Friday, May 22, 2009

Holiday Poll: The Trademark Pose

Memorial Day Weekend is upon us! What better way to celebrate than with a new poll commemorating some of Jackles's best moves? Head on up to the top right of this blog, and cast your ballot for Jackles's most annoying trademark pose.

Is it the Kissy-Face?




The Blowing-Kisses?




Or the Braying Donkey?

78 comments:

  1. It is so hard to decide. They are all so ridiculous. I cringe every time I see a photo of her doing any of these three poses. I will have to deliberate over my vote long and hard.

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  2. Not going to put the "tits out" pose on there? Or the zoolander?

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  3. PleaseFeedMeghanMay 22, 2009 at 8:28 AM

    Hey, I just saw this site on Gawker, it caches everyone's deleted Tweets from Twitter.

    http://tweleted.com/

    Should be a great tool to use with Julia "Delete and Backlogged" Allison. They have some of her deleted Tweets but they are kinda boring/already covered here.

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  4. The Zoolander is the same as the Kissy-Face, no?

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  5. The Tweleted thing is really interesting. She's deleted a couple lately that don't even make any sense. They seem pretty innocuous. But on Planet Julia, there's always some strange motive. It's worrisome!

    http://tweleted.com/

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  6. This is an impossible choice. As I looked at each one I thought "Oh, that one for sure!" and then I looked at the next one and thought the same thing and it's just an endless circle of revulsion.

    I can't, I just can't. They are all equally foul.

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  7. In that final shot, she looks like a total insane lunatic.

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  8. Good fucking lord this sea world SHITE is sofaking boring!

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  9. But what about the hand-on-hip pose? That one's pretty annoying, too, and comes up more than some of these.

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  10. As a drunk college student I would pull that blowing kissyface bullshit all the time and there is seriously not even one instance where it does not look totally ridiculous.

    Also, it's incredibly awkward to stand there with my face contorted like that, with a hand under my friggen chin, waiting for someone to take a picture.

    I am happy to say I've learned the error of my ways BUT GOD, JULIA. FIGURE IT OUT. KISSYFACE = GLOSSY BUTTHOLE.

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  11. The hand-on-the-hip is certainly a common pose, but it is usually incorporated somehow into the above three poses. It's just not facial enough! We need more face!! Work it!! Fierce!!

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  12. here's the conclusion i've come to:

    -- young woman posing and posting shots of herself here there and everywhere, with no captions or insights beyond here i am at X, like flat stanley touring the world: maybe nobody cares, but pretty harmless

    -- promising great coverage, taking investor money, gaining tremendous opportunities, proclaiming onself to be on the cutting edge of blogging, calling oneself a blogger, posing pix of herself here there and everywhere with nothing but here i am at X: big huge disconnect that is initially greeted with patience but patience curdles into wtf

    i think that covers it

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  13. Kissy face, absolutely the bloody kissy face.

    1. It forms the basis upon which other visual atrocities are committed, i.e. the kiss blowing pose. So if in the beginning there was no kissy face, we'd be spared a lot of other things.

    2. I find the constant implication of her kissing the viewer (including the thought that anybody would actually want that) appalling.

    The braying donkey, on the other hand, amuses me. I always picture someone throwing peanuts in the gaping cupcakehole.

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  14. KISSYFACE = GLOSSY BUTTHOLEHeeheehee!

    Yeah, that puckered anus thing has a huge 'ick' factor. But so does that gaping dick hole.

    I'm going to stop looking now because I do not the track my mind is taking. Ew ew ew ew!

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  15. I do not LIKE the track my mind is taking!! Good grief.

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  16. Did she have to spin around in that last picture to get her dress to flare out? Can you imagine this chick on the red carped frantically spinning around trying to get her dress to flare for the paps all while keeping the 'silent scream' fixed on her face. It must be frackin' horrifying.

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  17. I think it's the blowing kisses because somewhere in that diluted head of hers she actually thinks she has "fans" that she's blowing kisses to.

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  18. I wonder if it's really the 'fans' she has in mind when she blows kisses. I wonder because when I do it I'm definitely not wishing the recipient well. It's what I do when someone flips me off in traffic: I don't return the compliment, I blow them a kiss instead and BOY! Does that gesture provoke way more rage than the bird? You betcha! And do I feel way more smug and smirky when I do it? =)

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  19. Blowkissy face emoticon that I will use on trolls from now on: =*_

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  20. Definitely the braying donkey. Can you imagine her standing there, mouth agape, waiting for a picture to be taken? That mental image is hilarious.

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  21. Also? I think 'diluted head' (courtesy of anon 9:31) may be one of the best descriptors I've ever read.

