Sunday, May 10, 2009

UPDATED AGAIN: Julia -- A Blowing-Kisses Catalogue, And a New Contest

(UPDATE 2: Now with Slanket Blow-Kiss photo!)

We do apologize. We erred earlier today in our headline, referring to Jackles's trademark "Blowing Kisses" face as her "Kissy-Face." In fact, they are two separate beasts. Indeed our RBNS historians have isolated and identified three distinct Jackles poses. One is "Blowing Kisses." The other is "Kissy-Face" (you all know that one, lips pursed like a cross between Derek Zoolander and some poor, confused howler monkey at the local zoo). The third is the "Braying Donkey," involving her disturbingly large piehole wide open mid-laughter and/or mid-fake laughter.

But today, we shall focus on the "Blowing Kisses" pose, perfected once again at the White House Corros' Dinner last night, before we get right down to our latest contest.









We realize there are several thousand shots out there of this pose. These were all we could handle. Coming up in the days to come: our "Kissy-Face" and "Braying Donkey" collections!

And now onto our contest.

This week, let's vote on the most unintentionally hilarious thing Jackles has ever done. Here are some in the top of our minds, but send along your suggestions and we'll conduct another poll to determine the winner (this one won't be so long -- just a couple of days to vote).

1. When Jackles returned from Davos in love with a married gazillionaire yoga freak and posted photos of herself doing really lame yoga poses, and then quickly deleted her creepy Tweets of love and the photos of her in his private jet. Wonder if she ever heard from that guy again?

2. When Jackles gloated to whomever would listen to her about meanness/cruelty on the Internet after her weird fanboy David Karp deleted all Tumblrs critical of her, then was spotted weeping at Fashion Week upon learning he'd bowed to an outcry and reinstated them hours later. Throughout it all, she Tweeted maniacally: I. AM. SO. FREAKING. HAPPY!!!!!

3. Hanging out with vomity teenagers while visiting Harvard, and posting a picture of herself insanely contorted while hoovering a piece of pizza so that her "bad side" wasn't in the shot.

4. Replacing one blonde with another in Denmark with absolutely no explanation.

Send us your suggestions or leave them in the comments!

And remember:

90 comments:

  1. When Jackles believed that Patrol Mag was defending her against the New York Magazine insipid twitter label. In fact, Patrol Mag was snaking on her as usual.
    http://www.patrolmag.com/scanner/1622/julia-allison-is-not-a-banal-lifecaster-

    ReplyDelete
  2. But #3 is incomplete -- she convinced Harvard students that she was a pre-frosh, peoples! Yes, she did! She told us so! (Projectile vomiting noises do sound like preeeFROOSH, come to think of it.)

    Only slightly more hilarious than my fave, her daydreams of attending Harvard B School. They don't know what they're missing ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. When Jackles pretended to give a speech from behind a podium in an MIT classroom for the cameras. Later, we learn, she spoke with students at a table.

    Her senior year prom date invited her to talk to his club on campus.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ^ Yep, Anon @ 8:31 'splains why #3 is the winner!

    That this nearly 30 y.o. woman looks 40ish (on a good day, and that was before she started with the injections and weird juice cleanses) and really believes that she could pass as a teen is knee-slapping hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh God yes, how could we have forgotten the Harvard Business School braying and subsequent dead silence?

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  6. When Jackles pretended that when she said, "I know I have an expiration date" in a movie about plastic surgery, she was actually talking about having babies.

    That was such a good one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. posting the cropped shot of randi's bday cake at the san fran leg of the birthday bash so she could pretend the cake was her as well.

    ReplyDelete
  8. sorry, that should have been "hers as well."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Updating her lunch.com blueprint cleanse review in real time in response to RBNS commenter criticism.

    Deleting comments on said post in real time.

    ReplyDelete
  10. *I must say, Jacy, that I think the Arabesque post photo post-Davos, maybe the most unintentionally funny because she was taking herself so seriously!

    ReplyDelete
  11. thinking she has a "brand," when she is actually a universally reviled joke.

    i love that about her.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yogagate for the win! It showed off her 'I'm so smart' over confidence; neither this intelligent man nor anyone else will be able to put together my sudden interest in exercise with meeting a man who shares the same interest!! I am so smart and coniving.com. I could totally be a lawyer! Omg he'll just think we have so much in common if I weirdly hold my leg in the mirror! He'll dump his smart and attractive wife for me like right away!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dirty Lake MichiganMay 10, 2009 at 9:20 PM

    I still laugh at the yoga pose picture. Even if it doesn't make it PLEASE post it for everyone to see.
    What WAS that pose anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dirty Lake Michigan,

    You remind me of another unintentional funny-

    Julia recommends Chicago-Lake Michigan for Spring Break!

