Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Jack The Bulldog: Behind The Pink Door





Midnight
One more hour without sleeping
Watching
Until the morning comes creeping
Pink door
What’s that secret you’re keeping?

-- Sharon McNight


A lot of strange moments over the last few days, bunnies, and they’ve all sort of gelled into one seven-layer mess. Baby Jane Jackles attends Easter services dressed like a trollop fulfilling a baby doll fantasy, while porn legend Marilyn Chambers mysteriously dies in her trailer. Our lady of hypocrisy feels up a pig faced, horribly disliked NFL player, tipping off Page Six, while my aunt, Sister Margaret, worries about a culture that’s becoming entirely narcissistic and incapable of empathy. Add to the mix cabaret chanteuse Sharon McNight singing “Behind the Green Door,” with its Jackle-faced lyrics, on my iPod and no wonder the world seems topsy turvy.

In light of Jackles’ holiday misbehavior I propose a trip down memory lane, behind the pink door with Baby Jane during her wonder years.

Yes, these two items have appeared elsewhere and most of you will be familiar with the sordid details, but RBNS’s main page begs for their official inclusion.

Two of my closest friends roomed on the same dorm floor with Julia Allison Baugher when at Georgetown. That floor was in LXR, a tony dorm that had been designed to impress prospective students, parents, and alumni.

In a manic moment of pure selfishness, Julia painted her dorm room door bright pink, an action taken despite strict university policy not to deface school property. But as our lady has noted on her blog ... errr .... lifecast, “rules shmules.” The result made the hallway resemble a teenage brothel, reasonably angering current students, their parents, alumni, and the administration.

Any guesses as to how Julia got away with yet another strict violation when at university?

During spring semester, one of my LXR friends got in the elevator on the ground floor with a well-dressed older gentleman carrying two Victoria’s Secret shopping bags filled to bursting.
He was clearly no delivery boy, and when the gentleman got off on the same floor as my friend, intrigued, she followed him down the hall. Our man of mystery opened the pink door and walked right in. Not even a knock. No comment. Just a Victoria's Secret delivery.

Regarding the pink door in general, a ritual began among male underclassmen at Georgetown. On weekend drinking bouts, very early in the morning, these peers of Julia’s would stop by the pink door and urinate upon it in an effort illustrate their sentiments. This practice became so commonplace -- the drenched door, the students running away, the smell that lingered in the hallway -- that our lady decided to catch the culprits in the act.

Quickly opening the pink door, our lady was ready to yell and photograph the miscreants when she was hit with a golden stream of their affections. I know, I know, I’ve crossed the line, but we all did that ages ago.

Next time, a new tale. I promise.

That five-year reunion? We didn’t graduate in the same class, but my spies are already in place.

53 comments:

  1. Golden showers bring braying Baughers!

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  2. I shudder when i think of Daddy bringing Victoria's Secret-grams to Baby Jackles Baugher.

    It is so unseemly.

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  3. worse thought did Daddy revenue know Julia's sizes?

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  4. I want think that maybe it was filled with those horrible VS sweatsuits with P I N K plastered across the ass. I can imagine the entire junior-sized, middle school oriented, clothing like appeals to JA. But now, I'm sure they were miracle bras, cutlets, and thongs.

    I die, I die.

    I think the pink door is actually the most alarming. It's so very....juvenile. The need to assert a faux IDENTITY is rather pathetic at that age, especially after she was accepted as mercy transfer.

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  5. That daddy bringing her VS gear just creeps me out SO much. His swarmy smirky smile, her "DADDY LOVES MEEEEE!" posts.... ew, ew, ew. Jules = Daddy Issues. Eww. I feel the need to shower after this.

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  6. Do you think Julia tried on her VS gear and modeled them for Daddy? *blegh* No wonder she is so f'd up and can't hold down a normal relationship... also why she has so many issues in the bedroom....

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  7. FriendofaFriendofaBaugherApril 14, 2009 at 7:52 PM

    I am creeped out too but I actually think it's just a matter of a spoiled, tantrum-throwing little brat having such power over her more timid and mild-mannered father that he actually agreed to her demands that he pick up something for her at Victoria's Secret. Sort of like if he'd shown up with a box of Tampax.

