Sunday, May 17, 2009

Yulia: Already doomed her next relashe



I follow this Twitter drama from my pig farm in Omsk, where my small oinkers are totes better at mating than Poofy is.

Here she go:
Lure fish bar with The Karp. Then? Blind date's big, drunk party. Ah, Sat night.

Then this:
Harvard guy was definitely not a douchebag. :)

Then this:
@brettEnewcomb & @stn774477 - Get your mind out of the gutter!! We haven't even KISSED yet!! But I definitely have a crush.

Well played, Poofy! You have told us he go/went to Harvard (OMG CAN HE GET YOU INTO THE BUSINESS SCHOOLS?!?!? No? Oh. Okay.), and that is he is alcoholic (MY KIND OF GUY!!!), and then you broadcast to Neptune that you really, really, REALLY like him (translashe: man poison).

You now have T minus 1,823 days to get new man for your breakdancing, all-pink wedding. HOP TO IT!!!!!!

91 comments:

  1. Over and over she declares that she no longer blogs about her dates and relationships, only to immediately turn around and blog about her dating and relationships. She recognizes publically that she's dooming her chances at love this way, and then she does it anyway. Julia this is yet another reason no one should take dating advice from you. And why you don't garner respect.

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  2. No sane guy who's interested in a real relationship - the kind where he wants to be seen in public with his date and have her meet the family and friends - is going anywhere near this waxy, widening mess.

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  3. about the only way for Julia to find a real relationship that last months would be prison..

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  4. Looking at this photo here, it actually seems pretty sad that she and Jakob never worked out; that was probably the best guy she could ever rate in terms of money/success. Plus, he was equally nutty and famewhorish enough to truly "get" her: both of them are egobloggers, both of them still film lip-dubs, both of them enjoy photoshoots. Even though unlike her, he's behind a very successful start-up and seems somewhat intelligent/cultured.
    Dumbest thing she ever did was drive him away; I honestly don't think she's smart enough to work the golddigger thing to her advantage. She thinks she's way better than she really is, doesn't she?

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  5. "But I definitely have a crush"

    That's something a middle school age girl would say. How strange.

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  6. She also refers to grown men as "boys." And wears tutus/headbands as fashion statements. And has a pink apartment. And makes goofy videos of herself dancing around in slankets and lip-synching.
    I think we all can agree that this woman is mentally stuck in middle school.

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  7. FormerGawkerEmployeeMay 17, 2009 at 10:27 AM

    9:32: I think she knows this, and it's why she's pretty much gone insane since he dumped her. When you look back, his rejection of her is when all the crazy started.

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  8. narcissist headbandMay 17, 2009 at 10:55 AM

    i don't know...when i was a reader of "jakob and julia" i really thought that she could do better. he wasn't very nice to her. he seemed the typical committment-phobe narcissist type. now, in her current state--not just physical but mental--i'm not sure she could do better. but even with her mania and narcissism, i think she could find some unsuspecting sap who treats her better than jakob did.

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  9. I read it too and it struck me that Jakob was acting as anyone acts when a relationship is just starting out and she's withholding sex, a suggestion, I would think, that she's not really into a serious relationship. She was expecting the type of commitment/behavior from him that you'd get in a long-term, committed relationship, and he was rightfully bridling against her constant demands and recriminations. No wonder he dumped her ass. If some chick is on your balls in the very beginning of a relationship before you're even having sex, imagine what fun she's going to be later on?

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  10. narcissist headbandMay 17, 2009 at 11:01 AM

    sorry that was a little muddled...what i am trying to say is that jakob, although rich and smart, is kind of a douche. and i think that if she applied herself, miss julia could get somebody who treats her better than he did. even in her current crazy state.

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  11. narcissist headbandMay 17, 2009 at 11:03 AM

    yeah, i forgot to consider the withholding sex thing...was she doing that with him too?

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  12. she withholds sex from all boyfriends..the only ones she did not was in Highchool

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  13. NH: That is kind of you, but I disagree. She has revealed herself to be nasty, status-conscious, image-conscious, dishonest, petulant, deceitful, manipulative and childish. She'll get exactly who she deserves.

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  14. She once implied that she regularly gave JL blowjobs. i.e. he probably wasn't all that deprived sexually.

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  15. The Jakob/Julia break-up somewhat reminds me of the Britney/Justin break-up: that was the best both of those chicks could rate and they both went crazy and downhill after that.

    I know Jakob wasn't exactly Prince Charming himself, but as a fellow jakobandjulia reader, I actually sided more with him than her. He seemed like a typical single twenty-something dude trying to find himself. She seemed like a needy attention-whore/arm candy. It was fairly obvious the sex wasn't there and she was being a typical prick-tease.

