Thursday, May 28, 2009

Comment of The Goddamned Day, Cowboys and Cowbitches

From some cockgobbler named FF, who some other cockgobblers tell me is a goddamned hooker named Flatface. Sign in, you flat-faced motherfucker! I just got here. How the hell am I supposed to keep track of all you dickarses and ho-bags?

I know the raison d'etre here is to rip on these women, but I have to say: TMI is actually pretty good.
If it were MY show, or if I was the producer, I'd leave it basically as-is - with just a few minor changes.

Number one, I would change the topics from the sort of SATC leftovers and Elle Magazine cast-off stuff they do now. Instead, I'd have topics that are actually interesting and "good". And I think the show would work a little better if they got rid of the three girls who are on it now. And replaced them with three other women. The new women should be smart and funny, and - this is crucial - less crazy and self-absorbed. Lastly, I would just tweak the set. The set they're on now looks a little Al-Queda-martyr's-video-farewell backdrop. It looks like the windowless room where, like, the french club and student government used to meet in the seventh grade. One way to make the show "better" would be to make it less painful visually.

Think of today's TMI as a sort of dress rehearsal, a rough cut. Now think of it with three different hostesses talking about stuff that actually matters, on a set that is less Junior High Audio Visual club hang out and more vibrant.

Other than that I think the show is really good. But as long as I was fiddling around - and of course we're speaking hypothetically here, because they haven't hired me to do a relaunch... yet! - I would go ahead and get rid of that grating Sex in The City Theme outtakes music. And I'd change the name from TMI to something less, um,, I don't know how do you say - less, ah, that's it. Less fucking gay.


  1. Hi Richard Lawson!!!!

  2. I agree with all of this. I have one more change I'd make though. I think that instead of having it on YouTube and in the backs of cabs, I think they should just play it on one old TV down at the end of a hallway somewhere in Idaho, maybe a prison, and maybe they could turn the volume down and turn the TV towards the wall. And unplug the TV. But leave the VCR plugged in so that the show could play.

    That's my only other suggestion.

  3. Nom: This should be Comment of the Day, Part Two.

  4. Nom,
    Like if they played it on that set Joaquim Phoenix kept stashed in the closet in the movie Signs? And just that one? An imaginary closet tv from a decade-old movie: that's their target audience. They could dominate that demo.

    (That's Mr. Flatface to you sheriff!)

  5. FF, totally. Fictional TV is good. Maybe they could put the TV in that closet on Lost where Jack's dad showed up in like, season 3 and everyone was like, woah is this the past, or the future, or maybe a dream, or maybe they've gone mad and are hallucinating, or maybe I'm hallucinating, or maybe Lost makes no damn sense and so who cares let's just close this closet door and pretend this tv and Jack's dad don't exist and OMG WHERE'S SAWYER!? He's hot.

  6. I personally can't rest until christian siriano makes a dress out of TMI.

  7. Ah, Nom,

    Ignoring work and trying to up the ante on a snark blog is like burning churches. Or doing meth and having anonymous highway rest stop sex: I know it's not good for me.

    But it feels soooo right.

    (the little log-in thing for names is done broke. It lets you type in one or two letters. And then the cursor stops blinking. It's sad.)

  8. I can't believe you care!

    Have a nice day!

  9. The meth/rest area sex thing *was* a little weird. But it's been along day. And my socks are too tight, which makes my feet hot. I hate that feeling.
    I stand by the devil worshipping church burning stuff, though.

  10. OMG Julia got a pilot!

    Don't worry it was only a Pilot Whale

  11. part 3 in a series of half-assed photoshop jobs: i give you julverine and meghan-o-lantern.
    here it is!

  12. Julia's latest twat (that's no typo):

    "Aren't we all trying to reinvent ourselves?"

    Pretty much admitting she went to the fat farm, no?

  13. Holy shit, FC, that is truly scary! The Meghan one is very Norweigian Black Metal!

  14. FF, it's cool, I know I was just a little perplexed by the "meth" thing because I don't even drink, like ever except when I do. I don't drink, or take any pills, not even Tylenol. And I also never injected anything in to my face, see...


    It just stays like that naturally (do you like my headband!!!!) blowing kisses and winking at the world. Life's so great! HAPPY!! DOT COM!!! xoxo!

  15. she had an epiphany on her vacation, y'all. like a paradigm shift. she even lost weight! and she drew a heart. it must all mean something. i think i'll have to consult a psychic to sort it all out.