I’ve been going through a lot of the old files on my laptop trying to get all organized, and I ran across this … uhh … thing.
I was 20 years old, working on Capitol Hill, and in thrall of Britney Spears’ locks (oh, the irony).
“It didn’t really work out,” doesn’t even begin to descirbe it. I spent the rest of the year sitting in salons crying as they tried to salvage what was left of my hair. Conclusion? I wasn’t meant to be a blonde: then, now, or ever.
Oh, memories.
Everything about this photo make blood run from my eye sockets:
a) The entire cake just for her (REALLY, Poofy?!)
b) The awful blonde hairs on her head (REALLY, Poofy?!)
c) The fact that she think she need to share this with world. I have photos of me vomiting from vodka on Omsk street corner when I am 19 and another peasant hold my hair. BUT I NOT SHOW YOU!!!!
Julia and I are the same age, and I have always been too old for Britney. I cannot imagine at age 19-20 (or any age actually) wanting to imitate her enough to dye my hair blonde. That's the sort of thing little girls wanted to do, not someone who is a contemporary of Britney's. It's sick really.
ReplyDeleteWhat does Capitol Hill to do with this hair desaster? Apart from being an important place she graced with her presence?
ReplyDelete*have to do
ReplyDeleteI won't really be able to form an opinion of this photo until Michael McDonald weighs in on it.
ReplyDeleteThere's just all kinds of wrong going on in this photo, but I mainly want to ask: What's up with eating on a cake like that? Isn't this a rather messed up photo considering she was supposedly bullemic at the time?!
ReplyDelete(speaking of which, wonder who held back her lovely bleached locks as she barfed all that up later?)
Hmmm... she never used this photo before in her parade of PINK BIRTHDAY photos which she claims has always been her theme.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that hair is hideous.
I tried (unsuccessfully) to throw myself off the Pennsylvania Ave. bridge into the Anacostia six times that year.
ReplyDeleteThe aping epsilon minus Britney Spears at age 20 doesn't surprise me. After all, Julia went around Georgetown talking and talking about another tard with a one-digit I.Q., Paris Hilton, as though she'd invented a cure for cancer.
ReplyDeleteDidn't she work on Capitol Hill when she was 18/19, after leaving IU?
ReplyDeleteWow, Julia Bowwow worked on Capitol Hill? Really? This is fucking news to me! Why has she never mentioned it??!!! I wonder if she ever dated a guy named Alex?
ReplyDeleteWhat irony?
ReplyDeleteAsshat...
Oh Anon. "Irony" is a word she heard Carrie Bradshaw use once. You know, sort of like when Russian Girl says "capitalism" or "sober".
ReplyDelete"in thrallof Britney Spears’ locks"
ReplyDeleteOh Julia The Journalist/Writer. That looks like something not even Mary would say.
James: in the thralls of or enthralled by? I can't make out what she meant.
ReplyDeleteOh Russian Girl, it makes so. much. sense. why Julia felt the need to share this with the world. You see, at 20, Julia wasn't SO. HAPPY. like she is now. She did drastic things unseen to the world, like changing her hair color!
ReplyDeleteBut now, Julia is SOOOO. HAPPY. She's blessed to be brunette, and is REALLY. HAPPY. in her own real hair color! (never mind the fact that she occasionally brings up dying it red) We should all be so thankful that she feels the need to share these snippets of her past with the world. I, for one, have had my life changed forever by this knowledge. Well, that, and now I know what London train stations look like.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
ReplyDeleteGuys! Hold it. Holy shit. I can't beleive this. Check it out, check it out. Check.It. Out.
The pardigm shifted. She has heard us and has done a 180 on content. No more twitter posts re-posted on her site with the names and verbs redacted. NO more meaningless-ness.
She has a project. And this project, I mean, I... I don't know what to say. I never saw this coming. I guess, underneath, I knew she had some intelliegnce. You can't be a total idiot and get into Georgetown. But her content and attitude has been so childish and haphazard for so many months, I just didn't see something as ambitious, and improtant and grand and releveant and - shit, I'm just gonna say it - GOOD, coming out of her.
I'm not only gonna stop making fun of her, I'm gonna start advising companies to advertise on her site. If she's doing content like this (below) you want to get the eyeballs of the people consuming it. This reminds of when talkie-movies got sound.
This is crazy. Crazy-good!
Here it is, from this morning (which will forever be known as Day One, Year Zero. The moment the internet titled, just a little, forever):
"...Good morning!