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  22. Thanks Colleen, I was about to spellcheck 'diluted head' but I stayed true to Mary with the lack of spellcheck

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  23. Diluted head really works quite well.

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  24. Sometimes the Freudian typos are the best here. 'Member dad revenues? Memories.

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  25. Now that I've named myself the offical JA ugly shoe critic, I just know without looking - in that second photo she's wearing those ugly over the knee boots. God, they're horrible, horrible boots. Maybe the most horrible boots ever scene. They're incitely.

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  26. Look! Rachel Sklar has become quite good at doing the Allison bray herself. This is from Nick McGlynn's Obliterati party last night:

    http://www.nickmcglynn.com/randomnightout/photos/albums/obliterationeatsweetandvicious/pages/DSC_0119.html

    http://www.nickmcglynn.com/randomnightout/photos/albums/obliterationeatsweetandvicious/pages/DSC_0056.html

    http://www.nickmcglynn.com/randomnightout/photos/albums/obliterationeatsweetandvicious/pages/DSC_0035.html

    http://www.nickmcglynn.com/randomnightout/photos/albums/obliterationeatsweetandvicious/pages/DSC_0116.html

    Hell, she even does the kissy face and the deranged posing in a group of slightly uncomfortable looking people. Julia must be so proud:

    http://www.nickmcglynn.com/randomnightout/photos/albums/obliterationeatsweetandvicious/pages/DSC_0036.html


    http://www.nickmcglynn.com/randomnightout/photos/albums/obliterationeatsweetandvicious/pages/DSC_0040.html

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  27. FormerGawkerEmployeeMay 22, 2009 at 11:13 AM

    From Tweleted:

    "Juliaallison: About to try the brand new 56 mph rollarcoaster Manta. I freaking LOVE rollarcoasters! Thur. 21 May 2009 15:29:04"

    LOL. She can't even spell roller coaster. Remember, folks, she's a professional journalist!

    (And the sad thing on top of this is that the iphone/Twitter have built-in spell checks. No excuses.)

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  28. I wouldn't be surprised if half of those were spoofs on JA. RS is a true frenemy.

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  29. I hope it's either that or she was absolutely hammered. Preferably both. But she really has this poing shit down.

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  30. ethel-egg

    you are so right. i have always hated her shoes. go check out the cheap pair of k-mart wedgie sandals she wore in those white-bathing suit shots with randi z. last year. embarrassing.

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  31. At some point we will have to add the new Shot From Space pose, since lately most of her pics seem to be taken from some sort of 45 degree angle from above.

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  32. Shit. Uncitely.

    It's hard to mock when you make a spelling mistake. Also ... when you don't knotice it till ten minutes later.

    (Knotice - also spelling mistake - but I'm keeping it. Like knee but .. different.)

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  33. Shoe Fan - no one has yet critiqued her shoe choice! And really, they're so bad!

    We can be the below the knee anti-fan club.

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  34. Incitely / uncitely / unsightly

    Sometimes I do know what I'm doing, it WAS supposed to be funny ...

    In my own defence, it is nearly 4.00am here and I am under the affluence of a certain amount of inkahol.

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  35. Julia loves to bray about her DVF dresses, one Chanel bag and borrowed designer ball gowns but those cheap ass shoes give her away as a phony fraud every time. Didn't Mary teach her anything?? Between the nasty shoes, freshwater pearls and gross fingernail polish she really does betray her roots as a tacky midwestern wannabe.

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  36. Oh she does wear TERRIBLE shoes. I've always been embarrased for her about them. So cheap, so tacky, and worn with such pride. Pleather heels from Aldo is nothing to brag about my dear!

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  37. Are cheap shoes only bad for Julia, or ya know, if this um...friend of mine wears shoes from say Target and DSW are they still tacky?

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  38. look at the blowing kisses pic, she has a bald spot near the headband. or is that the cause of bad extensions?

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  39. narcissist headbandMay 22, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    Partypants, I was wondering the same thing, because I also have a "friend" who wears target shoes!!
    Anon 9:12 OMG I am still shaking with laughter. Glossy Butthole, indeed. now that would be a FANTASTIC handle for someone!!!

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  40. I just ordered a pair of Target shoes online and they are adorable. No, if you choose the right shoes, they're fine. A classic pump or peeptoe is hard to get wrong, even if they're from Payless or Target. White wedgies or those bad-ass sandals she has on at Sea World? Tacky, no matter who makes them.

    Also, that yellow nail polish is the worst. She looks like she has jaundice. Matching your neon headband and hoodie with your nail polish is OK, I guess, when you're 12. When you're 28? NO!

