Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Julia: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Hi. We need to talk.

So, I’ve been getting a few emails recently from “concerned readers.” What were they concerned about, you ask? Well - ostensibly - me.

Why am I not writing so much? they wanted to know. Why have I not tried therapy? they wanted to know. When will I apologize publicly to Jakob Lodwick? they demanded. (Um? Wha???) What will I do now that I’ve “lost my looks”? (Yes, I got an entire email which used that very phrase.)

There were some positive questions too (So what’s up with all the posts and info about your weight? Have you looked at yourself in those dresses? Did you even need to wear Spanx?) … but the really fun ones used caps to indicate their displeasure “I am MAD!” and then wondered, “Why should readers care about seeing you pose with famous people?

Um … I don’t really know. Maybe they shouldn’t! Maybe they don’t!

Listen, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you (even the guy who fake-worried about my looks). I hate disappointing people. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be happy with me.

But the truth is, I’m starting to feel like trying to make other people happy is a pretty sure recipe for my own unhappiness.

I thought I could do it all … and I can’t. As I wrote back in January:

This site is supposed to be light entertainment. Maybe it’s break in your day, maybe it makes you think or smile or laugh or feel less alone, or maybe it’s just your [cliche alert] “guilty pleasure” - I don’t care why you read it, to be honest, as long as it makes you feel good. And if it doesn’t? If you don’t like my content or you feel it should be different? Then - and stay with me here, because this is complicated - don’t. visit. this. website.

I’m sorry if I’ve over-promised and under-delivered - especially recently. I’ve already slowed the frequency and depth of my posts, so instead of blogging until 4 am, I’m actually sleeping at night (mostly). It’s sort of nice, actually.

The truth is, attempting to live your life - while recording it - is not actually as fun or easy as it looks (and believe me, I get it: it looks very easy indeed). It’s a math problem, actually. Let’s assume you have a fairly light 8 hour day, but you need to “cover” it. Assume that even the least competent/witty coverage takes 50-200% of the time of any given activity. That’s a potential 4 to 16 hour addition to a NORMAL day.

When blogging is not your only responsibility - and it’s not - that can quickly become overwhelming. Add that to my overzealous travel schedule from the last six months, along with filming and more behind the scenes drama than I care to revisit - well, I’m astounded I’ve managed to record as much as I have.

And sometimes - I know, this will shock you - sometimes I just don’t want to document my life. I don’t want to take a photo. I don’t want to talk about what I’m doing. I don’t want to sit down and write a recap. And yes, other times I will want to write something - and then I’ll think to myself, “you know what? I don’t want to be judged.”

The truth is, I’m tired. Really tired. But not in a bad way … or a sad way. Not in a … okay, wtf. Why does this sound like a Dr. Seuss book right now?

I just - I need some time to think. I need space - and distance. Time for a lot of the thoughts I’ve been having to percolate. I think one of the biggest problems with blogging is that - almost by definition - it allows very little time for percolating.

Look, I didn’t like politics because of the incessant sucking up, the glad-handing, the constant and obsessive and inherent need politicians had to please their constituents. But lately, that’s what I feel like I’ve created - this tiny microcosm where everyone has an opinion on my life. Imagine sitting in a room with forty people all yelling simultaneously about what, exactly, you should say, act, feel, do - and how, exactly, you’ve screwed up. Except these aren’t people who care about you. Mostly they’re people who DON’T care about you.

It can get a little … overwhelming. And yes, the negativity does get to me - I’m a positive, optimistic, and generally sunny person, and I try to avoid reading the “haters,” if you will, but a single nasty comment can still upset me. Yeah, I’m human. Unfortunately. ;)

Have I made mistakes? Um … absolutely. No one’s debating that, least of all me. I’m still trying to figure this whole “life” thing out.

Here’s the response I just sent to a reader:

Julia,

What exactly is going on with you these days (refer to your latest IM with Dan)??? People think you are sad/rundown for a reason—your posts and tweets. You don’t come across as very happy (or even near) at this point. Maybe I don’t know what you are going for. I think we have some of the same issues— you just always gloss over everything or pretend you’re so.so.happy (I’m not trying to be ugly, but let’s get real). You’re like EveryWoman.

What is it you want to do? What do you want to accomplish? What is the status for nonsociety?

I’m doing a major lifestyle rehaul for my cousin’s wedding (the 1st week of June, I know this is near the same time as your Georgetown get together). What are you doing to prepare?

Are you really doing anything? Do you care at all about readers? there’s no way to post this on your “community” website (disappointment).

Please don’t send me another form email.

thanks

And what I wrote back to her:

I’m definitely at a crossroads, but they’re not unhappy … that’s the thing. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I *AM* quite happy - I just feel very … quiet. And that’s not normal for me. I guess I just want some privacy! hahah oh, the irony.

With regard to your questions … I don’t know what I want to do, which is why I’ve said nothing about it. I’m not sure what I want to accomplish, which is why I’ve said nothing about it. I don’t know what the status of nonsociety is, which is why I’ve said nothing about it.

I can’t speak to these things, because I simply don’t have the answers. I don’t really feel the urge to document my life much lately, but I also know that I’m way, way overdue for a non-blogging vacation. So … things may change after that? I don’t really know, to be honest with you.

I’ve been working on a post about it, but it’s hard to find the right words to explain what I feel in my heart - which is - I’m at a fork in the road, but it’s not an unhappy fork, you know? I’ve accomplished most everything I set out to accomplish when I graduated from college. And now I need new goals … but I’m not sure what those goals are yet.

As I said to Dan last night, I wish there were a more positive term for “quarterlife crisis.” I don’t feel like I’m in the midst of a crisis - I just feel as if some of the things which used to make me happy, no longer do.

And so it’s up to me to take the time to figure out where I’m going next. If I lose you, if you decide not to come back as I’m taking time to figure out my next steps, I understand. But “life hands us whatever experiences we need for the evolution of our consciousness” - or so goes an Eckhart Tolle quote I repeat to myself frequently.

