Friday, March 13, 2009

Julia: The Queen of Planet Ham

It's slow today what with Jackles and that other one headed to SXSW and Rambo blogging about shoes, so it seemed a good time to revisit this:



Interesting how she opens with the whole Harvard Business School thing. Whatever happened to that, I wonder. How odd to make such a big deal about something via your blog, Twitter, Facebook, all those many platforms, and then just drop it without another word!

And also -- the hamming. The incessant hamming. She is so in love with herself here that it will surely prompt Russian Girl's terrified horse to gallop off into the night again. And yet she says nothing of any intelligence, insight or vision. For the poor soul in our comments who fears Jackles is on her way to becoming the next Oprah? Really, fret not. The girl does not have a brain in her head. All of her energy and her small reserves of semi-intelligence are completely shallow and devoted to promoting herself or creating a false image of herself. And even those minuscule reserves burn out quickly as she reverts back to her default position -- lying on her ass at 3 a.m. Twittering her every inane thought while Googling pink party dresses and Barbie shoes and typing ZOMG I. MUST. HAVE. THESE. ZOMG ZOMG!!

39 comments:

  1. ZOMG!! There is finger snapping to go along with the "All.The.Time."
    Kill me. Kill me now!!!!!
    (And that's to completely overlook the abject ignorance of her comment: "young women entrepreneurs do not exist". She's kidding. She's fucking kidding right!?)
    Gun shot. [Head desk].

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  2. Is her upper lip completely filled with injectible plastic now? It's effing weird the way it kinda doesn't move but envelopes or accordians or something. (Shudder.)

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  3. FormerGawkerEmployeeMarch 13, 2009 at 1:04 PM

    She makes no sense. I have listened to several times since it first emerged and honestly, she makes no fucking sense. "I'm guessing biology." What?

    She doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. There are plenty of successful female entrepreneurs and small business-owners; narcissist that she is, she's assuming that because she's a complete failure as a businesswoman in her 20s, there must be some "biological" or sexist reason behind it and not because her business venture was ridiculously based on her loathsome personality and therefore is failing spectacularly.

    What a buffoon.

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  4. That 'Big Think' website has not taken off, has it?

    I'm not surprised - people who care about intellectual topics will read books rather than watch a bunch of 2:00 long videos.

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  5. hey Julia!

    Ever hear of Allice Walker?

    The first black woman start up person in the fucking USa? Right after slavery was abolished..

    Her foundation runs a mentoring event for women..

    You know actual real mentoring..not pretend..

    no when you research a subject get back to us and in the mean time STFU!

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  6. I remember when this was first posted over at Gawker. My comments remain the same: Her mouth! Holy fuck it's awful. And it is obviously b/c she has messed around with it -- or had Dr. Bobby do so for her.

    Secondly -- this performance of Jill of LIU is an offense to women everywhere. Of course there is still sexism in the work place and women have to work twice as hard to get a leg up. But! The fact remains that women can and do work their asses off and do get a leg up and then get their shit going. In all walks of life Jill, in all walks of life.

    That Jill needs to blame gender for her failing business is the height of insulting. It is failing b/c she is lazy and refuses to work -- instead relying on her awful personality and the main 'work' behind her business.

    No wonder it sucks.

    Oh, and her awful, phony personality is gleaming on display in this video. Awful, just awful.

    I can't wait for the brays out SXSW -- no, really, i can't.

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  7. quite a few JA fan(s): "why are you considering [harvard]?"

    JA: "my profession is based upon... presentation and perception"..."i believe i have what it takes to create a succesful company right now"..."i would love to learn some underlying skills"

    wtf is she talking about? i find it so hard to follow her train of thought. to me, it seems like she has no idea what she is going to say and just makes faces and noise, and tries to pass that off as insight...

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  8. Oh Jackles...no one believes you're in your 20s.

