Monday, March 16, 2009
Brother Britt Emerges: More Shame Upon The Family
Once again, I am forced to explain my sister's antics to the outside world. Mother is beside herself and has sent along the Huffington Post article and the Zappos video, and continues to worry about Julia's Botox bloat during her long strolls along the rugged shores of Lake Michigan. Father is once more lamenting the shame being brought upon our family name. Today's litany of attention-seeking behavior is almost as humiliating as when Julia revealed Grandmama has not spoken to mother in 30 years. Some things should remain private. Like bowel movements and annual income.
The University Club's Steering Committee has renewed its queries today about Julia's true parentage, as has Mother's bridge club. Sometimes I wonder if a dreadful mistake was made, and if Father should perhaps be collecting DNA samples for analysis.