Thursday, May 21, 2009

Brother Britt: At Last My Sister Blogs About Fascinating Facts Not Involving Cupcakes and Headbands





Keeper: Penguins can projectile poop up to 7 feet. Want to hold one? Me: um. No. #SeaWorld

4 people were killed by sharks last year. 100,000,000 sharks were killed by people last year. #SeaWorld

Manatees are more expensive to feed than a killer whale (only eat lettuce, but have to eat 10% of their body weight!) #seaworld

SeaWorld fact - Sharks can give birth in 3 ways: egg, live & egg live (where the egg hatches INSIDE the uterus!!)


Who knew our Julia had so much interest in marine biology and not simply about herself? This is so refreshing coming on the heels of the bizarre astrology obsession. It's almost as though she has $517 riding on each Sea World post! Mother and Father are so pleased, not to mention Grandmother, who might have to sell off some family heirlooms in order to continue supporting our Jules.

73 comments:

  1. OMG those pics of her and her bumphumper SCREAM "this is how slumber party porno movies start".

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  2. She has no interest in blogging or twittering about the events she attends UNLESS she receives a payment per post (Conversation). She need not let us know when she has a sponsor anymore; if there's actual content (albeit grade school trivia), we will know ;-)

    so strange.

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  3. I just don't even understand this content - what does it have to do with anything that Julia is supposed to be an expert on or talking about on her blog? Really, are a bunch of girls reading her blog to learn more about the plight of the manatee? why did Sea World even waste their money on her attending?

    This entire thing makes my head hurt.

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  4. While I'm sure she's TOTALLY listening, these sound like bullet points out of a freakin' brochure. "SEAWORLD TRIVIA: Did you know... blahblahblahblah". Weak.

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  5. Your head wouldn't hurt if you enjoyed a refreshing Bartles & Jaymes Krazy Kiwi wine cooler!

    GIMZ SOME MONEYS NOW PLZ SPONSOR

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  6. Julia's stink of desperation almost smells as bad as her twice worn Juicy sweats.

    Still waiting on the disclosure she promised on her first "official" post from there. It that just more legal speak (these are unofficial posts you guys!) to skirt around having to disclose anything.

    She won't get paid unless she posts a very prominent badge on her blog, so I wouldn't worry about her making $517 per post.

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  7. I wonder how much Izea is paying her. They are paying her for "conversations," the CEO said seaworld was only providing travel/lodging but made a point to say conversation payment is between Julia and Izea.

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  8. Are they a couple? That girl (Ellie?) has her arm around her in a way that screams COUPLE to me.

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  9. Wow. Julia's fallen so low she's munching on a rug.

    Get it? See what I did thar???

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  10. TJ:
    It's so strange you would write something that. Have you even read Julia's blog? And it's not really her, you know, it's a "persona", a "brand".
    If you were paying attention you'd see that the persona/brand Julia has posted MANY pictures of herself sprawling in this or that private jet (oh, sure she flew on someone else's dime but that doesn't count does it? she was a welcome guest!), she's written tons about the "boys" she's dated, i.e., her "exes" ... far from getting paid that was more like "pay back"! (haha ... just kidding, jeez, don't be so serious, I'm not!)
    AND she has swooned over many a frothy wedding gown on her blog, even though no one is paying her and she certainly has no immediate need for one. Which, now that I mention it, is both worrisome and a little Sad. :(

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  11. Now that I think about it, this is probably just another ploy to get Gawker to talk about her. She wants to be the next Lindsey Lohan and this girl will be her Sam Ronson. Gawker only talks about her when there is a legitimate scandal- a la payola. There was a time that they reported on every haircut or picture on her blog. A little lesbian story will get her back on track. Pathetic I know, but you can tell me that these photos aren't staged to appear a certain way.

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  12. Awww. Aren't they adorable? The median age looks to be about 19. With certain outliers. cough cough
    http://twitpic.com/5mjnu

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  13. Geez, in that group photo above, Julia's legs look huuuuge. And the fact that she appears to be next to mommy bloggers from the midwest and still looks like the oldest and largest one there is sayin' something. (no offense to mommy bloggers from the midwest)

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  14. I think one of the reasons why MoreThanMary is so much more successful in terms of content is because Mary is not a raging narcissist and is actually capable of giving the spotlight to other people/products/things in a way that engages it on at least some rudimentary level of understanding. I am loathe to admit that I have actually found some of her references useful (checked out Ilus for a possible dress to wear to a wedding/sent the Eric Ripert vid to my dad). Julia, on the other hand, has no idea how to engage with content that is not JULIA ALLISON. Hence the textbook facts about manatees and shit. She's like, I'm getting paid to provide content? HERES UR CONTENT, cash now plz? This coverage is a total joke.

