Honey, can we talk again? I am offering you this exercise in contrast because I want the truthfulness of what Joni Mitchell is signing about to somehow make it past all your defenses. She sings it slower here than she does on Ladies of the Canyon, so hopefully the words may resonate for you more than they might usually. I have provided links for you in case you are confused about what I am rapping about here. Here Joni is reflecting on all that you covet with trepidation and mild disgust. She wrote and performed this music herself. This is what personal achievement looks like, honey.
Allow the differences here to 'percolate' before choosing your path at this so-called fork in the road you claim to have reached. I suspect that nothing has changed really. As long as Ayn Rand and Eckert Tolle are all that occupy space on your bookshelf, you aren't going anywhere.
But just as I maintain hope to one day get a glimpse of your prime rump in all it's glory, O Faerie Queene, I also hope to see a sow's ear become silken.
Your One True Friend