Thursday, May 14, 2009

Brother Britt: It's Not Like Mother and I Didn't See This One Coming



So ...

An interesting thing happened after I posted “We Need to Talk” - I was flooded (ish) with kind emails from readers. Which made me feel good. Which made me want to post more. Which is exactly what I shouldn’t be doing.

Wait … Why?

Here’s the deal: it’s fantastic to have the approval of others. It’s a high. I want people to like me. I crave it! I think many of us do. (That’s certainly what Ariel is saying in the Authenticity vs. Attention post.)

But that high comes with a downside: “The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow, or it will leave you, so its absence will give you pain.” (Eckhart Tolle)

In other words: I have your approval now - but what of tomorrow? What if I do something you dislike then? If I lend credence to your positive emails, then, unless I establish some sort of false construct, I must by definition lend credence to the negative commentary, as well. Either way, I’m allowing someone else’s opinion to establish or influence how I feel about myself. It’s a dangerous - and unwinnable - game, isn’t it?

Okay, all that having been said, I honestly have NO IDEA how I’m going to change years and years of my kneejerk reaction: to please, to perform, to make people laugh, to entertain them (often at my expense).

Hmm.



The hundreds of psycho-therapists Mother has lined up for poor Julia over the years could be so helpful on these questions. We have backed down on our insistence that she submit to electro-shock therapy. But surely, talking these matters out with a trained professional for hours every week would be better than seeking input from thousands of anonymous, faceless strangers and Eckhart Tolle, one would think. Oh dear. One step forward, two steps back.

56 comments:

  1. She will never have our approval.

    ReplyDelete
  2. She certainly doesn't have mine. I feel approval raped now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I approve of her stepping in front of a train. Or shutting up. Her choice.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Strangely neither will happen anytime soon!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i approve of valtrex for jowlia!
    http://gawker.com/5024887/nonsocietys-video-remix-valtrex-edition

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey guys! JA now claims to be a human exclamation point! Parentheses is more like it with those bow-legs.
    Have a nice day! XO

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think it's perfectly fine to wear pleated skirts when you're pushing 30. Some women can pull the look off and have it be sexy and ravishing. I know it's possible because I've seen women do it on the streets of San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York and no one bats an eye.

    But Julia. What the fuck is this shenanigan?

    ReplyDelete
  8. the bar bitch you ateMay 14, 2009 at 6:52 PM

    Sweet. I am the human barbituate then!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Twit responses to Julia's statement that she has 3 dates and wants to line them up like loads of laundry:

    # mattthomas @juliaallison You realize you're setting yourself up to fail, right? 14 minutes ago from web

    # Swineflu_normal dollaryo This Twhore wonders why she's single. RT @juliaallison: I have three blind dates tomorrow. [....] like loads of laundry [......] 42 minutes ago from TwitterFon




    # Fp_jr-bob-dobbs_normal BobDuvet @juliaallison That's why you're single. Dates are a chore for you because you're too busy being self-obsessed/consumed to give someone time. about 1 hour ago from web

    # Bh1_normal bobbyhooper @juliaallison "...like loads of laundry. Or something." lol really?! Men are like your tube socks and Santa suits?! lol about 1 hour ago from TwitterFon


    @juliaallison I would hate to be the middle guy in the blind date trio. Being compared to the first date and then someone comes after you. about 2 hours ago from web

    ReplyDelete
  10. “The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow, or it will leave you, so its absence will give you pain.” (Eckhart Tolle)

    Oh yeah Julia, clearly Tolle was talking about having and losing the high you get from duping people into thinking you are hot, connected, rich or intelligent on the internet.

    I fear the botox is paralyzing her brain.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh sweetie, you'll never have my approval. Ever.

    ReplyDelete
  12. That Ekhart Tolle is a super upbeat sounding guy isn't he?