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  9. Her attempts at being groundbreaking are annoying. She probably figures if she says there are no female business owners then she/NS will appear more groundbreaking. This is just like her comment at that Davos conference where she states that NS was the first website to lifecast. Say it as many times as you like, Julia. Doesn't make it true.Just makes you appear ignorant and out of touch.

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  10. Hmmm. Speaking of SXSW. What happened to RSklar?
    Remember how Julia said:
    http://twitter.com/juliaallison/statuses/1256087739
    and now this?
    http://twitter.com/juliaallison/status/1316926282
    No mention of Sklar (but of everyone else you can imagine) and JILLba has unfollowed RS on twitter.

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  11. She appears to be experiencing some delusion of granduer. Then again, when is she not?

    And Jacy (since we were talking about this before) and others, JA apparently has stopped updating her FB feed starting from the very day this site linked to it in a post. What a strange coincidence isn't it?

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  12. Just watched Burn After Reading Last Night.

    If you've seen it, I invite thoughts on: Julia Allison = Frances McDormand's character.

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  13. This is a fun remix of the above:

    http://www.vimeo.com/2963344

    Actually, it pretty much hits all the key points from her lecture.

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  14. Fuck you, NonSo rulesMarch 13, 2009 at 2:18 PM

    Nonsociety marching in the front
    Nonsociety doing what they want
    Redefining web 2.0 with their brains and beauty
    Businesswomen, pioneers, heroes, icons, cuties

    Hand me a hammer
    And we’ll smash patriarchy
    Hand me a banner
    And we’ll march against white supremest capitalist hierarchy
    Hand me a scanner
    And we’ll create new images of daughters and sons
    Hand me my planner and we’ll schedule the feminist revolution

    This for the women swimming against the current
    This is for the men who see the system and wanna burn it
    This is for everyone in between in the spaces unseen creating their own
    dreams

    Esta parra los mujeres de Chiapes fighting the state
    Y los mujeres aqui en Austin with so much on your plate
    For al Sayyida a Iraq wa al Mara a Palestine
    Fighting men in the front and behind their own lines

    This is for Rianna whose face showed what we’ve created
    And for Chris and all those like him who let his socialization override
    his heart

    This is for all those men who shove their emotions into the champaign bottle
    Shaking and shaking waiting to blow full throttle
    Every unshed tear, every unshared fear, every closed off ear
    Goes into the balloon
    It grows bigger and bigger till someone hits a trigger and it pops
    Exploding all over his brothers and sisters

    This is for my mother who thinks she’s stupid because she doesn’t
    understand computers
    But can tell you every birthday in our extended family and bake muffins
    from memory

    But this is also for my mother who held me and told me it was ok to cry
    And for my father who always told me he loved me and wasn’t afraid to hug me

    And this is for my sister who always gets her way
    And won’t hesitate to send guys packing when they go astray
    And for my little cousin who told that boy its not ok.
    When I say don’t touch me, boy you best obey

    Yes I have a hammer
    For every man who sees you as an object to possess
    I have a hammer for those who exploit your labor and make the cages to
    oppress

    And for every boss that makes you flirt (or worse) to get a job
    For every car salesmen or mechanic who jacks the price and tries to rob
    For every magazine who makes you hate yourself
    For the 120% of the work you do while only getting 75% of the wealth

    For all the women tortured in the birthing ward
    Then left to raise kids on their own playing every note of the chord

    For the teacher who only calls on boys and only shows his story
    For every politician who thinks they control your body
    For every frat boy who builds his self esteem with sexual conquests
    For every “activist guy” who sees a social movement as some macho contest

    I have a hammer
    And we’ll hammer in the morning, hammer in the evening, all over this land

    I have a hammer
    Because I had to question whether it was appropriate for me to write a
    poem for Women’s Day
    As if what affects over half the planet doesn’t leave me with something to
    say
    As if I don’t have a sister and a mother
    Female friends and lovers

    Systems of oppression practice conquer through division
    So what good’s it do to tell a man he can’t practice feminism?
    If we think the conflict is only between women and men
    Then how can we join together to overthrow the whole system?