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  15. Her travel friend rbillow is married so any lesbian insinuation is purely on Julia's part. And I would not put it past her to create a faux coming out to drum up attention. She is just THAT desperate.

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  16. I dunno 11:59, going by that picture I'd say the only thing she looks desperate for is another round at the Cracker Barrel buffet

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  17. All of the other bloggers in that pic look pretty friendly with each other - arms around each other, etc. Julia is kind of out there on the end like an outcast... the person next to her totally has her back to her.

    And I don't think Julia is a lesbian - she's way to repressed, uptight and insecure to ever entertain that idea.

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  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  19. Nice touch how she never lets go of her phone as if to demonstrate to new buddy Ted that she's constantly ON THE JOB. Seaworld, Sewage treatment plants, Cheese Day in Wisconsin, she lifecasts the hell out of everything you pay for.

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  20. Julia: Lifecasting the HELL Outta You

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  21. It makes sense for mommy bloggers to be there (ethical stance on animals in captivity aside) and it makes sense for teenager bloggers to be there ... a single former dating columnist self-described "SATC Carrie 2.0", former gossip rag talking head, former [insert burned bridge here]? Makes NO sense. There is ZERO demographic overlap.

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  22. That scrotum sack (Mary's MOE click bag) that JABa is carrying looks like it has titties (or is stuffed with benwah balls). I'm very confused.

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  23. I love the MOE bag in the picture. Moe bags go everwhere, even to Sea World!

    Mary demand Julia return all her Moe Bags.

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  24. Skinny hipster in the center looks like she curses the day she agreed to a group photo.

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  25. Is that a skinny hipster or carol burnett

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  26. Oh wow. Maybe her skirt should have been a teeny bit longer.

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  27. The people in the pic look actually nice and friendly, but way too normal for her to feel comfortable. Can you imagine any of them having a real conversation with her?

    Julia: So, you also blog, eh?
    Mommy blogger: Yes, I started out on a whim while I was pregnant and had so many questions. Hubby and I thought it would be a good idea to take it online because many women are facing the same questions.
    Julia: You're married? Isn't it great that now you never have to work out again?
    Mommyblogger: Um..well, actually -
    Julia (interrupts): Oh and did you have breakdancers at your wedding too? I'm gonna have breakdancers at mine.
    Mommyblogger: No breakdancers, but I loved planning the wedding. How long until yours?
    Julia: I'm thinking in five years and will start date hunting for Mr. Right in July.

    Mommy blogger slowly backs away while Julia keeps braying on and on and on...

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  28. Oyyy that skirt. These days are long, long gone.

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  29. I wonder if she'll demand ted murphy kill that photo... hmm.

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  30. Julia Allison has now posted more words about her visit to seaworld than she did about the Davos World Economic Forum, or the Inauguration of Barack Obama.

    (pause)

    I just think we should really reflect on that. for a minute.

    Ok.

    And watching her post 7th grade Weekly-Reader info fun! facts about manatees and shit is hard. It's humiliating. It's like watching the school principal become a cafeteria lady.

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  31. And it's fine those days are long gone. Really fine julia. But time to shop somewhere besides 5*7*9, okay?

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  32. "Jacquelyn is teaching us about what sea world does when they rescue animals. "

    Her blog literally reads like a 1st grade "class book" about a field trip to the Aquarium. You know, those half pages of writing/half pages of illustration books that go on to be laminated???

    Oh Julia, I'll print out and laminate these keepsakes for you if you want.

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  33. Sea World by Jill Bawor

    We went to See Worlds. It was fun. We saw the fishes. I saw a manty. Mantatys are like the cupcakes of the sea. It was a nice trip. I liked Sea Worlds.