And right now, life is telling me to slow down and think a bit.

So please forgive me if that’s what I do.

162 comments:

  1. She already took it down. Hahaha.

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  2. Oops, nevermind, she was just making sure the timeline of things was misordered to fit her liecast.

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  3. I just want to take this moment to announce that I have officially claimed the handle of "Unhappy Fork". Warmest regards from the crossroads of despair.

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  4. Oh barf:

    @juliaallison: "There is one certain criterion by which you can measure your success: the degree of peace you feel within."
    about 1 hour ago from txt ·

    When under fire, retreat to touchy feely, not accountable for my actions New Age crap - Julia Allison's official mantra.

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  5. Imagine the gall of someone asking her about apologizing to Jakob L. after the MacBook Air scandal and the fact that she repeatedly and disparagingly drops his name several times a week. Why? Because he didn't want to go out with her anymore.

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  6. "Competent and witty coverage"?! When has she ever produced that? How long does it take to write a "Me with so and so. I'm wearing a dress by so and so" caption? Now Photoshopping every picture to remove her arm fat...ok I'll give her that, that must take a lot of time.

    Although, she does save time by never properly crediting her pictures.

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  7. Without having the patience to read that whole entry, I'm still going to call it: bullshit

    Tell me I'm wrong.

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  8. Summary:

    People are sending me e-mails asking me what is wrong with me, why no blogging? I am very very busy travelling and doing other shit. Blogging is hard, you know!

    I am not unhappy, I am actually happy, but at a crossroads. Blogging is hard, you know!

    I don't know what the future holds for anything, including my career or Nonsociety. Blogging is hard, you know!

    Sometimes I am hesitant to share too much because I will be judged. Blogging is hard, you know!

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  9. ... posted, predictably, at 3 in the morning...

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  10. There are people (*ahem, cough, hi*) who work 12 hour days and still somehow in their hectic existence find time to sit on this blog and comment, update their own several blogs and twitters, have a social life, travel, and still get omg sleep at night, JULIA.

    You're starting to bore me. It's just excuse after failure over and over again.

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  11. Oh my god. If anyone asks me why I hate julia allison and visit sites like this, it's because of posts like these.

    she makes herself sound like she's the busiest person on earth, and that no one could possibly understand busy or tough her life is. she doesn't sleep because she's SO BUSY. i'm sure she justifies every cupcake because she's SO STRESSED. and no one else in the world can understand those levels of busy-ness or stress...well, except maybe oprah.

    but really? when we look at what she's complaining about, grown-ups have to deal with that shit every day of their lives. if i have a client who's unhappy with me because i haven't delivered, i can't just sit in a meeting or on a conference call and say i can't talk about this right now, i need time to percolate. i need to respond - either acknowledge what went wrong or immediately come up with a solution or course correction. it's called accountability, julia. maybe try using that instead of "indefatigable" once and a while - believe it or not, it will earn you a lot more respect from everyone.

    and honestly, don't waste your time talking about your "overzealous" travel schedule - it's actually not that bad compared to other's business travel schedule. and really? most of your trips are by your own choice - maybe next year you can just have a normal birthday party in one city rather than a bi-coastal party. maybe don't show up for conferences that you weren't even invited to.

    this is not a quarter life crisis. this is teenage angst. even those in their 20s understand that despite how tough life is, you have to wake up every day and show up - at work, for your family, for your friends and meet your obligations. you can't retreat to your bedroom, lay in the dark and listen to radiohead all day to let your thoughts "percolate".

    and lastly, blogging does not equal taking pictures of yourself and posting them with three to four word captions underneath them. so frankly, julia's been on a non-blogging vacation for a loooong time.

    sorry if that rant was all over the place. no coffee or vodka yet.

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  12. If only she was more honest, like she is in this post, in her every day blogging. It makes her so much more likable and relatable.

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  13. Cut the bullshit, Julia. Your post might attract some empathy if you were more upfront about these issues. We know you're unhappy. Why spin it? You acknowledge that NS is probably going under and I am sure you are worried and perhaps devastated by it. Your blog would seem relatable (maybe, for once) if you were real about it.

    Admit it -- you're out of steam. These things you say, all "I've accomplished the goals I set out to accomplish when I graduated from college" -- well, you said the same thing in January 2008. You said it was time to find yourself some new goals back then, too. Have you set forth any new objectives? Your family and friends (yes, us!) would think you were more responsible if you would stop making the same excuses. I mean that, sadly.

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  14. Does anyone else feel like her post is more than a little bit condescending?

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  15. Yea, the use of the royal "we" gave off a whiff of condescension. "We Need To Talk..."
    The whole thing seemed like an exercise in rambling incoherence. The "poor widdle me" defense strikes again.

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  16. You're LONELY and CONFUSED, Julia. No shame in admitting it. You really should have gotten your degree in public relations because you seem to need that more than you do any training in journalism or political science.

    When are you finally going to grow up? Written or not, we both know you are thinking the same thing.

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  17. Do you wonder why people still visit your website, Julia? It's because you have become what may see as a symbol for careless greed and pompous idiocy. In this post-Obama, post-recession world, you have unwittingly personified these impressions. Please, for your mom's sake, start acting like a capable woman.

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  18. If her blog was at all real then people would like it. You wouldn't have to like her as a person - but people do seem to respect honesty. It would be like an online reality show. The lies and spin and stretched truth she tries to sell people just doesn't work.

    And her math is wrong. She has to add 50-200% time for blogging (her supposed work) People would feel bad except that she is adding it to a 12 hour day of getting green juice, visiting friends, browsing dresses, going out to dinner...

