Thursday, May 14, 2009

Julia: Tweets of Insanity




Tweet No. 1:

One of tomorrow's blind dates just Facebook messaged me this: "Oh and I promise not to be some creepy douche." uh ... yay?

Tweet No. 2:

PS. That one graduated from Harvard.


Tweet No. 3

When exactly should I break the news to my blind dates that the psychic told me I shouldn't date until July? I'm thinking after 3-7 drinks.

I know it's lazy to resort to profanity to express dismay and/or outrage, but for fucking fuck's sake, motherfucking fuck. Motherfucking cupcake-quaffing fuckhead. Jesus fuck.

Bunny, you won't have to "break" anything to them. They'll be relieved as all hell, for fuck's sake.

Also, we have a theory on her noticeable lapse in "lifecasting" over the past few months. Notice that it's coincided with her insane Twitter addiction? She doesn't need to blog anymore. She's spewing out all her face-saving, self-aggrandizing PR bullshit endlessly all night and day on Twitter instead, a place where she thinks OMG OMG OMG celebrities might actually read it.

31 comments:

  1. uh... first?

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  2. FUCK CAMPING!

    Bwahahahahaha.

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  3. wait Julia drinks?

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  4. Everytime she @ someone famous, I picture that scene from night at the roxbury - EMIIIIIILIO HAY BUDDY! EMILIO!

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  5. Me thinks once JA stops flirting with other women's dates she might have better dates

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  6. Totally agree with the twitter theory. JA's need to communicate (meaning talk AT people, not with) in any medium is in direct proportion to how much she needs that medium to get attention and spew her one-way messages about herself. She used to have to do it through writing in traditional publications. That was perfect for her because she could say whatever and the average person didn't have much recourse for replying or negating what she said and it reached a fairly wide audience.

    Then once blogging was available and more common she didn't need writing in other formats as much. She could control her message through her own blog, instead of having to go through others (editors, publishers). Which is why I think she loves the Internet so much, no one else could help shape her message so she can b.s as much as she wants without interference (which is why there are no comments enabled and why she deletes when there are).

    Now she doesn't really need blogging as much because she has video and twitter. Who knows what it will be next. She's said she's done it all for the writing, but it's not about writing, it's just about where she can best spew her one way messages and get the most flattery and least confrontation on top of it.

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  7. me thinks once julia stops trying to prove something/impress someone/ define herself through who's she's seen drinking with she'll have better dates.

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  8. Oh lawd why does she do this to herself?
    Julia, you are not desirable.

    & a $500 chaise for here 2" x 6" balcony!?
    So she can tweet in comfort perhaps?

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  9. Uh, Julia? That thing about not telling your "dates" about the psychic until after 3-7 drinks? You just told them.

    And make sure to show them the photo you posted of the cute stranger. You never know. Maybe one of your dates knows him.

    Man, the circus is in town.

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  10. Things seem different in Julianiverse. In my world, it's rude to date countless men for free meals and other perks when one has not intention of pursuing anything other than an hour or two of company. It's especially rude to be all prudish about sex and everything related, and to grab a quick free meal or free ticket to the ballet.
    Fuck. Cunt Witch.

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  11. I realized that Julia, for all her posturing about loving ballet and the theater, NEVER buys herself a ticket for either. When she went to the Met last year, it was with/on someone else's dime. Ditto for the two times this year that she's been to plays. The last time she went to the ballet (that she LOVES SO MUCH) it was with Handsome Guy that She Just Couldn't Love. Instead, she posts a picture of the ad outside the David H. Koch theater for the NYCB and states "WANT". How about walking your poufy ass the hundred feet to the booth and buying a ticket?

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  12. Dr. Bobby Restalyn Face brought her to the theater last time. Karp or another dude brought her to the Little Mermaid. Her parents brought her to a play.

    Yeah, she NEVER invests her own dime. She didn't even go the MOMA until her parents were in town, last time!!!!

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  13. As if those men would care what a psychic said? Is she delusional or kidding?

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  14. 10:54

    And the best thing to do on a first date is to project far into the future about a relationship! Men just love that.

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  15. Julia appears to have *no* hobbies or interests. None.
    What a crashing bore she must be to spend time with. Unless you are keen on manic narcissism.

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  16. The really weird thing is that with her apartment that she loves to show&tell about being at Columbus Circle, she's and easy walk to Lincoln Center, where she could see all the ballet she could stuff into her poufy cotton-candy head. But, nooooo.

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  17. I must admit I had a weird moment when I was on a business trip to NY last week. My taxi was careening around Columbus Circle--as coincidence would have it, on its way to Lincoln Center--and I had a sudden frisson that I might see Julia ushering poor little Lilly dog out to poop on the sidewalk. I did not look around to see, however. The very thought terrified me.

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  18. I'm pretty sure her apartment is in Hell's Kitchen. Has she been telling people she lives in Columbus Circle?

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  20. Too bad Jacy used up almost all the profanities, HOWEVER, hey Jules, here's a simple thing:
    If you don't plan on taking up real dating before July, don't waste these weird/curious (because let's face it honey, why else would they agree to go on a date with you?) gentlemen's time. And while I'm at it, stop turning yourself into a fucking freak show!!! It's bad for you and reflects poorly on women in general.

    Remember that genius physicist or whatever who asked you out on a fucking dare of his colleagues? You shouldn't have agreed to that in the first place, especially not with throwing in the prospects of some making out in the end. That convo read pretty much like a negotiation betwenn a punter and a prostitute. Now if I were one of the three stooges and had knowledge of this, I would be wondering if the woman I'm talking to may have had someone else's tongue down her throat before meeting me. Again, the right connotation here is not nice girl.

    Back to my initial point. You call yourself a people pleaser, yet you agreed to these blind dates for purely selfish reasons: Your ego needs some stroking. In my book that reads inconsiderate, insincere and intolerable.

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  21. IS- I think she agrees to these dates because she's part of some shady matchmaker/escort service. Think about it:
    - three dates lined up in one day
    - complaining about having to go on dates, much like she complains about work
    - 'blind' dates indicate a set up
    - dates often happen late at night - I mean, how can you really set up three dinner dates in one day?
    - no TONY article or excuse for why she is going on three dates in a day

    Add it up. Girlfriend is a call girl.

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  22. My problem with that theory is that I can't imagine anyone paying to spend time with this weredonkey.

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  23. Ms. PP - Spitzer paid to "spend time" with Ashlee Dupree. Julia Allison is really not that much of a stretch. Both exude a sort of trashy desperation and average looks that a lot of men can get past.

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  24. STRANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  25. Hm, good point. Note to self:

    1. Buy tutu.
    2. Spackle on more makeup than a tranny.
    3. ?????
    4. PROFIT!!!

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  26. Exactly, Partypants. This $ 500 lounger doesn't come free of degradation.
    Is she maybe trying to jump on the girlfriend experience film train now?

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  27. OMG!!! Harvard!!! He's probably totally dreamy like Luke Wilson's character in Legally Blonde.

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  28. He messaged her on facebook. As her profile is wide open for the whole world to see, I hope he took a good long look at the slutty Easter profile picture. She has me seething today. No idea why.

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  29. Julia could never hack it as a call girl. It requires actual work, dignity, and compassion.

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  30. I know Barcelona, which is exactly why she is complaining about going on the dates (because it's "work") and treats them like trash by comparing them to loads of laundry (not much compassion there).

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  31. Anon 2:32-

    She talks about Westerly as "her" grocery store (God forbid she go to Gristedes), so she's probably a bit higher than HK, maybe mid- to high-50s? Though knowing Julia Baugher, who knows.

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