Wednesday, April 15, 2009

An Open Letter to Rambo





Dear Mary:


It seems you have failed to grasp a few fundamentals as you set off upon your new venture. This saddens many of us here at RBNS.


There is one reason and one reason only that you are tolerated, your typos excused, your flashes of entitled elitism forgiven, your dumb logic given a pass (see recent nonsensical theory about old people, reading glasses and cancer, and that old Botox = Roe vs Wade thing). And that's because your frenemy's legion of detractors like to imagine that you too have serious issues with Jackles. They have cheered you on, believing that you stood up to the ridiculous famewhore, that you opted out of her sick fame fantasy, that you refused to be publicly humiliated and chastised, and that you untangled yourself from her nasty, fake-nailed clutches in a triumphant and classy fashion that few have been able to pull off. (See Charles Forman's "celibrichauns with founder fetishes" rant, The Eater Guy's "Sugar Daddy" stunt, etc.)


If all of this turns out to have been just hopeful fantasy, Mary, your blog will be just another boring lifestyles blog that no one will read but your mother and the yacht captain. What do you think all the congratulatory comments of the past few days have been all about, for God's sake? It's been people praising you for cutting JA loose. Keep any mention of that demented harridan off your blog unless, at best, you're openly dissing her, or, failing that, dropping one of your legendary passive-aggressive stink bombs in her direction. Got it??


Rambo -- may I call you Rambo? It seems so appropriate now that you've threatened to shoot Owen Thomas's sack off -- the only narrative that is going to bring you any real success is to foster the belief that you broke free of the most despised nutcase on the Internet. You were setting yourself up so nicely, Rambs, and so subtly, to fashion yourself as a Web 2.0 heroine, vapidity and all. And today, what did you do? Major step backwards.


What you should have done, Rambo, is left an angry drunken voicemail for Owen Thomas ripping Jackles to shreds for her crap treatment of you. Come on, get it out. Spill it! You know you're pissed off! Everyone knows you're pissed off! You were fuming on the yacht, you were fuming after Dressgate, you were fuming at the Oscar screenings. And you would now be enjoying thousands more page views and would have earned yourself thousands more fans if you publicly let her have it. You could ride high in an enduring Internet mosh pit, with no one ready to let you fall to the ground for a long, long time, if you played this one right.

You have your ticket to success, Rambo, and it requires a major distancing from Jackles, and some dishing of dirt every now and again. Don't throw it all away on some hag who would sell you out so fast your peroxided head would spin -- and, in fact, has been making every attempt possible to sink you. Eye on the prize, Rambo!!!


Sincerely,


The Fun Folks Here at RBNS

39 comments:

  1. Gwyneth's Inner AspectApril 15, 2009 at 9:18 PM

    Well said. High ground will get you nowhere on the internet!

    But if you're set on staying Klassy, maybe we can still work something out here. Why not present a series of lessons, What To Do and Not To Do, when starting a business with your friends?

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  2. And let us conclude our spoken prayers with an Amen.

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  3. Klassy? Hell, I think we passed "Klassy" somewhere back in Des Moines.

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  4. Rambo, here is a cost saving tip:

    Go down to your local public library and check out Bridge Burning for Dummies written under the nom de plume "Jackles Onassis". Then, spill it!

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  5. Boozy's raison d'etre:

    "So I look to my friends. I’m happy and proud to be one of your resources for advice and inspiration. And the introduction to my friends is another way for me to tell you the whole story."

    whole story:

    I'm rich, I come from rich people, and I don't really think I need to work for a living. I met this girl Julia, and she showed me how to make it look like one is working. I have a pretty good metabolism which means I can eat what ever I want, but because I do not have to work, I 'workout' everyday, this is so I can keep my gay friends who work and pay when I hang out with them. My sister is an actress, my mother has a store that sells high-end used clothing but she also has awesome friends that own a yacht and stick up for me when people call bs on my ridiculously entitled behavior. Now I have my own blog because as my first commenters pointed out, they have been reading me since before nonsociety. I was the only one at NS really putting forth kontent. Everybody wants MY opinion on how to make them look good, feel good, and act apropriately. Once I get my complete audience on board, I will start convincing everyone how they went the wrong way with obama...I mean come on, this country runs best with a prez from texas!

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  6. Huh. MARY finally has to explain the Krystal Denmark debacle. This from the comments of her blog:

    Mary Rambin 2 hours ago
    Krystal had in fact worked for NS a while ago behind the scenes and consulted us in terms of sponsorships. Due to the climate and rumors around NS, the pictures Julia posted communicated the wrong message. She will not be contributing to NS, but Julia and Meghan are currently considering bringing on new people.

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  7. ugh*

    I meant to say, my sister is an actress and I am famous so I have the right to give advice to ashton kutcher.

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  8. Anon9:29 -- That's what we're talking about. She's got to do a lot more of that. Spill. Subtly diss.

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  9. Give it time. The dirt will come. She just needs to keep it slow and easy.

    But i don't expect miracles - until ShitWeeky is done.

    But who knows. Mare-mare is dumb.

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  10. Mary's stating that she approved the Gawker post, did not do it for page views [comes right out and says she doesn't need to do that]

    then goes on to say gawker/thomas is inaccurate--when asked how Gawker has been inaccurate, she thanks the commenter for their support.

    let us not forget, TMI is not their only connection, both Mary and Julia consider Ruiz their agent.

    I know Jacy wants to think that Mary will diss Julia, I don't see it happening.

