Monday, May 4, 2009

Julia: My God, She's An Idiot




Sorry to be so harsh. But we saw this Patrol Magazine thing she's maniacally blogging/Tweeting about days ago, and realized immediately they were taking the piss. Is she that stupid?

She’s actually kind of a machine of happiness and non-sickening positivity in this cynical city.
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Patrol Magazine, in response to NY magazine calling me a “banal lifecaster.” SO THERE, NY mag.

ZING! ZOW!

BOOM!

SNAP! … Okay, I’m done …



Clearly the New York Magazine diss was a wound that has festered so painfully for days that Jackles seized upon the first item she was able to find -- the ONLY item she was able to find -- that appeared at first glance to dispute it. Except that it didn't. For those who can't be bothered to click on over and read it, here's what it says:

New York magazine’s Approval Matrix is generally a wonderful thing; we all need that weekly quantification of the social value of the various and sundry phenomena that assault us from all sides. But yesterday it did a bad thing: in a special online version called the “Twitter Approval Matrix,” they stuck our good friend Julia Allison in the lower left-hand corner—at the intersection of “insipid” and “navel-gazing.”

(Oh, readers! It’s you. Hi. Forgot you were standing right there. I know you probably don’t know what in the world is going on or care at all, but bear with us for just a moment. Calling out big, bad magazines when they fail is very important. We’ll get back to regular programming in five seconds, promise.)

Let me tell you, New York magazine, Julia Allison does not navel gaze. She is a very happy person—all the time every day. She’s actually kind of a machine of happiness and non-sickening positivity in this cynical city. There fore, it’s completely uncalled for you to call her tweets “banal life-casting.” Yeah, she uses lots of capitals and exclamation points, but maybe you just don’t understand about lifecasting, and What It Means To Us. Maybe you don’t realize how uninterested we are in your negativity.

And besides, who said her Twitter is banal, anyway? A few examples from the past few days:

April 28: “Friend: ‘I think she hates me. [pause] Well, she either hates me or really likes me. Not sure.’”

April 28: “No one should ever, ever be alone in a hospital.”

April 27: “Andrew: ‘Can't you just smell the roses?’ Me: ‘No. They have to be documented!’”

April 27: "Few great men do not assert total control over their domains. I doubt Winston Churchill ever said, 'Whatever.'” - Chris Buckley in the NYT

April 23: “Yes, I actually own the domain DamnItFeelsGoodtoBeaTechNerd.com.”

April 18: “Listening to Josh Harris from We Live in Public speak at Foo Camp. I am not convinced he is sane.”

It’s time for all you people to start writing letters. We will not stand for this.


84 comments:

  1. And Patrol Mag has torn Julia a new one numerous time. Patrol Mag is not her friend.

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  2. That photo is tremendously good.

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  3. Why does she even care? The twitter matrix was like last week! Stop being such a victim.

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  4. I'm convinced that part of her business model is to assume that most of her "fans" (side note - whatever happened to the profiles of Julia's FB fans? The last time I checked, there were a large number of middle aged men from obscure, eastern European villages) are too uninterested to fact check.

    Sadly, I think she's right. Most of her fans follow her for a mindless lark and don't have the same sense of outrage that RBNS'ers do. We're a rare and special breed.

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  5. The Patrol posted this satire under the category "Our Favoritest Person Ever."

    But maybe JA can now write for NYMAG, since both are too stupid to know a satire when they see one.

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  6. Ekscuse me. I from Vanlanya in Bulgaria near Turkish border. I frend with Juli Allison for chanse to make sex with her. She sed I can be her fan. We get closer. I am love with her. Slokan end Koray also love her. They facebook frend also. We invite her to Bulgaria she have wery good time!


    Thenk u.
    Volk

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  7. Thanks for sharing the face Julia makes when she's faking an orgasm.

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  8. I take it she didn't extend the laser hair removal to her upper lip based on the photo accompanying this post. Oh Jules!!

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  9. I think she looks good there...almost human, eh? Looks like she avoided the aging-comic-book-villain costume for a night.

