Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Julia: Now Here's a Surefire Way to Attract a Decent Man



Saw this cute guy at Met’s on mulberry in soho - anyone know who he
is?



Holy shit, no. She didn't actually post a photo of an innocent stranger out buying some salad fixings and ask thousands of other strangers to identify him for her so she could pursue him, did she?

Pretend you're this dude. At some point tonight, a concerned friend calls to alert you to the fact that you've been surreptitiously photographed by the biggest lunatic in Manhattan and then had your unknowing mug posted on her widely maligned blog. I'm sure you'd be eager to date her, and to wait for 11 dates -- or between four to six months -- for access to her golden vagina, of course telling her "I love you" first. Because nothing says stable, long-term girlfriend material more than something like what she did right here.

Momsers? Are you reading? Please help your daughter.

UPDATE: We just Photoshopped out this guy's head so as not to contribute to the violation of privacy.

44 comments:

  1. I believe that's a crime.

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  2. New York City has how many people... I dunno, 8 million? And she hopes that someone she knows also knows this guy? Maybe she's still single b/c she needs to date someone within her techie circles, someone who can appropriately ooh and ahh over all her interwebs successes. Maybe she can actually, you know, meet men the normal way. But I'm sure she's terrified of having to be judged on her real personality by someone who has never heard of her. I feel a little sorry for her... caught in her own self-made fameball bubble.

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  3. I think Jankles should just get hooked up with John Fitzgerald Page and they can breed some fameball hellspawn and endscene.

    Stop denying your destiny, Janks!

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  4. bitch has truly gone 'round the bend now. this is actual, full-on lunacy.

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  5. In the words of Charlie Murphy: she's a habitual line stepper.

    How long before someone alerts her to how crazy this is and she deletes the entry?

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  6. She's gotta be joking, right? Although, either way, she's still posting the face of a stranger. I cannot being to understand, as usual, her intentions.

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  7. Gosh, this is sad and not to mention somewhat illegal. Did the dude consent for his image to be posted publicly on the internet? Thought not...

    And if anyone knows who he is and tells Julia, what then? She will stalk him? Really, she has no boundaries and that is dangerous territory.

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  8. What a moronic turd. There are no words.

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  9. We just Photoshopped out his head.

    But seriously, what if you're some guy who's in a place he's not supposed to be? You've called in sick in Philadelphia or something to spend a couple of days with your significant other, what have you. You know, sort of if people had photographed her eating a slice of pizza at a Domino's when she was telling people she was at the Bloomberg after-party or something. Or people photographing her several blocks away from Obama's inauguration when she tried to imply she'd attended it.

    Jackass.

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  10. Records CustodianMay 12, 2009 at 10:04 PM

    Normally, this would NOT be illegal, but the fact that she has ads on her blog could make it a right of publicity/privacy issue.

    If only she had an attorney in the family.

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  11. She thinks stalking = friendship.

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  12. should we post her dad's email address? it's totes easy to track down. she could use a lawyer right about now.

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  13. Mr. Baugher prosecutes and defends commercial cases throughout the United States. He has won major trials, including a multi-million dollar contractual indemnification suit, a million dollar jury verdict in a business acquisition dispute, and a multi-million dollar claim against the U.S. Government. Representing a Texas bank in New York federal court, Mr. Baugher obtained a $53 million judgment against Iraq’s primary commercial bank, and subsequently pursued the Central Bank of Iraq for further relief through successful Second Circuit appeals in 1998 and 2002.

    Mr. Baugher has represented clients in matters involving breach of contract and fraud, commercial banking, securities fraud and insider trading, corporate control and intracorporate disputes, patent and trademark infringement, trade secrets, employee noncompete and confidentiality agreements, antitrust, class action, and product liability claims. His clients have included AK Steel Corporation, DeVry, The Fairchild Corporation, Credit Suisse First Boston, Frontier Corporation, The Northern Trust Bank, Household International, Comdisco, J.P. Morgan Chase Bank, and Nabisco Corporation. He has testified as a witness, most recently as an expert on U.S. securities laws and litigation at a trial in the Bahamas.

    Mr. Baugher is President of the Chicago International Dispute Resolution Association, and was principal drafter of Illinois’ 1998 International Commercial Arbitration Act. He has arbitrated business disputes independently and for the American Arbitration Association and National Association of Securities Dealers (FINRA). He has chaired both the Chicago Bar Association’s Federal Civil Practice Committee and its International and Foreign Law Committee, is a member of the American Law Institute and the American Bar Association, and served on the Seventh Circuit Bar Association's American Jury Project Commission. He is a member of the Illinois Bar and the Trial Bar of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Illinois, and is admitted to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court. Mr. Baugher is a member of the Executive Committee of Schopf & Weiss.