    Frankly, I am disappointed with her post. It STILL lacks honesty. It seems like a carefully constructed excuse. Not a heartfelt outpouring. Delete and try again, Julia. Be real - say what is really going on. Not this same old crap

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  19. So does anyone else smell an Emily Brill-like website implosion approaching? The same "ya'll don't understand, this is hard work" and the same "I'm trying to figure out my life it's hard work" and the same family bankrolling the whole sad experiment.

    I don't care what anyone tries to tell me; blogging is not a job. If it were, every 7th grade girl on the earth who ever opened a book and wrote "Dear Diary" would be working harder than Julia at documenting their life.

    You know what, sugarplum? I don't give a shit about your feelings, or your confusion about goals, or your need for quiet and space. Grow the fuck up, get a real job, and stop acting like the universe owes you adoration just because you were born and had a few years of good looks.

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  20. But the truth is, I’m starting to feel like trying to make other people happy is a pretty sure recipe for my own unhappiness.Huh. I just finished reading a book this weekend that had this statement near the end: To keep my happiness I've got to give away as much as I can. It works. Amazing. A guy who mostly consumed, took and would go out of his way to bust people's balls using this as a mantra. Amazing. Bizarrely enough, it was said by Nikki Sixx about overcoming his addictions and years-long depression.

    I wonder who or what Julia had in mind when she wrote that sentence?

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  21. I guess if you don't know what is going on with NS it's safe to assume it's done. That homepage still has Mary's face at the bottom. The videos on top of the page have been there for like eight months now. There's nothing to let people know a new post has been added (ha) and it looks like a graveyard over there. What is the status of hiring some new contributors, Jules?

    The mission at the beginning was to write interesting, informative posts and to tape and edit something new every day. How is that so hard? Brainstorm constantly. Stop writing about your clothes because that sort of Cosmo shit won't get you ahead in your career. You made blogging your profession, so stop taking it lightly. I think if you would actually focus on that and deliver maybe 2-3 really decent posts each day, people would find much more value in your work.

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  22. Colleen don't you understand that making other people happy is a recipe for your own misery? The only way to be TRULY.HAPPY.INSIDE. is to do whatthefuckever you want whenever you want and not answer to anyone else's expectations or concerns or needs! You can't just go around giving a shit about anyone besides yourself, you know! That's how people stay unhappy!

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  23. "Overzealous travel schedule"??? Is she serious?

    She's VOLUNTARILY travelling to Florida to attend the launch of frakking ROLLERCOASTER!!

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  24. Note to Julia Allison: GROW UP ALREADY!!!

    This woman is nearly 30. She's never had to endure a "real" job like most everyone else, hence the reason she has no idea how hard it really is for the rest of us.
    I work 8 hours a day. I write extensively on several blogs and other sites. I have to fit in times to hit social events and see friends/family/boyfriend.
    It's called time management. It's called work-ethic. Sounds like someone never learned these necessary traits.

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  25. Oh, you don't feel like blogging all the time? Honey, you should have thought of that before becoming a full-time lifecaster. And don't pretend like TMI Weekly is a full-time job.

    When I started reading this post I had the slightest feeling of hope that maybe Princess Cupcake would be a little honest with us. But no. First, you can blog well about events in way less than 50 percent of the time -- non-lifecasters do it all the time. Second, her audience for her blog her your "customers," and perhaps she should be a little concerned about what they want to see. (Starting with regular posts, which don't have to be written at 4AM!) And third, Eckhart Tolle? How 2008.

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  26. Fuckin on the 1st date? Always ready!May 13, 2009 at 9:02 AM

    My travel schedule IS SO INSANE guys. Between opening a rollercoast in FL, the ribbon cutting for the new Tuesday Morning in McClusky ND, and the Wild Western Fair's apple bobbing contest in Truth or Consequences NM, I AM EXHAUSTED.

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  27. After reading this ridiculous poor-me diatribe once again (side note: Kudos to whoever called this as the next square on Baugher Bingo), one thing keeps sticking out:

    "Imagine sitting in a room with forty people all yelling simultaneously about what, exactly, you should say, act, feel, do - and how, exactly, you’ve screwed up. Except these aren’t people who care about you. Mostly they’re people who DON’T care about you."

    Well, shit! That sounds awful! It sounds almost like what a person might experience if, say, she outlined her plan to do a very specific job and then failed to give her employer anything she promised. Imagine that!

    Julia, you don't get to have it both ways. If NonSociety is a business (and judging by the linked post which refers to it repeatedly as a startup, it was certainly meant to be), then retreating to your pastel palace to cry about how a bunch of Big Meanies are Telling You How To Live Your Life is not an appropriate - or legitimate - reaction when people note that a) you aren't accomplishing what you set out to do, and b) want to know what you plan to do about it. You are not exactly without options, here; in one-quarter of the time it took you to write this wailing, waffling pity-post which goes on for more than 1,000 words without conveying a single idea, you could have written a decisive, informative, and discreet message that said, "I have received and read all your emails. In light of your concerns, and ours, we are taking a break to decide the fate of NonSociety. The site will be dark for the next few days."

    Despite all your obfuscatory bullshit, I fervently hope that this is the beginning of the end of NonSociety. It is STINKING UP THE INTERNET.

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  28. NonSociety: It is STINKING UP THE INTERNETMay 13, 2009 at 9:14 AM

    Julia is so used to playing the excuse card instead of just owning up and taking responsibility that she doesn't know how to do it. I'm surprised she didn't claim she was raped and just can't blog this week.

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  29. Partypants, I'm going to try doing things Julia's way all day today. I have a project on deadline but it's not making me happy so I'll blow it off. I'll tell my boss and the customer that I'm percolating and they're harshing my happiness. Then I'll come home and not make dinner because? Not happy steaming broccoli and searing salmon. I'll eat cookies out of the bag and tell my kid I'm too tired to help her with her math homework. Then I'll call up my grandmother, who has ovarian cancer and is only expected to live another month or two and tell her how unhappy I am. And then I'll ask her for rent money.