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  10. Dear Julia ThinkBeforeYouTweet.com Allison,

    Remember when your PR people told you that speaking out in public was not friendly towards your cause? Think before you tweet..

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  11. there are other photos from the same night where she looks cute and young. basically totally opposite of what she is now. its a real shame.

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  12. Mixed Message Alert #479: Grabbing Forman intimately, at the scruff of the neck, giving him a sexy little tickle, BUT WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX OK?????? Just because I grab you in an intimate embrace doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to you.

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  13. Records CustodianMay 4, 2009 at 8:13 PM

    This is one of those public fuckups that has to really rattle Julia, as it implicates her less than stellar intellect.

    She either didn't read the post (just the highlights in her google reader) or she did and utterly missed it. Either way, she comes across as narcissistically clueless.

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  14. @Bojankles
    And this is less than a year ago! Early last summer.

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  15. Has anyone tried to frequent NonSociety in the last 15 minutes? It won't pull up on my computer. Is it down?

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  16. Even if it isn't satire, this is an online magazine that is run by college students/fresh-outta-school kids and is operated by the Kings College in NYC. Not exactly on the same scale as NY Mag, is it?

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  17. @8:19: You're right, the home page and Julia's NS page are definitely down.

    I think this oversight + the "Schiap" fail has her slightly embarrassed and on damage control this week. Maybe they're redesigning their site again -- it's Monday night; it might make sense.

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  18. Russian Girl, is it true?

    http://bg-bg.facebook.com/people/Britt-Baugher/3615704

    hahahaha! Go lil' bro! Favorite celebrity, I'm guessing...ahahha

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  19. She's having dinner with DAVID KARP and RANDI ZUCKERMAN and SHEILA LAZAR; maybe they are scheming and usual and tweaking the site. Or, as usual, it's just buggy.

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  20. How can she not know? It's fucking so sad. Not sad enough to prevent me from doing a video about her greenish vajayjay bumps though.

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  21. So now her twitter bio has been changed to "a machine of happiness."

    It's like she's trying to appear to laugh at herself because she knows that her family is probably growing more concerned about her. She's really unstable. And insecure. And reeks of desperation because she knows she's no longer a "dork with a strange career" or "professional troublemaker" or a professional anything. I really think she's making an effort to hide from her parents how much her life is falling apart.

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  22. It's so sad, Loren. Do you think she sent Patrol Mag a thank you? I bet she did. In earnest.

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  23. I think next she's going to try to jump on board this Wonderwall thing.

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  24. If you get a chance, read the Emily Gould patrol piece and his references to Julia. Um, ouch!

    She is an idiot if she thinks this is either praise or something she can spin.

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  25. Reading comprehension is apparently not Jankle's strong suit.

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  26. Jing

    I just cant believe shes that fucking stupid that she didnt they were goofing. I need to just sit down with her and try and help her. Its pathetic.

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  27. I think many have tried to help her. Her personality pathology really gets in the way of accepting help.

    Meghan has an Indian skincare line coming out and several web shows in pre productio, per her recent post. Mary has her own thing going on which, successful or not, looks to be making her happy (she clearly is the happiest of the 3). Jackles??? She's got nothing. Ziltch.

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  28. Shira and David hung out at Webster hall earlier http://www.davidslog.com/103536948

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  29. nonsociety has been down for a couple of hours now.

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  30. Vom.com
    juliaallison Me: how did you do on Fox? @DavidKarp: I looked so good. less than 20 seconds ago from txt

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  31. Meghan has an Indian skincare line coming out? Do tell. To paraphrase Tommy Mottola in the VF article about Jessica Simpson:

    “It’s not necessarily a bad move,” Mottola explained. “She’s [an Indian] girl —it’s close to her heart. But if she tries to go back to [skincare], that might be too much ping-ponging. When you confuse your audience, you’re done.”

    But, then again, Meghan's tech following is - what - 4,000 people? (Per Twitter) I could see her doing skincare. I do HATE the fact that everything comes easily for these twats. "Tbe rich get richer."