    I have a right and obligation to stand up and to speak out
    Not because of my gender
    But because I’m a human and I have love that must leak out

    And not to mention I’m queer
    Yes I’ll come out and say it without fear
    I don’t buy the hetero-binary restrictions on my sphere

    But patriarchy tells me I cannot be who I am
    Patriarchy tells me I must dominate and oppress but that’s not who I am

    So I have a hammer for every woman I’ve interrupted or talked over
    For every woman I’ve hit on or manipulated into my bed
    For every sex story I’ve told to fit in with the guys
    For every boy I made fun of thinking my stature it would rise

    Hand me a hammer to smash this in myself
    Hand me a banner and we will march together and break open all these cells

    Because I’ll never know what its like to be afraid to walk at night
    Or have to change what I am wearing cause I might be blamed for my plight
    Because when say no I don’t worry I’ll be shoved
    Because I can eat what I want and not worry I won’t be loved

    And these are only a few male privileges that are rights we all should have
    And I will fight for my whole life for those who’ve suffered on my behalf

    Raise your hammer people
    And we’ll smash patriarchy
    Raise your banner
    And we’ll march against white supremest capitalist hierarchy
    Plug in your scanner
    And we’ll create new images of daughters and sons
    Take out your planner and we’ll schedule the feminist revolution

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  15. @Anon 1:58 - Spot. On.

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  16. How convenient to play the sexism card AND assume women are inherently inferior, now, why not throw in some Freud and claim they are biologically deficient for their lack of virile organs and do not have a fully developed sense of morals because they did not experience an equally powerful trauma like little boy's oedipus complex?
    Note to JA: Stop blaming nature and the world for your inadequacies and failures! Stop engaging in something that comes close to gender racism and turn it against all of us. I wish Hillary had bitten your head off when she had the chance. ANGRY beyond words.

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  17. I should not have watched that video on my lunch break.

    "My profession is based on ... presentation (look down, bat eyes) ... and perception (bat eyes again)." Julia's presentation and perception comes off like a stupid, air-headed girl, not some aspiring HBS professional. And for someone whose profession is based upon presentation and perception, her business model shouldn't subscribe to the philosophy of "all press is good press." She should actually CARE about what she puts out in the marketplace of ideas, and that doesn't include the list of carefully selected Zappos shoes that Blair Waldorf would have in her closet.

    "I would love to learn some underlying skills, I would love to learn those, but more than anything, it's a fuck you credential." Did she include that line in her HBS application? I wonder if she mentioned that to the students attending HBS during the day. I'm sure that they would have loved to hear that this girl wanted to attend their school solely because the degree was a "fuck you credential." Second, for someone who cares about learning oh-so-much, she seems to only care about the name, the degree, and the fuck you factor.

    "...and I do want to make fuck you money." So prostitution isn't out of the question for this girl? Most of the people who have incredible wealth came up with visionary ideas and actually worked for it. Making an online/local cable channel, watered down version of "The View"? Not visionary. And when Julia puts more effort into taking photos at the events than actually covering them, I'm guessing that she doesn't really work that hard either.

    "Young women entrepreneurs do not exist. They don't exist. Young men start companies ALL. THE. TIME. Young women ... don't. Why is this? I would love to start addressing this, I would love to be a topic of conversation." Really? Julia, who prances around in costumes during conferences in events, wants to start discussing feminism, women's role in business and society in general? I find it a difficult thing to stomach, personally ...

    ...but even if it was true, and Julia wanted it to be a topic of conversation - THEN DO IT. She has a blog, she produces a television show - she has two outlets for this topic, and exposure galore, to bring up this topic of conversation. She doesn't need a HBS degree, she doesn't need the fuck you money. Like it or not, Julia Allison has absolutely everything she needs to make that topic one of conversation. But does she? She trots out her feminism beliefs whenever it's convenient for her press, but instead of asking these questions, she takes pictures of herself kissing up to these young men entrepreneurs. There's nothing stopping her now from making that a topic of conversation, aside from herself.