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  30. On the positive side, Jaba the Nut has made the NY Daily News, albeit as a blind item at the bottom of the gossip column:

    WICKED WHISPERS:Which self-branded wanna-be celeb was caught doing the walk of shame at11 a.m. - in her ball gown - after a recent gala in D.C.?

    Maybe someone didn't have a place to stay overnight after all?

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  31. Thanks for the link redacted, but my first reaction was:

    OMFG I am SO SICK of that motherfucking teapot arm pose on everyone!!! Can we all just stop that please? When did that lame ass crooked arm on hip stand 45 degrees to the side shit become the standard pose for every single woman anywhere? Can someone explain this? It's so contrived and fucking over, ladies! AAAAAAAW(RU)&@)*&_YFUFCBAWBWY&(@

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  32. 9:22 - she only packed ball gowns and slankets. Maybe the slanket was dirty?

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  33. @colleen: they're harshing my happiness

    hahhhahhahhahahhahaahha. i love it.

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  34. This woman is such an idiot. She has no idea what a exhausting life entails. The majority of people in the world work long, hard hours. All of us would like a few extra hours to sleep in, hit the gym, trowel on some makeup. Too fucking bad, sweetie. Grow the fuck up. And I'm 3 years YOUNGER than you.

    But I'm sure spending the last 5 years pushing up her tits on the internet and pursing her scrawny Midwestern lips for cameras have left her highly qualified and desirable for a ton of jobs. You know, I bet a law firm will hire her. She lies a lot and therefore would be totally sweet at it. Prob solved! OMG go buy some new miniskirts for the office.

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  35. narcissist headbandMay 13, 2009 at 10:11 AM

    ugh, "overdue for a non-blogging vacation." is she serious? she really sees the world this way? that poor little julia needs a vacation from the harsh harsh world? julia: i have not had a vacation in over a year, and the last one required dragging two kids under three to the caribbean (no nanny coming along...we don't have one...just me and hubby). in the year since, i have worked part-time, gone back to school to become professionally certified, and had another baby. There has not been one single day where I have not seen all of my kids in that year. in short, i have risen every day at 6am, worked my ass off, played with my kids, fed them, nurtured them, worked on my school stuff and house-cleaning at night, fall into bed exhausted at 11 if i am lucky. so no, no real sympthathy on my part regarding your hard, hard life and how you need a vacay SO BAD. also: my cousin is a chef, she workks her ass off all day long as well doing her job, and then at night maintains an extensive blog about being a chef. so yeah, it can be done. jules, once again you misjudge your readers...you assume we are all little princesses like you, where money, responsibility, etc are for others to worry about.

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  36. I wonder if she's told NonSociety's investors that she doesn't know the current "status" of the company she took money from them only a year ago?!

    Who are the investors?

    They must have sunk a lot of money into keeping three girls living pretty extravagantly in NYC.

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  37. I mean, doesn't she owe it to her investors to try and make NonSociety profitable, or at least get them their money back?

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  38. julia,

    it's really pretty simple: the primary aim of a business is to attract customers and to make money. the entire point is that you are SUPPOSED to try to make your readers (ahem, your customers) happy. your start-up business failed to deliver a product that could attract customers and make money. it's absurd to blame your customers' reactions or how they make you feel. if it is too exhausting or emotionally taxing to maintain your business, shut it down. at this point, it is the definition of a failed business -- no product, no market, no revenue. the end.

    i don't think you need a Harvard MBA to understand that.

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  39. Jules wokred so hard peoples..

    1 Not picking up Lilly poop
    2 Not blogging
    3 Not Learning how to film and videocast
    4 Not writing

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  40. @10:22

    5. Not contributing anything positive to the world.

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  41. Julia's life is a mess is because she never had one in the first place.

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  42. NonSociety has left the building

    Now its just a poor replacement for fat Elvis..

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  43. It goes to show how much of Non Society was done by Mary. Once Mary left to start a competing website (let's face it, that's what it is. I mean, how many young female fashion/food/tech life casts does the world, or an advertiser, need?)NS just crashed. No content at all anymore. No ability to get freebies and sponosrs. The biiz side just tanked, becaus eit was mary scheduling everything and doing the leg work, such as it was.

    NOw it's just a weird, sleepless host taking pictures of her ugly poodle by her princess bed...

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  44. "Hi. We need to talk. . ."

    ". . .and by 'We' I mean 'Me', and by 'talk' I mean 'one-way 3am brain dump'."

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  45. She can only be roused to talk about herself. Now she posts an essay of Emily Gould-ish length? Now?

    Not at the inauguration? Not after Davos? Not after visiting Cancer Dan in the hospital? Not after that freaky geek Future enterprisers Foo camp thingie? Not at the WHite House Correpsondents Dinner? I hear the first black president of the us was there, as well as most of the media world, your world, Julia. Any thoughts?

    Wait, how are *you* Julia? How are *you* doing? What's going on with *you*?

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  46. 10:51 Explains why Rambo walked away from NS.

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  47. Emily Gould "length" but the comparisons sure end there.

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  48. Other words for a quarter life crisis Julia? Try these ones "I am a failure."

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  49. From what I've read of her shit Gould is just about as full of herself as Julia is. We shouldn't overstate the talent or appeal of someone else just because they aren't Julia Allison.

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  50. .. wasn't trying to glorify Gould. Just saying: when she posts, she posts 500 to 1,000 essays anout SOMETHING.

    Anyway...

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  51. also, "quarter life crisis?" i know it's a euphemism, but come on now. when someone says "quarter life," they usually aren't assuming they'll live to 120.

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  52. Unselfaware one has never learned the value of sacrifice. Everything is gimme, gimme, I want. Short term gain pays shallow dividends. Nevermind that her hard-working associate and "market" jumped ship. Just know she is *happy.*

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  53. Gould may be full of herself but her writing is far superior to JA's.

