Thursday, February 19, 2009

Let's Predict How Jackles Will Handle News That An ExBF Could Be Joining Obama's Cabinet

Indeed, Harold Ford Jr. is apparently in the running to become Commerce secretary.

Remember that hilarious post Jackles wrote about how she could have been Obama's speechwriter, just like Jon Favreau, if she'd simply stayed in D.C. and followed a different path? I refuse to link to it. Just suffice to say it was one of the most howlingly funny, and profoundly delusional, posts she'd ever written.

I eagerly await the post we have in store for us if the man she once dated (Did she ever sleep with him? Does she ever sleep with any of them? It's never clear -- many have used the word that rhymes with mocktweeze to describe her) is named to Obama's cabinet.

She could have been a D.C. power wife!!! If only she'd followed a different path!!!!

36 comments:

  1. JULIA'S COPING STRATEGY (TM)

    1) Post pictures of other (now married) exes.
    2) Blog about how INSANLEY. HAPPY. SHE. IS. RIGHT. THIS. MINUTE.
    3) Eat her ever-growing weight in cupcakes.
    4) Puke.
    5) Repeat steps 1-4.

    (Sadly, this may be accurate.)

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  2. I feel sad reading this site sometimes, because its journalism is exponentially better than JA's will ever be.

    This was great.

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  3. I'm sure sleeping with him was part of her game plan for their romantic ski weekend getaway. However, she found out he was a klutz, or maybe he clashed with her pink ski-bunny outfit, and Jackles lost her hard-on for him.

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  4. Power wife? Can't see it. Monica Lewinsky? Yep, that sounds about right. Jackles' only power is for evil.

    Did she write about how a $7 grapefruit derailed her lofty political ambitions? Because that is pretty much how it happened. Reputation is everything in DC circles.

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  5. She doesn't seem willing to work hard enough to have the job as a WH speech writer. It takes more then flashing your tits to do that job.

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  6. But can she spell Ford's name right?

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  7. Anon 632..Being a speechwriter is bottom line about skill. Work ethic plays into it to- but it is a very different kind of writing which only a few are truly gifted at. So I'm sure she probably fell short there.

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  8. Christ, if Ford gets the position, Jackles will bray and snort and whinny about having dated him until the cows come home. On the other hand, while ford remains merely a cabinet possibility, ol' Jules can use this as an excuse to shirk responsibilities. "I am so nervous about my ex love Harold that I can't sleep, can't cover fashion week, can only wolf down cupcakes, etc., until I know for certain that this man who rues the day that we met is now in a position of power that I can exploit!"

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  9. Just how long did this incredibly meaningful relationship with Ford last, anyway?

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  10. Was it not Barbara Walters a speech writer at one point?

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  11. She'll handle this the way she handles all bad news. By pretending it doesn't exist and twittering inanity like: So happy! I am very blessed! HAPPY!!!

    Why would anyone subscribe to a twitter feed where some moron tweets drivel like that to you all day long? It's like her brain is leaking.

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  12. Pics galore of Pink Ski Pants and Fancy Ford, plus her COMPLAINTS about press coverage on the relationship. You know damn well she tipped every news source she could find...

    http://blog.juliaallison.com/2006/10/harold_ford.html

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  13. This girl needs to put away the tutus and buy some tact. In 2006, she was calling ALL politicians (except for Barack) douchebags, and said MOST of them were "shitty, cheating husbands."

    Oh, yeah, that big braying mouth would never scare off potential "hotshot" suitors. Or employers.

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  14. The Monica Lewinsky comparison someone just made is BRILLIANT.

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  15. Hey, sorry

    Looking for Julia at DLD -- can anyone help me?
    It seems to be mysteriously taken down on their website...

    Thanks to anyone who knows where it is (I'm actually trying to show my boyfriend that I'm NOT CRAZY -- HELP!)

    FunnyBunny

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  16. Pink Braying Mantis?

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  17. I dating her doesn't sink his appointment, it should.

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  18. speaking of monica lewinsky:
    http://img.wonkette.com/images/clinton-1.JPG

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  19. Ah yes, juliasmellz, that would be the Clinton picture featuring Julia's old face. As Julia Allison would say, Wow. Just. Wow.

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  20. Mean Girl, she even managed to make poonhound Clinton look uncomfortable and he was trying to get away from JABA.

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  21. That schnozz is AMAZING.

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  22. I think RBNS should do a nose-comparison before & after post.

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  23. OMG, is she huddling against Clinton for warmth? WTF?? Yeah, that's not inappropriate at all.

    She may be the only woman on the planet who actually ASPIRED to be Monica Lewinsky. Jesus.

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  24. This has been posted here before, but in case anyone hasn't seen it - here is the original Wonkette post from 2004 with more pictures of a "pre-makeover" Julia pictured with the Clintons and Kerry. This was apparently before she got veneers, a nose job, new hair, injections and exclusively photographed the left side of her face.

    The title of the post drips with irony now, no?

    http://wonkette.com/3620/whos-that-girl-in-pink

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  25. Here's the DLD link:
    http://www.dld-conference.com/2009/01/telling-stories.php

    And I suggest we should all offer a moment of silence to string of JAB ex's. Ya, they had shitty judgment but there is never any closure with the girl so I kinda pity them.

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  26. Those comments are B R U T A L.

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  27. The difference between the wonkette pictures above and this one http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2008/03/allisoncashmore.jpg
    for example, are startling.
    The rhinoplasty seems to be an improvement though. (Are we allowed to say that?) The pink tutu picture on her website shows her nose looking a bit different still. Almost Janet Jackson like with the cut-off end and pinched nostrils. Maybe just a bad angle.

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  28. Wow, James. Kerry has a distinct "Get this psycho away from me. NOW!" look on his face.

    Hillary's face screams: "SECURITY!!!"

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  29. Anon @ 11:09, from that pic it's obvious she also wears plastic nail tips.

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  30. Julia's (fake?) nails are always perfectly painted and manicured. Just more proof that she lies about being SOOOO BUSY and NEVER HAVING TIME. Cupcakes, if you have time to paint your nails on what seems like a twice-a-week, basis, you have time to pay attention to why your "business" is failing. If not, then the biz deserves to fail.

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  31. Julia's gone on the record about wearing fake nails, so that's no surprise. I'm actually more surprised by the fact that she once had those disgustingly overplucked Chola brows at one time. Yikes! Amazing what that nose job did for her looks though: HUGE improvement.

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  32. Ironically enough, she and Mary now look even OLDER because they're trying to look so much younger with the extreme Botox. They have that waxy "done" look that middleaged women get when they're equally as desperate to get their skin looking tight and youthful.
    It's pretty sad that they've already started ruining their skin like that in their 20's. I have friends who have done botox, and they have to keep up the botox or their skin ends up looking worse eventually. It's such an ugly and expensive cycle; getting botox as a "preventative" measure is absolutely ridiculous.

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  33. Back to the topic at hand, did anyone catch that she called Ford an "egotisitical wannabe-hotshot"?

    http://blog.juliaallison.com/2006/09/dc_interns.html

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  34. Ugh, more from her college articles (this one on spring break): "So don’t get distracted by video crews offering you free shots for stripping down and making out with your best friend. Your father will see this and he will disown you. After he buys a copy. You know, just to see."

    As Sarah Silverman would say, why do *I* feel dirty?

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  35. She could have never stayed in DC. Her rep and image, like everywhere else, is far worse there than anywhere. She had no future there.

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