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm re-posting a comment I just made on the previous post (you guys move too fast for me!) because I'm interested in the responses:

    From Julia's lifecast:


    If I lend credence to your positive emails, then, unless I establish some sort of false construct, I must by definition lend credence to the negative commentary, as well. Either way, I’m allowing someone else’s opinion to establish or influence how I feel about myself. It’s a dangerous - and unwinnable - game, isn’t it?OK, I'm going to allow some of the compassion I've been feeling recently take over for a minute and offer a thought that I sincerely mean to be constructive:

    No. It's not a dangerous and unwinnable 'game'. It's not a game at all, Julia. It all comes down to socially accepted, civilized and decent behaviour. We certainly act in certain ways because of societal expectations and approval or disapproval. The reactions of others can be a very accurate measure of our words and actions. Those reactions must be evaluated for motive and context, of course - enablers will react positively but are doing you no good at all, and those who wish you ill will always give you a false/misleading reaction - but by and large approval = pass, and scorn and ridicule = fail.

    The things that Julia has been posting the past couple of days has given me a bit of hope for her. In particular, the 'Stand By Me' video has me wondering if SHE has been wondering who would stand by her.

    ReplyDelete
  14. And then she makes a riduculous twitter like that. Oy vey!

    Oh well. Baby steps, I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Please will someone feed me and not that damn blue cleanse shit..ewww

    ReplyDelete
  16. She is 30 years old. Can someone explain to me why she thinks the internet equiv of lipsyncing into her mirrored closet doors is something she feels is an appropriate activity after age of say 15?

    ReplyDelete
  17. She must be getting some sort of positive reinforcement for those lip-dubs of hers. I would suggest she consider the possibility that a lot of people may be egging her on in this because of the 'OMFingG! Look! Look! Too funny! Can you believe this shit?!' factor. This might be one of those motive/context things.

    ReplyDelete
  18. She has this warped view where she's acting like she's a perfectionist/people pleaser/martyr and she's really not.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Julia is not interested inpleasing people outside of people who can make her famous or get her rich. The only opinion I've ever seen her care about is her own. She's abslutely exhausting to interact with regularly - it's constant arrogant demanding diva behavior followed by way, way too sweet faux apologies and feigned introspection.

    This is just another stunt.

    ReplyDelete
  20. The "perfect" lounge chair she picked for herself to sit in for like one day this summer costs $500. Her previously stated limit was already a laughable $250

    http://www.westelm.com/online/store/ProductDisplay?partNumber=WE-PRODf001&storeId=17001&langId=-1&catalogId=17002&viewSetCode=E&parentId=WE-SH1OUTLOU&retainNav=true&cmsrc=WE-SH1OUTLOU

    Frame - 349
    Cushion - 99
    Cover - 49

    ReplyDelete
  21. Quite honestly that she even presents this BS "people-pleaser" "just want to be liked" thing is nonsense. She is ON RECORD for years ignoring peoples' feelings, invading their privacy, and being all around bitchy. Her passive-aggressiveness ALWAYS follows a perceived slight or criticism, so it isn't the type ACTUAL people-pleasers experience due to giving much of themselves, ignoring their desires, and catering to others only to receive no reciprocation. She has been coddled and catered to for all 27/28 years of her life, I'm still waiting to see what "sacrifice" she has ever made for anyone. It's not so much that she wants to be liked as she wants extreme power over people and to be perceived EXACTLY as she wants. It's a shame she's so public and her behavior always directly contradicts whatever image of the day she is painstakingly attempting to construct. The incredible dissonance between that which she claims to be and that which - to MANY more intuitive and critical observers - she truly, truly IS, remains much of the reason she's so "exhausted" all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  22. And what's up with taking a dog into a nice store like that... Granted, JA is far from the only person guilty of "pet entitlement" so not fair to just point the finger at her. But still, that was my reaction.

    ReplyDelete
  23. have we covered this yet?

    Walk of Shame in a Ball Gown

    NY Daily News - Which self-branded wanna-be celeb was caught doing the walk of shame at 11 a.m. - in her ball gown - after a recent gala in D.C.?

    http://blindgossip.com/index.php/2009/05/13/walk-of-shame-in-a-ball-gown/

    ReplyDelete
  24. i love how she's all "i felt like writing on my blog" but then "no, it's not good for me to write on my blog." aren't you a fucking blogger, julia? WTF?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  25. When she referenced Ariel, I thought she meant the Little Mermaid.

    ReplyDelete
  26. So true.
    "This is just another stunt."