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  54. The pressure must be truly mounting for MA. She was never one for much content but seemed to do most of the back-end work JA keeps whining about.

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  55. Gould just reads like Joyce Maynard to me, sorry. Long winded blah blah blah insert attempt at being profound, blah me blah blah me, insert obvious use of thesaurus, blah blah attempted insight into something, blah blah. Sorry if that means I can't appreciate fine hipster literature or something.

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  56. There are tons of photos of Gould with JABA on JABA's facebook. Turned me off to Gould 4evah.

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  57. "And sometimes - I know, this will shock you - sometimes I just don’t want to document my life."

    I think I speak for, um, pretty much EVERYONE, when I say, you are free to fucking STOP documenting your life, and we will all go about our lives as if this shitshow "experiment" in "lifecasting" never happened.

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  58. I second that, partpants.
    The quarterly "Why can't you see how hard it is to be me"-diatribe is pathetic. As is writing about not blogging in the middle of the night in the middle of the night and posting the cute doggie pic at 5:34 a.m. As is trying to spin a very simple realisation, that is plan A didn't work, move on to plan B if there is one, into some epic standing at the crossroads moment.
    And "So please forgive me if that's what I do"?! Bitch, please. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one forgives a dirty spot on the windscreen of their car. The wipe it off.

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  59. So "ostensibly" Julia is going to take a break from not working.

    Bullshit Julia. All the events you have been to in the last few weeks would have provided a real writer with columns and columns worth of material.

    Your problem is that you think all you have to do to be treated like somebody important is to flash your cleavage and blow a kiss.

    Right now you are experiencing the sinking feeling that flashing your boobies at people doesn't work any more. Now it's shit or get off the pot.

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  60. Off topic, but did you guys see this blind item?

    "WICKED WHISPERS:Which self-branded wanna-be celeb was caught doing the walk of shame at11 a.m. - in her ball gown - after a recent gala in D.C.?"

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  61. Has anyone noticed the blind gossip item on blindgossip.com stating, "NY Daily News - Which self-branded wanna-be celeb was caught doing the walk of shame at 11 a.m. - in her ball gown - after a recent gala in D.C.?" Interesting...

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  62. Self-branded wanna-be celeb...ouch.

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  63. And my God, you guys really should never have emailed her. She deserves no balls being thrown in her court.

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  64. In recent months Julias has attended

    * CES Trade Show
    * Presidential Innauguration
    * DLD Conference in Germany
    * Davos World Economic Forum in Switzerland
    * NEXT in Denmark
    * Foo Camp/Facebook HQ
    * White House Correspondents Dinner
    * Dinner w/ Gloria Steinem(?)

    And yet she hasn't been able to squeeze out two paragraphs of reporting on these events IN TOTAL. Each event gets a few pictures, most of which entail Julia asking readers what to wear and then posing with famous people.

    No interviews, no reporting, no content. Nothing at all.

    ReplyDelete
  65. What's the walk of shame? Back to the Boltbus?

    ReplyDelete
  66. Seriously, it's not like we are asking her to sum up the entirety of the human experience. 5 paragraphs per event, or hello, liveblogging it via that pink AT&T Blackberry (great coverage! thanks for the tip flatface!) would have been something that showed she was trying.

    ReplyDelete
  67. The best part about this self aggrandizing, whiny,and overly self pitying diatribe is that she follows it up with yet another industrious, thought-provoking picture of....

    her effing dog.

    ReplyDelete
  68. So who could JA have hooked up with after WHCD? McLaughlin or Marquardt? My money is on McLaughlin.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Wrong, it's a picture of Miss Effing Dog.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Why the FUCK does she need a vacation from BLOGGING, something EVERYONE DOES????? YOU DO NOT HAVE A JOB. NO JOB. UNEMPLOYED. YOU DO NOTHING. YOU TRAVEL ALL THE TIME. YOU DO NOT NEED A VACATION.

    GOD I HATE THIS BITCH SO MUCH.

    ReplyDelete
  71. @Anon 11:54 - I always got the vibe that the Ineffable AM liked the boys, but maybe I'm wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Well, Julia is slowly morphing into looking like a tranny so maybe her time with AM has come.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Anon Dude: This is so very succinct; so classic. Tip o' the tutu to ya.


    "Hi. We need to talk. . ."

    ". . .and by 'We' I mean 'Me', and by 'talk' I mean 'one-way 3am brain dump'."

    ReplyDelete
  74. I enjoyed the commenter on Defamer that said "Who in Washington is fuckable? I call BS." According to her twitter she would have been kicked out of bed at 7:30AM. Paramour did not even lend a pair of sweats and a t-shirt? How much was she paid?

    ReplyDelete
  75. She was paid 25 cupcakes and a foot-ass onto the boltbus, obvs.

    ReplyDelete
  76. The fact that she calls herself a "journalist" without reporting ANYTHING EVER about the events she attends.... I can't take her seriously anymore. Oh, wait. Never did.

    ReplyDelete
  77. The "Walk of Shame"? Julia Allison??
    I thought she didn't have random/casual sex anymore! That possibility sure fuels those "fucking for money" rumors about her swirling around here yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
  78. So I guess we can assume she will be sleeping until about 5pm today after her exhausting all nighter of thinking about herself, how she feels about what you say, how she feels about her 'job', how tired she is, how she has feelings, how she is overworked, what she told redacted and how she outwitted a hostile email? I mean...busy night. She deserves 14 hours of nightnight.

    ReplyDelete
  79. "This person has protected their updates.

    You need to send a request before you can start following this person."

    I see she is still ignoring da haterzzz.

    ReplyDelete
  80. These rumors should stop. What good can they do? They can only discredit this site and give her the opportunity to divert attention from herself. Don't give her the chance to say 'See what I'm dealing with here? Now they claim I'm a prostitute. Character assassination'.
    The things she actually does provide enough material. Let this one go.