    My father would have said: "You have got to be kidding me. No way."

    But he strikes me as someone who was bossed around by his spoiled little hellion of a daughter, and still is.

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  8. I enjoy mocking Jabba the Nut, but her glaringly obvious daddy issues really creep me out.

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  9. The daddy VS delivery is beyond creepy. Their relationship smacks of impropriety.

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  10. Think it's probably along the lines of what the friend of baugher indicated. She'd made a huge purchase at VS and made daddy pick it up for her while he was visiting, not giving a shit about how uncomfortable he must have felt dropping off lingerie to her pink door.

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  11. Am I missing something? How do we know this guy was her Dad and not just the guy she had the affair with? BTW...who was the married politician she had the affair with?

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  12. Harold Ford and he wouldn't fit the description of an "older gentleman."

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  13. I thought Harold was single at the time she was seeing him, though, point taken that he's not "older". But he was quite a bit older than her at the time.

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  14. Harold Ford Jr. is half-black and in no way could be mistaken for Julia's father.

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  15. Got it but, I guess I'm wanting someone (Jack the Bulldog?) to verify this actually was her Dad, because it doesn't say so in the sotry above. She has a history of courting young and old.

    It's kind of a creepy thing to lay at Dad's feet and, if it wasn't him, that would kind of suck.

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  16. And Harold Ford was NOT married. He a socialite, Emily Threlkeld, in 2007.

    Julia had the affair with the married guy after graduating.

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  17. Wait, let's talk about the doorway urination initiation ritual. I cannot imagine having continuing at ---let alone making a public name for myself--at a school where the boys peed on my door? What a pariah she must have been. And this woman continues to walk around as though she is God's gift to the world. What utter, rapid chutzpah!!

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  18. LRC, I have no idea who it was. All I know is what a friend told me, an older gentleman--I would presume white--who was not a delivery person opened and entered Julia's dorm room unannounced while carrying two VS shopping bags. Make of it what you will.

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  19. lickedrandiscake = julia. hate to be a conspiracy theorist but "got it," "kind of suck," "I'm wanting," and peoples names with ? in parathesis are all hallmarks of Julia's writing. Same punctuation too.

    I know most of you will think I'm crazing for saying this. It's just very obvious to me.

    *I could be wrong!

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  20. Not only would I not even DREAM of ever asking my father to do such a thing, I would be embarrassed to even have him handling my intimates AT ALL. Seriously how is this the same chick who went on tv to say she thinks Paris Hilton (her idol) should be embarrassed about her parents knowing about her sex life? With this episode, the Glamour vibrator article, the recently posted sex and vibrators convo and that page six debacle it makesss nooo sense. If she is indeed a prude, it would appear the root cause is that she's become ridiculously sexually repressed post-college. The frustration is seriously evident. Like a born again virgin except she wants to set "rules" but MUST have guys still thinking sex might happen because ultimately that's why they're attracted.

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  21. Why is everybody ignoring Julia's golden shower?! A weekend ritual where students peed on her door? Jesus, this woman must have been loathed!

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  22. Anon at 8:50. It makes no sense because the woman is mentally ill. Do crazy people make sense? No, they do not. Same applies here. Woman is sick.

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  23. Right?

    To have people piss continually on your door and not either (1) get a new room OR (2) paint over it? I know she a point to prove (albeit a stupid, misguided, 4 year old point) but the first time someone urinated on my door, and I had to deal with the stentch, I'd be doing something, anything, to never have it happen again.

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  24. Sorry you are wrong. I've commmented here under Anon before and I'm not her. And I'm not defending her at all. The post does not say it was her Dad but everybody assumes it is. I'd just like to know if it was or not.

    No conspiracy, simple curiosity. Though, now that I've been accused, I kind of see how often you all might be wrong when you point at a post and claim it's JA.

