Thursday, March 12, 2009

TMI Weekly: For The First Time, It Really Is Too Much Information




Did you know Jill .... errrr, I mean Jackles, that famous Long Island University grad ... considers cunnilingus third base?

Now you do!

This week's TMI Weekly episode is somewhat stomach-churning. Jackles, her hooters hanging out, nonetheless boasts proudly about her prudishness and the fact that she will not have sex with a man until after 11 dates. Her two handmaidens thankfully seemed incredulous, and willing to go with the flow and judge each situation as it presents itself. No rules being followed by Megs and Rambo, and in fact Megs notes that the one time she went a long time just flirting and fooling around with a man, in the end the sex was bad anyway.

I find the whole "blow job/cunnilingus is third base" thing a bit odd. Unless you're Bill Clinton, isn't oral sex just as intimate, if not more so, than actual intercourse? Does Jill actually think she's being virtuous by letting someone go down on her but refusing to let him stick his peen in her Jackle-lantern? I mean once someone's face is in your crotch, does it not seem a bit odd to insist that no erect penis must go there?

And really, Jackles, how's this policy working out for you so far? You went out with Charles Forman for what, four months? And he Twittered and spoke publicly about the fact you wouldn't bang him. That went well past 11 dates, no? What game are you playing and how do you benefit other than eventually being dumped by a series of be-blue-balled men?

Also, imagining Jackles in any kind of sexual situation, with those grimy red-painted stripper talons and those fake eyelashes and Botox wonk 'n' wax and the pancake makeup? Shudder .........

And one other thing: I know as many longtime, happily married couples who fucked on the first date as I know divorced couples who waited for months. If you want to bang someone, Jackles, do it. It'd probably do you a lot of good to be getting laid regularly instead of pulling all-nighters Googling your name and using your collection of vibrators to get off while gazing upon your own image.

54 comments:

  1. What base does she consider getting fingerbanged at Balthazar to be?

    Third base, we'd guess, at least according to the NY Daily News - http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2008/04/16/2008-04-16_new_york_minute.html

    "Which inexplicable media star (blame www.Gawker.com for that) likes to boast that she let a certain handsome men's magazine editor, who is also much in the gossip columns, get to third base during a dinner at Balthazar?"

    http://gawker.com/380373/third-base-at-balthazar-mens-healths-dave-zinczenko-and-julia-allison

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  2. I love how she tells the tale of "some guy" who said that if she had slept with him on the first date he would have dumped her. I'm not sure how much I believe this, but I have guys say all the time on my blog that if they like a girl and she's cool and doesn't get all psycho or weird afterwards, that sex on the first date doesn't turn them off. If the guy would hold that against her then that means he wasn't into her anyway. For the guy she was dating to tell her that should have rang a loud warning bell in her head. Basically he was telling her that he wasn't all that into her after the first couple dates. Her 11 date rule is ridiculous and a sure fire way to get blown off. Men aren't sticking around and spending their money just to get blue balls.

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  3. There's a video interview on her website, and I want to vomit. She wants to be the next Oprah. I spewed all over the keyboard. For reals.

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  4. I love how each time "Ben" is bleeped out on TMI they only manage to bleep out the B. We all know who "En" is Jill!

    Also Jacy, I love you for employing the term "peen." Frankly, JA giving anyone dating advice is pretty ridonkulous. Not only do we know her track record but the break ups and subsequent "antics" are far more dramatic than I or any of my friends have ever experienced.

    BF and I didn't wait until the 11th date and we've been together for years.

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  5. Do you ever notice that when Jill looks to the camera and says things like, "But I haven't seen 'down there' in a VERY long time" Or "But I never drink," it looks like she's winking at the camera trying to convince her grandma or mom that she's a "good girl?" It's kinda lame.

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  6. blue balls is BS.

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  7. You guys knocking a longer period of courtship is just as bad as JAB's "He won't like you if you don't wait until the 11th date."

    Everyone is different. When the time is right, do it. When it isn't, don't. The idea of a general "rule" for the chronological progression of intimacy is ridiculous. Guys who get tired of waiting and leave probably didn't like you that much anyway. Guys who blow you off after sex on the first date? Same thing.

    Live as differently or as similarly as you want to.

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  8. And what's with the vibrator mention? What was she saying? That guys use a vibrator on her? or that using a vibrator is a great way to help you stay chaste? Or was it, like that tattoo, just some lame way to attract attention back on her in a way that makea absolutely no sense.

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  9. That puzzled me too, Christian. The editing was really bad and Jill was making no sense as usual. It came across like she was saying a guy could use a vibe on you (true, but kinda from left field in the context of discussion). However, I think she must have meant that while you are waiting for the 11th date at the LIU Cafeteria, you could masturbate. So, again, Jill is not thinking in terms of what is best for the relationship but rather about her own personal needs.

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  10. Typo. Christian=Christan. I'm really sorry that I keep doing that. I love the name Kristian/Christan too.

