Sunday, May 10, 2009

UPDATE: Julia -- Dear God Not The Kissy Face

UPDATE: Now with a new photo! And some information about some fascinating new Tweets!






That's right. She weasels her way into the White House Corros' Dinner by riding on OMG OMG OMG RANDI ZUCKERBERG'S coat-tails, she gets her ass onto the red carpet, and she trots out this tired, old, excruciatingly embarrassing pose. Attention Jackles: You are nobody. You are not a starlet blowing kisses to your fans. You have no fans. There is no one on the other side of the camera who is yearning for your air kisses. Please retire this, pronto. It really isn't working, in particular, now that you look like you've taken a break from your Peoria bowling league's weekly Pizza and Pins Night to hit the big city with your husband, the town life insurance salesman.

After Tweeting ":)" last night, this morning she Tweeted this: ":) :)." That's right, everyone, DOUBLE HAPPY FACES! She is SO SO SO HAPPY! It's a beautiful day in D.C. and she has missed it SO MUCH! She is HAPPY despite failing to get close to any real celebrities! An 82-year-old man widely regarded in D.C. as being stark-raving mad asked her to come to his brunch, though! SO HAPPY!

99 comments:

  1. Pretty generous of you to compare her to a married woman, Peoria or anywhere else.

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  2. I spy bobby pins.

    I wish I understood walking around with cheap-ass 1950s diner waitress bobbypins. Can't she find some kind of decorative hair clip that serves the same purpose but doesn't look so low-rent and trashy?

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  3. Can't she wash her hair/pelts?

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  4. It looks like Claire's was having a two-for-one special on Pretty Princess rhinestone jewelry.

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  5. Even her tits are saggy and fat!

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  6. Hair should have been up!!! PELTS is correct, anon 11:10. That's a grease mop right there. She's got like a KFC 12 piece under those bobby pins.

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  7. Politico writer Patrick Gavin covered the WHCD and Capitol File after-party with Twit pics. Check out this pissy-faced twit. Colin has a stalker.

    http://twitpic.com/4w3p2

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  8. She is fat now. (And Randi is gross.)

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  9. amazing that randi doesn't have better friends

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  10. Let's be honest - the kissy face pose was done for two reasons. One, it allows Julia to show off her cleavage, the only physical feature she hasn't managed toe screw up yet. Two, Julia can do her patented "hand on hip" pose, as not to show how undefined her arm muscles are.

    For someone who's allegedly 28, she's wearing a dress that was modeled after Helen Mirren's Oscar gown two years ago. Perhaps it's not the best connotation, seeing as the 60+ year old actress has a much better body than Julia Allison.

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  11. Betsy 11:40AM - GREAT find! Jacy? I really think this photo (that Betsy posted) deserves to be posted on RBNS. It's truly classic Jankles: greasy, slightly pissed off, bitter, looking for the next person to talk to who can do something for her.

    Anon 11:18AM - you made me LOLZ!!

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  12. Here's a close-up of that pissy face: http://yfrog.com/0pjuliaatwhcd1j

    (Pissy! Excellent description!)

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  13. Betsy, fame-whore saw cameras flashing and stopped dead in her tracks, then was pissed when she realized none were trained on her lame nobody ass.

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  14. Colleen 12:01PM - Pissy is the PERFECT description! Love your close-up of 'pissy' face. God DAMN, the RBNS-ers are a clever bunch.

    And why in the hell does Politico say she's a 'columnist'? Columnist for whom? Is this part of her living 'The Secret'? Wish for it and it will happen?

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  15. To sum up.
    She got into the dinner which is bad enough. Apparently nobody took notice of her, except for that kissy face after party shot she probably insisted on doing, which must have killed her.
    She did not meet Ed Westwick. This girl did: http://twitpic.com/4vy5c. Which must have killed her.
    She got a brunch invite. From John McLaughlin. (btw, since he appears to have written for Nixon too, does he know the Baugher family? possibly). Which must have killed her.
    Did she imagine it like this? I seriously doubt it.

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  16. Expiration Dating ColumnistMay 10, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    This is the funniest site on the Internet

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  17. Why the clinched teeth Jackles, thought you had an epic time party girl...FAIL

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  18. RZ is trailing behind like a mouse following a bull in a china shop.

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  19. What's the best that randi asked her weeks ago and now regrets it?