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  41. Sorry, that was me, ShoeFan^^^^^

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  42. I bought two pairs from the Abaete for Payless line and I seriously can't go out without getting compliments on them. It's actually a thing of pride to wear an inexpensive pair of shoes and know your taste is enough that you don't need to *cough* go spend $700 or so on a pair of YSLs. But then, we can't really put ourselves in the same category of woman who for a loooong time talked about her ONE pair of Manolos up until it became clear that, unless she, granny or her parents bought them, she wouldn't be getting a pair ever again.

    In other news, Meghan McCain's deleted tweets were screenshot on some site and she actually acknowledged Julia once! Then she deleted it. Sad. :(

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  43. PP

    love some target shoes, wedgies--didn't like them in the 70's or 80's.

    yes, I'm old.

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  44. there is nothing wrong with inexpensive shoes... it's just the way Julia obnoxiously brags about brand names and her OMG ONE pair of plain black Manolos, but in reality wears the cheapest, most fug shoes I have ever seen. there are good cheap shoes... and there are BAD cheap shoes... and Julia wears the latter. It's just funny coming from someone who is such an obnoxious label whore about the five label things she owns.

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  45. I've got to go with "blowing kisses." The braying donkey is hilarious, too hilarious and unflattering to be quite annoying. Kissy face is pretty fucking annoying, but there's something about the "blowing kisses" that's hideously precious and self-aggrandizing, as though she's got scores of swooning fans eager for a petroleum-jelly lipsmack. Though 99% of the time, it looks like she's just trying to lob a wad of spit.

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  46. Yep, the thing about inexpensive things (be they clothes, shoes, whatever) is that cost doesn't matter when you have an eye for what's stylish or just plain works. I play a game where I have people guess how much I paid for a pair of rhinestoned flip flops; not a huge ticket item but apparently looking pricey enough for people to guess $20-$40. They were $3 at the most random place you'd ever think to find such a thing and it actually makes me happier that I was able to find something so cute without sacrificing an arm or a leg.

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  47. Jaundice FingersMay 22, 2009 at 2:03 PM

    I agree with ShoeFan -- I hate hate hate yellow nail polish unless it's on somebody with really dark skin. Julia Allison does not qualify.

    Beyond that, it's never JUST yellow nail polish. It's yellow nail polish with a yellow headband and a yellow cardigan and a yellow purse. Not everything has to matchy match like you're a Barbie.

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  48. I LOVE cheap shoes! I have a lot of them so I can wear what I feel like and if they fall apart? Great! I was tired of them anyway and wanted some more.

    But. It's all about attitude, I think. If you're wearing funky shoes for fun and are not taking the whole high fashion thing seriously you look funky and fun, that's all. It's like cheap jewellery and even nail polish. I've been known to wear some seriously weird polish because I liked it that day. I really appreciate people who have an individual style going on but I can spot a faker every time. That's not hard because it's the person who's fake and so that's what their style looks like. Making a 'statement' of some sort and just letting yourself shine through are two very different things. Julia shines through no matter what she's wearing and that's her biggest problem and that's why she generates so much scorn and ridicule, I think. Whatever it is, it's just...ugly.

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  49. i'm a little hurt. i don’t expect you to understand the time and effort it takes to photoshop julia allison pictures. honestly, it's my pleasure. but it would be nice to receive a comment saying thank you when you lol at my masterwork. even a note that says you don't like it. in my perfect world, you would write me and let me know your experience with my photoshop mastery. but I never ask for that in return. ALL OF THIS IS MY PLEASURE. I LOVE IT. I LOVE INTERACTING AND GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

    that's all.
    julia at seaworld

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  50. Part deux:

    I myself have to be pretty careful about letting my 'id' run wild, however. Left to my own devices, I tend to veer heavily into gothy punk. Full blown gothy punk is no longer age appropriate for me, however, so I put a bit of a lid on my preferences. And I am very lucky in that my job has no dress code at all in my particular case. All of my customers are internal so the public never sees me. About half my time is spent in a nice tidy office creating stuff but the other half is spent building the stuff I created and involves some very messy materials so no one in my company expects me to wear office attire. Since I am a 'creative', no one thinks twice if I have a flame inspired fauxhawk, either, and so I am free to look like whatever the hell I feel like on any given day. I'm not pleasing any one but myself and I don't give a shit about the impression I'm making with my appearance. Julia should try that sometime: it's very liberating.

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  51. FUCK CAMPING!: That is brilliant. I should be half so creative =)

    Thank you.

    Seriously: Thank you. You made me laugh.

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  52. I have to vote for the braying pose. That mouth is...prodigious, a physical anomaly. Look at it: it takes up more than half her face when it's gaping like that. She must be able to unhinge her jaw like a boa constrictor or something.

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  53. Actually, I just had a scary thought: Julia IS dressing to please herself. This is what her 'ID' looks like.