    Mr. Baugher lectures frequently on litigation topics to bar groups and industry associations. He serves as a director of the Sabre Foundation, the country's leading international book donation organization, and was for many years a director of the Illinois Humanities Council. In 2003, he received the Arnold Berlin Award for Service to Princeton University. In 2005, a statewide survey published in Chicago Magazine ranked Mr. Baugher one of the top ten attorneys in Illinois, and he is routinely listed in professional polls as one the state's foremost business litigators and arbitrators.

    Mr. Baugher graduated from Yale Law School in 1973, where he was an editor of the Yale Review of Law and Social Action. He received his undergraduate degree from Princeton University in 1970. Following law school, Mr. Baugher clerked for Seventh Circuit Judge Philip W. Tone. Before joining Schopf & Weiss in 1989, Mr. Baugher was a partner at Schiff Hardin & Waite, and Adams, Fox, Adelstein & Rosen.

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  14. You seriously have to wonder about Julia Allison's mental state at this point.

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  15. Violation of Privacy...wow. Who hasn't seen a cutie they'd like to follow home or off the train? You just mope about not having the guts to approach him and move on...

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  16. Records CustodianMay 12, 2009 at 10:23 PM

    She took a picture of him, rather than introducing herself or saying hi.

    Life is better experienced on the internet, rather than in person.

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  17. Uh, why didn't she just introduce herself to the guy? Afraid he isn't rich enough or important enough? Or afraid he'd look at her and brush her off? And the answer is to post his picture to find out if he QUALIFIES, and if so, to have a reader notify him of his brush with GREATNESS and direct him to her SUPER INTERESTING blog?

    Loon.

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  18. Hanging Chad, she didn't approach a guy and try to meet him. She just took a surreptitious photo of a stranger and posted it on a public website.

    I'd sooner approach a guy and say "hi" before violating his privacy like that psycho did.

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  19. Has anyone emailed her directly to tell her how wrong this is?

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  20. 10:12 But the real question is can he cook? The man's wife makes a 7 layer dip of cranberries, sour cream, gummi bears, hershey kisses, anchovies, mango, and cake frosting.

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  21. I think she only did it because she was on her way to Rex Sorgatz's place (!!). I can only imagine how that is going. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaah

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  22. aww why do you guys keep thinking her parents should step in? her parents bought her a new nose and boobs

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  23. Julia, dear, normal would be telling your friend you just saw a cute guy at the store and moving on. Normal would also be saying hello to the guy while at the store. Weird, but tolerable, would be writing about it on your blog since you don't have friends. Maybe where u saw him what he was wearing. Crazy is taking a picture of a stranger without asking and posting it the Internet. God, go away

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  24. Julia gets served, hehe:
    http://langer.tumblr.com/post/106974221

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  25. She really is a complete simpleton.

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  26. No, I agree it's a total violation. Bad sentence structure on my part.

    [redacted] NonEntity - Paradigm Shifter! - Um Um Um said...

    Hanging Chad, she didn't approach a guy and try to meet him. She just took a surreptitious photo of a stranger and posted it on a public website.

    I'd sooner approach a guy and say "hi" before violating his privacy like that psycho did.

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  27. Well, for those who've been predicting a major mental meltdown, I guess the wait is over. She is truly ill and needs help.
    Sad.

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  28. Oh my GOD - that's me!

    I'm calling my lawyer right now.

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  29. Easy, easy guys. Hey, hey... this is no big deal.

    I mean, I just saw a possible life partner too. And I wouldn't want anyone erasing it, the way Pine Sol Indoor Fresh forumal totally elimanates stains.

    What I'm saying is, look, hey: who was that weird blond-haired girl on the V train with me? Like 6-ish? She had on awesome tight jeans? Blue sweater? Reading something? Hello? Anyone?

    Yes, it's NYC. Sure. And why would the few people JA knows, also know this weird guy she saw? And why would any of you know Miss Tight Pants V-Train?

    But still...

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  30. I just got really baked like I do every Tuesday night and needed some munchies. So I stepped out for some cheetos and chocolate covered almonds - how the fuck was I supposed to know Julia Allison would be there. Jesus Christ man.

