Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Judges Have Spoken

After much long and acrimonious debate, we have narrowed it down to three finalists in the First Annual RBNS Jackles Photoshopping Contest.

Here are the three finalists. They edged out the other excellent entries due to the expert way in which Jackles -- stomach sucked in, hand on hip, legs situated in an attempt to emphasize thinness, tits jaunty, phony Miss America "PLEASE NOTICE ME!!! I AM PRETTY!!!!" smile on her face -- really does seem to be part of the festivities in all these photos.

Cast your vote in our poll at the upper right corner of our fine blog. Stuff the ballot box just as often as you want.





52 comments:

  1. Should be a pretty legit vote. I was only able to vote once.

    All the submissions gave me a chuckle.

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  2. zomg! zelig jackles. zackles.

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  3. Wowzers. Hilter is taking off!

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  4. Wait! It looks like she's wearing black in all those photos! But she HATES black! She said so just the other day!

    I demand a Jackles Pinocchio photoshopping.

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  5. I don't know what it is about the look on her face in that photo but it just makes my loathing intensify, especially knowing she stood there like that and pretended to be smiling out at her "fans" in an empty lecture hall.

    A more loathsome douchebag has never existed.

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  6. even hitler knows she's media kryptonite

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  7. i luv that the 2nd image is just the 1 and 3 with a horizontal flip

    rock on

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  8. Jackles has written a post about her laser hair removal on lunch.com http://www.lunch.com/data/Laser_Hair_Removal-1388533-Reviews-Laser_Hair_Removal_Best_I_Ever_Spent-8568.html So embarrassing!

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  9. "Like my mom, I have super light skin and super dark hair, making me an ideal candidate for laser hair removal, especially seven years ago (they've since developed lasers for darker skin, or so I've heard). Furthermore - and TMI ALERT, sorry - I had horrid ingrown hairs, esp on my bikini line and my underarms. And I mean, really, really awful. Not to mention, I tend to be one of those people who compulsively picks at ingrown hairs, so ... yeah. It just wasn't attractive."

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  10. Whoever noted in the last thread the Julia was fishing for a Monique Lhuillier loaner couldn't have been right-er. She's pretty shameless.

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  11. The second photo is the best!

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  12. I like the one with the Enron guys. Running a business into the ground...seems like a Jackles specialty.

    re: Lunch.com - Can someone tell me why one might be inspired to post a 1,500 word essay on a topic of your choosing? I don't get it. Yelp, where 3-5 sentences will suffice? Makes sense. Lunch = too much fucking work.

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  13. @crazytrain:

    Something tells me that Lhuillier's response to Julia's "I want" braying will sound exactly like Ashton Kutcher's reply to her twitters.

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  14. Had julia not heard the good news about waxing? I swear by it. Not our jowly. She had to go for the expensive WAY OUT THERE solution.

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  15. Aww, sad, my Jankles dildomobile didn't make the top finalists... but it was fun making!

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  16. has anybody gotten httP://twitter.com/jackles

    yet?

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  17. Wangs, I LOVED the dildomobile!! I was chuckling all day when it was up. Truly masterful.

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  18. I personally loved the Hindenberg as well, and the comment that was left after it was posted, but I was over-ruled. Sorry also-rans! You were all great!

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  19. The Swine Flu photoshop was great also. They're all winners! I confess that I voted for Enron because of photoshop technique and idea of jackles bringing down company. Though the sheer ego/presumptiousness of Jackles at the signing o the Declaration of Independence is pretty darn fitting.

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  20. What kind of goddamned nutcake posts endless photos of wedding dresses? Is she 16?

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  21. It's going to be funny when she has to show up in some dress she's already worn 20 times. Let's face it, the days of people lending her designers is basically over.

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  22. Boner from Growing PainsMay 4, 2009 at 12:05 AM

    I had a great idea, but I don't know how to do graphics. I was going to have Julia in her pursed lip pose next to Jesus carrying his cross from Passion of the Christ or Last Temptation.

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  23. OT but I loved Growing Pains - and all 80s tv. lol username.

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  24. Thanks, sad :(.

    The Jankles dildomobile shall drive on in our memories!

    I voted for the Founding Fathers, as we all know about that pervasive founder fetish she harbors!

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  25. She posts a parade of pictures of wedding dresses and wonders why she's still single and stuck going on dates with her twink dermatologist. Desperate!

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  26. Latest content really runs the gamut:

    1. Post summarizing play about rape, genital mutilation etc.
    2. Laser hair removal is so great post.
    3. Endless posts of dress designer she is sucking up to. Of wedding dresses no less.

    Very strange, I need a Julia's Brain post to explain the thought process!

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  27. The only one of these that I don't like is the middle one... the other two are awesome!