    The End

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  34. The old foggie male bloggers sure like taking photos of Julia, though:

    http://twitpic.com/5mm52

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  35. Here is Julia wearing that same blue polk a dot skirt/dress less than a year ago, last Fourth of July. She looks like she's aged 10 years and gained 20 pounds when you compare this picture to today's picture.

    http://tinypic.com/r/macw77/5

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  36. Below are the last 8 or so mentions of "Julia Allison" on twitter:

    SPerrett: I don't understand the appeal of Julia Allison. What's interesting about her? What makes her special? http://tinyurl.com/qk7p3n
    about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck

    ryanatmghwom: Paying for blog posts is the worst thing ever. Shaking my head at Julia Allison. http://bit.ly/tv4DV
    about 3 hours ago from TweetDeck

    wahooligan: Oh please, God, let Julia Allison be impaled by a walrus at Sea World. http://is.gd/BU0x #uselesspeople

    matttharp: Has anyone else noticed that lifecasting is completely dead? Because, the lifecasters haven't. (FYI- Julia Allison and iJustine.)
    about 20 hours ago from Netvibes

    sarandipity: @kibbykat Crazy...but crazy brilliant if you're into that sort of thing. :) PS...I think Julia Allison is toxic, too. :)
    about 22 hours ago from web

    mariasaidwhat: @elysa she's so hyper! i used to like her and julia allison, but now they are both caricatures.
    about 22 hours ago from web

    kibbykat: @tedmurphy - Julia Allison is toxic.
    about 22 hours ago from web

    goodghandi: Mmmmm @greggrunberg Worst. Twitterer. Ever. except for julia allison but she tents my robe, if you know what i'm saying.
    1 day ago from web

    190east: Link: Gawker - Julia Allison Shills for Sea World - how not to engage ‘influencers’ for your campaign, I... http://tumblr.com/x4x1tsb3v
    1 day ago from Tumblr

    mollieann: i love how gawker rips julia allison. it's great.
    1 day ago from web

    singlenycguy: I changed my mind. Julia Allison is kinda annoying. But I still can't look away
    1 day ago from TwitterBerry

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  37. I hope her bump it didn't fly out when she was riding the #manta coaster at #sea world*

    * please give me my 41 cents per click now, ok, thx bai

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  38. Skinny hipster in the middle is actually a very smart Web 2.0 blogger/entrepreneur who could run rings around Julia Allison. Name of Gwen Bell. Unfortunately she has been tweeting the hell out of this little junket, which caused me to unfollow her on Twitter. I just cannot take this sponsored conversation shit, whether the pay is cash or transfer of value.

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  39. Yellow headband, yellow fingernails, yellow hoodie.
    And what colour is IZEA's logo? (the lightbulb?)
    Oh, again, so clever! because yes, y'all, it too is yellow!

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  40. At least Gwen Bell properly disclosed her trip:

    "In the effort of full disclosure - everything I tweet, touch or blog from now until the time I leave Florida on Saturday - has been paid for and brought to you by - Anheuser-Busch. Which owns (among many other brands) SeaWorld. Which is opening up a new ride called Manta and…has invited some New Media folks down to sunny Florida to cover the event."

    http://www.gwenbell.com/2009/05/20/this-time-i-refuse-to-wear-the-poncho/

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  41. panty thief: you're right. I followed one of Gwen's links about it the other day, but I still can't stand the whole sponsored conversation bullcrap. It drives me mad.

    Gwen is a very sharp cookie. It amuses me to imagine a conversation between her and Little Miss Muffett Julia Allison.

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  42. How mature and professional of Gwen. She gives her readers all the info. If they don't want to read her blog-for-pay content, they can read elsewhere for those days. If they enjoy her enough, they'll continue reading despite the blog-for-pay disclosure. She'll builds a relationship based on trust with her readers.

    It's really not that hard, Julia. Have a nice day!

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  43. Party Pants: AMAZING comparison. Nice work.

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  44. Wow JABA's hair is really thin and broken looking. She needs to find some kind of shampoo sponsor. That group pic is awful of her. It would have been a lot better without that hideous skirt.

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  45. I already hate this bray for pay bullshit. It's not a sponsored conversation, asses. It's you tweetspamming me. Do the math.

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  46. Jing: I thought she handled it well even if I didn't like what she was doing. I can always re-follow post junket. There's a way to conduct yourself in these matters--trust Julia Allison to do the opposite.

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  47. Absolutely, Dys. And I'm not into bray for pay either because it just looks so phoney. There must be a better way. But GWen handled it well and you can resub post if you want. She gave you the option. That's how a respectful person acts.

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  48. Turned off SeaworldMay 21, 2009 at 1:33 PM

    Living in San Diego I was actually thinking of overcoming my doubts and finally taking my 2 kids to Seaworld this Summer, now I'm reminded of what a crass operation they are and will remain steadfastly opposed to them.

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  49. Julia Allison, advertising kryptonite, strikes again.

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  50. Anyone notice how the blogger group photo has a sort of arced-in thing going on that ends with Julia? Either the other bloggers don't like her, or she pulled yet another awkward stunt to make sure the camera got her "good" side.

