Thursday, May 21, 2009

Julia: What a Difference a Year Makes, The Sequel

Here's Jackles last year, almost exactly a year ago. Pretty dress; very glam. Prestigious event, the Gracie Allen Awards. Carb-face at a minimum, no excessive wonk eye in evidence, no bad miniskirt, no tired Kissy-Face, Braying Donkey or Blowing-Kisses poses in place. Very nice!





And here she is today, hanging out with Mommy bloggers at Sea World on a humiliating bray-for-pay junket. Not that there's anything wrong with Mommy bloggers! Dooce and Pioneer Woman are awesome! But you just know that Jackles is filled with enough bile right now to feed a dozen manatees.



And then there's this. It's a far cry from the red carpet, but she's working it anyway. Bless her heart.

76 comments:

  1. Why she insists on showcasing those legs, I cannot fathom.

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  2. mommy bloggers ftw

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  3. Skinny blogger in the center gets the disclosure part down:
    http://www.gwenbell.com/
    ----
    In the effort of full disclosure - everything I tweet, touch or blog from now until the time I leave Florida on Saturday - has been paid for and brought to you by - Anheuser-Busch. Which owns (among many other brands) SeaWorld. Which is opening up a new ride called Manta and…has invited some New Media folks down to sunny Florida to cover the event.
    -----

    Julia Allison? It's day two of her trip and I have yet to see any mention of Iza or Sea World disclosure on her blog, except for a link to the Izea ethics policy, which states:
    ---
    Every sponsored conversation facilitated directly by IZEA or through one of our services is required to have disclosure. Bloggers that do not disclose are not permitted to participate in any IZEA sponsored conversation and will be removed from our network.
    -----

    WHERE IS YOUR DISCLOSURE JULIA?????

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  4. is she trying to smuggle manatees out under her skirt

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  5. I was at the Gracie Allen Awards last year as well. It's a highly prestigious event honoring women in media and journalism. War reporters, amazing producers, news anchors -- you know, real journalists.

    She was there too? For WHAT?

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  6. I Love The Comment SheriffMay 21, 2009 at 3:08 PM

    I hesitate to mention this but it's so nice in here today without those crazy trolls pissing all over the place. I am so glad the Comment Sheriff is riding herd! He's hot, too! Maybe Foolia could ponder him as potential husband material. I am sure he wouldn't mind if she let herself go.

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  7. It's strange how easily Julia blends in with pasty, nerdy bloggers, isn't it?

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  8. What part of web 2.0 innovator do you not understand? She was, and IS the first woman writer to put her life online. She is the first woman to create a blog and post pics of herself, and make money from it. She bravely paved the way for pale imitations like iJustine, that chick who posts her daily outfit, and Belle in the City chick. She's a friggin pioneer woman, bravely driving her pink wagon towards her manifest dysentery.

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  9. Girl, cover those gams up. When we she learn to work with what she was given? Julia, you are not a tall thin attractive woman. Dressing like you've got some banging body won't make people actually think you have a banging body. You're by no means unattractive, but, god damn, BUY SOME CLOTHES THAT FLATTER YOU DOT COM.

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  10. I love the way she is standing on her tiptoes for no reason other than to flex her calf muscles as hard as humanly possible.

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  11. I banged the sheriff!May 21, 2009 at 3:13 PM

    Dickasses just about killed me last night! dickasses! *die*

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  12. Doesn't she sort of look like a dock hooker in that last pic? Waiting for the crane operators to hit the whistle, so maybe she can get enough johns in to make rent tonight.

    Gaaaaaaawd damn girl. Would it KILL her to put on some jeans like a normal person going to sea world? Fuck.

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  13. BLESS HER HEART. Jacy, I love it. The perfect putdown for this incredibly unfortunate blogerrhea that Julia is putting forth. I think that contorted tippy toe pose is just the saddest thing I have ever seen. :( :( :( :(

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  14. Wow. She used to have pretty nice legs, but now they should be covered up.

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  15. Julia's legs aren't that bad - just a little stumpy and pale - but she makes them look 100 times worse by wearing a too short mini skirt. Does she not own a single pair of jeans? Burmuda shorts? Capris? Christ. Turning everything into a color coordinated, themed photoshoot makes her look like she's mentally challenged, at best.

