm Jacy! WHO KNOWS!?!

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  100. Damn Blogger won't let me close comments. But this is enough. I will delete this post if I have to.

    Has Paul Carr not taught us anything?!

    Thank you.

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  101. I think you should delete this post, NSRB.

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  102. What the hell is going on. Why is everyone hating on ScaryMary? I haven't seen any evidence that she deserves the mean crap we dish out for NS.

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  103. No one should be surprised by what's going on here. This is what happens when you start a site premised on ripping people down. "OMG why all this negativity toward one another in the comments!?" Please. The idea of starting another blog of forum to give this community a home is a little ridiculous when you remember what created this community in the first place. I loathe to agree with JA but frankly I'm starting to see some merit in that "stop hating and get a hobby" mantra of hers. I think I'm done with RBNS.

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  104. For the record, I was not hating on ScaryMary. She can do what she wants. But she used a totally offensive word in order to make a point, she offended some readers, and she refused to either take responsibility and apologize or take the comment down.

    Childish and nasty, and she got rightfully called on it, as anyone should be who uses that word for any reason.

    I am happy for everyone to let it drop but I also don't think anyone should be surprised that people took offence to that comment. And it was easily remedied.

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  105. Well, I'm hating on ScaryMary. She auto-bleeps out expletives on her own site, but spews them in all caps here. She can't stand to read a single negative comment about her new venture, attacking every commenter with the same tired "you're a jealous hater" mantra. Plus she blindly and rabidly defends that awful Veronica in all her glamour photo takin', "crazy" bio writin', capital V affectatn' glory. Bish, please.

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  106. Anon 3:39 is a liar, so whatever:

    1. I do not "auto-bleeps out expletives on her own site": the chat box does that on its own and I'm sure you can find plenty of expletives.

    2. We addressed actual negative comments in our audio post, and will continue to.

    3. Please show me where I have ever said anyone was jealous of me, any of the girls involved, or our 2 day old teaser site. Exactly.

    4. I defended my friend. God, I'm so awful.

    You have plenty of places to spew your JA stuff, don't put all of her behaviors onto me unless, you know, it's actually true.

    *rolls her eyes*

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  107. 1. I do not "auto-bleeps out expletives on her own site": the chat box does that on its own and I'm sure you can find plenty of expletives in the actual text.

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  108. Mary -

    You need to learn how to take criticism if you're going to dish it out. You're not being righteous here. You're being petulant, usually behavior reserved for a child. I don't know if you're one of those people who thinks any attention is good attention and so you take it where you can get it or what. Whatever the reason, just stop. You're perpetuating an argument that nobody cares about except you. I can only assume, from this thread and your frequent mentions of your own blog, you do it because you like being the center of attention and you think it will get you page views. It's boring. Your blog has been around for several months and now you're trying to piggy back on the attention RBNS has. It's transparent and it's old and...just stop. If we wanted to read your blog or if it were that informative or entertaining, you would have been noticed a long time ago.

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  109. Anon: Vapid much?

    Criticism is one thing, lying is another. If people post untruths I'm going to say something. What do you care? I don't see criticism of a constructive nature. Do you? When I do I reply with an open mind. And um, don't act like you know my readership. Because I said I am going to do something different than NS I am piggybacking?

    *sighs*

    You all just love to hate. I'm glad to see this before I even post my own information. That way I know: it's not personal. You just love to hate. You all loved me SO much until I decided to step out and DO something other than sit behind anonymity and talk shit. Like I said, I don't care if YOU come to my site now or ever. So don't. You still won't shut me up.

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  110. Wow, Scary. You need to step back and honestly take a look at your responses here. You are behaving like an asshole, you keep getting called on it, and now we "all just love to hate."

    Maybe it's that we all have little tolerance for nasty attention-seekers. Everyone seems to get along with everyone else in here but you. You're the only problem. Take a look in the mirror.

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  111. Casey:

    Um, coming into this a little late? Or do you remember that this started becayse I was called a racist and a bigot in this thread for saying that the "d word" and the "n word" are equally wrong. I have been accused of saying people are jealous when I have never said that. I have had to defend my friend within 24 hours of launching a teaser because people think that since they saw her on TV four years ago they "know her". I have been accused of "self promotion" when I posted ONE link days ago.

    And sorry but I got nothing but praise save for one person in these boards, until the day I said I was going to DO something other than sit here and bitch.

    Screw you. Nasty attention seeker? I was in this thread making the same point as everyone else and because of the comparison I drew between the two words suddenly a bunch of idiots jump on a bandwagon that never even EXISTED.

    WTF-ever.

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  112. You clearly have some serious mental health problems, Scary. I would rethink all the bile you spill towards Mary. In one thread, you've revealed your true colors to almost everyone in here. Take a long look in the mirror. Reread your hysterical, insane responses here. Get some help.

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  113. LOL

    Your odd fixation on continuing to attack me every time I say something is a bit telling of your own psychological state.

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  114. I'm officially done responding to this particular thread. If you need to satisfy your strange urge to insult me, you know how to reach me directly. I'm sure all would appreciate the END of this thread. Casey.

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  115. Then why are you still keeping it going? ScaryMary.

    What a loon you are!

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  116. know what Scary is right though. she didnt do anything in the first place and everyone jumped on her. she really did not make any racist statements and i would feel the need to defend myself too if i were the one getting jumped on like this. whats loony is you all keep going at her every time she defends herself. you people have problems. ive liked her comments in the posts here and so did everyone else and it makes no sense suddenly shes trying to do something better than this trite commenting and some of you have issues with it? thats not normal. she didnt call anyone a n**. get off it.

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  117. Casey

    Hi Scary. No, "she" did not call anyone a n**. No one said "she" did. But some readers took offence to seeing the word written here in all capital letters. Rather than apologizing and knocking down the comments, "she" kind of went nuts and really wouldn't let it go, going on and on in some kind of weird persecution fantasy that "she" seems to be harboring.

    All "she" had to say to the people "she" offended was sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I will take the comment down. Instead "she" accused them of all sort of odd and equally insulting things. Myself included.

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  118. talk about a fantasy world, i am not Scary, Casey. do you really think there is no one at all who might side with her or see things other than you do?

    read the thread. she was called a racist when she said nothing racist. that's not a weird persecution fantasy that is real.

    unlike you who is babbling on and doesnt even know what shes talking about.

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  119. "do you really think there is no one at all who might side with her or see things other than you do?"

    I think it's weird that the anonymous supporters only seem to pop in when Scary pops in, after almost 24 hours of peace. There are about 5 other posts and you've commented in none of them, Scary. You keep coming back to this one hoping people will respond to you so you can try to get attention. Grow up. Nobody cares to hear you defend yourself. You're just coming across defensive and immature.

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  120. lol that's julia allison not scary. conspiracy theorist.

    fail.

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  121. and youre anonymous too, dumbass. are you scary?

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