Tuesday, April 14, 2009

BrotherBritt: My Sister's Paris Hilton Dreams May Be Coming True



Oh dear. Mother discovered this image plastered all over my poor sister's bedroom at the family estate.

And then this!

It is sincerely hoped that the exorcist will be able to free up his schedule soon.

77 comments:

  1. Great Visual. I'm thinking she planted the Page Six story and I see that's the Gawker angle, too. It's her MO.
    http://gawker.com/5211160/jullia-allison-goes-wide-for-bears-qb

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  2. Oh she absolutely planted it. The "she was drinking water" part gives it away because she's so concerned with that as part of her image.

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  3. And her friends the club owners won't be happy because the article spells the name "Sub 51"...werent her tweets all about "Hub 51"?

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  4. FormerGawkerEmployeeApril 14, 2009 at 8:13 AM

    Anything to try to steal any attention away from Rambo! She'd even be willing to call herself gross to have people believe she has cavorted with a semi-celebrity. I've seen it many times before.

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  5. Yeah, the whole "drinking water" think is usually reserved for girls like Lohan, when their publicists want you to know they are on the strait and narrow. Julia is desperate to prove that she doesn't drink nor have sex. While her planted story implies sex, it does not imply drinking. She's so insufferably obvious.

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  6. The bruises on Paris Hilton's arm there are almost as classy as Jankles's Easter outfit.

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  7. She had to have leaked it because no one else knows who she is. Does she honestly expect people to believe someone RECOGNIZED her? She is truly delusional.

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  8. She is trying to make herself famous based on which guy(s) she goes home with. I present you with Julia Allison, the 21st century feminist! Let's give her a big round of applause!

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  9. Desperate times, desperate measures. Good thing she has no shame left.

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  10. This morning Harold Ford Jr. appears on msnbc to talk policy. Julia wakes up to revel in a national newspaper calling her a famewhore. And the beat goes on...

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  11. I could not believe that blurb when I opened my paper this morning. She obviously leaked it. It's not really something to brag about since Cutler whined his way into Chicago like a little baby. Plus he's a little young for her, eh...

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  12. 8:56 -- not a famewhore. an ACTUAL whore.

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  13. So, Julia Allison- the girl who wouldn't fuck then-boyfriend Charles Forman -fucks football player after 2 hours?! Someone has some Madonna/whore issues!!

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  14. So now Julia has resorted to planting items about her slutting it up with pro athletes? How special you are Julia! Because pro athletes don't go home with about a dozen other women every week.

    And really? Athletes can get women about five to seven years younger and 100X hotter than Julia so I seriously doubt any of this actually took place.

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  15. Julia planted the story and love, love, love the hilarious "drinking water" moment. Reading about herself with a celebrity is the only way Julia can achieve an orgasm, even if she's being openly mocked as a "famewhore."

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  16. Loved this Gawker comment from "A Dog named Ego":

    "JA reminds me of a female cardinal that would fly into my living room window repeatedly (10 or 11 times an hour) for days then disappear. I'd wonder what happened to her, and a week later she'd reappear and I'd be sort of happy she was back, and sort of annoyed she was smacking the window again."

    Me too. I am still enjoying the deliciousness of the Easter costume two days out. Then I'll get bored of her inanity...until the next whackadoodle episode.

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  17. Nice find on the "old nose" picture, Brother Britt.

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  18. Rachael Osborn, you gave Julia the perfect set up for her famewhoring, namedropping ways. Shame on you! ;)

    @juliaallison Nobody knows who Jay Cutler is.
    2:04 AM Apr 12th from web in reply to juliaallison

    @rachaelosborn -Rach, Jay is one of the top 10 quarterbacks in the NFL :) But don't worry, I didn't know who he was until last night either!
    7:35 AM Apr 12th from web in reply to rachaelosborn

    I am sure you appreciate her calling you "Rach" like you're best buds or something. Julia was totally using her tweets as a set up for her incredibly obvious and tragically pathetic tabloid plant. Too bad 99% of Page Six readers have NO idea who she is outside of another random "fame whore."