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  11. Here's hoping that Mare Mare was three or four sheets to the wind when Jackles talked her into that phone call. And to think, I would have sung the peroxided one's praises if she hadn't gone into Jules arsenal, trying to scare up views for her new blog by calling Owen Thomas a cunt or a dick or whatever. And by making it so goddamn obvious that gawker was in on the fix.

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  12. Mary is so good when she does not-so-subtle passive aggression like she did the case of the Krystal comment. When she goes ape shit, she just Jules 2.fool.

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  13. Damn, you guys care way too much about Julia and her lame group. People like you are exactly why she gets attention! Ignore her and she will eventually go away!

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  14. Mary left the call on James del's machine, he works at Gawker [Ms. Honest does not quite explain that very clearly] she tries to state that she was just tipsy and calling a friend, then she states, when asked, she decided it was ok to post.

    How did the call go from 'friend' to gawker? Oh yeah, she asked her friend to give it to them.

    So classic julia.

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  15. What? No Sterling Crystal as NS contributer? I had already planned on hours of laughter over misspellings and grammatical errors that would make Rambo seem like Akeelah at the bee.

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  16. what happened at the oscar screenings??

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  17. Julia/Mary (primarily) scream fest @ Oscar Party. Mary and Meghan left in a huff (but I don't think together) and Julia viewed the rest of the movies with her mom and dad.

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  18. Were the Captain & Tennille there? Seriously, what's up with this yacht thing, totally missed it.

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  19. High ground may get her more out of life in the long run. There's little she can say about Julia that hasn't already been said, proven, or thought. I'm going to give her a pass on this one.

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  20. Theatre: Mary & Meghan did not leave together/did not speak to each other.

    julia's parents were only at theatre for a part of the time

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  21. dancing for ruiz...monkeys

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  22. Anonymous 10:20 :

    If this sad little stunt is an example of Ruiz's work, well, he's not earning his money. Always assuming NonSociety in any or all of its permutations can afford to pay him. Which I seriously, seriously doubt. But hey, maybe he's working on spec for a cut of Julia Allison's upcoming screenplay payday!!! That ought to haul in the big bux.

    And by the way, we're all primates here on this comical ball of rock.

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  23. If I were Ruiz, I would be hitting the Pepto-Bismol since he must alternate between feeling that he is an "ahead of the curve" genius and thinking that he just signed up the B-team for the Special Olympics.

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  24. YES... delightfully well written, Jacy. Loves.

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  25. jacy's letter is posted on mary's blog, let's see if she answers

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  26. she answered! lame answer, though

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  27. ^^^^^
    Ya, but reading her response gave me a good idea for a tagline:

    RBNS
    Generating negativity like it's our job since 2007.

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  28. http://7.media.tumblr.com/56NQW0mw0m8fwtn0OvokHfFho1_400.jpg

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  29. Yowzers, she looks like some wacked-out mandroid in that pic!

    http://tinyurl.com/clhptd

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  30. 12:34

    What is that thing off the corner of her eye?

    Private stash of botox?

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  31. Is bob her RBNS advisor?

    so she only reads here when someone named bob tells her to?

    I could of sworn I've read her comments here the last two days.

    I don't think mary is an honest as she professes to be.

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  32. Anon11:38: It's gone now! We missed it! What did her response say?

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  33. Jacy - it's in the comments section on this post -

    http://morethanmary.com/post/96690899#disqus_thread

    She refers to her public arguments with Julia - "a little splatter gets online." EWWWW. Not a good choice of words, colonic girl.

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  34. "High ground will get you nowhere on the internet" is my new daily affirmation.

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  35. Here's the thing - because this was a business venture, or rather a "business" venture, Mary might be legally prohibited from speaking about her and Julia's business relationship until her contract (this is going on the assumption that these three brain trusts CREATED a contract in the first place) runs out. She may be prohibited from speaking about it at all.

    Nondisclosure agreement. Though we'd all love to hear all of the dirt Mary may have to spill, there's no way she'd risk being sued by JA and her father because of this website's rabid fans.

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  36. I can't understand how Gawker and RBNS think Rambo and her family is rich? Rich?? In no way, no how. Really guys, she went on a trip on SOMEONE ELSE'S yacht (so?) and she flies around... domestically. WOW! I feel sorry for the fact that she thinks CA is so f'n great... if you're single, not entirely THAT attractive, and most certainly not connected or intelligent, then LA is NOT the place to be. It's too bad she was run out of NY so fast, we were just starting to REALLY dislike her. She hasn't seen anything yet... LA is... MEAAAAN!

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  37. She went to school in L.A. She's not a newcomer.

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  38. Mary Rambin 12 hours ago
    You (at RBNS) have all been very kind to me over the last couple of months. I drop in every once in a while when Bob tells me I need to see something. As he did with this letter you've now posted in my comments section.

    I didn't respond for a reason.

    I really don't care who is bashing who online. It's completely unnecessary and a waste of everyone's time. I mean if you're going to call someone out and poke fun, call Gawker's answering machine for goodness sake!

    In all seriousness, Julia to this day is still one of my best friends. We're both pretty stubborn people, and, like most friends, we get in arguments. Unfortunately sometimes a little splatter makes it online, but there's really no reason to respond.

    We "put ourselves out there" to share our experiences not air our dirty laundry.

    You will never see anything negative about my friends online, ever. So if that's what you're looking for, you should stick to RBNS where they generate negativity like it's their job.

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  39. Uhm anon 10:27

    It doesn't matter what gawker or RBNS thinks, mary has a trust fund. Summering on somebody else's yacht does not make you poor...

    and you should see the size of daddy's ranch.

    homeless shomeless!

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