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  20. She does, Anon @ 12:24? I thought Randi was too far gone for that.

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  21. bitter, fat, mean, angry ... wow

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  22. i think scary mary is pretty spot on with this one: http://theressomethingaboutmary.tumblr.com/post/105723117

    so happy to see that screenshot of jackles from c-span!

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  23. i mean BET not "best" - silly iPhone ;x

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  24. How nice, two tweets already today, nary a mention of Mother's Day wishes for Momsers NOR Granny Baugh. Must be nice having her as a daughter/granddaughter! Also find it hilarious that many "non-famous"(har) dinner guests were getting pics with celebs (I recall someone tweeting about taking one with John Hamm on the feed the other evening) and she didn't. Sad. :(

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  25. Off topic. Has this little ironic gem received the attention it so clearly deserves?

    http://supersonicelectronic.com/post/104681429/suck-it-julia-allison-when-the-fuck-did

    If being BFFs with Karp doesn't help to boost her tumblr popularity, then I guess people simply really don't like her. Sad:(

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  26. (Off topic) I was curious to see what would come up if I typed 'Julia Allison' in the icerocket.com image search. We've seen most of these photos before. But I've found this amazing series shot by Michael McDonald @ SXSW.

    Jankles! You are SUCH a FUCKING LOSER. Who do you think you are? Miley Cyrus???

    http://tiny.cc/BJTat

    A legend in your own mind, right Jankles?

    And, special for you RBNS-ers:

    http://tiny.cc/0TpAe

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  27. These pictures are all hilarious. The Cspan one gave me a good laugh. What a nut job. It must hurt her bobby pinned brain to realize that people who have worked hard for a living have absolutely no interest in her. She used to get some guys to bite at NY media parties but now she's just an aging fat chuck with nothing of any substance to offer anyone. Even after living a vapid, consumption focus life for the last 30 years she qcnt even offer useful comments on hair health or elk applied makeup. She's a failure at even being a hot useless girl. Love it.

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  28. ZOMG Avid rbns reader Jackles just tweeted a HMD missive to Momsers in knee jerk response to 12:40. And, hilariously accepted McLaughlin's brunch invite since an OBO never came from Ed Westwick, or anyone else for that matter.

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  29. Who is this frumpy middle-aged woman and why do you all care so much about her?

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  30. It's official: Poofy has BECOME Phoebe Price.

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  31. JA has not expired, she can get 82 year olds.
    hehe

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  32. Not helping, Jackles, not helping:

    http://twitpic.com/4xfik

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  33. As loathsome as Phoebe is, she's more interesting and harder working and a more successful famewhore than JA will ever be.

    I can't believe I just said something positive about Phoebe Price.

    Oh, and Phoebe is also much skinnier, although she doesn't look any better in her leathered skin and bones than Julia does in her flaccid bloat.

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  34. Wow, she really brings the creepy. She looks batshit crazy.

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  35. Wow, that's a bad ensemble all around. The jewelry, the dress. It's not about it being flattering. Finding anything flattering for her body would be hard. She puts her chest on overdrive but anybody who has seen her IRL knows about the stumpy troll bottom half. But the outfit overall is bad. Her lack of money and cheapness is always evident.

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  36. Poofy wishes she looked as good as Phoebe Price (bloat).

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  37. Jesus wtf with that dress! She looks like she should be named Loreene, the slutty, middle aged, beer guzzling sister of the bride.

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  38. OMG, Randi is morphing into a second Julia.
    The smile, the pose, the angle.
    http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/photo.php?pid=35569614&id=1402715&ref=mf

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  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  40. randi is totally gross. she is devaluing facebook by the second. GOOD WORK, FACE OF FACEBOOK!!!

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  41. Kimberly Vertolli is my new favorite Jackles' frenemy.

    From JA's fb page:
    http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv260/photobug1234/Picture2.png

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  42. Julia must be burning: Gawker is running Ana Marie Cox's photos from WHCD.

    Time for Famewhore Death Match.

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  43. But honestly, why would Gawker want to run something like this

    http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/105894751-0-2

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  44. Actually, in that Facebook link, Randi looks pretty good. I mean, good in terms of Randi. Better than JA.

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  45. How tall is Julia Allison? Because she's never appeared all that tall in photos, which is why the voluminous skirts she wears to cover her butt aren't the best choice. Big full ballgowns on petite women often make them appear dumpier and fatter, even if they aren't in reality.