    "But I think that one of the ways to garner respect in this industry unfortunately, the only way is to make a lot of money." Well, money helps ... but NS won't get money until they have a good business plan, a clear direction, and strong work ethic. Even then, the business might not get a lot of money, but it sure as hell won't be considered the joke that it is.

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  18. @Anon 2:18PM

    Hey, way to dig up the lyrics to the ole' Long Island University (LIU) Fight Song, "Glory to the Pioneers."

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  19. God I hate her.

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  20. @Anonymous 2:12 EXCELLENT VIDEO REMIX! [coffee nose]

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  21. This clip is like a case study on histrionic personality disorder.

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  22. I wonder what Mary had to say about Jill from LIU's claim that there are no female entrepreneurs who are in their 20s.

    Not that MR's fanny packs for wrists are anything to write home about, but at least she started and maintained an actual business.

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  23. She looks so OLD. Why? Weird.

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  24. Oh, please, can we put up the "tech trouble" leaderboard yet? Meghan is now ahead of Jill with both laptop trouble and now:

    My iPhone's SMS is perpetually constipated. I'm having so many darn tech malfunctions today. WHY????
    about 1 hour ago from txt


    How much technology will they break in order to escape from doing work? Enquiring minds want to know!

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  25. Anon @ 3:10, that's what happens when a brittle narcissist has a dubious MD repeatedly inject Botox, Restylane and who knows what into her face. Instead of looking younger, she gets that weird ageless look, where it's apparent that she's had work done. Like Dr. Brandt: http://www.drbrandtskincare.com/img/1-about_pic_large.jpg

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_gamHvtSFquE/RzemStHtpqI/AAAAAAAABA4/dSWZgPrrVqU/s320/drbrandt.jpg

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  26. 1:58-- brilliant parallel there. the whole movie is about the new 'stupid america'- the people who are obsessed with vanity and fame and all things shallow and will stop at nothing to get that. sounds about right.

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  27. Why does she have to curse like that? No seriously, WHY?!
    It completely ruins any sense of professionalism or adult business savvy that this interview may have actually offered her.

    Granted, she never had any to begin with, but what kind of classless, clueless moron would actually go on public record stating that she has have a successful business and attend HBS just for "F*ck you credential/money"? Is she stupid enough to put that on her upcoming application as well??
    As if she wouldn't be laughed out of the contention as soon as those words were dare written/spoken.

    How disgustingly trashy. Cursing like a sailor doesn't make you "cool" or "young" or "hip", Julia. It just makes you look like the crass and illiterate baffoon we all know you are. Not to mention it scares off any potential sponsors, employers, etc.
    Also, why must this pipe dream of an MA ONLY be pursued at Harvard?
    I suppose because not only does she insist on name-checking designer label clothing, but she insists on attending designer schools as well.

    Good luck with that business degree then, Julia, you walking insult to actual female businesswomen everywhere.

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  28. I just watched the video (for the first time since I saw it back when it first debuted), and I can't get over how much her demeanor reminds me of the Suzanne Stone character in "To Die For."

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  29. As a graduate student, I can tell her one thing: you will not succeed if you just want the degree for the credentials. It's not like you pay 60,000 and they award you an MBA. There is going to be work involved. Like work that you actually have to do. I've seen several people trying to get Ph.D.s just so that they can be "Doctor Whomever," and you know what? They don't make it.

    Additionally, the only people who care about "fuck you" credentials are jackasses like her.

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  30. 1:58 here. Glad you guys agree with the Burn After Reading comparison. I just found McDormand's character's relentlessly, obliviously positive attitude and willingness to steamroll over anyone standing in her way (or world view) to be a perfect corrolary to how I imagine JA pursues her life.

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  31. Having worked with more than my fair share of MBA entrepreneurs, I have to say that she is far from alone in her desire to earn "fuck-you money." Most MBAs are most interested in making connections at business school--not in actually learning how to run a business. My experience has been that they grossly underestimate the challenges of running a business, and overestimate the value of a so-called big idea, or in many cases a slew of very small ideas that amount to nothing.