    "The incredible dissonance between that which she claims to be and that which - to MANY more intuitive and critical observers - she truly, truly IS, remains much of the reason she's so "exhausted" all the time."

    These two statements can be applied to pretty much everything JA ever says or does. No need for commentary ever again! (Just kidding on that last part.)

    ReplyDelete
  27. I was wondering about Lily standing on the merchandise like that, too. Where I live (and I'm not in the USA) we can carry a small dog around the malls and shops (usually, although you have to leave if you're asked to) but putting the dog down is an absolute no-no.

    This sure seems to indicate an entitled mentality. But...it seems like she HAS been indulged and her entitlements have been granted. Why change when the perks are good with your current behaviour?

    ReplyDelete
  28. I wonder if she was wearing sweats, no makeup, and a ponytail while she wrote this!

    ReplyDelete
  29. have we seen this yet?

    http://socialspark.com/blogs/julia-nonsociety-com

    hm.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Mary's 'contributer' box is officially gone from the Nonsociety homepage....it now says "It's just the TWO of us, but not for long!!" Julia Allison, who googles herself 23 out of the 24 hours in the day, and Meghan, who is as exciting as watching paint dry - YAY.COM! I don't think Ive even clicked on her blog in over a month.ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    P.S. WTF happened to Krystal (aka Mary 2.0)? Her name was included with Meghan & Julias at thier overseas convention crap...maybe they just pretended she was part of the gang for the weekend to take Mary's plane ticket after the fallout (since I'm sure a sponsor of some sort covered travel expenses) and have a good time..why else would she even go and not become a contributor?

    ReplyDelete
  31. 8:14
    Per Julia and Mary, Krystal worked with them from the beginning on small projects related to branding and stuff. She actually is in some random early pictures from NS meetings.

    However, Mary said that including her at that event, given her soon departure, did give the wrong message at the wrong time. Seems like Mary was anti Krystal going but Julia had her way!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Julia is so condescending to that author she quotes (Authenticity vs. Attention). Uh, that "young lady" appears to actually make a living from blogging -- which is more than Tutupants can say.

    ReplyDelete
  33. The pet entitlement thing is one thing 8:00; some people are obsessed with their pets in such a way that they see them as a family member or in lieu of children. Lilly reminds me of Julia's SATC obsession, much in the way Charlotte York (her go-to after Carrie) bought a gorgeous King Charles spaniel when she couldn't conceive. She is more willing to adopt a hectic and usually unpredictable travel schedule and drop her dog on people to take care of her during said travel than your average dog lover. When she's in her apartment (alone) THEN the dog gets attention (by way of photographs on the blog, who even knows how real it is outside that) and other times when it happens to be around and she has nothing to say or post. Lame.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I think this leaves her in a dilemma. She doesn't want to rely on people in such an integral way but, if you buy the narcissism theory, she has to because her identity is defined by having other people confirm to her that she is who she says she is. That's why she surrounds herself only with those who'll buy into the image she portrays and shows such anger to anyone who sees right through her.

    I think in this post she's expressing her genuine frustration at being so dependent on how others view her and is trying to resolve that without realizing the real nature of the problem. She probably does think this is normal and most of us are like that and doesn't realize that isn't true at all and that most people aren't slaves to others' views of us.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Julia is always condescending. When someone in a higher position or status dismisses or ignores her, it comes out. When someone she considers "lower" than her in either does it, again it comes out. She's terrible at hiding it too. No amount of emoticons or "friendly language" will make it so.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Half my comment at 8:26 didn't get posted here is the first half more or less.

    I think she is sort of genuine in this post and is referencing her narcissism, whether she realizes it or not. Narcissism entails needing other people to reflect back to you whatever image you are trying to portray, and that leaves her dependent on other people's buy-in of this image she tries to portray. It's integral to her in a way that she isn't comfortable with and seems to be struggling with.

    ReplyDelete
  37. now that mary's box is gone, let's all nominate her as "someone amazing" to become an NS contributor.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I wonder if she got permission to post that blogger's post like that in full on her blog.

    ReplyDelete
  39. 8:26, the only issue is her framing, really. It might be genuine if it didn't appear as yet another "excuse post" to validate and rationalize her disgusting behavior. It just seems like all she ever does is try to explain why she behaves how she does, without truly knowing the roots of it nor seeing how she actually behaves.