    And for that dress (or, um, for any black tie event), the hair should be up, not down in some sort of weird 50s sock hop style.

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  46. And also, she needed to have gotten the dress bodice fitted. It's loose under the arm.

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  47. Hey- I loathe Phoebe Price as much as the next girl, but at least she has the DListed forum that gushes over her (albeit mockingly). Someone likes her, or at least thinks she is amusing. Jackles can not say the same.

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  48. i always thought something about her photos -- in addition to the already known 200 somethings -- looked fishy, like around her eyes. i'm 100% sure she clones out her eye baggage.

    http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs015.snc1/4212_192424970391_671280391_6811172_4741020_n.jpg

    she didn't have a chance to do it in that photo, which is from another facebook user.

    MOAR SLEEPS, YOOLIA

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  49. Party Pants: HOw about a bride named Loreena McKennit?

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  50. How can I join the Kimberely Vertolli fan club on FB?

    http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv260/photobug1234/Picture2.png

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  51. What the deal with Glynnis MacNicol? She's always hanging with Julia's groupies at the same events but doesn't seem to be friends with Jackles.

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  52. Hey, not hating on John McLaughlin. Dude is smart as hell. It's not his fault Julia weaseled her way into his brunch (judging by his tweets she hopped on Rachel Sklar and Glynn MacNicols's coattails).

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  53. According to this tweet, he invited her himself.

    John McLaughlin invited me to his brunch. Hahahhahahabout 14 hours ago from txt
    http://twitter.com/juliaallison/status/1752780600

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  54. What 82 year old wouldn't invite a 40 year old with big old giggly tits to his brunch?

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  55. And only 2 years ago she was attending with the ineffable Alexander Marquette!
    http://blog.juliaallison.com/Images/Julia%20Allison%20Alexander%20Marquardt.jpg

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  56. Anon4:19: There she is! Not drinking again! Champagne is icky!

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  57. Comment on the Capitol File kissy pose above from Twitter...

    @pwgavin: Did Julia Allison pose on the red carpet at last night's Cap File? Balls, er, ovaries of steel #nerdpromabout 4 hours ago from TweetDeck

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  58. Can you feel the twitter love tonight...

    Spotted Julia Allison and Randi Zuckerberg in correspondents dinner vid. So nice to just tip Gawker to it and not have to write about itabout 5 hours ago from Tweetie
    http://twitter.com/nichcarlson/status/1755040123

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  59. Maybe this Julia Allison /creepy ole man photo shoot inspired McLaughlin's lunch invite:

    http://homeofthevain.com/index.php?showimage=83

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  60. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=4617&v=feed&story_fbid=79717668279&ref=mf

    Rejected by Owen Wilson.

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  61. Owen Wilson didn't even deny ME. A COMPLETE NOBODY. Ouch, girls. OUCH.

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  62. Randi, Randi, Randi, you just earned yourself a lecture by Julia regarding Fameballing 101. Only complain IF they write something you can pretend to dislike. Never complain if they don't write about you because that might make you look cheap and desperate.
    Apart from these minor flaws girlfriend really is developing a taste for the scandalous life in the limelight.

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  63. Sigh. Watching Randi Zuckerberg discover her Inner Julia Allison is not pretty.

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  64. A recent pic of Randi out on the town http://xr.com/vtw

    Dyspeptic, I'd she she is channeling an Outer Julia Allison as well. And it ain't pretty.

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  65. Wake up call RZ...you get turned away at insignificant Doyer's Street, Apotheke Bar, when you are in the company of NYC hot commodity JA, and then Owen Wilson turns you down for a photo-op when you are...wait.for.it....again in the company of JA. Uh, do you see a pattern here?

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  66. Julia used to post photos pretty quickly as the events she attended were happening. Now, it's always a day or so later. She's obviously photoshopping the hell out of them.

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  67. Jack the BulldogMay 10, 2009 at 5:55 PM

    What? No Happy Mother's Day for "editor" Robin? No Happy Grandmother's Day for the woman who's probably footing the bill for Jackles' lunacy? Cut the bitch off, Granny! Let it unfold.

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  68. Why does her hair look like a greasy wig? Wash it babe!