    ReplyDelete
  15. the most unintentionally hilarious thing Jackles has ever done.

    hmmmm, oh I know!

    NONSOCIETY.COM

    ReplyDelete
  16. 1938media There is a Julia Allison sex tape floating around. She'll release it soon enough Im sure. about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck

    Wow, is Loren joking or for real?

    ReplyDelete
  17. DirtyLakeMichigan: Your wish is our command!

    ReplyDelete
  18. who is this tired middle-aged woman and why are you concerned with her?

    ReplyDelete
  19. also, she's fat. she's really fat now.

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  20. and doughy in the face. has anyone else noticed this? oof.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Her charity idea to give used fashion magazines to the poor.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Her back up career plan; Teach For America.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Long Island University!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Expiration Dating ColumnistMay 10, 2009 at 9:44 PM

    Her Easter church going outfit.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Her guest commenting appearance at Gawker. Although it was a bit like watching a vivisection, it was amusing that she thought she could keep the upper hand while taking on the caliber of writers that were (them) Gawker commenters.

    ReplyDelete
  26. ... "that were *(then)* Gawker commenters."

    Also, at the outset of that escapade someone asked her age, and she sarcastically said "37." Which is also pretty funny, because that's how old I was at the time, though I look about ten years younger than her. Easily.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Does that eye even work anymore?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dirty Lake Michigan: Yoga pose is called "Extended Camel Toe"

    ReplyDelete
  29. As a Columbia MBA, I have to vote the day she decided to announce, with no due diligence or research of any kind, "OMG GUYZ I AM TOTALLY GOING 2 HARVARD OR STANFORD BUSINESS SKOOL, 4REALZ" and then declaring that she would have to take the GRE.

    The GRE!

    Jankles, you have to take the GMAT for b-school. Dumbass.

    Also, business school takes actual effort and hard work, is not easy to get into, and applications are a major hustle. Who, exactly, are you planning on getting references? All the Georgetown professors you lied to and cried rape to get assignment extensions? Any of the editors from papers you've been fired from? Huh. Interesting, oh yeah you have a completely horrible academic and professional track record.

    Also, you're psuedo-intelligent and only capable of trotting out your trick pony "big word" of the month or parroting (generally uncredited!) the statements and ideas of other thinkers. That tends to shine through in admissions essays, dear.

    What are you going to do? Hey NS readers, writing my admissions essays, send me your ideas and thoughts! In return for stealing all your ideas, I'll send you this lame-ass, free, cheap looking umbrella.

    Good luck with that.

    Harvard or Stanford, MY ASS. You are certainly not hot enough to fuck your way in anymore (and I venture not good enough in bed to do this anyway), and sorry but Daddy Revenue isn't rich enough to buy your way in, either!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Julia's Old NoseMay 10, 2009 at 9:58 PM

    Jacy - you posted this at 7:46PM. Now over at http://julia.nonsociety.com, exactly 14 minutes later at 8PM, Juggles writes the following:

    At the Bloomberg afterparty.
    THANK GOD I actually put my arm down for once. Jesus H … I’m tearing out my hair looking at the EXACT SAME POSE in every single photo from last night. I’m sorry. It’s the worst habit - I just do it because I’m used to doing it (well, that’s pretty much the defintion of “habit”), and because it gives me a false sense of control over the great photographic unknown. ;)

    Usually I loosen up as the night goes on and actually take some candids. (Not so much last night.) ARGHGHH. Anyway. I just want you to know that I know it looks ridiculous to pose the exact same way in every single photograph. So. No need to email me. Got it. Got the memo.

    And it’s too bad I didn’t chill out (photograph wise), especially because the lace on the top of Gustavo’s dress really looks better with my arm down. Doh!

    Nope. She absolutely does not read this blog obsessively. DOH!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Um....Yeah. JA thinks she is sooooo sassy!

    http://twitpic.com/4yeoc - So nice to finally meet Miss Meghan (aka @McCainBlogette). And it must be said: her boobs are amazing. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  32. The only person scarier than Jackles is her orange oompa loompa friend.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Nothing annoys me more than her incessant use of "Miss" in front of everyone's name. If I ever see this bitch in person, I'm going to say "Hello Miss Julia.com!" and then punch her in the fucking face.

    ReplyDelete
  34. http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/106009519-0-17 oops forgot link to MISS orange a saurus.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Run Meghan McCain! RRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

    The it's "so nice to finally meet Miss Meghan" implies that they had been playing email and phone tag for so long, but had never actually met. In reality, Julia has twitterstalked Meghan and posted pictures on her blog.