    ReplyDelete
  81. You know wo else stays up all night and constantly thinks about themselves?

    Serial killers.

    I now firmly beleive that Julia Allison is a serial killer.

    She stalks the Gotham night looking for victims, preferably well-dressed ones connected to the upper-tier of Manhattan media circles.

    She is a coke-sniffing serial killer who sometimes sells sex for money.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Hey, no worries, people, she's fine.
    Look here:

    I cannot wait to plan my costume for College Humor's "Asshole on a Yacht" party: http://www.collegehumor.com...about 13 hours ago from web
    http://twitter.com/juliaallison/status/1780827489

    Some uncredited words of wisdom:
    "There is one certain criterion by which you can measure your success: the degree of peace you feel within."about 6 hours ago from txt

    She is fine and not going anywhere.

    ReplyDelete
  83. I guess there is a differrence between streetwalking and being a kept woman. Isn't that essentially what she is looking for? A rich guy to pay for her life? I just say.

    ReplyDelete
  84. You mean she's the new American Psycho, 12:18? Interesting thought...

    ReplyDelete
  85. Werewolves, too.

    Werewolves stay up late. And their appearances change too. Like Julia Allison's!

    Julia Allison is totally a werewolf! I didn't even believe in werewolves until just now.

    ReplyDelete
  86. She and Bateman are obsessed with appearance.

    ReplyDelete
  87. I can already see the movie: Twen Wolf.

    ReplyDelete
  88. She has developed owl-like permanent circles around her eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  89. How does laser hair removal work for werewolfes, though?

    ReplyDelete
  90. She doesn't want a vacation from blogging, she wants a vacation from reading this site.

    ReplyDelete
  91. All we are doing is setting ourselves up for a retarded "Thriller" lipdub.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Werewolves have long been known as voracious readers of blogs. Look it up. It's science.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Werewolves also shun regular, steady employment, as Julia does. They're more go-it-alone types. Freelancers, if you will.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Is that why she drops off Lily at other people's places so frequently? So that she doesn't accidently wolf down her dog when she's having one of her episodes?
    Seriously, this werewolf theory would explain so much.

    ReplyDelete
  95. no its Miss Effing Dog barking "WTF'at its owner

    ReplyDelete
  96. Now that you mention it, I've never seen Julia in the same room as a werewolf. Coincidence? I think not.

    ReplyDelete
  97. They also have greasy hair and green vaginas.

    SCIENCE.

    ReplyDelete
  98. The idea that Julia fucks for money is just insane. Take one look at her wrinkling up her nose and making an "icky!" face at the idea of wearing the color black, and then tell me could earn money getting dudes' rocks off.

    Fact: she sees sex as a slightly-gross opportunity for men to more explicitly worship her. I bet the only time she's genuinely grunted was dropping an excessively cupcake-hardened dook.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Greasy Hair and Green Vaginas is SO the title of my poetry anthology, PP.

    ReplyDelete
  100. A-line dresses constantly? Almost as if someone was trying to conceal their long, curled, wolf-tail!

    ReplyDelete
  101. Maybe that is why she ascribes to the "Let the Right One In" dating theory.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Whomever pointed out that NS has taken a further nose dive post-Mary's departure is right. Mary's working on her own sponsorships for her morethanmary.com and her web show that she's trying to produce in LA. Julia and Meghan are left to get sponsorship for NS and we know that just will not happen.

    I remember commenting about this a lot months back but I'll say it again---

    All of the successful blogs/media projects that I know about PUT CONTENT FIRST. They built up the product before asking for money. That's her greatest mistake. You might get lucky here and there because you and mama and daddy have contacts in high places (Yes, Julia, I'm talking to you) but you need content to attract sponsorship of your product.

    Think about pro athletes. A kid who looks the part can't just walk into a skatboard company and demand/ask for sponsorship. They have to prove themselves and offer up a product. They have to be a winner.

    Jules, you are no winner.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Johnny Optional.May 13, 2009 at 12:37 PM

    "Anonymous said...

    She doesn't want a vacation from blogging, she wants a vacation from reading this site."

    That hit the nail on the head.

    ReplyDelete
  104. TJ,

    ... the other problem with her model, besides not generating the reliable, quality ocntent sponsors and advertisers like, is that almost none of today's top coporations want to establish a business relationship with soomeone who morphs into a giant, bloodthirsty wolf and runs around New York City killing and eating people - potential customers of those sponsors' brands!

    Think about it! What a PR hit that owuld be if it was revealed one of your spokespeople was a frigging werewold! Come back from that one!

    ReplyDelete
  105. OMG PROOFI have excloosif pic of Julia's walk of shame!!!

    ReplyDelete
  106. PP.. is that blood? Or little bits of facebook's credibility that she devoured dripping down her chest?

    ReplyDelete
  107. Tell me you didn't spit out your coffee and wet your pants at my werejulia photoshop.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Are you sure, partypants? I see no headband or freshwater pearls. Could be a random tutu-wearing werewolf. Oh. Wait. Nope, there it is. There's that look of euphoria at sound of a camera shutter. And that is her best side.

    ReplyDelete
  109. That post of hers is positively Nixonian. It’s like it’s her Checkers speech (or rather, her Lilly speech).

    What’s most dishonest about her post is that she makes it out like she does this just for entertainment. Instead, she’s doing it for the pageviews, so she can sell advertising.

    Anyway, the line I kept hearing in my head as I read that was from Morrissey:

    “There’s too many people planning your downfall...”

    ReplyDelete
  110. Even doing the mouth open arm bent pose!

    ReplyDelete
  111. FlatFace-
    I tots agree. Let's imagine Jules got the sponsorship of her dreams, and had a black amex, and 10 million in the bank....or let's say 1/100th...of that. She'd just be a rich crazy mentally ill jinga and a huge liability.

    ReplyDelete
  112. with normal werewolves, no problem: a silver bullet, or a stake through the heart.