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  25. Yes, finally, anonymous at 8:53. I posted the same thing. I went to a similar school, and cannot even fathom the level of hatred the students must have had for here. I think it would be an uprecendented level that has and never will again be matched.

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  26. So I'm assuming Julia had a single dorm room? I'd just about die of shame if guys repeatedly urinated on my dorm room door. But Julia's sense of shame has always been extraordinarily primitive.

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  27. LickedRandisCake
    Any comments re: boys pissing on her door? Was that someone else's pink room?

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  28. I am sure she had a single room--no doubt had to plead a special, made-up case to the dean's office get her own place.

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  29. Follow the yellow brick road.

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  30. I'm working on being the reunion myself. I'm an '06er but my bf is an '04 alum and the promise of her presence alone makes it worth going.

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  31. Thanks for the response, Jack. Now, maybe I can sleep tonight. Even if it was the Dad, I'm going to tell myself it wasn't.

    The Easter outfit is what really screamed to me that she's had some kind of "issue" with men in the past. I prefer to think it was at the hands of someone she doesn't call "Daddy".

    And so I don't piss off (pun intended) the posters who want shock and awe over the peeing, I was just as shocked and awed over it. To the point of speechlessness.

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  32. Julia is completely deaf and blind to criticism. That is what makes her completely nuts. I cannot think of a stronger way of saying you suck than pissing on your home. It's so primitive, it's like we hate you so bad, you cannot tell, and we have no way to express it but to revert to our most basic form of communication. People, guys were peeing and her door and she STILL did not get the message. That means she NEVER will.

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  33. OK, completely OT, but this can't be missed.
    I LOVE how this gets a thank you tweet from Ashton:
    http://twitpic.com/3bwkg

    And "famous" Julia, connected by a hair through Meghan gets repeatedly shat on. LOLOL

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  34. This can't be right. People peeing on your door? Does that really happen? So what if the door was pink- that's just nast.
    And the VS bags? Ok, this is dumb but I used to reuse those bags all the time. Just conjecturing.

    As much as I despise julia- total mountain out of a mole hill, this post.

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  35. Anon 9:59, Have you ever lived on a college campus?

    Doors get peed on all the time! RAs are the obvious targets, but a pink door would be mighty alluring.

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  36. i would have jacked off my load on her door, and when she opens it here it cums.......

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  37. From one of her articles:

    So don’t get distracted by video crews offering you free shots for stripping down and making out with your best friend. Your father will see this and he will disown you. After he buys a copy. You know, just to see.

    That is so creepy...

    http://www.juliaallison.com/articles/2007/04/cancun.html

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  38. I'd read that before and thought THE SAME THING 10:07. Like who the hell would mention that as if it's normal or even remotely acceptable?! "Yes, your dad looks at porn" - probably true, but also probably the last thing anyone reading her "columns" would ever need mental imagery of. So screwy and sorry, but there are daddy/older guy issues all over this girl.

    Also, Doc Drew weighs in on Lohan eharmony on twitter (for some reason his spelling fails just make him cuter) :

    drdrew Just saw Lindsay Lohan's eharmony pitch. Shuttered and thought this poor girl may end up loosing a limb before she gets sober.

    SHOCKER.

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  39. Harold was single but Julia wasn't the only one of his little muppets

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  40. Anon 9:59, where have you been living? In a convent? Drunken college students will piss on anything, but that pink door had to have been a beacon.

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  41. Interesting to note.. in this article JA uses a quote from Krystal Kahler, as in new non-society nincompoop Krystal burger.

    http://www.juliaallison.com/articles/2005/08/teen_vogue_college.html#more

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  42. Jack the Bulldog - that was epic, fucking hilarious and beautifully written. I hadn't heard any of those stories. Thanks man.

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  43. Let's forget for a moment that this chick is probably one of the most dysfunctional, vapid, solopsistic attention wh*res out there-- for a minute. Now, I just read that Spring Break "piece." and... Christ, it made my brain hurt. She was actually making money, nay, a living as a writer?! That's the real astonishing tragedy here.