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  16. Jakob is an overpriviledged, mildly talented prick who hasn't figured out he's a nobody. The two of them together would cause the earth's crust to pucker and the world as we know it to implode.

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  17. I think 9:32 is spot on.

    I did notice that Julia played the same sex games with Jakob as she does with others but Jakob was willing to somehow cut through that bullshit. Jakob, unlike Julia, has attended years of therapy and treatment for his mood disorder and it looks to be under damn good control. His mania is now his money maker. His creative force. I give him credit. He learned how to harness a disorder that many young men allow to completely take over.

    I have to believe that during their tenure together, Jakob was able to speak and relate to Julia like she was a real human being with more to offer than a flirt and fame whore moment.

    Like FormerGawkerEmployee suggest, Jackles realy does become unhinged in the months following that breakup.

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  18. Can Julia actually breakdance? Seriously, breakdancing? The next time someone sees her, ask her to bust a breakdance move.

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  19. @12:09 you're not even trying to make sense.

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  20. Although Jacob seemed a little immature, don't forget he was a young computer nerd. His latested venture is actually fairly interesting. At least he seemed honest. I kind of like him and his weirdness. Julia on the other hand is vapid and kind of a waste. I'm not surprised she's "blown" all her professional oppurtunities.

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  21. It's kinda really sad. For all their combined issues, they kinda worked. Now she gets all these creepy old guys twitting her on facebook wanting to hear the details of her dates and asking if they can be included in the next series of blind dates.

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  22. I am not sure about the possible or even plausible Jakob and Julia long term co-mingling. I agree that their break-up is where she lost her nut and hasn't been able to find it since. I agree that he is the best she could rate. But! I think she was the worst possible thing for him.

    Whatever he has going on in his life now seems to wear really well on him. It seems the opposite of Jackles.

    So for that reason, I don't think they were really tenable. Jackles would have had a lot of growing up to do.

    And the with holding sex bit truly boggles the mind.

    I can't even give the time of day to TMI Weakly because it is a horror show.

    And Jackles berating women for daring to live differently from her in the love / sex department boggles.

    But back to the withholding sex thing. Seriously. WHAT THE FUCK?

    When one is inventory for a dating service, I completely understand not fucking everyone you date. I completely understand not jumping into bed after one or even two weeks of dating. Waiting a little bit can be hot if you do other stuff along the way. (Not that i cast aspersions on people who get into bed right away, nor do i think that has any bearing on whether their relationship can succeed). But i must ask again, WHAT THE FUCK??? Generally speaking, not offering full body contact after a month repeatedly just seems deranged and i will say it, pathological.

    If you are interested in having a relationship with that person. No wonder she gets dumped all the time and no one takes her seriously. It makes me think she has serious sexual dysfunction or a social disease that she has not learned to deal with like an adult yet. Crikey.

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  23. @1:09-Someproblems

    I agree on all points especially that Julia was not good for Jakob's growth and success.

    Also, if you're going to talk about long term relationships, exclusiveness, marriage, and, moreover, you are going to be GROOMING the person into something you find more attractive (Julia's actions with Jakob)---then you better not be playing an evil sex withholding game.

    And it is an evil sex withholding game. Julia is not celibate, she's not a born again virgin for religious reasons, and she CLAIMS (though I highly doubt it) to enjoy sex--

    If all those things are true, than withholding sex is the sign of intense pathology.

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  24. I think so too, Total Jing.

    It's insane. Because she does it serially. I think she has serious, untreated sexual dysfunction that seriously makes me question if there are undealt with abuse issues here. By no means am i claiming there are, but it is a question prompted by her behaviour. Because there is no moral reason behind it. It is game playing bullshit, but i think something more maniacal lurks. And no way she enjoys sex if she doesn't have with 'boys' she is attracted to.

    I can totally understand being choosy and not sleeping with everyone you date or fancy if you are in high circulation as she claims to be. Even if you aren't dating that much but haven't found a spark it is fine to say thanks but no thanks (as it is fine to fuck just to fuck -- whatever floats your boat). But if you are not fucking your boyfriend of six months every single time you rope a man, you have a serious problem in need of addressing.

    I think her larger dysfunction also has a sexual component because she obsessively and robotically self sexualises and then withholds, but really, for no greater purpose. Where has this brought her? No where good.

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  25. That picture was taken less than three years ago and she looks 15 years older now. Shocking.

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  26. She is a huge slut. She is lying about withholding sex. It's hilarious that you call her out on 100% of her BS, but believe this one self-proclaimed facet of her personality.