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  16. In fairness we have to remember that a year ago she was going, going, going, all day long. She was on tv, going to parties, going to fashion shit, she was just a lot more active than she is now. Since then she lost her job, and its not like sitting around a studio apt in a slanket eating chili cheese corndogs, frito pie and cupcakes is the recipe for a cute figure.

    Julia is lazy. When it was easy to stay thin with zero effort and maybe just a purge on occasion, she had no trouble. Now that she has to make an effort and work at it, her ass looks like a sherman tank and her legs look like tree trunks.

    You are what you eat, jaba. You are a corndog.

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  17. I love how she's too cool for school in the first pic on her phone texting, tweeting, blogging, whatever the F she is doing... Yet when it's time to take pictures for her own sight, she has to do her stupid air kisses and posses.

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  18. I really think you can pinpoint her start with the Blueprint Cleanse cycle of binge/crash diet as the beginning of the downfall of Julia's looks. She WRECKED her metabolism by cycling between overindulging and then starving on a liquid crash diet and it has been difficult for her to keep the weight of ever since. She's only been packing on the pounds faster since starting BluePrint cleanse and pp is right - it takes WORK to stay thin and Julia Allison is waaay to lazy to eat in moderation, hit the gym or make a dedicated diet overhaul. She will hit 200 lbs by age 30 if she does not make some drastic changes and quit sabotaging her metabolism with juice diets and manic all nighters. The combo of bad diet and lack of sleep is aging her at an alarmingly fast rate. I have never seen anything like it.

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  19. I really love how she's standing on her tip toes with her padded B cup tits pushed out in my 7th grade warming-up-for-cheerleading-practice-outfit at fucking Sea World. That picture is worth way more than the 82 cents she'll get for it.

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  20. The thing is if she had something else to bring to the table - personality, or humour, or fucking SOMETHING - and stopped dressing like the slut of the special ed class I don't think anyone would really care that much. I mean, so she put on 20lbs whatever, hey, it happens. But at almost 30 and considering she just doesn't have the bod for it anymore, she's just asking for ridicule by dressing like Everyday Is Halloween.

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  21. I personally think it's about time for another condom dress or rather a condom mumu given the way things are at the moment.

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  22. iSlanket ROFL - i just inhaled my sip of water you bitch into my lungs omg im going to die now

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  23. I am kind of round and kind of cute and I dress accordingly. It's easy!

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  24. Julia wishes she could produce content like Dooce and Pioneer Woman!

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  25. In that first picture she is trying so hard to give off that "What? A group photo? Ok I'll make time even though I'm doing important internet business" vibe.

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  26. I seriously, seriously, seriously want to change my handle to Dock Hooker. To the anon who coined the term--Awesome!

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  27. 3:51

    Tots. In the group pic she's trying to look like someone walking by the group but not part of the group; like she accidentally got caught in someone else's group shot.

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  28. Also - I believe that's a $3,000+ Bill Blass dress she's wearing at the Gracie Allen awards.

    Bill Blass to Juicy Couture hoodies in super-fake poses. Seriously, WHO leans on a railing and stands on their tiptoes to take a picture? And even then, her legs don't look amazing.

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  29. TJ, that was me ;) You can be dock hooker if I can be your slag hag.

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  30. Everytime I look at Julia Allison turning away from the rest of the bloggers in that group photo, purely so she can present her (relatively) "good side," I crack up. Kinda like that Harvard pizza joint photo. The terror that must fill her every time a camera is pointed her way! Gotta flex, gotta swivel, gotta shove my hip behind so-and-so...talk about exhausting.

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  31. So true, Dys. It wasn't that long ago - maybe a year - when she looked hot and didn't have to do all these contrivances to get a good photo.

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  32. Um, didn't Julia talk about how she rode a rollAr coaster today? I am sure the people behind her loved her flashing her fat ass when the wind caught her too short skirt. Rude pig.

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  33. Oh god. Julia, love, I have your body. And I never, ever thought it looked good in a miniskirt. Why are her calves like that? Is that a bathing suit bottom? That's the only excuse I will accept.

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  34. http://twitpic.com/5mm52

    Two thumbs up for "sponsored conversations!"

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  35. Whoa - in that picture the wonky eye is SO bad!

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  36. Julia's tweets read like she's posting things right from the press kit that was probably in her room when she arrived. She gets paid for covering something and STILL does a shitty job. LAZY ASS.

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  37. ugh, mary's "I DON'T EXPECT A THANK YOU BUT A THANK YOU CERTAINLY WOULDN'T HURT!!" post. mary's going to make one hell of a nagging mom.