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  32. I would go to Meghan's lifecast to get her statement about working on a skincare line but the site has been down for hours.

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  33. yo the site is down...haha...are they done?

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  34. I just accessed it thru Tumblr and I don't see that post. Maybe she deleted it.

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  35. Thanks, Total Jing. I'll check it out tomorrow. Tech and skincare. It's like - can you see Apple putting out a line of body butters? Or an aromatherapy bar in the Mac store? Oh - wait. I'm just a hater. She's right. I am. I wish she & JA would leave the internet!!!

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  36. It was like 2 sentences in a post apologizing for not posting much content. I believe it was right after returning from San Francisco.

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  37. Thanks TJ, I found out it, here's the excerpt. It was from their flight to Denmark.

    "Life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately; I’ve been working on a tech pilot, Indian skin care line, not to mention working out the next steps for NonSociety. I keep telling myself that things will calm down, but it seems like the activity is never ending."

    I'd like to add that the post that the excerpt above is from ends like this: "YEAH!"

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  38. Barf. "I keep telling myself that things will calm down, but it seems like the activity is never ending. So far, I've been working 50 hour weeks! Can you imagine? And I'm only drawing $5,000/week from my trust fund. Life sure isn't easy, folks."

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  39. Just for fun you can search Toolia's NS posts via Google by typing in the string "site:julia.nonsociety.com" followed by the search phrase.

    A search for Randi got 120 results! Good times:

    site:julia.nonsociety.com randi

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  40. I mean a few times I've had to wake up at ten am. Ten am! ugh, so overworked!

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  41. "@diablocody - you and @SarahLane are my non-heteronormative crushes!! So ... there. TAKE THAT, people-who-use-the-phrase-"girl-crush"!!"

    Congratulations Julia, I think you just used the term heteronormative in the most inane way possible. Not surprising, considering your entire ethos on men and women completely celebrates heteronormativity. Diablo Cody will not be impressed by your pseudointellectualism. So take that! people-who-use-big-words-to-sound-smart!

    :)

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  42. Sigh. If only she were cute, but she's just embarrassing. Sure, rather using a six-syllable word like an idiot than keeping the good old and handy girl crush will make you seem way smart, doofus.
    Holding a grudge against the world, are we? The frantic TAKE THAT suggests an even higher level of frustration and exasperation than usual. Judging by recent twitter output, I stand by my earlier assessment: Girlfriend is losing it.

    Also, why bring up that Patrolmag thing almost six days after it was posted unless someone was getting uncomfortable with the increasing silence around her? Not much JA-related twitter activity during the past days and all in all the parts of the world which know her name seem to care distinctively less these days.

    Also, I wouldn't direct people to a "defence" under which the author states:

    Sorry, guys, but I owed her one for being so mean here [the Gould piece].
    — David · Apr 30, 04:27 PM

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  43. The only reason she knows the word Normative is because that's the name of Lodwick's new company.

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  44. Uh, I don't want to be mean, for fear of people saying attacking the girls' appearance is a cheap shot, but this is an honest question.

    I thought when Meghan and Mary posted one of those "we're off to see Dr Bobby!" videos, Meghan mentioned she saw Dr Bobby because she had acne that he injected with something to get rid of it.

    I'm only mentioning it because I would have thought somebody who admitted they had skin problems they needed to see somebody like Dr Bobby for wouldn't exactly be the poster child for "buy my skincare line and you can look like me."

    I'm not saying Meghan's skin is any worse than your average actress who endorses a line, but those actresses haven't usually filmed themselves getting injections because it shatters the illusion.

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  45. Dear TMI Weekly Fans:

    Our new Business Model:

    You pay us to go away..

    xoxoxxo kisses

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  46. How does Julia's "brand" stay afloat in the face of horrible content and a braying like donkey personality? Why, cosying up to young new media millionaires like Tumblr's David Karp as illustrated in this rather sick making photo from last night:
    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/103629239-0-0

    Oh yeah, and hanging out with Gawker journalists like James Del. Blergh.