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  69. Don't worry Jules, Owen is a little bitch, you still have that hottie Grampa McLaughlin who finds you attractive.
    Have a great day! XO

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  70. "Cut the bitch off, Granny! Let it unfold!"

    HILARE

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  71. Looking forward to the 3 pictures and 2 twitterings in total which will be her sum reportage on the whole shebang. They might as well change the name of the site to "NonContent".

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  72. 6:57 I've been pimping Noncontent for months. It's just so perfectly fitting.

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  73. The dwindle in number of photos and content submissions is analogous to the dive in JA's looks, appeal, and relevance. GF has nothing going on, not even a column.

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  74. Frankly I don't recognize her anymore. She looks like a completely different person. I don't know what in the hell she's doing to herself or if her eating disorders and closet drinking are catching up to her or it's botox or what. But she seriously looks like another person now. She's...well, unrecognizeable.

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  75. @7:17 That's not true! She writes very lengthy reviews on lunch.com. So there! Ha!

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  76. Jackles hopped aboard a yacht last night...Not just any yacht...a friend of a fiend's yacht...

    http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/105993784-0-3

    Yes, jackles, we know, you. are. royality.

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  77. OMIGOD. RZ is Julia's mini-me. What is it with the twin makeup?

    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/106004316-0-0

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  78. Totally a mini me but Randi Zuckerberg could afford a professional makeup artist, obvs. She looks WAY better than normal. Jules has her same old, same old baby jane spackled face.

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  79. So we have Momsers to blame ....

    http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.juliaallison.com/articles/Images/Julia%2520Allison%2520Mom%2520Robin%2520Age%252036.JPG&imgrefurl=http://blog.juliaallison.com/2007/05/happy_mothers_day.html&usg=__4CpP-tP61_V-NjBokrPX8Sj0aac=&h=896&w=1037&sz=381&hl=en&start=93&sig2=JzVRT7scXWLYlvpSWWwP3A&um=1&tbnid=7n0Ovf8wiZSXZM:&tbnh=130&tbnw=150&prev=/images%3Fq%3Djuliaallison%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D80%26um%3D1&ei=-WMHSsK-LcifmAej7_zOBA

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  80. Her mom is really pretty in the vacuuming photo. Natural.
    (But that "no fat arm" crap makes me sick).

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  81. Whoa, wait a minute. You're telling me that's not Kate Winslet in the photo posted by Hoolia? You know, sometimes you RBNS people just go too too far.

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  82. google image search is fun! JA and Mr. Rose..

    http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://s3.amazonaws.com/giles/fame_072608/kevin_rose_julia_allison.png&imgrefurl=http://gilesbowkett.blogspot.com/2009/03/marketing-is-becoming-even-more-so.html&usg=__asaJbHEjeTL5bmaY_ynHmeXt-eA=&h=306&w=243&sz=112&hl=en&start=137&um=1&tbnid=6X-fCmklwWffNM:&tbnh=117&tbnw=93&prev=/images%3Fq%3Djuliaallison%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D126%26um%3D1

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  83. OH JACY! POST THIS SAD-CLOWN PLEASE!

    http://photos.jpgmag.com/1470642_56214_d971c2c249_p.jpg

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  84. Anon: I just saw that one, strangely enough. We will find a spot for it in the days to come!

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  85. I quote the genius Michael K. of Dlisted.com:

    By the looks of who showed up, this looks more like the White Castle Correspondents' Dinner. How did some of these trollops get in?

    And could someone please tell Julia she's looking more & more like a frog lately? Thanks.

    Also! That smug look. Who told her it was endearing to pose with a look that radiates, "I've got a froggy little secret!" ???

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  86. http://www.jpgmag.com/photos/268606

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  87. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?op=1&view=all&subj=4617&pid=35570715&id=1402715#/photo.php?op=1&view=all&subj=4617&pid=35570714&id=1402715

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  88. http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?op=1&view=all&subj=4617&pid=35570715&id=1402715

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  89. I followed the link re: Owen Wilson rejecting them.

    Randi Fuckerberg has 1,414 photos of herself on facebook. Gross. Evidently she's a gal who's pretty darn enamored w/ herself.

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  90. I think it's safe to assume any FOJ (friend of Julia) is going to somewhat similar to Julia herself. I can't imagine normal people could tolerate her so it shouldn't really come as a surprise when her friends show themselves to be self-obsessed, appearance-focused, celeb-stalking, major cleavage baring, fame-chasing name droppers.