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  27. ^^^ I think it is that it comes from the dudes that she doesn't fuck them that this is given credence. Though i'd love to be proven wrong.

    She did not fuck Jakob or Foreman. Or is that she does things all 19th century styles? She gives asshole but not vagina??

    Or do you have other infos??? Spill please.

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  28. @1:52

    She's not a huge slut at all and this is from people in the know. However, I don't use the term "slut"...

    Anyway, she plays games with sex and I have all the evidence available to back that up.

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  29. Someproblems

    Yes, maybe she's into Saddlebacking, ala Dan Savage!

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  30. I'm only willing to believe she is willing to have sex these days when she's comfortable with her body, which is usually never. Back in HS/college? Don't doubt it at all. See the outfits she was wearing then vs. the muumuus now. Perhaps the oversexuality was rebelling against her conservative family. Enough evidence here for that. Now? Well, classic self-consciousness and setting her standards WAY too high for her high maintenance behavior and simultaneous downgrade in appearance.

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  31. <3 Dan Savage!!! Haha, irrelevant I guess, but still: there is a REAL sex columnist.

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  32. I bet sweet little Jules would wrinkle her nose at Dan.

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  33. "There was Dan, who nearly had a heart attack every time my father would interrupt one of our interminable high school make out sessions by pounding on my bedroom door and bellowing, “Are you studying physics? Just remember the first law: Bodies in Motion Stay in Motion!” I’m still mortified."

    Vom.

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  34. "making out" does not equal fucking.

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  35. 2:07
    Best in the business, IMHO. Now there's a man who doesn't pathologize sex. Julia should have private therapy sessions with Dan Savage. I still can't get over Julia's ridiculous response to hearing a young woman ask what a speculum is...

    In her house, she probably was grounded for asking developmentally appropriate questions about sex. It's so cliched WASP midwest, really.

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  36. Someproblems,
    I think anon was quoting from the link to Julia's post about her dad...

    More to show how screwed up her dad acts/meddles in her relationships. ;-)

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  37. I wouldn't be suprised if she's an escort and the virginal chastity stuff is all bullshit -- she lies about everything else, so why not that? The only person we know for sure that she didn't sleep with was Forman because he Twittered it. She went on the Nuvaring for Leventhal but he dumped her ass shortly after -- unsure whether they actually had sex in the end.

    I find it really weird that she has next to no income but manages to pay her substantial rent, to jet all over the place and buy a $500 chaise lounge? She's getting money somehow.

    Also, I think she did end up sleeping with Jakob after they broke up a couple of months into their relationship. He dumped her via the blog, they got back together, and it's my understanding that that is when she started sleeping with him. Then he dumped her anyway due to the increasing crazy.

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  38. The source of Julia's income is "Let It Unfold" grandma.
    -From the Almost Certified Rumor Mill

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  39. Yeah, i just read that post. Whoa. Daddy ish going on here much???

    That was really creepy.

    And also sad that Jackles doesn't bother writing anymore. Not that she is a good or interesting writer, but she is tolerable i suppose. But i guess that involves working, thinking and personal development.

    Not gonna happen here!

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  40. I found out who she was only from randomly going on Gawker one day and being completely appalled (around the time the Bravo thing was happening), so I didn't know her "history" except from bits and pieces like this, Gawker and Baugher. Seriously, the root of so many of her issues are apparent in much of her articles and old blog entries. She was pretty revealing without (I think) being aware of it, and when you read them now you can see how much she's regressed in her current state and the impact certain things have had on her. Wild.

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  41. @SomeProblems

    I almost cannot believe her father is as bad as she paints him but, judging by how she came out, it's possible.

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  42. she is repugnant. and so is momsers and dadsers.

    i have my sources.

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  43. I'm so glad Julia shared this conversation with us!!!!!!

    Me: You could totally be in one of the Hobbit movies.
    David: Thank you.


    She gets to tease David Karp, founder of tumblr, and she is So. So. So. Funny@funny.com.

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  44. Let It Unfold..Grandma gave a trust fund to JA..

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  45. I'm confused about how a passing comment about a drunk party is implicating this guy as an alcoholic? Is there something I missed?

    And no, I'm not Julia. I find her revolting. I'm just curious about the leaping that goes on here sometimes, and wondering if she said something specifically about this guy being an alcoholic.

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  46. anon @ 3:01 -- you think too much. also, if you'd read her twits (where she used the word "drunk" like five times, you wouldn't be questioning this.

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  47. I don't read her tweets. If I want to know about Julia, I read this site. It's redundant to read this site AND read her tweets.