    But with Julia Allison it's different. Conventional anti-werewolf tactics don't work. If you want to ward off an attack from her there's only one thing to do: offer her a job. A regulat job, with set hours and a industry wage rate and real expectations. She will turn and run.

    ReplyDelete
  113. pp,
    Brilliantly done! Truly spooky! Great journlaisming!

    ReplyDelete
  114. The werewolf theory killed me. You bitches made me laugh out loud at work.

    ReplyDelete
  115. ... anon 1251
    You know when you won't be laughing anon 1251? When you hear her razor sharp claws shredding your apartment door and see the first flash of her saber-like fangs coming at you. You won't be laughing then, my friend.

    Better have that job offer handy...

    ReplyDelete
  116. Jack the BulldogMay 13, 2009 at 1:00 PM

    "No one understands me!" Jackles provides the eternal whine of the teenager. Forever the delusional woman-child (and perhaps werewolf). But I am pleasantly surprised that her lack of content (both figurative and literal) wasn't blamed on having been raped a few seasons back. We're making progress!

    ReplyDelete
  117. Wait. When did she claim that? Never heard of this.

    ReplyDelete
  118. I think "Forever the delusional woman-child (and perhaps werewolf)." should be on her Press Tumblr.

    ReplyDelete
  119. I wish we could change her wikipedia page to just include "suspected werewolf". Not totally re-do the page. Just throw it out there: this woman is probably a werewolf.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Is it weird that, as I was reading this post- JA popped up on the VH1 special I was watching?

    ReplyDelete
  121. Anon 107, it's not weird. Werewolves have psychic powers. They also have extremely unpleasant gas.

    ReplyDelete
  122. 1:02PM Apparently, crying rape was an oft used ploy to extend paper deadlines at GU. Classy, no?

    ReplyDelete
  123. Julia's Tired BrainMay 13, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    Julia, let me tell you something about an exhausting travel schedule. My first summer out of college I had a full time REAL job. From Memorial Day to Labor day I was out at a remote job site. I would go to the site (4 hours away)Monday mornings and come back Friday afternoon. Every week. After Labor day, I was back in one place for a week then was sent to Detroit for 4 weeks. Got home for a week, then went back to Detroit for 4 more weeks.

    That's a fucking travel schedule. Not booping around to tech conferences you aren't invited to.

    Also, NO ONE IS FORCING YOU to go to these "exhausting" trips. Bitch, please.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Julverine has risen and demands food:

    Today I would like brioche french toast. Oh ... what? There is no brioche french toast in my kitchen? Okay. I will settle for water.12 minutes ago from web

    See what she's doing here? Craving for fatty food, instead choose to have NO food at all. Yep. Healthy.

    ReplyDelete
  125. So ingenuine.
    The entire message of this post. "Sorry investors, you got sucked in; I was and still am still too damn lazy to do anything with this little vanity blog except post pictures of myself. This ego enterprise will never pay the "fuck you" money I expected; so fuck this."

    ReplyDelete
  126. "There's just something about that schoolgirl skirt and thigh-highs that makes men go nuts."-JA on the movie "Clueless" on my VH1 special.

    Well- that explains the wardrobe choices- Jackles is just clueless!

    Anon 1:07

    ReplyDelete
  127. She is living differently alright-

    Most of us have to work for a living.

    ReplyDelete
  128. And she cries rape when she cheats. Have a great day! xo

    ReplyDelete
  129. I feel like my ears should cry rape every time she donkeylaughs.

    ReplyDelete
  130. This thread is seriously fucking killing me, from werewolf theory to tutu photoshop to JULVERINE (AMAZING) just all of it. I love you hos!

    ReplyDelete
  131. Anon 11:50: Regarding your list -
    In recent months Julias has attended

    * CES Trade Show
    * Presidential Innauguration
    * DLD Conference in Germany
    * Davos World Economic Forum in Switzerland
    * NEXT in Denmark
    * Foo Camp/Facebook HQ
    * White House Correspondents Dinner
    * Dinner w/ Gloria Steinem(?)
    Except the first two (which were both extensively non-reported by nonsociety) ALL of the items here were courtesy of Randi Zukerberg. (And if you throw in the birthday party, there hasn't been a single non-RZ thing she's done.) Oh, right an after-school club talk at HS and that skuzzy bar in the basement fiasco with Meghanaisse as the canned laughter.
    Sad. :(

    ReplyDelete
  132. How can those chats with Dan be real? Who even speaks like that in chat? Like, no offense to Dan but I sincerely doubt that as soon as she mentioned her "crisis about the word crisis" he was there to immediately fire back some knowledge about Chinese and how "crisis means opportunity". Like, who's chats are that perfect and packaged for a perfect screenshot? Which means she's recreated the chat...with a fake IM "buddy". Probably one on her iPhone and one on her MacBook. Wtf?? Honestly, the whole "in Chinese crisis and opportunity are the same" thing is SO EFFING airport self improvement/business book. And the fact that it's written like perfect witty dialogue. If you're going to edit/embellish...just use regular text, or tell the story like "Earlier today I was talking to Dan and he had an interesting point about how crisis blah blah blah...". It doesn't have to be in an IM window.

    Seriously...it's freakin me out man!!

    ReplyDelete
  133. Anyone else notice that gawker like NEVER posts about her anymore?

    ReplyDelete
  134. @partypants

    I noticed this too. The last few posts about have received just a few comments. She used to get over 100 responses. People don't even care to hate on her anymore. I am bored with her too, but the braying donkey and werewolf comparisons keep pulling me back here.

    ReplyDelete
  135. @ Nomsociety - I got the idea from reading a blog post from Dan's mother that Dan is in VERY bad shape and in a lot of pain- like he was on so much morphine that he didn't know where he was. I don't remember where I saw it, but it was Dan's mom updating a bunch of people about his status. I serious doubt he is IMing Julia.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Jackles trots out the rape excuse often. It's even in the Media Bistro piece that was originally slated for New York magazine. Gloria Steinem would be so proud of our dear Julia!