    Oh, and not to mention, Julia also mentioned in a tweet to Meghan McCain that she had Donna Brazile at GEORGETOWN.

    I will note: the side by side of Meghan and Julia is rather hilarious. Meghan's makeup, while heavy, still looks event and age appropriate. Julia's cosmetic application? She looks washed out, over-spackled, and lifeless.

    ReplyDelete
  36. 1. Wearing her hair like a 12 year old and thinking she can get away with it, that it looks fetch.

    2. Posting bitchy things about her neighbors and trying to make it look more sincere by tacking on an emoticon.

    >:(

    Yeah. Not so much.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm surprised nobody has mentioned how she wore clip on bangs after some guy said he was attracted to chicks with bangs.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Miss Lila Meredith - step away from the tanning bed...

    ReplyDelete
  39. 10:12 and then yanked the clip on bangs out the day after we called her on it here

    ReplyDelete
  40. So many moments to choose from...but a fave is the late night visit to the Genius Bar, when she switched on her dildo--sorry, videocam--to film herself dancing like a demented Miley Cyrus tween fan in the empty store. And then posted the video. And then twittered about it. So we all could watch and enjoy the performance. Like we're her fucking Daddy or something.

    ReplyDelete
  41. the cardboard podium at the Genius Bar.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Julia's Mom's 7 layer recipe:

    Argula, cream cheese, avocado, tomatoes, celery, grape jelly, and spinach; or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Any of the Julia Allison Late Night Confessional videos where she tries to appeal to her haterz:
    http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/88151752--

    or when she invited said haterz to have coffee with her:
    http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/87302736-0-0

    ReplyDelete
  44. Is DOH the new YAY!? Apropos because she's starting to get Homer Simpson-like. She can co-opt another phrase.. "Mmmmm.... CUPCAKES."

    ReplyDelete
  45. This isn't the best thing, but I like the way changes will be made to her posts, videos, tweets, photos within seconds of posts here about them.

    Like when she changed her full disclosure on her blueprint review as soon as we began talking about it here or when a video went private within minutes of being discussed here or photos we point out get deleted immediately. Of course she claims she NEVER comes here, which is why what seems to be her constant monitoring of and reacting to this site so funny. I'd guess she reads here more than even the most loyal of RBNSers!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Total Jing, you slayed me with the "orange ooompa loompa" comment. Tell me you mean Alex M. Too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  47. JA is reminiscing tonite about being employed back in the day. NS has a link to her 2007 WHCD Huffpo article. Who hired her to cover this year's WHCD? Oh right...
    blergh

    ReplyDelete
  48. has anyone seen the pic of Randi and Julia side by side from last night? With an inch of makeup completely altering both their looks I honestly find Randi wayyyyy more attractive. Which is funny because Julia obv picked her so she could look better by comparison

    ReplyDelete
  49. Gary Klein D.D.S.May 10, 2009 at 11:21 PM

    I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

    Why in GOD's name, with all that 'Fuck You' Facebook money, doesn't Randi Zuckerberg fix her damned teeth? I mean REALLY.

    http://tiny.cc/acMLA

    Randi. Baby. Please. I'm begging you. Fly on out to Indianapolis and Dr. Gary will hook you up with a 'friend of Julia' discount.

    Clearly, Mark has decided to make you the 'Face of Facebook' and is sending you out to do more press and to represent the company at social events. That means we'll be seeing a lot more of you. So PLEASE, stop subjecting the public to those nasty rat fangs. Let Dr. Gary fix that smile.

    And confidential to PartyPants: you still got that Franzia chilled? Dr. Gary is feelin' frisky!

    ReplyDelete
  50. http://search.twitter.com/search?q=McCainBlogette+juliaallison

    she will never tweet you back, you fool

    ReplyDelete
  51. My vote is for #3. It was soooo pathetic. So completely, utterly pathetic. And the pizza picture is fucking PRICELESS.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I always found it very entertaining that Julia Allison had to do a new photo shoot for every single one of her Time Out New York dating articles.
    Because the photo of the author of the crappy article really matters:
    http://newyork.timeout.com/search/articles/mByline=Julia%20Allison

    ReplyDelete
  53. Number #1. Number #1 was fucking hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I vote for Momser Baugher's Seven Layers of Purgatory Dip!!! I still chortle everytime I think about it. And the way Julia NonContent Allison was trying to "bring it" for that absurd TMI cooking segment. Riiiight...we need culinary advice from 3 eating-disordered dips.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Records CustodianMay 10, 2009 at 11:51 PM

    I like the classics. The "buy me a MacAir, Jakob" wins the top prize.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Although the morning-after yoga poseur-ing was delightfully delusional. So much from which to choose! Happy times, bunnies!