    It's sort of sad because she's about six years past her prime fame whoring years. Now she just looks like an old bloated hag. How embarrassing for Jay Cutler. It's akin to being caught with the ShamWow hooker.

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  19. Drinking water...she goes to a club and supposedly "canoodles" with an NFL star, and she's only drinking water? Methinks she's learning from the Lindsey Lohan school of PR: there's more than just "water" in someone's glass here, if you ask me!

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  20. She's soooo not NFL girlfriend/wife material. Embarrassing drunken canoodling material, perhaps.

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  21. I wish we could retire "canoodling" as a word. It's such a gross visual.

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  22. So Julia Baugher drinks water... only after she's a sad girl drink drunk! This girl has more excuses than an an alcoholic. Hm... I think she just might be an alcoholic.

    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/95517800-0-0

    "Yes, I’m biased, but I always have a ridiculously good time there. They have the best DJs, crowd, cocktails (order a HubPunch, the only alcohol I’ll drink, because it basically tastes like sugar & ice), and comfort food to ease your impending hangover. And you will be hungover, unless you pull a me and have two HubPunches and four giant bottles of water. I’m doing quite well this afternoon, thankyouverymuch!"

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  23. Isn't cleat chasing an activity usually reserved for 21 year old models? Julia is a haggy old never has been. She's like a character in the unfunny SNL skit "The Cougar Den." EWWW. Sorry Julia. Nice try, but no one is jealous of you. Now you've just moved on to the stage where everyone sort of pities you for a minute and then moves on. You're like a bag lady in cheap heels and ratty extensions.

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  24. I read that, rolled my eyes, went UUUUUUUGHHH.

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  25. Oh, please, please let Julia Allison Baugher bag herself a football player for a husband! Then she can be Chicago's "Sausage Spice".

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  26. New handle! Thanks, anon 11:12!

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  27. Her parents must be so proud.

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  28. Anon 11:23, after being a drunken, cheap, cleat-chasing hookup, Julia atoned for her sins and made nice for her parents by dressing as a slutty Easter bunny for church the very next morning. Donning white "Like A Virgin" Madonna gloves and getting dear old dad to take a picture at church washes away all transgressions!

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  29. Julia is not sausage spice. She is a corndog in a tutu.

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  30. Sausage Spice was Smokey CupcakesApril 14, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    @panty thief: Exactly! In the Church of Julia a camera flash confers a plenary indulgence on the flashee. I guess that means the Page Six mention got her out of Purgatory. That would explain so much.

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  31. That dude is fuuuug. I kind of hope they hooked up because he is disgusting.

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  32. LMAO cue public dismissal by Jay Cutler? Come on now, if he hasn't googled, he will, and then distance himself from the nut as quickly as humanly possible.

    I think it's hilarious that there is NO QUESTION she planted the item, she didn't hook up with Lloyd Grove without good reason! No drinks? Then why would she need to be mention she was "doing quite well"? It writes itself.

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  33. Ewww! Jay Cutler looks like Britney Spears dad.
    Jules even looks kind of like Lynn:
    http://www.exposay.com/jamie-lynn-spears-womenrock---lifetime-televsion-5th-annual-signature-concert---arrivals/p/9118/1/?f=Jamie+Lynn+Spears

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  34. Do you think they went for a romantic early morning swim in the balmy crystal waters of Lake Michigan?

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  35. What an obvious plant. However, now we know that JA has herpes since Paris is well-known (and documented) for spreadin' the herp to her dates.

    Happy Easter Julia!

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  36. Guys give her a break. We all know what tropical weather can do to people.