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  38. Ha! Th twitpic link from anon 4:07 has an American Apparel maternity ad on the page. Very nice!

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  39. Who shit in Mary's wheaties today?

    http://morethanmary.com/post/111107833

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  40. Julia Allison loves her a stretched-out balcony preening pose. 'Member that recent old shot she said she loved so much of her on the balcony of some Florida highrise or something with her head thrown back and her chest stuck out? Memories, bunnies, memorie.

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  41. Er, there's no disclosure at all in the Twitter feed; if someone's just following that, they would have no idea she's being paid to say things, or being fed the facts by Sea World. Odd. Or should I say, "strange."

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  42. Shouldn't that squinched up left eye have gotten back to normal by now? I mean, how long ago was Fashion Week, anyway, and how long does Botox paralysis last?

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  43. I think it lasts forever if you keep letting Dr. Bobby inject you every 3 months.

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  44. Records CustodianMay 21, 2009 at 4:21 PM

    Partypants 4:16, that is the most amazing, beautiful thing I have ever seen.

    You are a goddamn treasure.

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  45. @ 4:11 - HA! Mary is such a little bitch. It's funny when aimed at Ms. Allison but girl is nowhere NEAR smart or cute enough to win every battle if she calls it out everytime someone kind of annoys her. When not attached to someone epically more annoying, I am reminded again of how much Mary sucks.

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  46. mary biting the hand that feeds. "You sound like a whiny, ungrateful bitch!", says one commenter on mary's site/cite/sight. uh, YEAH!
    "The only thing more gauche than not sending a thank you note is complaining about not getting a thank you note."

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  47. and once again, the blogger/firefox combo does not like pasting into the comment box. for anyone else out there with this problem, don't type in links by hand, just drag them into the comment box from another window. ta-da!

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  48. Wait, neither Dooce nor Pioneer Woman are there, are they? Neither blog mentions it.

    They couldn't get the top mommy bloggers? Damn. Tough work out there for a shillster.

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  49. No, they're not there, Anon. I just know those are two excellent and well-known "Mommy" blogs and didn't Pioneer Woman win the big award at SXSW or something? I recall reading that somewhere.

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  50. couldn't help it... tinypic.com/r/2uj5o8w/5
    this is just the ad that came up next to her twitpic... and seriously, this pasting problem is getting on my nerves.

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  51. Dooce is about to pop out a baby. PW rarely leaves the ranch. It makes sense. :) (And yes, they are above roller coaster openings.)

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  52. Ahh, the yellow claws!!! Now that is werewolf material if you ask me.

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  53. Interesting that Dooce/Heather Armstrong has been brought up a few times.

    ANYONE who has ever read/seen any kind of interview with Heather knows that the primary facet she talks about when it comes to blogging is how fucking hard it is to come up with content. That she obsesses about it, that she has pre-thought-out content stored up for when she goes on vacation for a couple days. That blogging is not so different than writing a decent newspaper column, if you choose to do it right.

    Compare this to Julia's fly-by-the-seat-her-pants content that at best involves iPhone photos and at worst features astrologers. The woman is incapable of forethought. Like, seemingly incapable of it, which is funny for a girl who prides herself on being some kind of man-getting schemer who can charm her way into getting what she wants. She really can't... that's what's sad about it.

    I stick by my diagnosis of adult ADHD. She is actually not mentally capable of producing good content. Get some Adderall, girl.

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  54. From the archives! http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/24387723-0-10-waist-1

    IRONY!!!!

    "We discussed Brit’s latest photo op throughout the entire makeup session (NSFW, but suffice it to say, she had an “Are you there God? It’s me, Britney” moment. Maybe instead of buying pregnancy tests she could buy, oh, I don’t know … tampons!?!?)

    God. I feel sort of mean, saying that. I really do. I don’t know. I’m of the “live and let live” school of thought, but I have to think about Britney, it’s part of my job. At this point her whole thing just makes me sad (in a detached way, not like she’s my friend or something!) and confused. She could have done anything she wanted - but she chose this?

    I don’t get morally outraged about it, I just think she’s squandering some precious and unique opportunities.

    Okay, enough. Being judgmental when someone’s (clearly) having a tough time leaves an icky taste in my mouth."

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  55. Funny, Dooce just wrote about a sponsor she was working with -- some group called the American Cancer Society.