This is the cappuccino I had at Hotel Indigo in London yesterday.
I love cappuccinos and lattes, but when I’m home, I rarely (if ever) allow myself to drink them. On trips, however, I’ll have one or two a day. Not really sure why that is, but I’ve decided to do a little art project and photograph every coffee type thing I have for the next month. It would be even cooler if it were every coffee I have for the next year, but that’s a bit ambitious...."
Julia ALWAYS posts old photos with the disclaimer that she was "just going through old files" or "cleaning up." Riiiiight. It's NEVER EVER EVER EVER because she is a sad old has been (or never was?) who finds her only shred of happiness in reliving past boyfriends/experiences/events because she has accomplished a big ball of NOTHING in the past year and looks like she has a big ball of NOTHING lined up in the future.
ReplyDelete"... It would be even cooler if it were every coffee I have for the next year, but that’s a bit ambitious...."
ReplyDeleteWow, you're right. Proceed with care. A whole year of cell-phone coffe pictures? Can that even be done? Are you nuts?
That's like, um, yeah, let's just build pyramids of Venus. Hey, guys I'm going to start doing head transplants!
"pyramids ON Venus"
ReplyDeleteI actually enjoy posting old pics of myself, pointing out how smokin cute I used to be before verbally abusing myself on a global forum for the fat, ethanol soaked life failure I've become and then twittering suicidal goodbyes. Come on man, Thursday nights are bo.ring.
ReplyDeleteBut I mean, at least I'm honest about it - I don't claim to have just 'run across' that pic.
flatface, I love you. But how will she complete her magnum opus paradigm-shifting art project if she doesn't drink caffeine?
ReplyDeleteAlso... Julia is on full on crazy mode now. Craving sex with unnamed exes, posting pictures of wedding gowns and making commentary on Ellen's wedding (um... maybe it's those repressed lesbian tendencies again?)
I know... she's on a CAFFEINE BENDER!!!!
hmm Wants be Brittney..Bad hair Dye job gives hair extensions forever..
ReplyDeleteAhem Jules..clue yourself in
James, I cannot WAIT until she starts showing up for blind dates wearing a wedding dress with pink bows and a tiara, sobbing brokenly "ARE YOU THE O O O ONNNE? I'M SO ALOOOONE"
ReplyDeleteJames,
ReplyDeleteExactly. How to complete an art project of pictures of a month's worth of coffee drinks you get if you don't drink coffee.
That reminds me of the audio tape project I did a few years back: I was gonna audio-tape all of my assaults on police officers for 28 days.
Turns out, in that whole time I didn't end up assaulting any cops. On the plus side, the art project practically completed itself! I didn't have to waste all this time audio-taping the assaults.
JULIA ALLISON = MISS HAVISHAM
ReplyDeleteJames, you did not mention what a gem this sex with the ex post is. Here goes:
ReplyDelete"Another find.
Oh, sex with the ex sounds pretty good right now. hahaha
PS. I didn’t say WHICH ex!!
PPS. Nooooo NOT Alex, lover of bright carpeting. Alex is sort of … um … how can I put this? I love him, always have, always will - but he’s gay in my eyes at this point. So is Dan. Sorry! That’s what happens (to me) after a certain period of time. No more sexual chemistry. But lots of love. :)"
I honestly don't know what to say as this logic wrecks my brain.
No, I already decided she is the Blanche Dubois of the Intarwebs!
ReplyDeleteInspired by flatface I am going to start taking pictures of every shit I take for the next month and posting them. And of course I shall be seeking the requisite toilet paper sponsorship (sponsor -shit?).
ReplyDeleteGenius.
Don you should twitter about it too! Twitters From The Shitter dot com
ReplyDeleteTwitters from the Shitter! That's hilarious.
ReplyDeleteDon - yes I am a famus writer of high profile lulz
ReplyDelete"Nooooo NOT Alex, lover of bright carpeting."
ReplyDeleteSuuuure Julia.... keep telling us that you don't read over here because it crushes your soul. And then keep making statements that directly address things we discuss here. Suuuure.
Am I the only one who thinks she looks frighteningly similar to Sienna Miller in that photo? No??
ReplyDelete(mind you, I find Sienna to be as attractive as any other random skinny chickie on the streets, so take that as you will.)
The shit she is posting now, OMG, she is off her nut.
ReplyDeleteJulia Baugher posing with sugary sweets seems to be about as common as her posing with celebrities. Both serve to remind her "fans" of just how bloated and hasbeenish she's become. Good work, Toolia!