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  31. Pine Sol gets me highMay 13, 2009 at 12:41 AM

    Tight pants? V train? Gotta be Hilary Dorkenkemperflokken. Yep, it's her all right. Blue sweater, blonde hair, and she can read. It's her.

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  32. Pine Sol,
    See? Problem solved. Blond cutie identified!

    Um, now I'm hungry. What's the address for that NYC mexican place?

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  33. Just another Julia Allison internet meme-y gimmick, tryin' to be the inamored subway guy all over again, get some pub. Don't think it'll happen, though.

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  34. Seriously, she was all over that dude who posted the love-drawing of that girl he saw on the subway, and who immediately became internet microfamous (well, they both did) because of it. I think he even worked at Jakob's former company. She even coached the poor sap on taking advantage of the publicity if I am not misremembering, which of course I may be, sob. This is just poor overlooked, wonk-eyed Julia's lame little attempt at the same. Doubt anyone will pick up on it other than RBNS, however.

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  35. getting back to meghan's twittergasm:

    Just setting up my new 'Meghan' twitter account. Can't wait to merge the two together- SO STOKED! about 15 hours ago from web

    she probably believes this is some great technological feat. SO STOKED for more soggy cheerios content.

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  36. Posted here for posterity, because it will likely be deleted tomorrow - JAB's latest late-night conversation with her imaginary internet friends:

    Hi. We need to talk.

    So, I’ve been getting a few emails recently from “concerned readers.” What were they concerned about, you ask? Well - ostensibly - me.

    Why am I not writing so much? they wanted to know. Why have I not tried therapy? they wanted to know. When will I apologize publicly to Jakob Lodwick? they demanded. (Um? Wha???) What will I do now that I’ve “lost my looks”? (Yes, I got an entire email which used that very phrase.)

    There were some positive questions too (So what’s up with all the posts and info about your weight? Have you looked at yourself in those dresses? Did you even need to wear Spanx?) … but the really fun ones used caps to indicate their displeasure “I am MAD!” and then wondered, “Why should readers care about seeing you pose with famous people? “

    Um … I don’t really know. Maybe they shouldn’t! Maybe they don’t!

    Listen, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you (even the guy who fake-worried about my looks). I hate disappointing people. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be happy with me.

    But the truth is, I’m starting to feel like trying to make other people happy is a pretty sure recipe for my own unhappiness.

    I thought I could do it all … and I can’t. As I wrote back in January:

    This site is supposed to be light entertainment. Maybe it’s break in your day, maybe it makes you think or smile or laugh or feel less alone, or maybe it’s just your [cliche alert] “guilty pleasure” - I don’t care why you read it, to be honest, as long as it makes you feel good. And if it doesn’t? If you don’t like my content or you feel it should be different? Then - and stay with me here, because this is complicated - don’t. visit. this. website.

    I’m sorry if I’ve over-promised and under-delivered - especially recently. I’ve already slowed the frequency and depth of my posts, so instead of blogging until 4 am, I’m actually sleeping at night (mostly). It’s sort of nice, actually.

    The truth is, attempting to live your life - while recording it - is not actually as fun or easy as it looks (and believe me, I get it: it looks very easy indeed). It’s a math problem, actually. Let’s assume you have a fairly light 8 hour day, but you need to “cover” it. Assume that even the least competent/witty coverage takes 50-200% of the time of any given activity. That’s a potential 4 to 16 hour addition to a NORMAL day.

    When blogging is not your only responsibility - and it’s not - that can quickly become overwhelming. Add that to my overzealous travel schedule from the last six months, along with filming and more behind the scenes drama than I care to revisit - well, I’m astounded I’ve managed to record as much as I have.

    And sometimes - I know, this will shock you - sometimes I just don’t want to document my life. I don’t want to take a photo. I don’t want to talk about what I’m doing. I don’t want to sit down and write a recap. And yes, other times I will want to write something - and then I’ll think to myself, “you know what? I don’t want to be judged.”

    The truth is, I’m tired. Really tired. But not in a bad way … or a sad way. Not in a … okay, wtf. Why does this sound like a Dr. Seuss book right now?

    I just - I need some time to think. I need space - and distance. Time for a lot of the thoughts I’ve been having to percolate. I think one of the biggest problems with blogging is that - almost by definition - it allows very little time for percolating.

    Look, I didn’t like politics because of the incessant sucking up, the glad-handing, the constant and obsessive and inherent need politicians had to please their constituents. But lately, that’s what I feel like I’ve created - this tiny microcosm where everyone has an opinion on my life. Imagine sitting in a room with forty people all yelling simultaneously about what, exactly, you should say, act, feel, do - and how, exactly, you’ve screwed up. Except these aren’t people who care about you. Mostly they’re people who DON’T care about you.

