Monday, April 27, 2009

Julia: More Deep Thoughts, This Time About Food


I allowed myself to have cookies or pasta. I stopped dieting and I started living life. That’s how I lost 37 pounds.


Jackles posted this "deep thought" from Monica Seles shortly after posting the photo of cupcakes she was apparently about to hoover in Boston. Oh Jackles. There's really no need to go frantically looking for celebrity justification when you fall off the cupcake wagon.

Let's just address this head-on before we get accused of

a. Being assholes for addressing her appearance
b. Having no lives

What is interesting about Jackles's change of appearance in the last few months is not that she's fat, in my opinion, although that skinny Russian bitch might disagree. She's not. She's simply not a bonerack anymore, and what is fascinating about this transformation is watching the way a notorious narcissist who has based not just her entire "career" but almost everything in her adult life on flaunting her previously slender and spectacular figure is grappling with how to spin it. She has spun everything about herself with lies, mistruths, strategic omissions of information, exaggerations, etc. And here is something she cannot spin, she cannot hide, she cannot cover up, she cannot control without Photoshop. An image-control freak*, Jackles has lost control of her image for the first time since she pushed and elbowed and clawed her way into Internet stardom. The fact that the change in appearance comes right when she had hoped to extend her fame with that TMI Weekly shitshow makes it even more compelling.

Jackles lies all the time about her men, her friends, her associations, her business opportunities, her "tech" experience, etc., not just to her "fans," but to her friends and family. And here is something she absolutely cannot lie about. I am sure she's thought of ways to spin it, but no Bravo reality show executive ordered her to gain weight, and no wealthy tech gazillionaire told her he preferred meatier women. Like millions of other people in the world, including all of us, her body changed, and there's no way to spin it into something that makes her SO. SO. HAPPY. Instead she has to decide, like all of us, to either accept her new figure or to do something about it. And if she blogged about it honestly and with some humility, her "lifecast" might actually be interesting for a change. I actually think the glee about her change in appearance isn't so much that anyone actually thinks she's a heifer but that for the first time, this fameball freak cannot torque reality in her favor.

* A commenter noticed this hilarious example from this weekend of Jackles out with the teens and re-situating herself so that her "good side" is in the shot. I laughed harder at this than any photo ever taken of her. Too, too funny:

20 comments:

  1. As I've learnt from experience, if you eat late and don't sleep properly you gain weight. It's inevitable. Sleep is the true drug that we all need.

    If you stay up past 9:00pm staring at the laptop, you just.can't.sleep.properly.

    Do you really want me to post photos? hahah. No.

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  2. This is a really good and thoughtful post. I have actually been wondering myself why I am taking such delight in seeing the changes because it's true, girlfriend is NOT fat, but she has definately changed noticeably. And this is exactly why I am so happy about it. It's schadenfreunde or however you spell that and also just happiness that here is something she cannot lie about.

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  3. Foolia: Stop worrying about your good side. There is no good side anymore.

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  4. Check out the BITCHIN time I had with Stacey, Claudia, and Mary Anne!!! I can't wait to print out all these party pics and hang them on my fridge to show what a WICKED crazy bunch we all are!!!

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  5. I know we aren't supposed to dish on Mary--

    but her spelling...

    One video is captioned:

    "Tighten your tuchis" [she should just say ass]

    and

    "Does your inner thigh giggle"-- [I'm thinking jiggle?]

    although my inner thighs love to laugh.

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  6. So wait she go to all conferences but TMI and NS failing..

    would not the wise business woman but more efforts into saving the business rather than saving face?

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  7. Mary has Bush Jr's spellingh down perfectly :)

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  8. WTF? Why is she hanging out with a bunch of college kids?? How is that even remotely fun for someone pushing 30 who "doesn't drink"???

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  9. My inner thighs giggle at each other all the time!!!! OMG!!!! I love, does your inner thigh giggle? We need one of SUPER SQUAT Gawker images.

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  10. It's fun for insecure narcissists who have put on weight and are visibly aging to be around a bunch of drunk underclassman who keep reassuring her how hot she is.

    Cmon does anyone think she went for any other reason?

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  11. 10:16AM,

    She is hanging out with her "readers" just as Oprah often grabs a pizza and attends keggers with her fans on the weekends.

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  12. Mary should really start using joogle.

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  13. Jacy, this is a really smart assessment of why the weight-discussion is valid (and amusing).

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  14. I completely agree with this analysis. I for one would stop bodysnarking if JA came out and said "Yes, I gained weight and my habits could be healthier, but I accept myself the way I am." Too bad she can't look into her heart and do that.

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  15. "Oh, you're taking a picture?" [rapid swing around in chair to display imagined "good" side]. "Okay, now!"

    sad.com

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  16. Remember that video that a "fan" took in which Jabs asked to see the photos they'd posed for to make sure no one looked "fat." That's why Jacy and all of us are right now. Bravo Jacy! Awesome analysis.

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  17. Gwyneth's Inner AspectApril 27, 2009 at 1:30 PM

    Really well-written, Jacy.

    In my real life, I write about beauty and image. I have been completely fascinated by what you just described. One thing that is really interesting to me is just how small a change can take a person from viable media star, etc., to just NO.

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  18. Nicely put Jacy. Julia Allison should just own it instead of going to such extremes like photoshopping her own personal photos... that is just pathetic! Honesty would be refreshing, but even if she did own up to it, I'd still question her honestly and authenticity because she's been such a liar in the past.

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  19. What the hell is up with the look-at-me-eating shots?? When someone says they are going to take a picture - just swallow and smile. She acts like its a candid when everyone else around her quit hoovering pizza and posed for the photo. Why is the mid bite pose one of her favorites?!?

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