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  11. ME!: That was sort of my point. Why set rules? With some people, yes, perhaps it would be a bad mistake to do it on the first date. With others, not so much. Judge each person and situation and the level of your desire as it happens, you know? Why the need for a set of rules? What is the aim of those rules? To get him to stick around? Game-playing is a lot more unattractive than a willingness to have sex early in the relationship.

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  12. I love the pic you chose, Jacy, excellent opportunity for a condom girl resurrection. Ah, what a wonderful cartoon character that could have been...

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  13. Now it's 11 dates?
    Didn't she tell that Italian dude she was sucking face with on-camera that she waited 4 dates?

    Which is it, JuMePaulToolia?
    American womankind is dying to know so we can do the opposite. Yeah, we want to live differently.. differently from you.

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  14. "If you want to bang someone, Jackles, do it." Amen! Seriously, is she fucking 13? And WORD, that she is about the most artificial and least sexual creature on the planet. Such is why it bothers me that she is always bearing her breasts. She has no sex appeal and it just comes across as desperate rather than sexy. And I bet the 11 date rule is because she doesn't want them to see her without makeup before then, and if they stay over she'd have to wash her face. Vom.

    I can't imagine her ruining her perfectly curling-ironed fucking hairdo whilst fucking. She probably just lays there.

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  15. Me!: Ditto to what Jacy said. Why set rules? I only shared my opposite experience to show that there are no hard and fast rules nor prescriptions for what works best in this area.

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  16. Oh shit, what's this Mr. Internet shit that she just put up? The guy looks like he is out on parole.

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  17. Julia's Old NoseMarch 12, 2009 at 8:25 PM

    Christan is a one-woman army training this website to jump sharks.

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  18. This episode made me like Mary that much more. She strikes me as the type who has sex if she wants to have sex, doesn't if she doesn't and doesn't give a care if it offends or turns off the guy. Oh Mary, how did you do this to me? I almost want to have a Grey Goose with you now.

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  19. I think MR would be tolerable over Grey Goose. She'd just have to stay away from politics and spelling. Plus, I'm convinced she'd trash talk Jackles as long as I kept buying the Goose for her. That's an open invite to MR, btw.

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  20. I really liked Mary, too.

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  21. If anyone needs a good sexing, it's Jill, our mature student of LIU. Srsly, honey. Find someone you are attracted to who shares your attraction and Andre 3000 would say, "Spread!"

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  22. If Mary can keep the ballbusting in check I'd totally hang with her. She's developed a really fun on air personality. She's calls bullshit when she sees it. That was the highlight for me. Meghan was cute about being a virgin in college. But loved the way she and Mary both burst out laughing when Julia announced that she was disciplined where her "sexual proclivities" were concerned.

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  23. Can I just that I love the whole Jill the LIU student trope?! I can't stop laughing about it. Sad, I know.

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  24. i canNOT believe they talked about BASES. these women are almost 30.

    is julia a real person, at all?????? everything that comes out of her mouth is contrived and derived of any human-like quality.

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  25. argh forgot the p. deprived.

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  26. Jacy, awesome point re: intimacy of oral sex.

    A penis in your mouth isn't really that different from it in your girlie bits... Except, you know, the whole "no orgasm from giving oral sex" thing.

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  27. It's called a "vagina," people.

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  28. Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
    The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
    Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
    The Dude: Oh yeah?
    Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
    The Dude: Johnson?

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  29. how are any of you even seeing this episode? tmi weekly is so fucking slow/buggy that i can't seem to get past "sloppy thirds," although i am not 100% sure i want to.

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  30. I hit pause at sloppy thirds. It made me think Jules is not a fan of giving/getting head. Not that that surprised me.

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  31. oh! it works on the youtubes: http://www.youtube.com/user/TMIweekly

    i love Jacklelantern, Jacy. Pure genius. that would totally be my vag's new name if i were the kind of person who named their vag.

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  32. That made me think of Monica on Friends calling her vagina her "flower." You just know that Julia calls her something like her kitty or something like that. No way Julia is a dirty talker. I can't stand when grown women talk about sex and get all giggly about it.

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  33. Jackle-lantern! Ha!

    Jackles has sexual issues -- the other 2 do not. That's the War and Peace of it.

    I find it hilarious that one of the rules of The Rules is not to speak to your therapist about these rules. That speaks volumes.

    Aside from that, there are no hard and fast "rules" -- just a lot of case-by-case grey area to navigate.

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  34. "I find it hilarious that one of the rules of The Rules is not to speak to your therapist about these rules. That speaks volumes."

    Jeez, really? That makes The Rules seem like Scientology - or Fight Club.

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  35. It's funny how Jill is all "rules schmules" about certain things (school, work, etc.) and all "YOU MUST FOLLOW RULES" on other things (in this case, dating and sex). Look, honey, it's one or the other.

    I, for one, tend to follow the rules. As was said earlier, everyone is different. Now, I don't make ridiculous, arbitrary rules up for no reason, like setting an 11-date goal or some shit like that.

    That is why I am married and 8 weeks away from becoming a fist-time mom, enrolled part-time in an Ivy League grad school with a full-time paying job (with awesome insurance), living in a fabulous apartment in an urban environment, and have wonderful support from family and friends who won't turn on me in an instance. Oh, and I'm TWENTY-FIVE.