    OK. I guess I can - respect? - that.

    That doesn't mean I have to like it, or that I can't make fun of it. As long as she doesn't give a shit about what I think.

    I don't think she does.

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  54. I feel like I just read Colleen's Blog. No offense.

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  55. FuckCamping: Sorry, FC, I saw it earlier and laughed very hard. You really nailed the wonk eye. So funny.

    I am working on my thank-you note right now!

    Colleen's blog: That perfectly OK with me. Blog away, bitches!

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  56. None taken?

    Point taken, however! =)

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  57. That was not an ironic smiley face!
    Jeez, how does one indicate a sincere smile now that Jaba has tainted the smiley?

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  58. it was supposed to be sarcasm but I'm swamped at work. sorry i left off the have a nice day :D xoxo part

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  59. Seriously guys, what is with the "cat in heat presenting hindquarters" pics?

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  60. I thought that dress was all right before I knew it was a maxi. Now? Not so much.

    Be conscious of those thick legs by all means, Julia, but you don't have to go all out the other way and put the Partridge Family bus over them!

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  61. PP, I submit that recent evidence (provided by Julia herself) suggests that a cat in heat is exactly what she is.

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  62. For real, Colleen! I mean, a maxi dress??? I feel like I'm at my Aunt Sharon's about to be invited to step out onto the "luh-nie" for a tropical rumrush.

    Julia, do you want to look like my 49 year old, twice divorced jewish aunt? DO YOU, JULIA???

    Ed. Note: Resubmitted for mispelled name. Sorry "Collen"!

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  63. Some recent episode of 'Weakly' (the wedgie blunder one, I think) suggested that maxi dresses were all that for this summer. I suspect Mary is behind this questionable choice in amusement park wear.

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  64. dudes, we've seen her wear this dress before. does this look familiar? http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/68980156-0-4-furstenberg-1

    posing with shamu! i bet shamu was thinking "bitch please!"

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  65. PP: Notice she has the hair pelt back in!

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  66. i can't take it. "two-nail sloth"?!! (try two-toed)
    and the sea lion totally does not approve. i mean, look at his expression!

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  67. Imagine being on a junket with some chick who keeps showing up with more hair...then less hair...then more hair. Disorienting.

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  68. The current obnoxiousness oozing out of Julia Allison's lifecast is like a festering sore. To recap--

    - Wearing a DVF dress (just haaaad to say the brand because "readers" emailed her asking for it. riiiiight) and the clip in hair at Sea World. WTF?
    - Wearing FULL MAKEUP while in a wetsuit for some kind of swimming with dolphins thing or something.
    - Crazy arched back/leg out pose in EVERY photo... Jesus. Girlfriend must be seriously fat to have to contort like that for the quickest snap.
    - Camera angle held high/shot down in every photo - I guess another trick to hide flaws?

    If I ever considered going to Sea World before... I dropped it. I will never, ever go there and tell everyone I know the same.

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  69. I think that word 'junket' is lame and it annoys me. I never noticed that before Jaba used it. Then again, I've never heard anyone really use it before. My annoyance began right when she said it in that Gawker thing.

    Junket junket junket junket junket junket. Press junket.

    Yuck. Yuckier with come-and-go fake hair.

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  70. This is sad :(

    She photoshopped the picture with the sloth.

    You can tell that her hips and arms have been clone stamped on the left. She actually cloned some of her hair out, if you look closely.

    Aslo, I never noticed her doing that thing with her leg before- but I guess this is a flattering way to pose if you don't like your legs.

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  71. I never understood sea world to begin with. I guess it's cool if you're like, 6 years old. But as an adult, do I want to walk around in 90 degrees and look at fucking fish? No.

    Considering her demo, I'm pretty sure this little advertorial is a huge FAIL.

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  72. Sigh! * hip and arm. * also.

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  73. i slanket: what about this Dynamic Douche duo pic.
    http://guestofaguest.com/wp-content/uploads/wppa/Julia_Allison_Rachel_Sklar2.jpg

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  74. PP: But they are mammals! Swimming mammals!

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  75. @anon 3:55
    sklar and allison, intoning the famewhore gods for blogola dollars.

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  76. Have you ever owned a fish tank? Yeah. Exhilerating. Why would I want to pay to look at animals in captivity? I can just watch AnimalPlanetHD.

    Sorry I guess this whole stream of seacupcakes bullshit for the last couple days has bored me into obnoxiousness.

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  77. I would just like to point out that the sandals she is wearing are EVERYWHERE right now. Just yesterday I went out sandal-shopping for summer and every store I went to carried similar versions of the same thing. She's just a trend victim. As RG puts it, I just say.

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