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  37. Exactly PP.
    With a headful of music and your toes in the sand, at that certain hour, between last night and this morning, Lake Michigan can do something to you. Ssssh... Can't you hear that? Can't you hear weary laughter of the spring breakers in their cabanas? It is drifting across the beach. Sheets are being turned down. Bottles are being laid down. Water bottles, probably. Is that starlight's glow on Jay Cutler's flushed and sweaty face? Or is it the first rays of a new day, sneaking over the waves? Glistening off his oily, date-rapey forehead?

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  38. Anyone else getting the feeling that Jaba is going to start actually banging these semi-famous dudes in one nighters, hoping to get pregnant?

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  39. Now, Julia is POSTING about Ashton's bet. After he publicaly dressed anyone calling his "followers stunt" a competition. It was obvs a joke.

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  40. oops meant to post re: ashton below. Sorry to thread hijack.

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  41. Guys, we need to have a twitter attack day on her. Just get everyone to @juliaallison SHUT THE FUCK UP or something.

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  42. PartyPanties:
    I really like that idea!!! I don't have a twitter account, but I will be cheering from the sidelines!

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  43. has anyone seen this?

    http://www.nypost.com/seven/04142009/gossip/pagesix/bear_qb_aims_for_end_zone_164274.htm

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  44. woops sorry totally missed all the comments above! hahaha

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  45. I called it! Bonus bingo square!

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  46. QOTD: "They were all over each other. It was kind of gross."

    Julia. It was kind of gross.

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  47. @juliaallison Nobody knows who Jay Cutler is.
    2:04 AM Apr 12th from web in reply to juliaallison

    @rachaelosborn -Rach, Jay is one of the top 10 quarterbacks in the NFL :) But don't worry, I didn't know who he was until last night either!
    7:35 AM Apr 12th from web in reply to rachaelosborn
    -----

    So... in a span of about five hours, Julia was a cheesy OLD club ho, staked out a guy, made sure he was a "name," googled his credentials and then made sure to state it publicly on her twitter early the next morning? You stay classy Julia!

    She reminds me of girls in college who'd hook up with random dudes and then do the walk of shame home in the morning, wearing their same "going out" clothes from the night before. Except Julia is almost 30, feels the need to twitter about it and goes to church the next morning in a slutty new outfit to make herself feel better.

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  48. She's like the Candi Spelling of groupies.

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  49. And furthermore:

    The Obamas should have gotten a rescue shih-tzu!!! Very disappointed about this.

    The Obamas clearly didn’t read my Lunch.com review about how Shih-tzus are the Best Dogs Ever.


    No, they clearly didn't and clearly won't - EVER. But I'm sure they'll be all sorts of hurt over your disappointment!

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  50. Julia Baugher: Poster Girl for Eugenics

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  51. STFU about Lunch.com. But thanks for reminding us all to log in (and use access code JuliaAllison!!!!) and write a scathingly negative review of Nonsociety and TMI Weekly. Hooray for an excess of opinion!

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  52. Baugher bingo squares for everyone if you predict that Jankles' latest detachments from reality re: being friendsies with Cutler, the Obamas and Ashton Kutcher are followed up by a "SOOOO joking guys!!!!" post from The Deluded One. I mean... Momsers can only do so much to keep her wittle princess on schedule with the meds.

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  53. Better to have an excess of opinion than an excess of ass.

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  54. Ugh, Jay Cutler may be a fancy-schmancy quarterback, but he looks like a grandma. Seriously. Nice body, crazy-looking face.

    He used to go to the same bar as my friends and I in Denver and would sit in a corner table, literally waiting for people to bring him drinks, or for girls to throw themselves on him. My friend hooked up with him (ugh) one night and apparently he keeps a boom-boom pad specifically for random hookups.

    Good work Jules!

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  55. So which outfit do we think she will finally settle on when she turns into Miss Havesomeham?

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  56. PP, once she meets the man she plans to trick into marrying her we'll be seeing lots of white and lace.

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  57. Jay Cutler and Julia Baugher are the white trash version of Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson... and that's sayin somethin.

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  58. Sausage Spice, I think at this point, it's less "trick a man into marriage" and more "accidentally get pregnant."