    ReplyDelete
  57. Oh, and can't forget the hilarious "Fuck You Money":

    http://gawker.com/5106587/julia-allison-wants-to-make-fuck-you-money

    ReplyDelete
  58. Mmmm Dr. Gary, I updated my blog for you. Woohoo! Lifecasty!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Jack the BulldogMay 11, 2009 at 12:15 AM

    5. Attending Easter Sunday services in a getup more appropriate for Vivid's Catholic High School Girls in Trouble Vol. 35, and following that up by snapping photos during services.

    6. Cutting out pictures from Us Magazine and pasting them in scrapbooks during GU classes.

    7. Crying rape to professors whenever assignments were due in the hopes of getting an extension.

    8. Looking into the C-Span camera while EVERYONE around her was looking in the direction of the president of the United States addressing the room.

    9. Thinking it would be kicky to attend the porn convention at CES and post photos of the idiocy . . . only to remove them a few hours later.

    I think we have a winner!

    10. Attending a momentous presidential inauguration while posing as a "journalist" for a liecast yet choosing to mostly post photos of herself in hotel lobbies.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Ashton Kutcher tweeted that he saw "we Live In Public"

    Just watched "we live in public". BRILLIANT!!!
    about 5 hours ago from Tweetie

    How long before JA replies to him about her appearance in this film?

    ReplyDelete
  61. I can see it now:

    @aplusk wasn't it just great?!!! [insert director name here] is so brilliant. ;) wish I could have made the premiere. :(

    ReplyDelete
  62. Records CustodianMay 11, 2009 at 12:54 AM

    Anon 12:40

    Nah. She would have to work Cancer Dan in there.

    @aplush: I wanted to be @the premiere but my college boyfriend has cancer and he needed me.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Hahahahah very true RC!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Gary Klein D.D.S.May 11, 2009 at 1:09 AM

    Woo Hoo! Now I know where you get your name from, Partypants. 'Cause you sure seem like a gal who knows how to PARTY!

    ReplyDelete
  65. Man, it is like she isn't even trying to disguise the photoshopping now:

    http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?op=1&view=all&subj=4617&pid=35570715&id=1402715

    ReplyDelete
  66. What is happening to her? She looks like a wax statue. Is it really photoshop that did that? The eye thing is really bad in the photos she linked to on twitter. I'm surprised her vanity allows her to post pictures with her eyes two totally different sizes. I guess her need for attention outweighs even her vanity.

    ReplyDelete
  67. She looks greasy and disgusting in every single one of those photos.

    And I vote for the Bravo pilots as my favorite: http://bigthink.com/juliaallison/julia-allison-on-her-bravo-projects

    That was a good one!

    ReplyDelete
  68. who was the dude whose jet she came back on?

    ReplyDelete
  69. anon 2:30, do you have a screenshot of that? because of course she deleted it

    ReplyDelete
  70. When she claimed to have never had anything injected into her cheeks, only to be called out on it and then trying to cover it up by claming to have used Lawyer Speak.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Anon 2:30AM - It's a video and IT. IS. CLASSIC.

    Try the link again. It just worked for me:

    http://bigthink.com/juliaallison/julia-allison-on-her-bravo-projects

    It was posted in December 2008. She's bragging about having 2 pilots at Bravo and she JUST KNOWS that one of them will get picked up. She also mentions that the option to pick up either one will run out in Jan or Feb 2009. OOPS.com!!!!

    She's also doing those really annoying hand gestures and sausage snapping that drives me NUTS. No wonder her pilots didn't get picked up. She is SO UNLIKABLE.

    I definitely vote for this as #1 'Unintentionally Hilarious Think Jackles Has Ever Done'.

    ReplyDelete
  72. @3:21 Dan Loeb. He's married to a woman a couple of years older than Hoolia, but considerably more intelligent and more attractive. Hoolia's fantasy of stealing him away was thigh-slapping funny. She's quite the naive ninny.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Fauxga is my personal winner, but I also liked her boasting about her reading three airport books in one week, including Buyology which she had read (or written into) before as proven by the picture she herself posted in November 2008.

    2009: http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/93795245--

    2008: http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/62193211-0-1-buyology-1

    ReplyDelete
  74. The winner is definitely the cake debacle at the SF birthday party when Randi's old friends left Julia's name off the birthdau cake and Julia cropped the photo to give the impression she was included.