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  47. Wow...she is really trying to land Karp isn't she? Good luck, Julia.

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  48. Hypothetically speaking, if she really landed him, that would surely mean the end to wasting 1000 Dollar tips on worthless commoners waiting on him, no? That money would go straight into project Jules.

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  49. That whole group is a bunch of losers. MOney-suckers.

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  50. Julia's DAVID KARP!!!!! post:

    "With Mr. Karp at Lure Fishbar.
    How you know you’re officially “New York Jaded” (it’s a special kind of jaded): the manager and all of the waitresses were being too nice to us - nice enough for me to notice and think, “WTF? We’re definitely not important enough to merit this Level of Sucking Up.” So I turned to David and said, “Why are they being so goddamn nice?!?” And he sheepishly looked at me and said, “Oh. Uh … once I got drunk and left a thousand dollar tip here.”
    Mystery solved. :)"

    translation: MY FRIEND IS RICH!!!!! I HAVE RICH FRIENDS!!!!!! RICH!!!!! MONEY!!!!! MONEY!!!!!!!!

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  51. Twit stalking Diablo Cody again. No, Diablo Cody did not @JuliaAllison. Yeah - if you had any doubt Julia Allison was coming unhinged.

    "@diablocody - you and @SarahLane are my non-heteronormative crushes!! So ... there. TAKE THAT, people-who-use-the-phrase-"girl-crush"!!
    about 7 hours ago from web in reply to diablocody"

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  52. considering how ratty the Tumblr CMS design/impl is I do not think this helps David Karp in anyway with current or future investors..

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  53. Julia - you are not a New Yorker just because you've watched every episode of Sex and the City and own all the dvds. Please stop deceiving yourself, and go back to that fame-whore Alice-In-Wonderland hole from which you've sadly sprung.

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  54. So I may be rusty in AP Joolia History studies, but I seem to remember that Forman had just broken up with her in the photo above, making it all the more sad :( .

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  55. Do they teach a course in Joolia at GeorgeTown?

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  56. I think Julia Allison is cracking up and having another mini meltdown. Owen Thomas - the only Gawker writer who gave a shit about her - recently left Gawker/ Gawker was the only place left that would talk about her. Now, she has nothing, hence her blowing up an obscure blog post that was actually making fun of her. She also displays her typical aggression towards NY Mag for "wronging" her. Now she's back to her obnoxious name dropping. And the cycle continues again. Julia Allison will NEVER change because she has enablers and money from grams to help her continue on her merry path of general douchiness.

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  57. I wonder if she knows people question her over-the-top niceness the same way she did the staff there; nothing to do with altruism in her case though.

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  58. Julia Allison's story about the nice waitresses was completely fabricated. She just wanted to make sure that everyone knew that David Karp was rich. She doesn't hang out with just any ugly guy, doncha know!

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  59. David is dating a hot Asian girl. Sorry Julia! Chubby unemployed bloggers dressed in pink headbands, pearls and oxford shirts who look like they could be David's boozy stepmom visiting from Boca Raton need not apply.

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  60. Everyone was wearing jeans last night except for her. I think she has no idea how to take a pair of pants and make an outfit that is casual and stylish. Randi looked better than she did. And that post about the $1000 tip is horrifyingly gauche if anything ever was. WTFISWRONGWITHYOU

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  61. Does anyone else find it incredibly annoying how all three of them constantly beg for episode ideas and comments for their TMI shitshow? Pleeeeeasee leave us a comment!!!! Pleeeease send us your ideas and websites for [insert incredibly boring topic here]. It's so lazy and pathetic.

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  62. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  63. MISS RANDI ZUKCERBERG managed to find a gown for the WHCD. Actually paid for it instead of mooching it for free. How it must sting Little Miss Broke Blogger Julia Allison that her Reflected Glory Friends actually have jobs that pay them actual money, while she is left grubbing for freebies and saying tacky things about how much money her friends have.