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  28. I predict the next Russian Girl post:

    Yulia laser off her genatalias to prepare for marriage to man who can make love in sea of pink (And I not talking bout her vajina!)

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  29. The wedding dress posts are really, really creepy.

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  30. RBNS is really missing the mark lately. No posts about the stuff that actually deserves derision, lots of posts about stuff that does not.

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  31. Try enlightening them. No sense in complaining without some examples to back it up.

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  32. Well there's the fact that Julia wrote this about "Ruined", "Suffice to say, it’s intense. Also: thought-provoking, emotional, frightening, and ultimately, heart-breaking."

    A totally understandable sentiment, it's also one she posted immediately following a post of a picture of herself doing the lip pout on the sidewalk AFTER the play. I admire Julia for being able to pose through the pain.

    Or how about the fact that she is has such a tenuous grip on reality and her own emotions that seeing a stranger's (!) wedding photos caused her to tear up.

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  33. Gawd her whole "weddings make me cry!!111" shit is so creepy. Especially if she just went on a first date. What's next, saying "I want a baby" in the middle of sex?

    (Tip: Don't do that.)

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  34. Or how she doesn't have much to say about Ruined (deep subjects) but can post 1500+ (was that about it?) words on um... laser hair removal. Sigh.

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  35. She's Kelly Kapoor from The Office... except Kelly's likeable, and cooler.

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  36. "For a woman whose stubble could once rival a drunken sailor's - this was a miracle." - Julia's Lunch.com article.

    Julia, you are so attractive. You are so going to marry a private equity guy. You are so going to be Charlotte York 2.0. Keep at it, Julia, you're doing great work. You clearly know how to market yourself. So savvy.

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  37. She's Jenna Mulroney from 30 Rock... except Julia doesn't have any actual talent and isn't remotely funny (at least not intentionally funny).

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  38. crazytrain, what do you think RBNS should be covering?

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  39. Despite Julia Allison's pathetic Monique Lhullier begging, I predict she will wear one of her maxi dress nightgowns to the White House correspondent's dinner. She has at least three - the Alice + Olivia black, white and another H&M black one (but she hates black!!!). I don't think Ilus is loaning her free rental dresses anymore - she bragged about needing to get one for the magazine awards and showed up in the nightgown. Which make's Mary's post about getting an Ilus dress shipped to her in Texas particularly funny - she's probably rubbing it in that she took all the freebie contacts with her, leaving Jackles to scrounge for scraps.

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  40. Julia will wear some pink or white, and poofy and large. Trust.

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  41. I am sure Julia Baugher can pick up something poofy and pink at the Betsey Johnson sample sale she was crowing about last week. Hopefully some size 10 will still be left!

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  42. @Anon 9:14... isn't it so tragic that Julia is pushing 30 and still a fan of Betsy Johnson, the patron saint of gawky teenagers going to prom...

    I'm sure she thought she'd be clad in Oscar and Carolina by now.

    Watch out, Julia, your ovaries are shriveling up! Women with shriveling ovaries don't need that much poofiness and lace. Betsy is not becoming on a woman of your age.

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  43. Can someone please marry this nutjob already?! I can't take this wedding gown madness anymore. Marry her, whisk her away to a big house, let her reinvent herself as head of some country club bullshit committee or something and get her off my internet. You'll get a medal.

    Re: choice of outfit for WHCD, I'm with partypants on this one. Pink/white, poofy, large, inappropriate, but a good laugh.

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  44. Marial's Wedding MessMay 4, 2009 at 9:31 AM

    Those wedding dress photos!
    she has sunken to a new low and exposed her Kryptonite...."You're
    terrible, Muriel/Mariel/Jules"
    I think she needs to see that movie and
    relieve herself of the White Knight Wedding
    Syndrome. To imagine that Momsers/Dadsers spent sooo much money to "educate" her and this is the result!??!1

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  45. OMG. Maybe it's just the camera angle, but... http://18.media.tumblr.com/DosLascPNn0gb1s7cXuZUm4ho1_500.jpg

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  46. Looks like a normal photo to me, Dahling. What am I missing?

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  47. 9:39 AM: The quarterback shoulders. No?

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  48. Oh, I don't agree, Dahling. She looks lovely eh.

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  49. Mary looks 10000X better than Julia in even her worst photos. She also has the balls to laugh at herself when she looks bad - not bully people into deleting unflattering photos. For that, she earns a tiny bit of my respect.

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  50. Her shoulders a def broad (probably more obviously so because of how dedicated she is to her workouts) but she looks nice.

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  51. I vote for the middle photo during the signing of the Declaration. Amazing.

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  52. I vote for the first one based on the Photoshop job. The second one has a weird cutout around the hand. The third one is okay.

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