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  44. If anyone had commented on thursday - 'okay this is what I think is going to happen to Julia when she goes home for Easter: She is going to go out, get drunk, fuck the quarterback for the Chicago Bears all while dropping Page Six THE EXCLUSIVE. Then she'll get up the next morning, dress up like a nasty little girl stripper, big bows skirt and all, and then go off to church with her parents' -

    I would have said were being totally ridiculous.

    I honestly think this Jay Cutler thing is the answer. This is a chance, a way out. Julia should take it. I think she should go home bag jay Cutler and reinvent herself as the returning Queen of Chicago.

    Julia: if you're out there:

    This is The Universe talking:

    This is your chance. New York is over for you now. Go Home:

    In Triumph.

    Say the Bears make the SuperBowl? The SuperBowl Julia? The SuperBowl is very big Julia - LOTS of cameras.

    Julia - you were a cheerleader once - you can be again.

    I'll bet NFL Quarterback wives get to sit around all day and blog about themselves if that's all they seem to want to do and are, you know, basically capable of?

    As you yourself have admitted - you already missed your first big Chicago opportunity when you didn't get on that Obama train early when you had the chance. (Because you come from a Republican family and because you, Julia, have a really, really tin ear - a whole other topic entirely. Or maybe the only topic ... )

    But this one is right in front of you Julia. Sure Jay might not be the prettiest guy in the world but I'll bet he makes fuck you money, at least enough to keep BELIEVING for a while, and you know - what do I know? Is it totally out of the realm of possibility that Julia Allison and Jay Cutler might actually feel something for each other?

    Could have a been a little magic in the air that night.

    It was EASTER Julia. The Crucifiction, and THEN the Resurrection ...

    All wrapped up in a pretty little bow.

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  45. * they - were being totally ridiculous.

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  46. Did I say CruciFICTION? Really? That's how I spelled it?

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  47. I've read these stories before in bits and pieces

    although I will say--Jack--nice opening paragraph,

    Baugher blogged early pieces about the dad showing up with the vs bags--commenters at gawker have talked about the guys peeing on the door [though I got the impression from the first round of stories it was just one time]

    Sounds like two memories from georgetown.

    Old stuff.

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  48. What I don't get is all that business Julia posted a while back about interviewing some high school girl who applied to Georgetown. If Georgetown hated Julia as much as we've been led to believe, I'd imagine they'd want nothing more to do with her. I just don't get why Georgetown doesn't sever all ties with her because it sounds like she was a nightmare. She can't be the only alumnus in New York. Or is it a thankless task that no-one else can be bothered with?

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  49. Hi- it's me, the "how could you pee on a door commenter".

    I went to NYU and did not dorm. Jeez, I can see peeing outside, but inside? Stinking up the whole hallway? That would have bothered me more than some dumb pink door. It's not an excuse to pee on it! Haha!

    Wow, I'm coming to her defense! But that Easter outfit- unforgiveable.

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  50. Well, I am rather surprised at the other doors/people in the hallway, they were not upset that there was a puddle of urine in their path?

    "That floor was in LXR, a tony dorm that had been designed to impress prospective students, parents, and alumni."

    So, these other GT students just routinely put up with the nuisance and stench? Nobody complained to mom and dad...hmmm, what does this say for the students that lived on her floor?

    This is why I tend to think that there was "a" peeing on the door, but this image of every man at the million man march swinging by to add his pee pee to the pile is just a bit over the top for me.

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  51. Here's why that entire post is bullshit: LXR is a shithole. I should know, as I lived there on the ground floor my sophomore year, and if there was some major renovation in the one year between when I lived here and when Julia Allison apparently did, I must have missed it. Incidentally, the ground floor is not the entrance floor, so the guy in the story would have had to ride the elevator *down* to it, and presumably, what? back up? My friends and I got number two hundred something in the housing lottery and got stuck with LXR, everyone's last choice mostly because it was a barely converted hospital. Tony? Notsomuch.

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  52. Ah, I used to visit one of the resident priests on the fourth floor and he had an awesome apartment. The place was no shithole. Sorry.

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