    Defining quote from 7:16: "She has this warped view where she's acting like she's a perfectionist/people pleaser/martyr and she's really not."

    ReplyDelete
  40. Only Harvard men are good enough for our JA!! If you went to a Ivy wannabe like Georgetown you may have a chance but if you want to a *spit* state school, such as oh.. I dunno Indiana State, don't even bother sending that blind date request email.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Julia's Formal SlanketMay 14, 2009 at 8:42 PM

    I propse Baugher wheel of Fortune. spin! spin Jill!

    ReplyDelete
  42. Julia twits:

    # PS. That one graduated from Harvard.32 minutes ago from web

    # One of tomorrow's blind dates just Facebook messaged me this: "Oh and I promise not to be some creepy douche." uh ... yay?33 minutes ago from web

    ---

    TomWitek @juliaallison Does an Ivy League education really mean anything in todays times? Seems to me it's more about your hustle right now. 17 minutes ago from web

    ReplyDelete
  43. HA!

    eighthsiren: @juliaallison Somehow I doubt my friend Ariel would approve of your ... shilling.

    ReplyDelete
  44. What's her deal with Harvard? I always like yale or mit boys myself but since I dropped out of school in third grayd I caint be picky.

    ReplyDelete
  45. No, I agree. I don't think she is a people pleaser either. I just think she is feeling the effects of being a narcissist and confusing that with being a people pleaser. So she maybe actually believes what she is saying because in her mind her narcissistic behavior might be seen as being a people pleaser, wanting everyone to be happy/entertained etc. It might be what she has convinced herself she does to explain her narcissistic behavior to herself. So in that way her post might be coming from someplace genuine, even if it isn't necessarily accurate.

    ReplyDelete
  46. JA's references to Eckhart Tolle are at least somewhat reassuring. That man represents the very worst of selfish, anti-intellectual navel gazing disguised as enlightenment. How fitting that JA is a fan.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Gotcha 9:11 (whoa there), I agree as well. People-pleasers typically don't recognize that's what they are/have been doing until they're breaking down (not as in her case, they won't lie to themselves about being soooo happy) or are informed of such by a therapist. As usual "massaging of the truth". She's a textbook narcissist.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Eckhart Tolle is a matter of interpretation. She has espoused his ideas, much like she has Seth Godin's, as if she's taking it in and usually to explain away her idiocy. BOTH of them illustrate ways of being and thinking that she represents the exact opposite of (and that they denounce). We she to adopt their principles or truly internalize their ideas at all, she would have an EXTREME nervous breakdown. Honestly.

    ReplyDelete
  49. *were she, oops

    ReplyDelete
  50. 9:29
    I wonder if she'd recognize herself in the description of a narcissist if she read it. Sadly, I can't think of anything she does that DOES'NT fit the description.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Julia is the kind of person who feels that the smallest compromise of what she wants is a huge gift to someone else. What most people would see as a trivial gesture of compromise or caring seems to her to be overexerting herself to please others. A generous, giving person? Quite the self-delusion there. Would 'bitchy control-freak' be going too far in the other direction? She's really a little tyrant who sees criticism of her--even indifference to her--as lese-majesty.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Records CustodianMay 15, 2009 at 2:42 AM

    This is a totally superficial comment, but I can't figure out why she hasn't realized she really looks good, dressed down, as here.

    Save for the ridiculous skirt, of course. But if she put on some jeans - just good fitting, well cut jeans, she would look fantastic. She is fortunate to have basic great looks, but she routinely fucks it up by exaggerating her features, to the point of absurdity.

    I suppose it really is a metaphor for who she is on the inside. She really is just incapable of being natural, inside or out.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Myabe it's because of her ugly personality but I can't see her as physically attractive at all anymore, whether she's casual or made up like a clown.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Cant' see her as the least bit pretty because I cannot see past her hideous personality. And her legs look like sausages poking out of the bottom of that skirt.

    ReplyDelete
  55. nothing like having flabby knees to turn off a potential lover.

    ReplyDelete
  56. And who pulls out a T-SHIRT?! REALLY.

    ReplyDelete