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  51. Julia: Wait, move to the left, I need more room...
    Mommyblogger: *humph*
    Julia: No, really, this is my good side.
    Mommyblogger: What?
    Julia: Wouldn't you like to lean in a little more, maybe tilt your head?
    Mommyblogger: I'm just happy to have a clean shirt with spit up on it!

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  52. "About to try the brand new 56 mph rollarcoaster Manta. I freaking LOVE rollarcoasters!!about 2 hours ago from txt "
    ...
    Really, did someone do like, experiments on her as a child that made her fucking brain damaged?

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  53. When I think Web 2.0, I think Sea World. The connection is obvious.

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  54. 56mph???

    Um, isn't that kinda like slow for a roller coaster. I have RCs but I thought they went well over 100. I could be wrong.

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  55. Nevermind. Apparently roller coasters only go faster in my mind because I'm afraid of them.

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  56. WUZZUP KNOBGOBBLERS!!! I'm back to tell you about yourselves, proving my superiority! Ironic Slanket? You know him? He weighs 467 lbs - SINCE HE LOST WEIGHT, that is! He sits around his dad's basement between shifts at the Burrito Kingdom. He is the pround owner of over 900 porn dvds and according to Tauren lore he killed a warrior when only a level 31 cat druid.

    Also he eats cream cheese with his fingers!!!! OMGGAYFATTY!

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  57. what picture are you guys talking about? what group picture?

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  58. I feel so bad for all the other new media folks that are forced to deal with the braying donkey. They all look so normal ... and then there's our Jackles, in a color coordinated outfit only appropriate for cheerleading squad's warmups prior to the high school football game. 18 going on 28...oh wait, SHE IS 28.

    The old pictures also point out - a year or so ago, Julia was always in bikinis, short dresses, etc... the pose only came out on the "red carpet" shots (where, quite frankly, everyone does it). Now, every single photo, she is doing the most ridiculous poses to conceal her body. A year ago, she wouldn't be using the Juicy hoodie over a minidress.

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  59. Remember when she wore belts with like, everything? And was always bragging about her 25 inch waist?

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  60. OMG pp - that miniskirt is barely covering her ass. Gross. Same dress, just less than a year ago:

    http://tinypic.com/r/macw77/5


    anon 2:31- it's a twitpic from Ted Murphy/IZEA ceo's twitter --
    http://twitpic.com/5mjnu

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  61. When Julia's hair isn't styled to within an inch of its life - clip in hair and all - it really does look terrible, doesn't it? Thin, stringy and dull. Just more fun side effects from the blueprint cleanse. Yay.com!!!!

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  62. "Nevermind. Apparently roller coasters only go faster in my mind..."

    Yes, but not "rollarcoasters," which are much speedier.

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  63. I think we can all agree oh Jubes ain't no "139". 14 lbs doesn't look like that unless she's 4'11".

    Rules for Jules, Vol 1

    1. You're almost 30 and hon, your legs...I mean, look down. Skirts an inch at most above those sausage patties you call knees.

    2. If you were wearing it a year and 28 lbs ago, you should not be wearing it now.

    3. Never take a leprachauns gold.

    4. 5-7-9 is for people who WEAR a 5, 7 or 9. You are 11-13 hon. That's fine; I like gravy too. But please go buy some shit in the correct size.

    5. "The Funky Bunch" collection from Wet'n'Wild nail polish is for girls under 17. Stop being a fucking retard.

    xoxox

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  64. Ha ha, good catch 2:52. Apparently Little Miss Journalist Julia Allison is getting her spelling tips from Mary "thrown" Rambin and Meghan "cubical" Asha now.

    Wow, Partypants, what an unfortunate picture. The strained arched back, the standing on the tip toes for super flexing of the leg muscles, the contorted over the shoulder pose, the too short skirt... I almost pity the poor girl.

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  65. Imaginary Enemy: LOL!

    The standing against a rail pose also worked so much better in 2008:

    http://valleywag.gawker.com/5029462/julia-allison-just-wont-leave

    I typed this link by hand, btw. Why does blogger hate copy and paste with firefox too all of a sudden? And that is why I need cream cheese.

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  66. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pphvXSjh0Go&feature=dir

    It's sad how when the other girl starts talking she stops listening, catches herself, and gives the camera a pity smile.

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  67. I think we have figured out why she wears black tights all the time, though.

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  68. The legs are ridiculous. Babar and Dumbo cackle at Jackle

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