    Fucking stab me for asking a question.

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  48. @ 3:08 "implicating this guy as an alcoholic" is a literal interpretation of the post. RG's schtick is to be obnoxious and intentionally disloyal loyal to the facts at hand.

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  49. 3:16 -- Thank you for explaining.

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  50. But it's even more adorbs when you (3:28), an anonymous coward, attempt to slay someone who you oddly enough appear to be SIMILARLY be claiming to know personally. Or at least that's what you're insinuating. IT'S SO LOL. Fuck off.

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  51. Guys, her parents let her close her door to her bedroom with her boyfriend and her inside. Her mother and father edited her columns about when she lost her virginity and fun sleepovers with boys. They enabled this. They never acted like parents.

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  52. Oh, and Julia and Jake definitely had sex. I'm not sure where this idea that they didn't came from. And just because Foreman said he wasn't "getting any" doesn't mean he never did from Julia; perhaps she withheld because she was never really interested in him. She was (and still is) obsessed with Jake, and that's why she gave him lots of BJs.

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  53. Total Jing-

    This is 1:52. I know her better than you. Sorry if the word "slut" offends you.

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  54. I'm a lot like Julia, or used to be, but grew up and reigned myself in. And I know that 3:43 has to be right. She's a huge slut, she's the blind item girl who had a one-night-stand the night of the WHC dinner, etc. She needs that validation from men and thinks men will only like her if she puts out. That's why she spouts so many stupid rules: she wants other women to feel bad if they break them so they'll know her pain. Or something like that. Lulz.

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  55. Hey Jacy et al,
    Notice that the comments always start to degenerate into a hate-each-other clusterfuck after about 25?

    Hey Julia,
    You comment under your own name on Gawker. Why not here?

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  56. When the stuff with Jakob went down she admitted sleeping with him but said he couldn't get her off. It's either in the long Q&A on Gawker or somewhere else. But I know its out there somewhere. So, not only did she out his mental shit, she attacked him on supposed sexual inadequacies. I know in one of the comment threads here someone once said Julia quit sleeping with guys because she couldn't orgasm except with her vibrator. Maybe if she realized that it's part her responsibility to help a guy get her off. I have a feeling she just lays there waiting for it to happen instead of figuring out what works for her & letting the man in on it.

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  57. @3:45 This is a hateful site. It's preposterous to expect civility in the comments. Likewise to expect all commenters to toe the anti-Julia line. Julia gets nowhere asking people who don't like her site to go away. RBNS will get nowhere too.

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  58. Vibrators are easy - they do the work and you don't have to hide your (formerly only delussionally existant) rolls while posturing and preening to try and look "sexy", which I cannot imagine she would NOT do. Imagine always trying to maintain your best angle while trying to go through the motions of sex? Killjoy.

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  59. @3:35
    I hate myself for knowing this but it was actually Jakob that announced he had trouble getting her off. It was on the old Jakob and Julia blog.

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  60. Julia's mind is racing constantly. This is why she cannot sleep and cannot achieve orgasm.

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  61. Jing, don't feed the trolls. Ignore, for the love.

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  62. Do ignore. We wouldn't want anybody disrupting the awesome flow of commentary this blog has been getting for the last few weeks. Which ten names will partypantzzzzz be posting under this week in order to keep the comments hopping?

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  63. @4:06 Seriously. What is the topic again? How are the "trolls" disrupting its discussion?

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  64. YAWN. 3:57 you're right on the money. She's never in the moment, just concerned with making herself look or act perfect during it. You'd have to be able to relax to have an orgasm. Must be exhausting.

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  65. It's so strange how people who disagree or question the Almighty Jing's real motives for being here are called trolls. We're not allowed to think for ourselves?

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  66. Strange, is it?

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  67. RBNS BINGO!

    *Square if Jing writes a comment implying she has inside info.
    *Square if PP refers to her ass needing its own zip code.
    *Square if someone psychoanalyzes Julia and calls her a sociopath.
    *Square when Jack The Bulldog comes in with "first hand account" of JABA at Georgetown that anybody who went to Georgetown could have heard.
    *Square when TJ writes Julia an email trying to buddy up to her.
    *Square if you screen cap Julia and make fun of her wonky eye.
    *Square when someone says they know Julia personally

    What else ya got???

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  68. Square when you're attempting to validate your trollish behavior on a pretty topical snark blog without seeing how incredibly manic it is, particularly juxtaposed against complaints about Jing's supposed "obsession". But yeah, carry on.