    Randi - "Stumbled into a HUGE sale at Neimans today & am now the happy owner of a gorgeous Badgley Mishka gown for DC! @rachelannyes thx for rec! 8:39 PM May 2nd from web"

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  64. I think in her mind NYC would be the one place she could wear tutus and dress in ridiculous outfits a la Carrie and SATC. Everything she wears is off. I think she expressed that realization the most when she was at Fashion Week and changed halfway through because she felt like a dork among the hipsters and models. She doesn't have an eye for style but it didn't matter when she had stylists and a pretty face.

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  65. Julia's "style" has not evolved since high school -- just like her maturity level. She owns one pair of jeans: giant bell bottom Juicys that are a monstrosity. Whenever she does wear pants, you can really tell just how huge her hips and ass are. She hides them with giant skirts, which is the only thing she can wear that still fits.

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  66. For pete's sake her masturbation over Monique Lhuillier wedding dresses is such a transparent beg for the Monique Lhuillier dress she tried on a few entries before that for the White House Correspondents Dinner. What a total coincidence right.

    I mean are there no other wedding dress designers out there that qualify to grace her page? Not one?

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  67. Good grief, her post about Karp's $1000 tip is so gauche.

    I feel sorry for Julia. Nonsociety is in the worst shape its ever been in. Just awful, it doesn't even feel like they're trying to produce quality content. She really needs to cut her losses and try to find a real job.

    Meanwhile, Mary's blog has only been up for a few weeks but is already producing a clearer vision and better content than NonSociety ever did.

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  68. She will soon have to resort to outfits like Madonna's @ last night's Met Gala to get attention. Behold.

    http://dlisted.com/node/31894/images/wenn5288922.jpgOf course she doesn't have the Madonna body so um, think more poof.. and pink.

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  69. I wonder if she'll comment on the outfits at that event. She'd only ever dream of attending and being photographed. Sad :(

    Also - "James Del, sniffing my real-but-looks-faux pink Chanel tote." Lame.

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  70. Clementine, I will NEVER feel sorry for Julia Allison. Her present situation is entirely of her own making. She burned all of her bridges at her old jobs with her laziness and diva like behavior when she thought she was about to hit the big time (HA) with a reality show. Julia Allison has absolutely no marketable skills or work ethic to hold down the most basic administrative job. She thinks she's too good for a regular job and is destined to be some kind of celebrity, but no one wants what she's selling - herself - because she is incredibly insipid, trite, banal and gauche. Shelf life - EXPIRED. Too bad she shot her looks to hell and now the trophy wife back up plan won't even work. Julia Allison has NO options, other than to move back home with her parents at age 30.

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  71. Her activity last night just proves she has no life. Look at how many tweets and posts she devoted to HAVING DINNER WITH FRIENDS. My God, this woman is sad.

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  72. Ugh, that $1000 tip story is sooooo beyond tacky, just like our JA. But then again, this is the woman who also claims that she has a REAL pink Chanel purse but that it only "looks" fake. Funny how we didn't see the infamous REAL pink Chanel bag in any of her typical name-droppy photos posted from last night though.

    And there actually are people out there dumb enough to contribute to the TMI episodes; does it annoy anyone else here that Meghan actually found some stupid design student stoogie who took her up on an offer to design her fancy apartment for FREE just for the "publicity" the student would get on the TMI shitshow? Looks like Julia taught Meghan well: freebies are better than a real job with steady paychecks!

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  73. The Julia Allison Pocket TranslatorMay 5, 2009 at 9:59 AM

    "James Del, sniffing my real-but-looks-faux pink Chanel tote.
    “What’s the point of having a Chanel bag if it’s going to look fake?!”"

    translation: I HAVE A REAL CHANEL BAG!!! IT IS REAL!!! I HAVE MONEY!!!! MY FAMILY HAS MONEY!!!!! DID I MENTION MY PARENT'S DOWNTOWN CONDO????