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't own a sleeping bag? Cause that makes you a New Yorker at heart!!!! Thank god we finally have criteria, thanks to Julia Allison inventor of the fucking galaxy.
ReplyDeleteI am making a prediction: Julia Allison's next idea for a pathetic publicity stunt will be to pull a Lohan and come out as a lesbian.
ReplyDeleteGuys, I think JA added the PPS because I re-blogged her post (on tumblr) about her desire to have sex with an ex and said something to the effect of, "ooh, me, call on me, is it Alex, lover of bright carpeting and t.a.k.e.n.?"
ReplyDeleteOh man, shit like:
ReplyDelete"Not really sure why that is, but I’ve decided to do a little art project and photograph every coffee type thing I have for the next month. It would be even cooler if it were every coffee I have for the next year, but that’s a bit ambitious."
Yes, this is A-game content. Your coffee, for a month. We love you so much we want to see your coffee, for a month. BTW, we would really like to see your coffees over the span of a year. What? Too much work, too ambitious? OK, for a month. I look forward to this project lasting approximately 3 days, or, alternatively, never being mentioned again. God bless, JA and her wackiness.
Guys, she also thought plaster smudges that were supposed to be what? vaginas? were art. Let's not take her idea of "art project" too seriously.
ReplyDeleteShe probably still draws fucking hand-turkeys for her mom every thanksgiving, for crap's sake. ART.!
Flatface, this is the comment of the day:
ReplyDelete"That reminds me of the audio tape project I did a few years back: I was gonna audio-tape all of my assaults on police officers for 28 days.
Turns out, in that whole time I didn't end up assaulting any cops. On the plus side, the art project practically completed itself! I didn't have to waste all this time audio-taping the assaults."
Funny, because a few months ago, I was going to videotape myself blowing Barack Obama every day. Strange thing, though -- I didn't end up blowing Barack Obama every day. I kept getting turned away by the Secret Service.
Please go to Lunch.com and review Nonsociety. We should give back to our patron saint of egomania, the ineffable Julia Allison Baugher
ReplyDeleteShe looks like Chastity Bono here, by the way.
ReplyDeleteLunch.com is blocked up here at work. Sorry, you'll have to do without a review containing the unrestrained use of the word 'fuck'.
ReplyDeleteI haven't logged on yet, but I bet you can also review TMI Weekly on lunch.com. It's Excess of Opinions The Board Game... and everyone can play! Hours of fun for the whole family!
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use invite code JuliaAllison!
P.S. Are we all sure that Lilly is just "playing dead".
ReplyDeleteOh Anon 207, I'm sure Lilly just learned a new trick from Meghan, or one of Jowlia's exes.
ReplyDeleteJacy.
ReplyDeleteDon't despair. Those hours and hours of blank videotape, where you're SUPPOSED to be servicing Prez. Obama, are themelves probably invaluable art.
Plus, imagine all the damage you saved to your knees! A win-win!
Partypants,
ReplyDeleteAnother new trick? So now she can play dead and shit-on-command?
Something light and funny in between:
ReplyDeletehttp://sarandipity79.tumblr.com/post/93881722/ummm-is-that-julia-allison-hahahaha
Diablo Cody just referenced Julia in a tweet about painting her office pink. Heh. I say there should be a sweepstake on how long it is before Julia can't help but gloat.
ReplyDeleteJacy,
ReplyDeleteI think I have a solution to your dilemma. Simply have a friend film you from a rear, fixed position as you enter a room and then have the camera slowly pan away from the door to, let's say a hallway window, as you say in the background: "I am here to service you again Mr. President." That's what Alfred Hitchcock would do (WWAHD).
My bet is on Julia Baugher not only gloating on the Diablo Cody mention, but then soaking up some reflected glory by talking about how she's writing a screenplay too (it was a New Year's resolution!!11!!1) and it's going to be just as witty as Diablo's because - as you can see from her blogged convos - SHE. IS. SO FUNNY. SHE. SAYS. SO. HERSELF.
ReplyDeleteGrow up, Heather! Bulimia is SO '87!
ReplyDeleteThis Lunch thing is awesome.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe she really said that about Alex and Dan, that's just crazy. Why to respect people and your previous relationships.
ReplyDelete*way
ReplyDeleteShe looks so much like Leven Rambin in that picture.
ReplyDeleteShe loves the word irony - and misuses it - about as much as ineffable.
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't she just go back to the salon and have it dyed back to brunette? I guess that's just too easy.
ReplyDelete