    This is Julia Allison to the core.

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  32. Many MBAs are like that, but they've worked hard for their degrees - especially those at HBS.

    They don't bleg (blog + beg) their homework/case assignments and expect readers to do it for them. They don't film themselves in class or in group projects for the purpose of "lifecasting." They don't wear costumes (tutus, crinolines, June Cleaver on acid dresses, obnoxiously fake extensions, teenybopper headbands, slutty schoolgirl kilts) to class.

    For the most part, they earn their fuck you money, they don't just expect it to be handed to them because they're "special" and daddy thinks they're princes and princesses to whom he should personally deliver VS lingerie, on campus.

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  33. Anon 3.24, I have to agree. The use of "F-ck" in what is supposedly a professional/business related setting is really shocking. In your private life, go for it, I use the word way too frequently myself.
    Let's just say if I was a sponsor/potential investor I would be taken aback. And that is before I would be freaked out by all the intense stupidity on display. Graduate work takes application and critical thinking - not evidenced in this video.

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  34. "My profession is based on presentation and perception".

    Your profession?

    Hahaha.

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  35. Anon 3.24, it bothers me too. Not only is it really unprofessional but it sound like she's trying really hard to be cool.

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  36. ewww.
    those lips and that annoying personality....
    If her career is all about perception, what she really needs is a Media Coach. Obvs....she is supposed to already know how to present herself, but it sure does not look like it. It's still a trainwreck and that's why she's still a fameball-microcelebrity.

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  37. Sell NS for what? What is it? I don't understand. Who would buy it? I really don't understand. Who would pay money for something where Julia Allison posts video of herself talking to her little dog? Isn't there an internet site where I can go and watch a big block of cheddar cheese just sitting there? Can I "buy" that site? How is that site any different than NonSociety? I just don't understand - is this how the American economy got into so much trouble in the first place -by somehow quantifying and selling things that aren't actually worth anything? I just don't understand.

    I've got an idea: I'm going to film a small video tape of my big right toe everyday and put it on the web. It'll be really cool. Its all about "perception" and "presentation" after all. Maybe you don't get it. Maybe you 'won't get it - haters. Perhaps you're not sophisticated enough to dare to "live differently" the way I would be doing. Not everyone would film their big right toe and post it on the internet - I thought of it first?

    When Julia Allison gets invited to go and give presentations at different conferences is this the kind of thing she talks about? And what do people do in that moment - while she is talking? Do they listen attentively, perhaps nodding their head from time to time, until somebody who has money says to themselves: 'You know I think Julia is really on to something here, I think there's an opportunity for us here - by golly - call my lawyer!' Ah - fuck you money.

    No assets, no income, no job - hey, no problem. I'll give you a mortgage buddy, I'll hook you up. What do you need - 750 large? For what - for that house? Hey man - no fucking problem - let's do this, let's make a deal.

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  38. - Well. I'm think I'm going to buy NonSociety.

    - Really? Good for you. What finally sealed it for you?

    - I don't know exactly. It could have been 'the bicoastal birthday party' or maybe it was this thing she's planning where she will date 24 guys in 24 hours and twitter about it the whole time.

    - That could be 'something new', you never know - could catch on. They are multi-platform. You have to be.

    - It could have been the little dog, or all the little pink cupcakes. Perhaps it is her incredibly unique and unerring ability to take the exact same photograph every time no matter the location. But ... you know ... I think what finally turned it for me was when I heard she had an MBA from Harvard.

    - Well ... "fuck you" .... you just can't argue with that.

    - No. No you can't. I just found it ... enticing ... somehow. Makes me feel secure - credentials like that. And as for the three of them ... well ... what else do I need to say ...

    - I'm feeling it. So what's the next step?

    - I'm taking it to the Board on Monday. They'll listen to me. They always do.

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  39. Her nose job is so obvious. Just sayin'...

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