    It can get a little … overwhelming. And yes, the negativity does get to me - I’m a positive, optimistic, and generally sunny person, and I try to avoid reading the “haters,” if you will, but a single nasty comment can still upset me. Yeah, I’m human. Unfortunately. ;)

    Have I made mistakes? Um … absolutely. No one’s debating that, least of all me. I’m still trying to figure this whole “life” thing out.

    Here’s the response I just sent to a reader:

    Julia,

    What exactly is going on with you these days (refer to your latest IM with Dan)??? People think you are sad/rundown for a reason—your posts and tweets. You don’t come across as very happy (or even near) at this point. Maybe I don’t know what you are going for. I think we have some of the same issues— you just always gloss over everything or pretend you’re so.so.happy (I’m not trying to be ugly, but let’s get real). You’re like EveryWoman.

    What is it you want to do? What do you want to accomplish? What is the status for nonsociety?

    I’m doing a major lifestyle rehaul for my cousin’s wedding (the 1st week of June, I know this is near the same time as your Georgetown get together). What are you doing to prepare?

    Are you really doing anything? Do you care at all about readers? there’s no way to post this on your “community” website (disappointment).

    Please don’t send me another form email.

    thanks

    And what I wrote back to her:

    I’m definitely at a crossroads, but they’re not unhappy … that’s the thing. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I *AM* quite happy - I just feel very … quiet. And that’s not normal for me. I guess I just want some privacy! hahah oh, the irony.
    With regard to your questions … I don’t know what I want to do, which is why I’ve said nothing about it. I’m not sure what I want to accomplish, which is why I’ve said nothing about it. I don’t know what the status of nonsociety is, which is why I’ve said nothing about it.

    I can’t speak to these things, because I simply don’t have the answers. I don’t really feel the urge to document my life much lately, but I also know that I’m way, way overdue for a non-blogging vacation. So … things may change after that? I don’t really know, to be honest with you.

    I’ve been working on a post about it, but it’s hard to find the right words to explain what I feel in my heart - which is - I’m at a fork in the road, but it’s not an unhappy fork, you know? I’ve accomplished most everything I set out to accomplish when I graduated from college. And now I need new goals … but I’m not sure what those goals are yet.

    As I said to Dan last night, I wish there were a more positive term for “quarterlife crisis.” I don’t feel like I’m in the midst of a crisis - I just feel as if some of the things which used to make me happy, no longer do.

    And so it’s up to me to take the time to figure out where I’m going next. If I lose you, if you decide not to come back as I’m taking time to figure out my next steps, I understand. But “life hands us whatever experiences we need for the evolution of our consciousness” - or so goes an Eckhart Tolle quote I repeat to myself frequently.

    And right now, life is telling me to slow down and think a bit.

    So please forgive me if that’s what I do.

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  37. Sounds like someone's setting the stage for her departure from New York and her general lack of work. YOU GUYS, I'm not a sad, unemployed loser, I'm taking some QUIET TIME, mmmkay?

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  38. If every single person who was offended by her lack of coverage and embarrassing persona didn't.read.her.website, then she wouldn't have a "business." Wait... she doesn't.

    I think it's hilarious that she's justifying her not working at all on her business by being "tired."

    We get it, Julia. But you've got to realize that you're not tired from working; you're tired from being you.

    Unfortunately you will soon and inevitably realize that you can't escape from that.

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  39. Dan should read this.

    http://www.pinyin.info/chinese/crisis.html

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  40. Jules,

    We are confused are you saying that your blog/NonSociety.com is a farce and joke and thus you whole business including TMI Weekly is a joke?

    are you going out of Business?

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  41. Exactly Anon 5.16.
    All I can think is what a train wreck of a post this is for a potential investor/employer to read.

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  42. She probably doesn't really think he's cute. She probably just saw him pull out a Black AmEx.

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  43. uhm not to defend Julia, but, I saw the guy's face on her site, and I'm pretty sure he's a celeb & she just wasn't quite sure of what his name is. I don't know his name myself, but I can think of a movie he was in.

    It's still creepy, but I think her intention was just to figure out who this guy was & not stalk him for a date (though, considering her past actions, that prob was her final intention hahah)

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  44. 10:46: "Cute guy?" I don't think so. If she thought it was a celebrity, she would have said so.

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