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  91. True Anon 8:23. Just flipped thru some of her pix. Weird how she seems so chipper when her teefs are stright up YELLOW. Fucking nast, man. I would be horrified if I saw a pic of myself grinning ear to ear and my choppers were the color of sunflowers. But Ms. Zuckerberg is so blinded she looks & says, "Oh, that one's a cute shot!" Bwahahahahahaha!!!

    Anyhow. Off topic.

    Julia sucks, and I hate her so very, very much.

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  92. Julia would have looked better in the mauve dress with her hair pinned back in a bun. Small diamond drop earrings. Black satin clutch. Pale lip and Maria Callas eye.

    She looked ok, I guess. Nothing special. On a scale from 1-10, a 7.

    (My styling would have made her a solid 8.5. Will you ever learn, Yulia?)

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  93. Records CustodianMay 10, 2009 at 11:45 PM

    The disparity between pictures Julia posts of the event and those posted by others is unreal.

    Holy photoshop, Batman. Wow.

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  94. LOTS of people saying Facebook is on its death bed. Nobody likes Randi. Julia isn't helping.

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  95. Flat Stanley (with date Ed Westwick)

    OMG I blogged about Flat Stanley like a week ago. Ed Westwick stole this idea from my blog. Ed Westwick reads my blog. This is PROOF.PEOPLE.

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  96. Hell no. No no no. I can wrap my mind around JA finagling tix to the dinner. And I can understand her waltzing into Cap File with little problem.

    But the Bloomberg/VF party, I cannot understand. I cannot understand how she got a picture in front of the yellow/black backdrop.

    Curiously, she did not have any pics inside the party. I hold out hope that some sanity remains in this world.

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  97. I went to the WHCD... it was a total zoo... people can practically walk off the street and go to the pre-dinner cocktail parties (sponsored by Newsweek, Bloomberg, etc, various media groups). Held in the basement of the Hilton -- very claustrophobic.

    Went to the VF party that started at 11:00pm at the (sigh) French Ambassador's residence, which is basically, a chateau on five acres in the middle of DC. It was such a great party, absolutely beautiful setting, women were all gorgeously dressed, great food, tons of champagne, wine, etc. Only about 300 people were there. I felt as if I was in the middle of a Chanel ad. Everyone was just happy and having great conversations with one another.

    I did see JA in the scrum of the hallway at the Hilton. Her dress seemed nice enough, in a midwest sort of way, but BOY, does she wear a lot of makeup in public. It ages her. Very 1950, retro vibe.

    Fortunately, she was nowhere to be seen at the VF party. They were pretty strict at the door, I'm sorry -- the entrance at the black, cast iron gates at the end of the drive...

    One of the best parties I have every gone too.

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  98. Hi -- someone posted earlier about JA at the Bloomberg party -- she was at the pre-dinner cocktail part of the evening (that, as I said, anyone could walk into). They are basically large impersonal rooms off the hallway -- go DC party planners!

    The VF/Bloomberg afterparty started at 11:00pm and had a very serious door policy.

    Having said that -- I met Capt Sully! There are pictures of it in Washington Post... unbelievably chic and romantic. Well, it IS the French Ambassador's residence, I suppose.

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  99. Okay, not to belabor the point (but what the heck), just checked out JA blog. She has a pic of her in front of a yellow backdrop with "Bloomberg" written all over it. The cap says something like: "Bloomberg after party..."

    What a complete nut/liar.

    That (as I mentioned earlier) was the Bloomberg pre-dinner cocktail party... that any of you could have walked into, and not even have been dressed. It was basically a room with a bar at the end.

    There was so rope, no red carpet, etc at the VF/Bloomberg after party... basically walk up a long candle lit drive, surrounded by these amazing trees and park, walk up the front steps to a French chateau and grab a glass of champagne. It really was a late night, romantic, happy party.

    And the most beautiful rooms... full of French Impressionist paintings. Valerie Jarrett also had a beautiful pink gown on... there is a great photo of she and three other women sitting on a couch in their ballgowns laughing.

    As I said, very chic.

    No JA.

    I (sort of) can't believe she posted that dopey picture... didn't she think that any of US would be at the REAL PARTY? :)

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