    You would think she just wouldn't have posted a picture of the cake but she is delusional.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Actually most everything Julia does is unintentionally hilarious. She's not smart enough to realize how dumb she is, and she's too crazy to realize that she's nuts.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Jacy, can we add this to the blowing kisses gallery? It captures the slanket madness so nicely...

    http://colin.lowenberg.org/post/106102584/julia-allison-without-makeup-wearing-a-slanket-in

    ReplyDelete
  77. I see that all the comments but one - showing interest in the juice - have again been deleted from Julia's Lunch.com blueprint cleanse review. Lunch.com has ZERO integrity as a review site and is obviously a mere positive advertising forum.

    ReplyDelete
  78. let's not forget the "a boy sent me flowers" on Valentine's Day and the queen of ridiculous photographs posted a badly cropped image of roses from a florist's website. Had they been real there would've been at least ONE video with Julia and the enormous vase of roses sharing the screen or even better an ersatz "American Beauty" tribute photo with Julia sprawled on her bed covered in rose petals and Lilly fur.

    oh and speaking of "love" let's not forget the LOVE photoshoot.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Something you cannot erase from Lunch.com:

    http://www.lunch.com/SearchAllResults-1-1.html?searchTerm=julia+allison&searchType=ALL

    enjoy the reading :)

    Team RBNSYah.com

    ReplyDelete
  80. Dirty Lake MichiganMay 11, 2009 at 7:27 AM

    sad :( said...
    Dirty Lake Michigan: Yoga pose is called "Extended Camel Toe"

    May 10, 2009 9:55 PM

    bu-waaWAAHHHAAHWWAHHHHWHWHAAAAHHEEHWHHAAA!!!!!
    If the pic wins, that totally needs to be the title!!
    Although someone else mentioned the Easter outfit pic. That's mighty funny too.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Johnny Optional I totally forgot about her charity plan. I just covered my keyboard with coffee.

    ReplyDelete
  82. One more (and the last one from me, I promise) on my new favourite tool, Randi Z.

    Here she more or less brought Julia's pose to perfection.

    http://21.media.tumblr.com/NB8YioMLinby0ixhD2Mw79e2o1_500.jpg

    Photoshop in Julia's face and there you go. Their present day size seems to be about the same, according to what we've seen.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Julia's Photoshop SkillzMay 11, 2009 at 8:34 AM

    Ironic Slanket, I LOVE the woman in the top right corner of that ridic Randi Zuckerberg picture - look how disgusted she is!

    And wow, in that twitpic of Julia Allison and Meghan McCain, Julia is practically hiding behind Meghan to make herself appear smaller. Way to go, douchebag.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Yeah I don't get why Randi Zzzzz is trying to be Julia. More importantly, I don't understand why her brother Zuck hasn't put a stop to this nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Curiously enough, after that recent big Twitter scandal with Randi(twittering jokingly about "accidentally deleting" some bouncer's Facebook account), I had a horrible dream about me being at a party and her threatening to delete my Facebook account as well because I dared cut her off in the buffet line. She was similarly small and potato-headed in my dream and Jackles was cackling in the background. Scary.

    MY pick for most unintentionally hilarious moment via Jules would have to be the various photos/videos of her hunting for snazzy new apartments around Manhattan because she anticipated "significant filming."
    Remember the workspace incident for the supposed Bravo pilot? The one that led to Mary being homeless?? And then the whole extravagant apartment search issue was suddenly dropped and never mentioned again???

    Yeah. Good times.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Expired Dating ColumnistMay 11, 2009 at 12:19 PM

    The hilarious thing is while Jackles once had the raw material to work that wannabe hollygolightly voguing about town, Randi Z absolutely does not have it, she looks like a 7 year old girl playing in her mommy's bra.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Iron Slanket 8:06 - Ahhhhh!! Randi has her hair in Julia's bobby pin mullet with the gross sausage curls cascading down!! It's too much. Too much. Can. not. unsee.

    ReplyDelete
  88. When I look at Randi, all I can really think to myself is: Awkward Drama Club Geek.
    The girl likes to sing showtunes. She's slightly beefy and has that quirky-looking face perfect for most theater chicks. We won't even discuss the teeth.

    It's just funny to see the high school cheerleader type desperately clinging to the awkward drama club geek. In Randi's defense, the awkward drama club geeks typically do better in life than the high school cheerleaders anyway, so she'd be better suited to get over her old high school social fantasies and stay away from Julia.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Oh dear god, can that slanket kissy face photo PLEASE be featured in it's own post? She looks fucking awful!

    ReplyDelete
  90. Sausage Curls needs to be someone's handle.

    ReplyDelete