    And one more from a few days ago:

    "Lilly [Pulitzer] celebrates its 50th anniversary (@Bloomingdales) - I have many of these 50 year old designs, handed down by my grandmother. :)"

    translation: MY FAMILY HAS MONEY!!! WE ARE BLUE BLOODS WHO WEAR LILLY!!!! MY GRANDMA IS OLD MONEY, Y'ALL!!!!!! JUST LIKE MY FRESHWATER PEARLS!!!!!!

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  74. panty thief, I feel sorry for her because from reading her blog it seems like she is mentally ill. Happy, well balanced adults do not behave like her. Every time I log onto this site I fear I'll find a post informing us of her hospitalization or breakdown or something. She needs to get herself sorted out.

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  75. Muffy von CorndogMay 5, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    The $1,000 tip mention is just more gauche, tacky behavior from Julia Baugher that really does not surprise me at all. More of the same, just like constantly mentioning her parent's condo, freaking out over the private jet ride from Davos, label dropping, talking about how much her rent is, etc. etc.

    Um, Julia? Actual rich people don't talk about how much money they have you aspirational, nouveau riche piece of trash. She slips up and lets her trash roots show, like when she bragged about her freshwater pearls or complains that the dog groomer was $70.

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  76. Julia left those Monique Lhullier posts up on her blog for almost an entire day o that they would be the first thing you saw when visiting her blog -- Majorly obvious that she was scrounging for a free dress handout. Pathetic. No one is going to give her free shit anymore. She doesn't work for any publication and her blog is barely read by anyone. She is delusional if she thinks she is worthy of borrowed gowns and freebies.

    Clementine: it is very obvious that Julia has serious emotional issues and is possibly mentally unstable. She will never get herself "sorted out" because her family and friends - the people that are supposed to care about her - totally ignore and enable her.

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  77. Could we maybe get a search box up on this site? It would be helpful to a lot of readers here. Thanks.

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  78. http://twitter.com/juliaallison/status/1706047529

    GASP! I thought Julia's body was a pure temple that never consumed PILLS or CAFFEINE!

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  79. Anon 9:41: You can be damn sure that she's had an intern lackey on the phone to Monique Lhuillier pointing out that the designer's work is FEATURED PROMINENTLY on Julia's 1/2 million fans strong site and that Miss JULIA ALLISON would be very pleased to further promote the ML brand by ensuring one of ML's creations features PROMINENTLY at the White House Correspondent's dinner OF THE CENTUREY and Julia personally guarantees she will garner EXTENSIVE press coverage as evidenced by her very successful WIRED magazine cover and NUMEROUS television appearances, etc. yadda, yawn.
    And ... it will work ... until an ML intern does 1/2 minute of research and learns that the formidable attention miss allison receives is overwhelmingly and quite appropriately negative.

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  80. Anon 10:30. Awww. She took pills (she NEVER takes drugs, not even aspirin except for Midol sometimes!!) and missed the opporunity to add a new photo to her scintillating "here's a cup of coffee" art project! Sad. :(

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  81. Only four hours of sleep! Julia's life is SOOOO exhausting. SOOO tiring! SOOO trying! Sleeping until noon, laying around your tiny apartment all day, taking a picture of flowers, and then going to dinner with friends is SOOOO exhausting!!!!! Fuck you, Julia Allison.

    My gawd, may this woman never reproduce. She could not handle the sleep deprivation that comes with childcare.

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  82. @10:43

    My dreams are crushed. You and I will never be the same again. Sad. :(

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  83. And ... it will work ... until an ML intern does 1/2 minute of research and learns that the formidable attention miss allison receives is overwhelmingly and quite appropriately negative.

    Considering the freebies and convention invites that she gets, I don't know how much research (if any) gets done when she sticks out her chubby paw for handouts.

    Maybe we need to do more of this:

    JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON JULIA ALLISON

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  84. So, she got up at around 9 and complains about having had four hours of sleep. What did she do until 5 in the morning? The Karp? Ew. Probably googling wedding gowns and harrassing twitter people (I'll move up to the post above soon enough).

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