Monday, May 25, 2009

Brother Britt: A Painful Memory

Now that Sis has gone incognito for a few days on a ..... errrrrrr .... vacation -- yes, that's it, a vacation -- I took a moment to revel in the sweet silence and ponder the shameful past, hopeful that this break could represent a turning point of sorts.

And strangely, rather than enjoying the delicious quietude, I found myself haunted anew by the memory of this horribly humiliating episode. It seems I may be suffering from sister-induced post-traumatic stress disorder. I shudder. I will forever shudder.

43 comments:

  1. Brother Brit,

    It must be post-traumatic stress syndrome that caused you to omit that this video was shot by DAD:

    "I think this is my best lip dub - syncing wise - ever (it helps that the words are really, really easy). The camera work isn't too shabby either. Thanks Dad!"

    What a happy family! So nice to see!

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  2. Okay. Okay. I am FREAKING OUT guys FREAKING OUT -- what kind of person can do this in front of their FATHER AND BROTHER -- she has no inhibitions. It's shocking that there's not several sex tapes out there given her total lack of a sense of shame.

    What the fuck are her brother and father thinking. Do they think this is cute? They don't find this fucking weird? They aren't like "Julia, do all your other New York friends shoot lip dubs?"

    Oh God, the most cringe-inducing part is when she takes off her ski jacket...

    Oh God, I am freaking out. She is an absolute abomination.

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  3. dahling--EXACTLY. exactly. i don't understand how more people (on tumblr and elsewhere) aren't horrified and mortified at these 'lip dubs.' they're the most freaking embarrassing display of mindless narcissism i've ever seen. i showed my boyfriend this very video a week ago and he begged me to stop it because he was so secondhand mortified. and we asked the very same questions: just HOW can a person do this in front of their families? how fucking awkward to film someone just mouthing words emphatically. kind of like posing in a photo next to someone in a silent scream.

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  4. dahling -- yeah, when she takes off the ski jacket it's a wtf moment -- but not as bad as at 4:25, when she spreads her legs.

    The whole scene feels like an outtake from American Beauty.

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  5. What are the chances I wont hear the B-word in this post? This site has really fucked me up.

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  6. How strange? JA appears to be braying on a gondola lift?

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  7. Christ, that must be the longest ski-lift ride in history.
    Freud would have a field day with the sexual boundaries being crossed here.

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  8. Thanks Anon, thanks a lot.

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  9. I thought the lip-dub was ok, I just didn't like the song. But then I am old enough to remember Lloyd Thaxton, who invented the phenomenon in the 60s - he called it lip-synching. But he was a little more versatile, sometimes he would paint faces on his fingers and toes and move them in synch to the music of the girl-groups and the doo-woppers.

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  10. Worst of all, perhaps, is knowing how many times Julia Allison must have rehearsed these hackneyed moves (Aieee! So many hair tosses and moues!) in front of her mirror.

    It does seem to go on forever, Bunny Bingo.

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  11. Julia's Photoshop ToolsMay 25, 2009 at 3:36 AM

    that's probably the fifth take.

    "no, daddy, it's not right. DO IT AGAIN."

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  12. Somehow I picture her behaving exactly like this on her to way to a mental institution.

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  13. she sure looks stupid. pretty, but stupid.

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  14. She used to be reeeally thin.

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  15. Julia's Clip On BangsMay 25, 2009 at 7:53 AM

    Julia Allison has gone 24 hours with nary a tweet nor a post. Is that spa managing to pump good sense into her while sucking out the imagined toxins in her colon?

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  16. imagine what you would think if you were in one of those gondolas going down the mountain.

    her boob job is way more obvious when she's thin. i don't remember them ever being that big in person. when did she get the boob job??

    also, who does their hair to go skiing? that's at least a 10-15 minute blowout she's got going on there.

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  17. The quick shot of her father and brother at the beginning looks like it has the makings of a hostage tape. That's how thrilled they look.

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  18. FormerGawkerEmployeeMay 25, 2009 at 8:29 AM

    It's true, Paradigm. They look mortified and disturbed, and yet one of those poor fuckers had to film it while she was mincing and simulating sexy times for the camera.

    But isn't it at that point when you'd get to the top of the mountain, pull her aside and say: "There is something wrong with you. Get some help."

    I do recall her blogging and/or Tweeting from this ski vacation. She was mad her mother didn't come and I do believe she left early after a couple of nasty Tweets about how boring Dadsers and BB were. So maybe they did try to say something to her.

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  19. wow. mind blowingly narcissistic. and, dear, if you have to try that hard to appear sexy, your not.

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  20. She actually describes it on the blog as her "best lip-dub ever" and thanks Dad for the amazing camera work. I wonder if Brother Britt was trying to throw himself from the gondola throughout the filming. How utterly and profoundly disturbing this one is. Your father and your brother!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!

