Now since I been done hired here to keep order and ride fucking goddamned herd, I been doing as I've been told. But I don't mind saying I am not on board with the disgust for the little lady you bitches and assholes call Jackles and/or Poofy and sometimes Yulia by that skinny Russian sumbitch. Could be because little Miss Jackles she reminds me of my gosh-darn middle school typing teacher, Miss MacGillicuddy, with her yellow nicotine fingernails and her beehive hairdo and her legs as thick as a steer's butt. Nonetheless, that little lady took my wing-wang in her mouth and ... well, never you goddamned prickholes and beaver-arses mind. Let's just say I see some kinship between that sweet big-hootered bingo hall lady of my youth and little Miss Poofy, with her sweet cans, her shelf arse and her big huge gaping moist round piehole .... sweet mother of fuck it is hot as a Texas whore's tit in here right now, ain't it?
And all you fucking arsefags are so quick to publish the ugliest picture you can find of sweet Miss Jackles. But here's one I like because looky here ... there ain't no posing going on here. Little Miss Hot Cupcakes looks purty as a goddamned picture here if you ask me, you bunch of motherfuckers. I might just have to print this here picture off and use it for ... errr ... keep it in my goddamned holster so that next time I get the urge to blow one of you dumb fuckers away, I'll see this sweet little angel of headband heaven and simmer down just a little fucking bit.
Look at the little lady there. No posing, no goddamned mugging for the goddamned cameras like that skinny little sumbitch Poshbitch or whatever her name was in that motherfucking Spice Whores band. Just a purty little lady with a fondness I hope for stuffing something hot and meaty in her pieh .... errr, never you scumsuckers fucking mind!
She's just as pretty as the Red River Valley in springtime, she is, though I don't deny this here photo makes me want to unzip my sheriff pants and grab hold of the closest longhorn and show him what for.
I guess I'll do as these bitches and prickasses tell me and limit my asskicking to the motherfucking commenters here who get out of line. But I don't mind saying that some of you bitches don't hold a candle to the purty little lady who is now haunting my goddamned dick dreams.
This may be the funniest post ever on RBNS.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I know it's all for shits and giggles, but JA does not have thick legs. Only if you consider toothpick legs the norm, and for the sake of all women out there I hope you don't.
Anon 8:16 -- look at the most recent pictures. Them hamhocks is out of control. #brayola
ReplyDeleteAs we used to say in de Bronx, here's a butt you could swing a car antenna across:
ReplyDeletehttp://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/111564318-0-13
And the wangs are just...so attractive.
Hello Troll! Whatsamatter, you couldn't get shamed out of here for trying to out commenters so now you're trying to cause more trouble? What a sad loser you are.
ReplyDeleteOh my gawd. You sure have a lot of time for "detective" work. Is business not well?
ReplyDeletepersonally, i don't care if this guy is real cop or not. this is the funniest post on rbns ever.
ReplyDeleteNice try troll, but his photo is in the public domain, all over the place in fact, and RBNS is not using his name anywhere. Keep trying!
ReplyDeleteBut RBNS, I would advise you to kill out the comments IDing him since someone's clearly trying to get his name out there. Until this person showed up, no one would have known who he was.
Legaleagle has it right.
ReplyDeleteYou're not using his name, image is in public domain. Comments should be deleted though.
Goddamn wormfuckers are chapping my hide!
ReplyDeleteThis is the most hilarious thing ever. You guys slay me. Fucking funniest website ever, despite the weirdo stalker troll/killjoy/loser.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Sheriff is so right. That is a very pretty picture of JA, just being natural, unguarded, not posing and even letting her "bad side" show.
Sheriff, I bow down to your profane and hilarious mouth. Down to--not onto, got it?
ReplyDeleteDisagree. Regular commenter here and the sheriff bit is tired now.
ReplyDeleteWhoever gives Comment Sherrif his writing talent please keep it up.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with your taste in ladies, Sherriff, but I love your writing. More posts, please.
I second the praise!
ReplyDeletei can barely breathe. very funny. the last line really got me. gawker should hire the sheriff.
ReplyDeleteI'm from Texas and we here are offering the Comment Sheriff honorary citizenship. Or at least I am.
ReplyDelete@Dyspeptic: I'll second that.
ReplyDeleteSheriff, consider yourself an honorary citizen of the Lone Star State.
OMG, Smokey Cupcakes...you, too?
ReplyDeletehttp://img43.imageshack.us/img43/4004/jadame.jpg
ReplyDeleteso how does botox mess up your eyes? (honest question)
There is something called Botox paralysis but now I am starting to think it's because she wears her contacts all the time. That is apparently what's caused Paris Hilton's terrible wonk eye.
ReplyDeleteI wear my contacts about 16 hours a day and I don't have wonk eye.
ReplyDelete...yet. OH GOD maybe I should invest in a good pair of glasses. I don't wanna look like the glossy butthole.
Ok, this is the craziest fucking thing I've ever read. Stop a moment and consider this is coming from the guy with the fucking puppets. I'm quite simply astonished, confused, laughing, scared. This site has gone to a new level of in-fucking-sanity. This post is so fucked up. I love all of you, even the trolls. We have built a community based on an insane fool, but it could have been anyone really. Nah.
ReplyDeleteokay i am reading this drunk and stoned and i feel i have never laughed harder in my life. oh my god this is good. someone needs to hire these people. there are bigger and better targets than j.a. dick cheney, for example. bernie madoff. take 'em all done, comment sheriff.
ReplyDeleteKilled you out anon@12:51 so as not to drive traffic to the motherfucking butthole snake site!
ReplyDeleteI find it strange that this ineffable hag cannot stand with her legs straight and together. And the hair, please. That horse tail is cowboy obnoxious and 25 years outdated. Everything is contrived. Armenians have a saying, recognize yourself, she should make an attempt.
ReplyDeleteThe Pay per Post blogging has been slated by this Internet entrepreneur who has 67000 followers on Twitter:
ReplyDeleteJasonCalacanis: @juliaallison don't do this sponsored blogging stuff... it's really cheesy. http://digg.com/u13u4W
about 5 hours ago from web
juliaallison: @JasonCalacanis - The only thing that's TRULY cheesy is faked enthusiasm. And the Fox Reality Channel.
about 3 hours ago from TwitterFon
JasonCalacanis: @juliaallison one cheese does not make the other cheese ok if that makes sense.Rise above the cheap, pay for play stuff. It's not innovative
about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry
Comment Sheriff, you are second only to "Cliff Yablonski Hates You," which is the other funniest goddamn thing from the (circa 2002) internet. BONUS POINTS to anyone who knows what the fuck I'm talking about.
ReplyDeleteIf not:
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/cliff-yablonski/
Keep riding the goddamned herd, Sheriff. America needs you.
Cliff Yablonski, yes! Oh, lawd, my stomach hurts from all the guffawing.
ReplyDeleteComment Sheriff, you're such a romantic bastard.
I can't breathe ....I laughing so hard.
ReplyDeleteI <3 The Sheriff
ReplyDeleteThe Jason Calcanis thing is amazing, she used to namedrop him allllll the time and now he's publicly schooled her.
Sweet mother of Christ. This is award-winning prose. I am hysterical. Comment Sherriff, come back!
ReplyDeleteI love this. I am printing it off and passing it out. Very funny.
ReplyDelete