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  59. Desperation Power Moves. This reminds me of the time she planted a gawker stalker post of herself and admitted it to KK when the Wired interviewer was in town.

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  60. This desperation power move will fall as flat as her Wired cover. Julia Allison is not even a has been ... she's a rapidly aging, washed up, poofy never was, which is about 100 times more pathetic.

    Random picture of a wedding dress posted on her blog without commentary in 3... 2... 1...

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  61. I really believe getting herself pregnant by any semi-famous man she can is her last card to play. She seems to be flailing about for a wealthy, well-connected man to settle down with right now, but no one will have her. Getting pregnant by someone with enough money to support her, and enough of a name to enable her to get in the news is her only option at this point.

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  62. What's wonderful about all of this is how often she can use the same tired tactics to convince the same 1500 or so people the same thing repeatedly.

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  63. I think it's more wonderful that her only lifepath open to her at this point is roughly the same as a 15 year old girl working in a Alabama Dairy Queen.

    Namely, get pregnant.

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  64. and then what? dog AND baby crapping all over the place until momser takes both away from her? seriously, the idea of that person having control over a child scares me a lot.

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  65. If the Octomom can do it, Julia can too! Reach for the stars, bunny!

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  66. I still kind of want her to marry the Sausage King of Chicago.

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  67. You're being too generous, anon 1:12. Julia Baugher's dedicated "audience" doesn't extend beyond a few hundred people, if that, and 99% of them are trainwreck watchers.

    Agreed, partypants. Mom and dad must be so proud that their daughter's only options left are to get married and/or get pregnant. It's Julia's dream come true: it's 1950 all over again - complete with poofy skirts, repressed sexuality and secret alcoholism!

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  68. yay.com! say hello to your militia members of tomorrow. curtesy julia allison and octomom. these to names should be mentioned together more often.

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  69. Between octomom, Madonna, the Duggars, and the Jolie-Pitts in about 35 years there will only be four last names on the planet.


    Join the Octoarmy today!

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  70. Julia is probably just jealous of Octomom because she didn't think of the babies for publicity angle first.

    Babies a sex tape or lesbianism... which lame publicity stunt will Julia Allison pick next after she used her "hook up with athlete" card?

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  71. It's Baugher Bingo - What Stunt? Edition!

    Squares include:
    Get pregnant
    Turn Bisexual
    Get a DUI
    Public spat with one of the Zucks
    Reuniting with that Lodwick tool
    Weight loss and subsequent before and after story

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  72. Lodwick will not go near her again. He's way too good for her.

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  73. Jakob Lodwick is not too good for anyone. Perhaps you haven't seen the videos/pictures/read his totally undeserved self-love ramblings.

    He's a self-involved jackass. He's perfect for her.

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  74. PP, Julia won't ever take off the weight. She only drops the pounds after a break up and she's horribly depressed and bulimic. She doesn't have a boyfriend to dump her and does not possess the ounce of willpower it takes to diet and exercise like a normal person. She'll never get into a fight with the Zuckerbergs either. Randi is gravytrain and Mark doesn't even know who she is.

    My What Stunt? guesses are:

    1. Make a faux admission of alcoholism.
    2. Trot out old bulimia story again and say she's had a relapse.
    3. Get in a "fight" with Meghan.
    4. Make cryptic tweets about mysterious new - and nonexistent - boyfriend or hint at nonexistent relationship with Cutler.

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  75. I can't really backhand about her weight since I can personally ruin the shocks on a monster truck, but at least I'm smart enough to stick to wearing the mumus I order from the back of Women's Day. I don't trot around in tutus like some kind of retarded Swan Lake refugee.

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  76. Oh man, 12:01PM to 12:15PM, LOL good times!

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  77. "Jay? JAY? Of course you remember me. I was the girl in the Little Bo Peep outfit who blew you on Easter morning. You remember, I was wearing that cute headband? I guess you've been really really busy, right?"

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