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  69. It's really strange of people here to get annoyed by some constantly performing the same trick with different names. You attack regular commenters, present yourselves as hero-rebels for questioning the authority and integrity of the contributors to this blog, but essentially you're doing the same schtick All.The.Time. But this lack of originality and insight can't possibly be the cause of people calling you trolls. You are right. Strange. Very strange.
    Just as strange as the trolls being just as uninspired as Julia Allison Baugher. Carry on.

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  70. Someone's acting a little too butthurt over Jing for it to be simple differing opinion. There is a difference and this one is blatant. Solly cholly.

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  71. *Square when someone accuses another commenter of being Julia/Meghan

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  72. Hm...

    "# Spending this chilly Sun afternoon workin' at mah desk. For some reason, I've been able to focus. Maybe it's the 2 cappuccinos from brunch?39 minutes ago from web"

    Work, work, work!

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  73. @4:33 Does anyone NOT question "the authority and integrity of the contributors to this blog"?

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  74. *Square when Total Jing and Jacy go underground and post under Anony to defend themselves.

    *Square when the Anonies like to play the I know who you are game when they have no idea.

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  75. Ahhh, I see the trolling is fine this Saturday evening.

    Tell me, Almighty Jing: have you taken over my brain or will I be allowed to think for myself?

    (I'm hoping you'll excuse the fact that I shrug off your attempt to take over my brain: I'm sort of attached to my independent thinking function. Sorry, and all that, but I'll just carry on with my own mind, ok? Sorry trolls!)

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  76. @Colleen. Just wondering. Are you Canadian? It's Sunday. Monday's a holiday in the Great White North, so maybe you were just confused.

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  77. 4:38: I personally don't care very much about either. They amuse me. So does Julia Allison. The junior debating team that knows only one strategy, on the other hand? Not so much. Anyway, whatever floats your boat.

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  78. And so...

    I sorta wish those two had stayed together. They are adorable. They could have done each other some good if they'd allowed themselves to be real with each other instead of the internet. Maybe that's all of JABA's problem: she thinks about the air time, not the good time.

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  79. Jing DID get me! She made me think it was Saturday! D'oh. Yeah, these canadian long weekends totally befuddle me. I am wrong about everything.

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  80. And also way too high to be messing around here. I'm closing this window now and I'll see y'all sometime next week.

    Be good!

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  81. I protect Canadians, Colleen. It's my duty. I also have an affinity for Irish names. You are therefore not under my current mind warp spell...

    But you never know when Total Jing will get ya. :-) Lol.

    And, wow....

    I actually walked several blocks over to Julia Allison's favorite spring break destination-LAKE MICHIGAN. So, no going underground to defend myself today. I needed to catch some rays!

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  82. RBNS would be a much less STRANGE place if everyone would just accept a few simple things:

    1) Unlike you, Julia is a Sex Goddess.
    2) Unlike you, Julia knows Important People.
    3) Unlike you, Julia is Going Places.
    4) Unlike you, Julia knows how to look natural for the camera.
    5) Unlike you, Julia wears tutus and lolita outfits without even being in the BDSM scene.
    6) Unlike you, Julia is smart enough to go to an astrologer.
    7) Unlike you, Julia has had many, many successful relationships.
    8) Unlike you, Julia is in a movie about cosmetic surgery addicts.
    9) Unlike you, Julia is Perfection.

    Now that everyone has been reminded of the ground rules, let's hope that RBNS will become relevant again.

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  83. Hm. I think Julia's the one who needs to worry about relevance.

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  84. i'm too embarrassed to log in and take credit for making this, but i thought you all would enjoy it. try not to let it give you nightmares

    http://i41.tinypic.com/e9ul3t.gif

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  85. Anon @ 5:11
    Wait. Are you being sarcastic?

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  86. @6:20
    Nightmare!

    You are very talented.

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  87. @ 4:29

    *Square when Jack The Bulldog comes in with "first hand account" of JABA at Georgetown that anybody who went to Georgetown could have heard.What is with that guy? When he first started commenting, it was cool to hear his stories. And then when he was supposed to be a regular contributor or something, that was pretty hilarious too. But now he just kinda shows up randomly and re-tells the same two stories about the peeing of the pink door and the crazy Julia Baugher stomping around Georgetown, shouting at the top of her lungs, and it's like... that's all the insider info we're gonna get?

    Well, okay.

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  88. TJ - unlike meghan and julia, i'm a real "geek" who has actual skills :P

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  89. Maybe you can help Julia find an email application accessible via iphone that her fauxassistant can access as well!

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  90. Can I get a bingo square the next time Jacy mentions her tipsters trying to sound like Baugher?

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  91. Oh dear. Queen Troll is back. More ice for your drink?

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