    Also, it must be pointed out that Dooce makes money off her blog. Pioneer Woman probably does too. And no Julia, it's not just because they had kids.

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  56. Sausage Snappers, sad. She actually looks good in the photo of that post -- it was a good period for her, aesthetically.

    Ah, Julia, the good old days of having a career, being skinny and attractive, getting invited on international trips by men...

    And now you have a slanket. Congrats. FTW!

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  57. 5:48, I once read that Dooce makes $14,000 a month through sponsors and that brands see her as a major internet force. She once wrote about a really good detergent and is credited for 42,000 bottles of it consquently being sold (don't ask me how they managed to credit her for that, I have no idea).

    Julia probably thinks this all happened to Dooce because she got lucky, or networked with the right people. Uh, no, Dooce is a mother in fucking Utah. The woman WORKS for the success of her blog. Julia doesn't think success is a matter of work, though -- just about looking pretty and name dropping the right names.

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  58. Dear Julia -

    When you post photographs (http://julia.nonsociety.com/lifecast/111137572-0-2) of yourself with what is known as a jackass penguin, you make this far too easy. Go big or go home.

    - xo SmokeyCupcakes

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  59. The thing about Dooce and Pioneer Woman and the many others like them-

    They don't simply produce content in search of freebies, or to promote freebies (or sponsorship dollars). They have extremely personal blogs with lots of content that is unrelated to product or something that can be bought, sold, or promoted. Readers of these blogs are truly care about these women, their families, and their success--

    This is something Julia has yet to offer.

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  60. I cried my eyes out when the Pioneer Woman's border collie wandered off and never came home, probably eaten by a coyote. It was heartwrenching. She's a beautiful writer, her blog is esthetically gorgeous, and she works her ass off keeping it alive with tons of content -- photos, recipes, daily confessions, etc. JA simply does not have the work ethic, the smarts or the will. Plus her life is boring as shit.

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  61. My legs are thick, but HAPPY!May 21, 2009 at 6:13 PM

    TJ

    You are exactly right! [about dooce and pioneer w]

    and Fuck Camping [love that name] --went to MTM and a commenter asked her if she was mad that she wouldn't have thank yous to show the IRS!

    Blogging as a business, hmmmm, this will get more interesting.

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  62. Smokey, I love how Julia is pinching the hem of her skirt while squatting in that photo to pet the penguin... helloooo too short skirt!!

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  63. She really must need to air out that cooch. Poor Penguin!

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  64. dooce isn't my taste, but she *works* hard and *writes* long, complex, personal, dark, funny, insightful stories ... like i said, not my taste, but the work is baked right in

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  65. jackass and penguin sans ns pageviews:
    http://tinypic.com/r/nboh01/5

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  66. *I find Pioneering woman MOST annoying but both of them work damn, damn hard.

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  67. i totally don't understand meghan's only post today: "a breed that boroughs"? wtf?
    since when is borough a verb? does she mean burrows, like digs? or borrows? or lives in boroughs, as in manhattan? oh megs, you are rascally. and dumb.

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  68. Oh my Jesus Lord. That woman cannot pen a sentence.

    Borrows not boroughs. I'm still getting over her incoherent bio from earlier today.

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  69. Hi Jacy!! Someone named "Jacy" just posted a comment on Mary's site raving about the gracefulness of Julia/Meghan. Was that indeed you?

    I am loving the shit storm that is going on over at www.morethanmary.com She really pissed a lot of her readers off. Let's hope she didn't do it for the comments/gawker attention, but I would not put it past her.

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  70. No, not me. People get their kicks in very strange ways. I rarely even read Rambo's blog because honestly it's too boring, though I appreciate the effort she puts into it.

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  71. Time for a new post!

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  72. What does that even mean, @7:35? Christ you anon assholes are psycho. And I say that as another anon asshole, but not one who gets my jollies in your weird and pathetic way.

    CALLING THE COMMENT SHERIFF! THIS THREAD IS CLEARLY GOING TO GET UGLY! THE TROLLS ARE COMING OUT TO PLAY!

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  73. Comments killed, Sugar. That's a mighty fine dress you're sporting!

    Hey prickholes and twat bitches! The Comment Sheriff is here!

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  74. Actually it's burrows, isn't it, not borrows or buroughs?

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  75. Please, I have ADD and i'm nothing like Julia. Bashing Julia is one thing but bashing entire groups of people becuase of her, like the mentally ill and those with ADD, is uncalled for and inaccurate.

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