    And tell me, if you were the Harvard guy she's hoping to sink her claws into, and you saw this, and the wedding frenzy of a few weeks ago and the fact that she's now at a fat farm, wouldn't you immediately flee in horror?

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  21. I can wait for a braying donkey lip dub from inside the walls of Bellevue, McClean, or the Menninger Institute.

    I'd almost rather flash my tits at my father than lip dub in various stages of undress for my daddy poo poo.

    Vomit.

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  22. @FGE

    And, as we know, it's usually mother who says something to Julia. She's the only one who has refused to speak with her for several months at a time (2-3 times in Julia's adult life). Daddy always takes Julia's calls. Britt is stuck in the middle. Her father might lecture her but her never puts baby in the corner, EVER.

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  23. My father would have thrown me off the gondola were I ask him to film me doing that.
    And why does she keep turning around to 'look' behind her? It's not like she's driving and has to be careful, is it?
    Perhaps it gives better leverage for the hair flip?

    Dirty Lake Michigan (won't let me fill in my snappy moniker up top there^^^)

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  24. I think the reason her hair and make-up are done is because she planned it. Come on, people! At that time (when it was made), she was lip-dub crazy...she was probably thinking all the time about makng "really cool" lip-dubs to impress her techy BS friends/ex-boyfriends...

    Boring.

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  25. My father also would have hurled me from the gondola or seriously taken me aside and told me I need to start seeing a shrink STAT. These parents mystify me. Their kid is clearly mentally unhinged. How much more evidence does there need to be?

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  26. p.s. I am @9:39 ... and my brother would have mercilessly ridiculed me for the rest of my life.

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  27. This is the most excruciatingly embarrassing and horrifying lib-dub ever. I saw it at the time and couldn't believe it. Poor Brother Britt. This one would haunt my dreams for a lifetime.

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  28. This is so moronic, but in such a unique and unprecedented way. I am watching this at work with the sound off. Highly entertaining. Absurd..I cannot even fathom what is going through her head that would led her to believe this is cool, sexy, interesting, appropriate, whatever.

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  29. How much money?

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  30. OperationNice.com links to news articles about good deeds and asks bloggers to take an oath of niceness. The blog was created 10 months ago by Melissa Morris Ivone, a 28-year-old graphic designer in Cinnaminson, N.J., who was inspired after a stranger held the door for her in an elevator. She wanted to create an oasis of good vibes online.

    “Blogs, message boards and comments sections are just settings for people to verbalize their (usually negative) opinions,” Ms. Ivone wrote in an e-mail message. “Personally, I wanted a little corner that was free of all that.”

    So far, more than 1,100 readers, many of them fellow bloggers, have taken her oath of niceness, allowing them to post an Operation Nice seal of approval on their blogs and Facebook pages.

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  31. This is maybe the worst song in history. Good choice, JA. You have zero taste.

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  32. It IS the worst song ever. I fucking hate it!!! In fact, what angers me most about this lip dub, apart from how God-awful it is, is that it put that goddamned song in my head for days when she first did it, and now again!!

    DAMN YOU BROTHER BRITT

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  33. Hey Nicey,
    Spamming is not a very nice thing to do in my book.

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  34. Why does Julia Allison keep turning to "look" behind her in that gondola, Anon 9:10? Why, to draw the viewer's attention (but only for the most fleeting of moments, look at me me me) to the wonderful wide world where there is something mysterious "going on."

    Like in the song, you know? Thematic? Except--as-ever--the real theme is the wide wonderful world as a stage set for the preening and braying of Julia Allison.

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  35. @Its Nice to be Nice: Fuck off! Is that nice enough for you?

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  36. It wasn't spamming. Just a reminder that you all should try to be nicer.

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  37. Nicer is Better: next time try pissing into the wind, cher. It'll work out better for ya.

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  38. Whatever Snowflake, we know you love it here.

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  39. Ouch I'm surprised she didn't throw her jaw out. Open mawed braying makes up like 90% of that video

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  40. Operations are nice - especially lobotomiesMay 25, 2009 at 8:53 PM

    What's so nice about being a self-righteous prig, anyway? The only thing Operation Nice inspires in others is the urge to punch those "nice" people in their fat heads.

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  41. This is deeply disturbing, this lipdub. Good lord. I can't even laugh at it. It's just so, so wrong. The constant messing with her fake hair, the occasional thrusting out of her tits -- IT'S YOUR FATHER, WOMAN.

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  42. I watch this again, and I say, again, Julia thinks she's hot, but BITCH AINT GOT NO RHYTHM.

    She can't dance for fuck, that's her main problem .. you know ... amongst others.

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  43. I can't get over how much she looks like Michael Jackson. I'm sorry, I just can't.

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