    That is also why Jill, at, what is it? 28? 29? does not have ANY of these things. Because she has no concept of what it means to be a mature adult. She blah blah blah's all the freakin time about how one shouldn't drink, have sex, etc., yet she has no problem neglecting work-related responsibilities.

    Jill,

    That's not how it works; you can't pick and choose what rules to uphold. ESPECIALLY when those rules are just plain stupid. Go ahead: Drink! Have sex! Live a little! No one would judge you for behaving like a normal human being. What people will and DO judge you for are these ridiculous webs you spin that are clearly meant to project some kind of persona that is then negated by the way you behave elsewhere.

    There is a BIG difference between rules and lunacy, Jill.

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  36. ^ that was awesome.

    The first rule of Julia Allison is never talk about Julia Allison.

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  37. I meant first-time mom, ugh...

    Sorry.

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  38. Oh shit, not anon 9:40 that shit is nuts.

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  39. OK, I watched that shit-show, and all I can say is that I believe "sloppy" second base might have something to do with lactation, but don't quote me on that.

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  40. Mary asks the rhetorical question:

    "How many dates does it take to get into a NonSociety girl’s pants?"
    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/86010443

    However, she ignores the bigger question:

    "What is in a NonSociety girl’s pants?"

    Doesn't anyone remember "The Crying Game".

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  41. Okay, okay, so I gotta say this: I DO feel like every gal should wait at least 3-5 dates before letting a dude get into her pants if she would like to have a steady, real relationship with that guy.
    ((But otherwise? Have your way with that fella if you just want some quick dick and you know he's not relationship material anyway!))

    If you put this potential quality guy off for a few dates/months though, both parties can at least get to know each other on a friendly, non-physical basis and you can get to know each other as PEOPLE first, before letting the sex become an extra distraction.
    Hell, my fiance and I actually held out for three months and a trip to Napa Valley before we enjoyed some matress dancing, so sometimes it's worth the wait if you know you've got a quality guy worth waiting for...and I'd like to say that 95% of the time, it IS worth waiting for. And if he's truly into you, trust me, he'll wait for you; just don't take full advantage of his patience and keep him waiting too long there, JULIA.

    But yeah, no more than three months tops, otherwise you're just being a big ol' peen-tease! And actually counting out 11 dates before getting physical? Comon!
    I will say this much: I always make out on the first date, whether I like the dude or not. Because in my experience, if he kisses well, you know he does other things below well too.
    ;-)
    Always fun to take a free sample, at least!

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  42. Shit, Sheryl, if you're calling it "mattress dancing," I'm a little hesitant to take your advice about it. What is this letting a guy in your pants and putting guys off and him waiting for you bullshit? 'Cause guys ALWAYS want it and girls NEVER DO. Jeez. Ugh. Gross.

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  43. Sheryl's comment, as bad as the TMI episode and for all the same reasons.

    --Ineff.

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  44. I always make out on the first date, whether I like the dude or not. Because in my experience, if he kisses well, you know he does other things below well too.

    So, if you don't like a guy, you'll still take off your clothes and be intimate with him, if he knows how to please you?

    Tell us, Sheryl, do you have Valtrex and various antibiotics on regular refill at the pharmacy?

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  45. Guys -- it's Sheryl!

    Come on...

    Sheryl, they didnt mean no harm...your opinions were a little conventional for some of us, but THATS OK!

    RBNS hearts Sheryl

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  46. Thanks kids...hey, no harm done and I know some folks might've taken offense to what I said. And Redacted, it's one thing to make out, quite another to whisk your clothes off and re-enact scenes from "Showgirls"---no Valtrex necessary in this cabinet, my friend.
    ;-)
    I'm from the South, after all, so maybe I'm a bit more traditional about a few things...
    I toast a whiskey shot to you all, even the grumpier folks here---let's drink one to the end of NS!

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  47. I don't have a specific number of dates that I wait, but I've started just to go with the flow and do what feels right and not do anything because I feel like I have to in order to keep the guy. I agree with Sheryl, if the guy is really into you, he will wait.

    I used to have the 'I'll do whatever I want when I want' mentality, and I'm not at all saying that's an invalid or bad way to be - but for me, when my number was getting a bit too high, I just decided to start being more selective.

    That's just me though!

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  48. Sheryl, you were the one who said that kissing is usually an indication of what other skills a man may possess, and that you make out with guys on first dates whether you like them or not.

    But, yes, the most important thing is drinking to the demise of NS!

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  49. Yay, Sheryl's back!! HI Sheryl! Yes - as one former fan to another - let's toast to the END!

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  50. Oh look... it's a picture of Julia doing "skinny arms" pose back when she actually had skinny arms.

    I'd love to see her do that ass pose now... shudder.

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  51. on a completely petty note, did anyone notice Julia's sideburns?

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  52. The amount of time they spend "defining" the bases is pretty sad, but I have to say the thing I hated most about this segment was the ad in the middle. Live differently -- cheat on your exercises to impress a cartoon man!

    Have these been running on TMI for a while? This is the first episode I've watched in a bit.

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