    ReplyDelete
  137. 3:31
    Wasn't that from a pretty old post on dan's blog tha julia set up for him? if that's where you saw it, I don't believe that is current at all.

    ReplyDelete
  138. After being a JA fan and interning for her, I think that she is nothing but a big joke, and it's starting to hit her. A JOKE. She really has nothing to show, and that's why NonSociety is tumbling down to the ground.

    ReplyDelete
  139. @ 3:41 oh ok - I didn't know that it was old.

    ReplyDelete
  140. @Charlsie

    So much for Jules becoming the "Oprah of the internet."

    ReplyDelete
  141. Come on guys. Leave me alone. Going to parties is hard work! Traveling to San Fran for parties is even more exhausting. Do you know how tiring it is to make kissy face when you are jet lagged? Sometimes all you want to do is go to your hotel suite and eat cupcakes and take pictures of your cleavage. But you have to buck up and go to a party to show your cleavage WHILE making kissy face! (Sometimes these parties don't have cupcakes. This annoys me) Sometimes I have to recruit some random loser - I mean photographer to take my picture because my stupid fucking intern didn't have the $2,000 for airfare and hotel to come with me to take my picture. (Why my interns don't ask their grandmothers for money I will never understand) Anyway, add in the lipdubs you can see why I need some time off. (You try singing along to The Lion King soundtrack while YOUR intern videos it and tell me it is not hard)

    ReplyDelete
  142. "Anon 11:50: Regarding your list -
    In recent months Julias has attended

    * CES Trade Show
    * Presidential Innauguration
    * DLD Conference in Germany
    * Davos World Economic Forum in Switzerland
    * NEXT in Denmark
    * Foo Camp/Facebook HQ
    * White House Correspondents Dinner
    * Dinner w/ Gloria Steinem(?)"

    Even a kid from the high school newspaper could have provided more content based on these experiences. Julia is less than amateur.

    As for her pitiful excuses, how ignorant is she that she doesn't see scores of blogs every day with more content than hers provided by real people with full time jobs and families?

    A blog is a not a "business".

    ReplyDelete
  143. Has Mary abandoned her handbag business http://moebags.com ? I don't recall her mentioning it in recent memory and it certainly is not mentioned on her new site.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Yes I seem to recall that she said it was on hiatus and she sold her remaining inventory

    ReplyDelete
  145. That chick on the left. Isn't it Rachael Ray before she lost the weight?

    ReplyDelete
  146. Lisa Simpson: “Look on the bright side, Dad. Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for ‘crisis’ as they do for ‘opportunity?’”

    Homer Simpson: “Yes. ‘Crisitunity!’”

    ReplyDelete
  147. Re: Someone saying "blogging is not a job."

    Oh, it very much is. I know because that's what I do. Julia & co. can very well make a living from blogging, but they would have to 1) provide content that people are interested in, 2) know how to market their posts, and 3) be open to feedback in order to grow and change according to their desire demographic. And, of course, 4) treat it as a job and set hours, pay, goals, etc.

    So, yeah. It's a real job. It's just that, as with any profession, not anyone can do it - and most don't do it well.

    ReplyDelete
  148. 8:12

    Agreed. Blogging can also be a very profitable job. See this:

    http://www.incomediary.com/top-30-female-internet-entrepreneurs/

    Julia is just lousy at it and extremely lazy. I couldn't care less if she gets a manicure (errr..."nails did"). That is not content.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Sorry, blogging is not a job. I don't care how you spin it, if my 9 year old sister can do it, then it's not a fucking job. Sorry Christan.

    ReplyDelete
  150. Well then. Someone call Sammy Sosa, Cormac McCarthy, Maya Angelou, Yo-Yo Ma and Chuck Close and let them know they're unemployed. Because I know plenty of 9-year-olds who can play baseball, write short stories, pen poems, play the cello and paint pictures.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Those are jobs, asshole. Blogging? NOT A JOB.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Dirty Lake MichiganMay 14, 2009 at 9:28 AM

    OK, OK...
    about the jobs vs not jobs.
    It's alllll about the money baby. Alllll about the money.
    Pay the bills and live comfortably, it's all good.
    I think the offense comes in when someone such as Julia, sells her soul just for fame. There's nothing, she offers NOTHING, yet her sense of entitlement and self-importance is undeniably tasteless. All those other web-entrepreneurs listed above seem to be making lots of money. Providing content... or a service of some sort. Julia would like to associate herself in that category but she doesn't realize she's actually the Tila Tequila of the internet.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Service websites are not blogs. I wouldn't have a problem with craigslist making money, or wikipedia. They provide a service.

    Take it or leave it, but no one will ever convince me that sitting around writing what amounts to a fucking online diary is a job. I don't care how much money they make at it.

    ReplyDelete
  154. Partypants really embodies everything that is irksome about Julia Allison: An abrasive, entitled, ignorant person who spends way too much time on the internet, snarking on strangers more famous than she is and who is thoroughly convinced she is hilarious.com despite groans and eye rolls from the peanut gallery. Why are you so adamant in gloating about your ignorance and narrow-mindedness? Blogging is a profession. Just because some inane internet troll can't fathom earning a living from it does not make it any less of a job for the people who do it 8-12 hours a day at least 5 days a week and manage to earn a living doing so.

    You're often witty, partypants, but most of what you write so mirrors people's complaints about Julia's own writing that it might be worthwhile to follow your own advice and take a break.

    ReplyDelete
  155. It's so strange of you to say that. I would never say that anonymously!

    Eat a dick, Christan. And have a great day! :)

    ReplyDelete
  156. I love Party Pants. Fuck off hater.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Partypants becomes more JABA-esque by the day. Trust.

    ReplyDelete
  158. And you'd know that because....?

    ReplyDelete